Bad Night...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 220
Bad Night...
Today sucked... I mean, it wasn't a "bad day," but the night could've been better.
I love that show "1883." Have any of you see it? It's basically about an Oregon Trail caravan group who tries to trek up to Oregon during the Wild West / post-Civil War era in a journey to find a new home. It's actually a prequel to that other show, "Yellowstone" and covers how the Dutton family in that show came to own their current ranch.
Anyway, I watched last night's episode and it was after watching it that I began to spiral into some sort of mind-racing rage and anxiety. I don't think it was the show per-say that started it because I was stewing a few hours before that came on. I think the show triggered more stress than I had because it acted as a solemn reminder that I just don't have anything really worth looking forward to in my life now. Once the show ended, I kept thinking about my shoddy house--which has 2 sump pumps in the basement that you can often hear and find yourself trying to listen to in order to preemptively react if anything goes bad happens with the pumps or their check valves, etc. For example, if one kicks on more than once during a single cycle, that tells you that the check valve is stuck, which is bad because then an air pocket can get "stuck" in the pipes causing loud "water hammer." So you can't really ignore the noise, but yet, you don't want to not hear the pumps working, too. Double-edged sword...
I also kept thinking about my family and how it always feels like I'm never considered by any of them about things I wish they would consider. For example, this last Saturday I went over to my sister's boyfriend's house to go eat sushi with my niece. Their driveway wasn't shoveled at all for a space that I could use, so I had to shove a spot out only to still get hung up and need their help to be pulled out. What made things worse is that I spent about $80-something on sushi when I was basically the only person who ate any during our lunch visit...
Then I started thinking about work and some of the people I dread interacting with but have to due to some of them having authority over me or working in the same projects... I started thinking about my manager, who schedules things all the time without first checking my calendar and while I understand her authority, it's just another example of how little consideration I feel I get... For example, scheduling a meeting right when I take my lunch or refusing to do little things that would have a big impact on my day-to-day but showing no effort whatsoever in even thinking about why those little things matter.
As if all that isn't enough, I then started thinking about always being alone. I have no girlfriend or wife, no roommate, etc. so whenever my world falls apart, I have to fend against it completely on my own on every front, from being headstrong to being financially-responsible. I have little-to-no money to do much with to begin with, so the sushi thing was something I did to make up for not getting my niece anything for Christmas as her and I both love sushi. This house I have is a major burner of money due to the things I've been doing to make the basement dry. I've replaced 2 basement walls, installed the 2 sump pumps, hired contractors to do plumbing and drainage on the outside... I mean, I think I've spent almost the cost of the current mortgage amount in just trying to make the basement dry... So when I hear about my well-to-do grandmother giving my older sister around $10k to move from one 6-figure home to another 6-figure home while I'm here trying to do everything I can just to have a home that's livable, it's crushes me.
During times like this, I always think about suicide. Don't worry--I'll never go through with it--but I'll be damned if I don't think about it daily if not hourly. Through my 30-something years on Earth, I've come to realize that it's just escapism that makes suicide alluring, but still, it's always on my mind during bad times. And yes, I know that many people don't have it as good as I do, so who would I be if I took an easy way out, right? But I'm so tired of living like this.
To cope with things, I've been drinking some wine before bed--nothing major, just a bottle (if even that) and the wine I drink hardly has any alcohol in it. It's some cheap grocery store brand of honey meed, so it's more like a glorified juice, really. Sometimes I don't even drink any, but what I do do every night is take 3-4 of those over-the-counter sleeping aid pills. Usually, that helps me get to sleep... Well, last night, none of that even made a dent. With everything on my mind, the anxiety and rage I felt was just too much and I never managed to get any sleep because of it.
I feel like my life is a complete wreck. I know it isn't. I have a full-time job, and the house situations that I've been involved with in a quest to make the basement dry really has yielded good results. It's better than it's ever been. In fact, this past week we wound up receiving about 1.5" of precipitation (about 1.25" worth of pure rain) and the basement barely had any water at all, so I am making progress with things. In time, I think I'll be able to fix the noises I hear whenever those damn pumps kick on because the city I live in is planning on installing a big drain line behind my house that I can connect them to. This will mean that the pumps will have less distance to push water along, which means there will be less noise as that new shorter distance will be right through the basement wall and out to the new drain line instead of the current trek the water has to take, which is along the joists of the entire house. I just have to be patient because the new drain line won't be installed until probably spring whereby sometime after that, I'll have to hire a contractor to connect the pumps...
