Addicted to getting revenge on people after alcohol
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Join Date: Dec 2021
Posts: 127
Addicted to getting revenge on people after alcohol
My ex has alot of terrible history including suicide attempts, Car crashes, cheating, lying and being an alcoholic. He's messed up his relationships with his dad, brother, adult daughter etc. He's incapable of focusing on one woman which was a huge reason we broke up. He just lies his way through life and he's approaching 50 now. We split 6 months ago after i got sick of many things but texting his ex emotional stuff tipped me over the edge after months of varying degrees of abuse.
I've naturally noticed stuff he does and there is a particular thing that im wondering about. Hes always messaged his brothers exes and tried to chat them up. They are his nieces mums. He also had a sneaky message thing with his ex wives twin who is in a relationship! He added his children's friends mums and did the same. He is obsessed with his ex that ended it after 9years due to the other women. But instead of moving on she's spent the last 3.5 years texting him to see how he is which has caused him to stay stuck in the past with her.
When we got together he added a woman and told me she was messaging him inappropriate messages. A week later his ex starts kicking off about him adding her as it turns out its her old colleague! He deletes her and acts all happy to do so. A month after we broke up he's re added her and she's back flirting with him.
He went and added a 3rd ex of his brother. He liked all her photos and it looked like they were together but she's in a new relationship now but supports my ex on fb!!
He cheated on me with a lady of tinder and he back talking to her and she told me the sex was worth seeing him again!!! He unblocked me so I saw her back on there. I've now blocked him!
He unblocked a woman who's marriage he destroyed in 2019 2months ago and she messaged me to tell me he had friend requested her.
When we first met he had been in touch with one of his dad's exes. He made it all sound innocent like a step mum type chat. One minute she was commenting and the next she was gone! Now she's back writing hearts and putting kisses on his posts.
the list goes on and on..but because I know he's unblocking me i feel very wary of him..
What would make a person try and get attention of the exes/friends or relatives of people you've fallen out with?
I've naturally noticed stuff he does and there is a particular thing that im wondering about. Hes always messaged his brothers exes and tried to chat them up. They are his nieces mums. He also had a sneaky message thing with his ex wives twin who is in a relationship! He added his children's friends mums and did the same. He is obsessed with his ex that ended it after 9years due to the other women. But instead of moving on she's spent the last 3.5 years texting him to see how he is which has caused him to stay stuck in the past with her.
When we got together he added a woman and told me she was messaging him inappropriate messages. A week later his ex starts kicking off about him adding her as it turns out its her old colleague! He deletes her and acts all happy to do so. A month after we broke up he's re added her and she's back flirting with him.
He went and added a 3rd ex of his brother. He liked all her photos and it looked like they were together but she's in a new relationship now but supports my ex on fb!!
He cheated on me with a lady of tinder and he back talking to her and she told me the sex was worth seeing him again!!! He unblocked me so I saw her back on there. I've now blocked him!
He unblocked a woman who's marriage he destroyed in 2019 2months ago and she messaged me to tell me he had friend requested her.
When we first met he had been in touch with one of his dad's exes. He made it all sound innocent like a step mum type chat. One minute she was commenting and the next she was gone! Now she's back writing hearts and putting kisses on his posts.
the list goes on and on..but because I know he's unblocking me i feel very wary of him..
What would make a person try and get attention of the exes/friends or relatives of people you've fallen out with?
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
I don't know but it sounds to me like you's be best off out of this man's orbit and his complex web of relationships, ex relationships and dodgy attempts at new relationships....
Life's too short - don't let this guy take up space in your head.
D
Life's too short - don't let this guy take up space in your head.
D
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,051
Yeah, there are so many better things to do with our lives than to let toxicity and drama into our marriages, especially when we can enjoy life so fully by ourselves or with someone who wants to focus themselves on a healthy relationship. I'd run away from this as fast as possible, but I do understand too that sometimes just the slightest bit of attention on us feels good and fills a need for the moment. Gotta say too that at 2 years sober, although I was dating the woman I'm married to now, I wasn't exactly a picture of mental health and an expert on relationships, still too emotionally insecure and immature, I had a lot of growing and learning to do.
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What would make a person try and get attention of the exes/friends or relatives of people you've fallen out with?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Europe
Posts: 1,361
Loneliness.
