maribel

This past week I have been so down. I suffer from depression & anxiety and I'm on medication for it. But still at times even the meds can't take away the pain the crazy thoughts, the desperation i feel. I feel I don't have control of my own life.
The reason why I feel like this. Well one of my main reasons has to do with my live in boyfriend. We have been together for 3 years. When we first met we were both in recovery. But seven months into our relationship he started to use heroine again and it did'nt take long before I started too. Months after using we started smoking cocaine. Thats when things between him & I really started messing up. Because of my drug use my depression got so bad I attemted suicide. When I fist met my boy friend he was so nice. But once we started using he became verbally and mental abusive. Real bad! he would say the meanest things! I was so lost in my addiction and depression that i believed the things he would say to me & i felt so alone with no family or real friends to be there for me that i felt i needed him. I remember everything so clear as if it was yesterday. But 8 months ago i made a decision to stop using. I started to open my eyes & i decided to go to an in patient treatment center to stop using & learn to be strong, learn to be on my own without a man. And i did it. When i came home i had learned to be strong and that i no longer needed him. During that time he was'nt living with me. I came home i no longer was isolated in my bedroom like i used to do & i was socializing with my family & doing family things. I was'nt giving this guy to much attention. We broke up, but he seen me one day with a guy and he scared him away. We had a big talk & decided to give our relationship a try again. He started sleeping over alot & little by little he moved himself in. When I told him to leave he would'nt. I knew the main reason he moved in was to keep an eye on me. Things have been real stressful these past months. I'm tired of him. He still not working. He does'nt do nothing but cause me misery. It's bad enough that winter always gets me depress now I'm just exausted of telling him the same s#%$ over & over. I don't love him. I feel like at times I hate him. He won't leave. Before there was never a problem with him going back to his folks. But now there is. I guess they got tired of him to. Yes he still gets high. He's not smoking anymore but he still using. I learn to put a stop in giving him money all the time. I get a monthly check. And every time the 1st comes he starts to harras me for money. but finally i have become more firm about saying NO! But can I do about getting me out of my house? He has threaten to make things bad for me if i make them bad for him. I live under section 8. And he has threaten to call them and tell them i don't know what. Well i got to go. I'm just so depressed so sick of everything sometimes i think i'm better of dead. But i have two kids that hold me back from doing something stuped. I did'nt mean to make this such a long story. Sorry!

eddie z.

You are being abused. Call this hotline, OK?

Domestic Abuse Hotline, 24 hours:
(800) 603-HELP
- Statewide domestic violence hotline. Gives phone numbers and addresses of domestic abuse and homeless shelters, makes referrals to family counselors, and does counseling over the phone. Operated by A Friend's Place.

Peace, love, and hugs,
Eddie

na4today

Maribel I agree with eddie, this is abuse. I stayed in abuse for 10 years and nobody deserves to have to live that way. Think about your children. Call that hotline and get out of the situation. I will send prayers for you.

na4today :na2

MootPoint

Hey Maribel!

I have to second what na4today said about Eddie. It sounds like abuse!

In memory of miracle

Maribel,I identified when I read your post.I was always good for getting myself into situations that I thought I couldnt get out of and that is deppressing!You know you dont have to go thru this alone,you can have the support of NA and a sponser if you want it.I have also been thru alot of therapy and that has helped me alot.Listen to me,you are not helpless and you can do some things to help yourself,do them and things will work out,not overnight,but they will work out.This "man" is intimidating you,dont let him do it,call that # eddie has given you and make a start.I also have the same diagnosis as you,so baby steps are all I can do somedays.Hang in there and own your power.I am pulling for you ^Bless,Trish

Live

It is very simple to have him removed, call the police. Unless his name is on the lease, they will usher him out. If he throws a fit in front of him, they will more than likely put him in lock up for the night.
Almost every city has a women's center for abuse counseling, it was the best help I could get for myself aside from this site.
The first step is to make a plan.
Threats are called intimidation and that's not legal either.
hugs,
been there done that

Time2Surrender

Maribel,sorry to hear you are being treated like this.Can you file a restraining order against this guy?

Live

yes, that is easy to do too. Might cost $35 unless there are domestic charges against him, with charges, they are free.

Live

Altho' do know that some men consider a restraining order a challenge. You have to know your own situation.

maribel

Hello everyone, I want to thank you for all your feed back. When i wrotethat post i did it because i knew i would hear from people out there that care. Well i have real good news!! Last thursday Dec 30th he left to his parents house and never came back. When he didn't come home that night I knew he was not going to come back. I finally heard from him yesterday, he came over and got some of his stuff and he'll be back for the rest soon i hope. I feel so much at peace now. Eddie thanks for the info you gave me. To all of you that replied, I'm sorry i didn't get to write back sooner. Actually i hadn't gotten a chance to go into SR till today. My son likes to hog the computer most of the time. Usually i get to use the computer without interruptions when the kids go to bed. I hope somebody will read my reply because i wanted to talk about the out patient treatment center i go to (methadone) It's a real good treatment center. They have meetings everyday, that i don't take advantage of. I used to go to them before alot but i stoped going. This year i will work on going to a few of them throughout the week. Anyways my problem is that i don't feel i get good therapy at the center. Besides seen my counsler whenever i feel like talking. I also see the psychiatris that they have there who treats me and gives me my prescription for the medications I'm on. But thats all he does basically, till this day I haven't found a therapist that I can really talk to and get feed back on how I can go about working on my problem. The counsler that i have is cool. But I would like to see a therapist on a regular basis that can help me. that i could talk to and not be rushed away. Does any body have any suggestion for me? I haven't yet gone to the chat room that i see in the begining of SR page. Is there a chat room? And how do i join it? Well this is all for today. I'll try to check my replies more often. I feel good today. I'm Blessed!

Live

The best counselor I ever had was the free one at the women's abuse clinic.

eddie z.

You're welcome, maribel! Glad to hear good news from you! Surely Chicago has a public mental health center where you could find a regular therapist. Have you checked into that?
—EZ