And despite the family I still talk to not being as involved as I wish they were, they are involved. I don't get phone calls from them as often as I'd prefer with my grandmother--who is pushing 90 and the person Iove the most--sometimes not calling me more than once per-month, which hurts. But keeping her age in mind and the simple fact that everyone else has their own life to worry about, I don't hold anything against any of them. At least, I try not to. The world doesn't revolve around us, right?
Still, I'm so tired of feeling anxiety and rage... And being alone all the time with nobody to really talk to about any of it.
Like I said: I'll never kill myself... But I can't remember the last time I felt like there was anything worth living for. I'm 38 years-old, still owe about $51k on a home I feel I've spent that amount in drainage and basement issues alone... I work a job that I often think isn't getting me anywhere in life and I'd gladly quit it if I had another opportunity that was either on-par or better, but I don't. I have nobody in my life--not even really any friends--and with all the stress of worrying about how much things are going to cost me when I do things that I have planned for this year done, well, I just feel overwhelmed and really do want to die. I hate my life.
I haven't been to sleep tonight. I tried to, but once I saw that it was 4AM, I just kind of gave up trying. Here it is now, 5:17AM and I usually get up for work at 6:45AM... I just hate my life.
Sorry, everyone. I guess I had to vent. Apologies in advance. Hopefully later tonight after work will be better.
I love that show "1883." Have any of you see it? It's basically about an Oregon Trail caravan group who tries to trek up to Oregon during the Wild West / post-Civil War era in a journey to find a new home. It's actually a prequel to that other show, "Yellowstone" and covers how the Dutton family in that show came to own their current ranch.
Anyway, I watched last night's episode and it was after watching it that I began to spiral into some sort of mind-racing rage and anxiety. I don't think it was the show per-say that started it because I was stewing a few hours before that came on. I think the show triggered more stress than I had because it acted as a solemn reminder that I just don't have anything really worth looking forward to in my life now. Once the show ended, I kept thinking about my shoddy house--which has 2 sump pumps in the basement that you can often hear and find yourself trying to listen to in order to preemptively react if anything goes bad happens with the pumps or their check valves, etc. For example, if one kicks on more than once during a single cycle, that tells you that the check valve is stuck, which is bad because then an air pocket can get "stuck" in the pipes causing loud "water hammer." So you can't really ignore the noise, but yet, you don't want to not hear the pumps working, too. Double-edged sword...
I also kept thinking about my family and how it always feels like I'm never considered by any of them about things I wish they would consider. For example, this last Saturday I went over to my sister's boyfriend's house to go eat sushi with my niece. Their driveway wasn't shoveled at all for a space that I could use, so I had to shove a spot out only to still get hung up and need their help to be pulled out. What made things worse is that I spent about $80-something on sushi when I was basically the only person who ate any during our lunch visit...
Then I started thinking about work and some of the people I dread interacting with but have to due to some of them having authority over me or working in the same projects... I started thinking about my manager, who schedules things all the time without first checking my calendar and while I understand her authority, it's just another example of how little consideration I feel I get... For example, scheduling a meeting right when I take my lunch or refusing to do little things that would have a big impact on my day-to-day but showing no effort whatsoever in even thinking about why those little things matter.
As if all that isn't enough, I then started thinking about always being alone. I have no girlfriend or wife, no roommate, etc. so whenever my world falls apart, I have to fend against it completely on my own on every front, from being headstrong to being financially-responsible. I have little-to-no money to do much with to begin with, so the sushi thing was something I did to make up for not getting my niece anything for Christmas as her and I both love sushi. This house I have is a major burner of money due to the things I've been doing to make the basement dry. I've replaced 2 basement walls, installed the 2 sump pumps, hired contractors to do plumbing and drainage on the outside... I mean, I think I've spent almost the cost of the current mortgage amount in just trying to make the basement dry... So when I hear about my well-to-do grandmother giving my older sister around $10k to move from one 6-figure home to another 6-figure home while I'm here trying to do everything I can just to have a home that's livable, it's crushes me.
During times like this, I always think about suicide. Don't worry--I'll never go through with it--but I'll be damned if I don't think about it daily if not hourly. Through my 30-something years on Earth, I've come to realize that it's just escapism that makes suicide alluring, but still, it's always on my mind during bad times. And yes, I know that many people don't have it as good as I do, so who would I be if I took an easy way out, right? But I'm so tired of living like this.