Lack of self....confidence and control.
I've cheated several times during several relationships, made me very guilty and depressed afterwards.
Honestly, i just wanted to feel connected and wanted to feel loved and accepted every once in a while.
This behaviour of mine always showed up when the high of a relationship ended, and it would become more...steady.
I would fall for any woman showing me the slightest bit of attention, friendly or more.
I would completely loose myself, wanted to bask in the warmt of that feeling to never let it go.
This leading up to a point we're my first analysis with any female encounter would be, how can i make her like me.
Want me even.
Looking back: I just hated myself and the way my life turned out te be.
Insecure. Very very very insecure.
Chatting up women was a serieus case of denial and escapism on my part.
I pushed people away that i did not want to push away cause somewere i felt I was sick and I couldn't respond like a normal human adult being most of the times.
So i would make amends sometimes and shortly after repeat my insane ways.
Structural deep sense of loneliness can fck with one's mind, that's for sure.
Lack of self....confidence and control.
I've cheated several times during several relationships, made me very guilty and depressed afterwards.
Honestly, i just wanted to feel connected and wanted to feel loved and accepted every once in a while.
This behaviour of mine always showed up when the high of a relationship ended, and it would become more...steady.
I would fall for any woman showing me the slightest bit of attention, friendly or more.
I would completely loose myself, wanted to bask in the warmt of that feeling to never let it go.
This leading up to a point we're my first analysis with any female encounter would be, how can i make her like me.
Want me even.
Looking back: I just hated myself and the way my life turned out te be.
Insecure. Very very very insecure.
Chatting up women was a serieus case of denial and escapism on my part.
I pushed people away that i did not want to push away cause somewere i felt I was sick and I couldn't respond like a normal human adult being most of the times.
So i would make amends sometimes and shortly after repeat my insane ways.
Structural deep sense of loneliness can fck with one's mind, that's for sure.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: SF Bay Area, CA
Posts: 33,485
I agree with Dee. He has a lot of problems and who in their right mind would want to deal with that mess? Who cares why he does it, I'd get as far away from that as possible. Maybe you should too.
Good luck, but obsessing about someone as sick as he seems to be is a complete waste. Let him go for your own sake.
Good luck, but obsessing about someone as sick as he seems to be is a complete waste. Let him go for your own sake.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2023
Posts: 2
Originally Posted by coming_clean 
Loneliness.
Lack of self....confidence and control.
I've cheated several times during several relationships, made me very guilty and depressed afterwards.
Honestly, i just wanted to feel connected and wanted to feel loved and accepted every once in a while.
This behaviour of mine always showed up when the high of a relationship ended, and it would become more...steady.
I would fall for any woman showing me the slightest bit of attention, friendly or more.
I would completely loose myself, wanted to bask in the warmt of that feeling to never let it go.
This leading up to a point we're my first analysis with any female encounter would be, how can i make her like me.
Want me even.
Looking back: I just hated myself and the way my life turned out te be.
Insecure. Very very very insecure.
Chatting up women was a serieus case of denial and escapism on my part.
I pushed people away that i did not want to push away cause somewere i felt I was sick and I couldn't respond like a normal human adult being most of the times.
So i would make amends sometimes and shortly after repeat my insane ways.
Structural deep sense of loneliness can fck with one's mind, that's for sure.
Lack of self....confidence and control.
I've cheated several times during several relationships, made me very guilty and depressed afterwards.
Honestly, i just wanted to feel connected and wanted to feel loved and accepted every once in a while.
This behaviour of mine always showed up when the high of a relationship ended, and it would become more...steady.
I would fall for any woman showing me the slightest bit of attention, friendly or more.
I would completely loose myself, wanted to bask in the warmt of that feeling to never let it go.
This leading up to a point we're my first analysis with any female encounter would be, how can i make her like me.
Want me even.
Looking back: I just hated myself and the way my life turned out te be.
Insecure. Very very very insecure.
Chatting up women was a serieus case of denial and escapism on my part.
I pushed people away that i did not want to push away cause somewere i felt I was sick and I couldn't respond like a normal human adult being most of the times.
So i would make amends sometimes and shortly after repeat my insane ways.
Structural deep sense of loneliness can fck with one's mind, that's for sure.
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