AudreyAna

PLEASE DON'T READ OF YOU ARE SQUEAMISH!!!!



I've been seriously suicidal for over a month, since I quit drinking. I cut myself badly last night, and started to actually cut off a piece my skin, and then I came to and realized what I was doing and freaked out. While I was doing it I was intensely into it, like in a trance, but then I suddenly snapped out of it.

I'm afraid that I'm going to accidentally (or on purpose) severely hurt myself, and I won't know what to do. I dressed the wound but as I was changing the bandages today, all I wanted to do was reopen it and get the skin off. But at the same time it makes me gag thinking about it!

I am very scared of myself.

suki44883

My daughter used to cut herself. Thankfully, she got past that, but she has many reminders all over her legs and upper arms. I hope you will see a doctor about this. (((HUGS)))

Windancer

Have you spoken to a doctor or tharapist about these things AudrayAna? They sound serious. I used to cut when I was a teenager....but somehow I learned better coping skills. Do you live alone or can you be with someone? I really hope you have a good support system or will get one ASAP...and be completely honest!

Windancer

Im concerned for you! This can get better....Promise it can! If it did for me it certainly can for me too.

AudreyAna

I've been to therapy a lot, I don't go anymore because it didn't really help. I'm on medication which keeps me from REALLY losing it, but the not drinking has just brought up all of this **** and emotions, and I don't know where it came from! I had a good childhood, I don't understand why I feel like this.

Also I know I said it freaked me out to try to remove the skin, but now it's all I can think about and I'm planning on trying it again. I just don't get it.

Dee74

Hi AudreyAna

I'm sorry you're in so much pain right now.

Although I know you'll find support here, there are other forums that deal more directly with things like cutting too.

I'll give you the link in case you'd like to check it out - I think the more support we can gather the better...

bus • Index page

Please also look at this link there's a lot of reading and phone numbers to call if you feel you're in any danger:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html

If nothing else, there's always 911 for help.

D

AudreyAna

Thank you for the links!

I've been thinking of checking into a hospital or something soon. I hate hospitals though.. But I'm afraid of myself. But I don't want my mom to worry.. I don't know what to do.

Dee74

I think getting help is always the best option - whether it's a counsellor, a Dr, a hospital or a crisisline.

It's nice you're worried about your mom, but your welfare is important too AudreyAna - do it for yourself too

D

zanzibar

Have a look at this link too Audrey. You're not as alone as you may think you are.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...lf-injury.html

But if you feel suicidal again definately call the hot line you were told about.

Threshold

I am very familiar with that trance like state, and it IS dangerous.

If one therapist didn't work, or one med didn't work, don't give up. I've had to check myself into the hospital for cutting and suicidal crisis. It's as valid as any other life threatening condition.

Not wanting to worry mom or anyone else is a poor reason to not address our issues or conditions. Mom will get over it, you might not. Most parents would much rather their children got the help and care they need.

Cutting can become obsessive and compulsive. There was a time when I was doing it mulltiple times a day at work, and couldn't pass up a piece of something sharp on the floor etc without picking it up to injure myself with.

I haven't cut now in nearly a year. There is help.