To cope with things, I've been drinking some wine before bed--nothing major, just a bottle (if even that) and the wine I drink hardly has any alcohol in it. It's some cheap grocery store brand of honey meed, so it's more like a glorified juice, really. Sometimes I don't even drink any, but what I do do every night is take 3-4 of those over-the-counter sleeping aid pills. Usually, that helps me get to sleep... Well, last night, none of that even made a dent. With everything on my mind, the anxiety and rage I felt was just too much and I never managed to get any sleep because of it.
I feel like my life is a complete wreck. I know it isn't. I have a full-time job, and the house situations that I've been involved with in a quest to make the basement dry really has yielded good results. It's better than it's ever been. In fact, this past week we wound up receiving about 1.5" of precipitation (about 1.25" worth of pure rain) and the basement barely had any water at all, so I am making progress with things. In time, I think I'll be able to fix the noises I hear whenever those damn pumps kick on because the city I live in is planning on installing a big drain line behind my house that I can connect them to. This will mean that the pumps will have less distance to push water along, which means there will be less noise as that new shorter distance will be right through the basement wall and out to the new drain line instead of the current trek the water has to take, which is along the joists of the entire house. I just have to be patient because the new drain line won't be installed until probably spring whereby sometime after that, I'll have to hire a contractor to connect the pumps...
And despite the family I still talk to not being as involved as I wish they were, they are involved. I don't get phone calls from them as often as I'd prefer with my grandmother--who is pushing 90 and the person Iove the most--sometimes not calling me more than once per-month, which hurts. But keeping her age in mind and the simple fact that everyone else has their own life to worry about, I don't hold anything against any of them. At least, I try not to. The world doesn't revolve around us, right?
Still, I'm so tired of feeling anxiety and rage... And being alone all the time with nobody to really talk to about any of it.
Like I said: I'll never kill myself... But I can't remember the last time I felt like there was anything worth living for. I'm 38 years-old, still owe about $51k on a home I feel I've spent that amount in drainage and basement issues alone... I work a job that I often think isn't getting me anywhere in life and I'd gladly quit it if I had another opportunity that was either on-par or better, but I don't. I have nobody in my life--not even really any friends--and with all the stress of worrying about how much things are going to cost me when I do things that I have planned for this year done, well, I just feel overwhelmed and really do want to die. I hate my life.
I haven't been to sleep tonight. I tried to, but once I saw that it was 4AM, I just kind of gave up trying. Here it is now, 5:17AM and I usually get up for work at 6:45AM... I just hate my life.
Sorry, everyone. I guess I had to vent. Apologies in advance. Hopefully later tonight after work will be better.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,429
Yeah I like 1883. I haven’t seen Yellowstone tho.
I’m sorry you had a bit of a spiral Wolf.
I’ve got to be honest and say my mental health improved greatly once I stopped trying to self medicate with booze and drugs.
I know it’s hard when you want something to stop the obsession and the spiralling but booze and pills won’t do it friend, it just keeps you on an emotional roundabout.
You’re a smart guy.
Theres got to be a better more healthy and effective solution, man.
D
I’m sorry you had a bit of a spiral Wolf.
I’ve got to be honest and say my mental health improved greatly once I stopped trying to self medicate with booze and drugs.
I know it’s hard when you want something to stop the obsession and the spiralling but booze and pills won’t do it friend, it just keeps you on an emotional roundabout.
You’re a smart guy.
Theres got to be a better more healthy and effective solution, man.
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,025
Hi wolf - I’m sorry you are going through this. First and foremost I agree with Dee, there is a better solution than self medicating.
Now let me try and help you look at some of these things in a slightly different way:
- You are 30 something and you own a house. It has some problems you need to deal with, but none the less it’s your house, which you bought, and you can decide to sell if it needs be.
- You have family you can see and spend time with on a random Saturday night. This is precious, man, believe me when I say it.
- You have a grandma to talk to, and a family you are in good terms with to call and check how they are doing. This is also priceless.
- You have a stable job, which allows you to make financial decisions such as the one you mentioned about the house.
- Because you are single, you are able to fully focus on yourself, and make the changes necessary so that you learn how to be happy with yourself, and then find someone to share that happiness with.
