Faun

I have bpd, it wasn't why I originally picked up the addiction but it certainly isn't helping me put it down and it is the reason it got worse. A common quote for someone with bpd is that its like having 3rd degree burns over 90% of our body. I'm sure putting it that way, it's understandable why this disorder adds another layer of complexity and struggle to quitting.

I'm just curious if I'm alone. If anyone else has a mental illness not caused by the substance but that is already a part of you. And if you have anything you want to share id be happy to hear. Sometimes it feels like I'm in a hole and each time I go to climb out I just pull more dirt in on top of myself.

Dee74

I don't have BPD but I certainly self medicated my depression with pot and booze.
Personally I do much better with no pot, no booze and prescribed meds.

It gives me a level playing field to work from.

D

Astro

What Dee said It wasn't until I got sober that I realized my entire family was self-medicating in an attempt to overcome depression. Nowadays I struggle with arthritis, carpal tunnel, and other pain issues, but to try to overcome these with substances is the furthest thing from my mind. It's hard to put into words how good it feels to take on each day clean and sober, but I can say for sure that I've never felt more excited about what each day has in store for me, and it doesn't require a drink or drug. That's a miracle.

biminiblue

Were you diagnosed with BPD before you started using substances? I found myself "diagnosed" with all kinds of mental health "conditions" when I was drinking. I found that with some sober time and really working on my personal traumas that I became far less sensitive and found other ways to cope that are much more healthy.

Stick with us.

RunningScared

I have Type II BPD. Self medicating was one of the ways I dealt with it. One thing we deal with when stopping self medicating is that the illness is still there and it still must be dealt with. So I can relate with what you are going through. I think my BPD made it harder to quit. I'd drink when down for relief and I'd drink when up to calm me down, so I'd abuse alcohol in two totally different states of mind. Definitely a double edged sword. My psychiatrist put me on Naltrexone and that helped me stop alcohol. It doesn't work for everybody and some people in this group reported serious side effects. We both know drinking can affect the other, necessary medications prescribed for us.

Yea, I can relate really well. Isn't this fun? It was a long road for me to quit, but I finally did. Ask your doctor and see if he has and experience with people abusing alcohol and you might ask him about Naltrexone. It takes away the high from alcohol. Whatever you do and however you do it, the end results are great. Wishing you much luck!!

Kaily

I was diagnosed with BDP (borderline personality disorder not bipolar). My emotions run riot and I am full of self doubt. Since getting sober I avoid friendships/relationships due to a adverse fear of rejection.

When I was drinking I didn't avoid anything, I would rush in and to hell with the consequences. I would drink my way in and drink my way out again. I whirl-winded my way through life.

It is a difficult thing to live with. I never trust my own judgement on anything. I fear my emotions and do everything humanly possible to not have to feel them.

I am left with a life that is lonely and isolated in my quest for mental stability.

avoidant

I have had severe social anxiety all my life (yes, diagnosed way before I even tried a drop of alcohol.) It is up in the air whether I will be diagnosed with avoidant personality disorder in time because I am still barely an adult, but I wouldn't be surprised. I personally don't feel like my condition is that treatable and is a core contributor to my alcohol misuse so I understand where you're coming from.

letsdance

Hi, I have BPD mainly caused from childhood trauma. I have lots of other stuff too. Some i think may be brought on by my drinking. I am not sure what came first honestly but i was always a very anxious child because my mom made me that way! It is very hard for me to stay sober because my emotions are all over the place. I have many weird feelings, highs lows etc. I am sure this is something all people feel but i feel it 100 times worse because of my BPD. If u want to chat let me know. I definetly need to get my feelings out so im all ears!

Astro

letsdance, I don't have BPD and I tend to stuff my emotions, and my anxiety can be all over the place at times. Thankfully, this site and the tools I've gained from my recovery program help me get through each day intact, and usually filled with joy.

Zencat

Hi Faun

I experienced PTSD as a 12yr old child. That set the stage for my eventual substance abuse as a young adult. I agree with the hole and dirt example. Mental illness and addiction, I call it double trouble. You are not alone because I'm there too sometimes. Hang it there, every little step in the right direction is so worth it