I’m not saying the things you said are not real, they are and I believe you when you say they cause you anxiety.
But you can turn this around.
From experience, what it took for me was to start putting my time in things I actually wanted to do. This gave me a sense of self, which has been growing ever since. I then started to see things in a more positive perspective, started improving the things I can and got to a happy life (I’m also 38, with a stable job but otherwise broke and in debt, so it’s possible
).
So I’d follow Dee’s advice and stop self medicating, then maybe find someone you can talk to about your anxiety?
You can do this!
P
Now let me try and help you look at some of these things in a slightly different way:
- You are 30 something and you own a house. It has some problems you need to deal with, but none the less it’s your house, which you bought, and you can decide to sell if it needs be.
- You have family you can see and spend time with on a random Saturday night. This is precious, man, believe me when I say it.
- You have a grandma to talk to, and a family you are in good terms with to call and check how they are doing. This is also priceless.
- You have a stable job, which allows you to make financial decisions such as the one you mentioned about the house.
- Because you are single, you are able to fully focus on yourself, and make the changes necessary so that you learn how to be happy with yourself, and then find someone to share that happiness with.
I’m not saying the things you said are not real, they are and I believe you when you say they cause you anxiety.
But you can turn this around.
From experience, what it took for me was to start putting my time in things I actually wanted to do. This gave me a sense of self, which has been growing ever since. I then started to see things in a more positive perspective, started improving the things I can and got to a happy life (I’m also 38, with a stable job but otherwise broke and in debt, so it’s possible
).So I’d follow Dee’s advice and stop self medicating, then maybe find someone you can talk to about your anxiety?
You can do this!
P
Want to form an alliance? :.)
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 220
Thanks, you two. Living in this place has been really rough. It's my first home, actually. I started here as a tenant and after about the 2nd year, the landlord divulged that he had terminal cancer and wanted to sell the place so that his wife wouldn't be saddled with the debt. I accepted and in retrospect, I would've taken a different approach but when I think about it, back then, I didn't really have anywhere else that I could go. So in many ways, I was somewhat trapped.
None of this is worth killing myself over and you're right about the self-medicating thing. I'll try to attack that, but I need help getting some sleep. I don't know what else I can do about that. Those pills calm me at night... I just don't understand why they didn't work last night. It was like I didn't even take any and instead drank a cup of coffee or something.
Looking at things from a more positive angle, I decided to crawl under the house after I posted my first post above so that I could get a closer look at how the pipes are resting in the crawlspace. The good news is that I think I can adjust them a bit to lessen the noise I hear when one kicks on that I think is responsible for much of the noise I hear when trying to sleep. I'm going to try to mess with that later this evening after work.
Beyond that, though, I'm just going to have to take all of this in baby steps because if I sit around thinking about it, I'll drive myself nuts. I'm on the verge of crying as I type this response up just thinking about it all. Crawling around under my house looking at things, that alone makes me want to ball up in a fetal position because I look around at the joists, the foundation block, the pipes... So many of these things need work and I just don't have the money to fix any of it right now and it overwhelms me.
Sorry guys... I know I'm whining and I don't mean to. Like you guys basically said: I just need to try and think positive about all of this because you're right about having more going for me than I think (or feel). It's easy to get lost in those woods sometimes.
None of this is worth killing myself over and you're right about the self-medicating thing. I'll try to attack that, but I need help getting some sleep. I don't know what else I can do about that. Those pills calm me at night... I just don't understand why they didn't work last night. It was like I didn't even take any and instead drank a cup of coffee or something.
Looking at things from a more positive angle, I decided to crawl under the house after I posted my first post above so that I could get a closer look at how the pipes are resting in the crawlspace. The good news is that I think I can adjust them a bit to lessen the noise I hear when one kicks on that I think is responsible for much of the noise I hear when trying to sleep. I'm going to try to mess with that later this evening after work.
Beyond that, though, I'm just going to have to take all of this in baby steps because if I sit around thinking about it, I'll drive myself nuts. I'm on the verge of crying as I type this response up just thinking about it all. Crawling around under my house looking at things, that alone makes me want to ball up in a fetal position because I look around at the joists, the foundation block, the pipes... So many of these things need work and I just don't have the money to fix any of it right now and it overwhelms me.
Sorry guys... I know I'm whining and I don't mean to. Like you guys basically said: I just need to try and think positive about all of this because you're right about having more going for me than I think (or feel). It's easy to get lost in those woods sometimes.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,047
You've been around long enough to have heard many of us posting about filling that big empty hole in our souls with alcohol and other substances, and then maybe we add material things and relationships to the mix, expecting our lives to miraculously improve and yet we continue to spiral down into self-pity and other forms of self defeat. I had all these things that you mention, a roof over my head, friends and a family, jobs, etc and yet still my life felt meaningless, empty, and all I could think of to do was self-medicate which of course resulted in more of the same....nothing.
It was only after I "put the plug in the jug" and started working on a relationship with a higher power, the God of my understanding, that I could look at my life through a different set of glasses and begin to see how blessed I was without the "trophy wife", the big fancy money pit house, the high salary, the toxic friendships, and all the other trappings of life that I assumed I needed for success and happiness. I rarely romance the thought of a drink anymore because that sick life is a long way in the rearview mirror.
Being sober is an amazing gift. Having a roof over our heads, good and honest friendships, a secure job even though it may not pay much, those are things I took for granted in the throes of my addiction but it feels so good now to recognize how fortunate I am to still have those things in my life because I came so close to throwing it all away by choosing a life with alcohol, or by ending my life and affecting everyone that loved me through that selfish action. The closer I stay to my recovery and my spiritual relationship , the better I sleep. BTW - I often whine about the money we have to dump into our large home and the amount of time spent working on it, but that's part of home ownership, it's an investment!
PS: I was able to watch the first two episodes of 1883 for free, but we don't have Paramount + so I'll have to wait for it to be shown on another channel someday, hopefully. Tim McGraw is a great actor, love the grittiness of the show, and it's good to be watching through sober eyes and a clear mind
It was only after I "put the plug in the jug" and started working on a relationship with a higher power, the God of my understanding, that I could look at my life through a different set of glasses and begin to see how blessed I was without the "trophy wife", the big fancy money pit house, the high salary, the toxic friendships, and all the other trappings of life that I assumed I needed for success and happiness. I rarely romance the thought of a drink anymore because that sick life is a long way in the rearview mirror.
Being sober is an amazing gift. Having a roof over our heads, good and honest friendships, a secure job even though it may not pay much, those are things I took for granted in the throes of my addiction but it feels so good now to recognize how fortunate I am to still have those things in my life because I came so close to throwing it all away by choosing a life with alcohol, or by ending my life and affecting everyone that loved me through that selfish action. The closer I stay to my recovery and my spiritual relationship , the better I sleep. BTW - I often whine about the money we have to dump into our large home and the amount of time spent working on it, but that's part of home ownership, it's an investment!
PS: I was able to watch the first two episodes of 1883 for free, but we don't have Paramount + so I'll have to wait for it to be shown on another channel someday, hopefully. Tim McGraw is a great actor, love the grittiness of the show, and it's good to be watching through sober eyes and a clear mind
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 220
Thanks for the great insight, Astro. Adding to what you said, I think some of my bad night is also due to lacking much rest because even before staying up all night last night, I wasn't really running on a full tank. So adding all the stress, the home situation, relationship things, etc. only put more fuel on the fire.
I've begun to reach out to people about the basement pipe issue. That's one thing I'm good at: I know what people to ping whenever I have an issue going on with my basement or the pumps, pipes, etc. I'll see what they say about it and also do what I'm planning on doing later tonight when I plan on moving some pipes around, etc. to see if that helps with the noise.
I've also reached out to our employer's benefits people to get a referral to a clinic. I'm not saying I'm going to be a returning customer to it, but it never hurts to talk to someone. God knows I have plenty to say.
Everything else I'm going to attempt in baby steps. And I'll admit that "god" is missing from my life. I've told myself that I'm agnostic and in my mind, it's interpreted as "neither confirming nor denying the existence thereof." This explanation satisfies my logistical reconciliation because it seems truthful to me... But that being said, I'd be lying if I said it fulfilled a need I feel in my heart. I'm just not sure what to do about it, though. I'm not someone who wants to invest himself into Bible teachings because I've never felt that it was something that resonated with me and that's coming from a man who was born and raised on Sunday church services, summer Bible camp, etc. (Not that I view anyone else who does espouse those convictions--just that I've always felt like a fraud when attending service because it just never hit home with me.) I guess I'll need to chew on it for awhile to think it over. Maybe somehow, there's a middle ground.
I've begun to reach out to people about the basement pipe issue. That's one thing I'm good at: I know what people to ping whenever I have an issue going on with my basement or the pumps, pipes, etc. I'll see what they say about it and also do what I'm planning on doing later tonight when I plan on moving some pipes around, etc. to see if that helps with the noise.
I've also reached out to our employer's benefits people to get a referral to a clinic. I'm not saying I'm going to be a returning customer to it, but it never hurts to talk to someone. God knows I have plenty to say.
Everything else I'm going to attempt in baby steps. And I'll admit that "god" is missing from my life. I've told myself that I'm agnostic and in my mind, it's interpreted as "neither confirming nor denying the existence thereof." This explanation satisfies my logistical reconciliation because it seems truthful to me... But that being said, I'd be lying if I said it fulfilled a need I feel in my heart. I'm just not sure what to do about it, though. I'm not someone who wants to invest himself into Bible teachings because I've never felt that it was something that resonated with me and that's coming from a man who was born and raised on Sunday church services, summer Bible camp, etc. (Not that I view anyone else who does espouse those convictions--just that I've always felt like a fraud when attending service because it just never hit home with me.) I guess I'll need to chew on it for awhile to think it over. Maybe somehow, there's a middle ground.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,025
No need to be sorry and no shame in feeling like or crying Wolf!
Baby steps is the only way to solve anything. Recognising that is the first step itself.
For sleep I can suggest exercising, meditation, diet change (or even fasting, but be careful if you go down that route, talk to someone first).
Not instant solutions but if you start fitting them into your routine it could work.
I heard someone say once that life is all about frequencies. You need to find the things they will make your head vibrate in the right frequency for you tone able to relax more.
Again, it’s perfectly possible, just takes patience and perseverance, you can do this!
Baby steps is the only way to solve anything. Recognising that is the first step itself.
For sleep I can suggest exercising, meditation, diet change (or even fasting, but be careful if you go down that route, talk to someone first).
Not instant solutions but if you start fitting them into your routine it could work.
I heard someone say once that life is all about frequencies. You need to find the things they will make your head vibrate in the right frequency for you tone able to relax more.
Again, it’s perfectly possible, just takes patience and perseverance, you can do this!
Want to form an alliance? :.)
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 220
I sure hope I can do it, MrPL! Ha. It's been a rough time in my life. I figure if I can just figure out some of the noise in the pipes in my basement and get that somewhat fixed, that would give me some rest back and from there, I can probably think clearer about things.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,025
That’s the spirit wolf! Something I learned from martial arts is that the best way to get out of a seemly impossible situation is to see what tools you have now, and use them to get to the next possible step.
Then you just keep repeating it, as the more steps you take, the more tools you ll have, and little by little it all starts to unwind.
Works great for life changes too.
Then you just keep repeating it, as the more steps you take, the more tools you ll have, and little by little it all starts to unwind.
Works great for life changes too.
Want to form an alliance? :.)
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 220
You guys, I just wanted to say "thanks"--you really helped me get out of a funk. If it wasn't for you guys, I would've had a miserable day and while today wasn't within 100 miles of being what I would call "the best," I think it turned out being worth experiencing.
So I managed to get some things done today at work. Made a bunch of calls to some local plumbers and got some scheduled for some visits this week. I also went to work on some pipes under my house as soon as I got home this evening. It took a little elbow grease, but I got the house quieted down to such an extent that I can hardly hear my sump pumps now. It's so weird. After I did my work in the crawlspace, I decided to sit in my bedroom and just listen: it was like night-and-day, barely a hum. Ha. Needless to say, I shouldn't have any issues getting some sleep tonight.
I also called my grandmother tonight. I initially did it to whine about my monthly gas bill that I learned was $168 this month! Largest gas bill to date...but after I got that out of my system, her and I had a great conversation about things. She felt like my grandma for a change.
And I also arranged a consult with my employer's mental health clinic, too. I'm not sure when I'll get in as it's mostly a first-come-first-serve thing, but I'm at least on their waiting list now. I figure it can't hurt to talk to someone, even if it's a doctoral student. I figure worst case scenario, I get to whine to someone during work hours. Ha.
Anyway, again guys (and gals): you're wonderful and never fail to remind me why I made an account to this website so long ago. The world's a better place because of you.
So I managed to get some things done today at work. Made a bunch of calls to some local plumbers and got some scheduled for some visits this week. I also went to work on some pipes under my house as soon as I got home this evening. It took a little elbow grease, but I got the house quieted down to such an extent that I can hardly hear my sump pumps now. It's so weird. After I did my work in the crawlspace, I decided to sit in my bedroom and just listen: it was like night-and-day, barely a hum. Ha. Needless to say, I shouldn't have any issues getting some sleep tonight.
I also called my grandmother tonight. I initially did it to whine about my monthly gas bill that I learned was $168 this month! Largest gas bill to date...but after I got that out of my system, her and I had a great conversation about things. She felt like my grandma for a change.
And I also arranged a consult with my employer's mental health clinic, too. I'm not sure when I'll get in as it's mostly a first-come-first-serve thing, but I'm at least on their waiting list now. I figure it can't hurt to talk to someone, even if it's a doctoral student. I figure worst case scenario, I get to whine to someone during work hours. Ha.
Anyway, again guys (and gals): you're wonderful and never fail to remind me why I made an account to this website so long ago. The world's a better place because of you.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,047
Sounds like you've made some great progress, and I'm glad to hear the house is quieter, I hope it brings you good rest.
FWIW - I can't say that I've ever been "invested" in Bible teachings, I mean maybe I've done a few classes at my local church but they're just short deep dives into certain books. What I do is get together with a group of men every other week for a one hour Bible study, and I meet with a mentor for breakfast every couple weeks also, but what I get out of these is one-on-one time with other Christian men to talk about life, family, our kids, and what God is doing in our lives. It just keeps me in check, ya know? I'm not very good at keeping myself in line all the time so I feel it's important to talk with other men about my struggles.
Keep up the good work, and get lots of fresh air, sunlight, and as much rest as possible. Those things do wonders for my mental health
FWIW - I can't say that I've ever been "invested" in Bible teachings, I mean maybe I've done a few classes at my local church but they're just short deep dives into certain books. What I do is get together with a group of men every other week for a one hour Bible study, and I meet with a mentor for breakfast every couple weeks also, but what I get out of these is one-on-one time with other Christian men to talk about life, family, our kids, and what God is doing in our lives. It just keeps me in check, ya know? I'm not very good at keeping myself in line all the time so I feel it's important to talk with other men about my struggles.
Keep up the good work, and get lots of fresh air, sunlight, and as much rest as possible. Those things do wonders for my mental health
Want to form an alliance? :.)
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 220
Originally Posted by Astro 
but what I get out of these is one-on-one time with other Christian men to talk about life, family, our kids, and what God is doing in our lives. It just keeps me in check, ya know? I'm not very good at keeping myself in line all the time so I feel it's important to talk with other men about my struggles.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,047
Not a day goes by when I don't hear from someone that has come into my life since I got sober almost 17 years ago, whether it be a friend from church, someone I hunt or fish with on occasion, or another person in recovery. Sobriety has filled my life with relationships that I value and people that I can count on for fulfilling companionship. It saved my life, not a "foregone conclusion" at all
Want to form an alliance? :.)
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 220
Originally Posted by RunningScared
That gas bill isn't bad for a house. Expect it to go up, though, like everything else. Congratulations on feeling better.
Anyway, yeah, I've heard some real horror stories from other people where monthly gas bills are concerned. Considering it all, I do actually consider myself somewhat lucky in comparison to many but there's always that bug of paranoia that I have in the back of my mind that whispers something like, "Is everyone else seeing a high bill like mine or is it just my house? And if it is just my house, how much is a repair going to fix for something I apparently didn't realize needed to be repaired and or replaced?" I guess this could be classes as a self-destructive behavior! But in my defense, I have a really old Sears, Roebuck HVAC system that's like 30 years old at a minimum. So naturally, I always expect the worst. I'm lucky it's lasted as long as it has and I know if I ever get it upgraded--which I was hoping to do this summer sometime--it's liable to reduce my monthly bill by almost half. Sadly, this latest bill wasn't completely surprising because this past month, we've had quite a few days where we dipped down into single digits with maybe one or two even reaching the negatives, plus, we just went through a decent-sized snow storm with freezing rain and about 1.25" of rain before that, so my hope is that we'll be out of that nasty spell now considering we're almost mid-February going into March.
Looking forward to top-down weather!
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