Suffering from Depression - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Go Back   SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information >
Register Blogs FAQ Members List Calendar Arcade Mark Forums Read





Reply
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 09-12-2019, 10:36 AM   #1 (permalink)
Member
 
Alysheba's Avatar
 

Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: CA-SF Bay Area
Posts: 7,154

Suffering from Depression


I've been suffering from major depression and anxiety for many years. Some days it's worse than others. I just saw my family and heard about one of my sisters who I am totally estranged from. I am on meds and see my psychiatrist for an hour once a month. I just finished a CBT group. I'm trying to get out there. I am prone to depression, but everytime I hear about my sisters and how awful they are I go into a depression. I just feel really badly today and wanted to voice it. I am doing so much to try and help myself, but I guess the mind still holds on to the negative memories and being treated so badly by my family of origin. So glad I have my dog, Luke.
Thanks for listening. I just needed to get that off my chest.
__________________
Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.
-Winston Churchill


... In October 2008 King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia returned Alysheba to his homeland...
Alysheba is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 12 Users Say Thank You to Alysheba For This Useful Post:
Anna (09-13-2019), Astro (09-13-2019), Ceedaily (09-29-2019), ChloeRose63 (09-17-2019), courage2 (09-13-2019), Hevyn (09-13-2019), least (09-12-2019), neferkamichael (09-26-2019), Opivotal (09-15-2019), PhoenixJ (09-15-2019), Pouncer (10-07-2019), stargazer016 (10-07-2019)
Old 09-12-2019, 11:42 AM   #2 (permalink)
bona fido dog-lover
 
least's Avatar
 

Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: eastern USA
Posts: 79,632
Blog Entries: 32
I was diagnosed with major depression years ago and have been on meds ever since. I understand how you feel cause I've been there and done that. Sending you lots of love.
__________________
I'd rather live in my car with my dogs than live in a castle without them.

Dogs may not be our whole lives, but they make our lives whole.

Don't wait for the Last Judgement. It takes place every day. -Albert Camus

Find the good and praise it. - Alex Haley

least is online now   Reply With Quote
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to least For This Useful Post:
Alysheba (09-12-2019), Astro (09-13-2019), courage2 (09-13-2019), Hevyn (09-13-2019), neferkamichael (09-26-2019), Opivotal (09-15-2019), Pouncer (10-07-2019), stargazer016 (10-08-2019)
Old 09-12-2019, 12:07 PM   #3 (permalink)
Member
 
Alysheba's Avatar
 

Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: CA-SF Bay Area
Posts: 7,154
Thank you so much, least. Thank you for sharing that. It's a tough thing sometimes. So glad you are my friend. All my love to you! ♥♥♥
__________________
Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.
-Winston Churchill


... In October 2008 King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia returned Alysheba to his homeland...
Alysheba is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to Alysheba For This Useful Post:
Astro (09-13-2019), courage2 (09-13-2019), Hevyn (09-13-2019), least (09-12-2019), neferkamichael (09-26-2019), Opivotal (09-15-2019), stargazer016 (10-08-2019)
Old 09-12-2019, 03:15 PM   #4 (permalink)
Member
 
Alysheba's Avatar
 

Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: CA-SF Bay Area
Posts: 7,154
Least, I've been suffering from it since I was very young. I'm sure much of it is related to the dysfunction, abuse, etc. I grew up with. So I am pretty certain that some at least of my episodic depression has a lot to do with my family of origin. No one would believe how cruel they are, my sisters in particular, but then they are both sick and addicts. So I have to see things as they really are not as they would like me to be, which my sisters would love me to be down and out, but I won't be. The sick man prayer is a blessing for me when I have to be around them. Other things cause depression, maybe I was wired for it. I wish I had the answers. This thing with my sisters hurt and is infuriating. I really intensely dislike both of them, but I wish them no harm. Oh well. One of my lessons I guess.
__________________
Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.
-Winston Churchill


... In October 2008 King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia returned Alysheba to his homeland...
Alysheba is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to Alysheba For This Useful Post:
Astro (09-13-2019), courage2 (09-13-2019), Hevyn (09-13-2019), least (09-12-2019), neferkamichael (09-26-2019), Opivotal (09-15-2019), PhoenixJ (09-15-2019), Pouncer (10-07-2019), stargazer016 (10-08-2019)
Old 09-12-2019, 05:35 PM   #5 (permalink)
bona fido dog-lover
 
least's Avatar
 

Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: eastern USA
Posts: 79,632
Blog Entries: 32
I don't know where mine came from, since my childhood was pretty good. We knew we were loved, even tho we were disciplined when we did wrong. We were never abused in any way.

I remember getting my diagnosis and being put on sertraline. It took a few weeks before I felt any better but it was quite a difference. My bf noticed the change and told me it made me into a better person. I said, well then, why don't you take it too? (we didn't get along well at that point) It was also pre-menopause depression and the zoloft helped that a lot.

There were side effects to it, for the first few weeks, but now, I can't remember what they were.

I'm sorry you went thru all that crap. Going NC with your sisters might be the best thing, if they're such a negative influence.

Sending you more hugs.
__________________
I'd rather live in my car with my dogs than live in a castle without them.

Dogs may not be our whole lives, but they make our lives whole.

Don't wait for the Last Judgement. It takes place every day. -Albert Camus

Find the good and praise it. - Alex Haley

least is online now   Reply With Quote
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to least For This Useful Post:
Alysheba (09-12-2019), Astro (09-13-2019), courage2 (09-13-2019), Hevyn (09-13-2019), neferkamichael (09-26-2019), Opivotal (09-15-2019), stargazer016 (10-08-2019)
Old 09-12-2019, 05:41 PM   #6 (permalink)
Member
 
Alysheba's Avatar
 

Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: CA-SF Bay Area
Posts: 7,154
Thank you. I'm so glad your meds work so well for you. I've had to try several before I found one that worked for me and I take a combo of a couple of things, less than I used to. Thank you so much for sharing. xxxooo
__________________
Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.
-Winston Churchill


... In October 2008 King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia returned Alysheba to his homeland...
Alysheba is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to Alysheba For This Useful Post:
Astro (09-13-2019), courage2 (09-13-2019), Grateful11 (09-18-2019), Hevyn (09-13-2019), least (09-12-2019), neferkamichael (09-26-2019), Opivotal (09-15-2019), PhoenixJ (09-15-2019), stargazer016 (10-08-2019)
Old 09-12-2019, 05:56 PM   #7 (permalink)
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 177,569
Blog Entries: 1
I'm sorry you suffer from this Aly - but I think you're doing wonderfully.

You've conquered so much and still give so much support to others - you're definitely triumphing oer your past

I hope better times are ahead for you tho
D
__________________
Dee74 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to Dee74 For This Useful Post:
Alysheba (09-13-2019), Astro (09-13-2019), courage2 (09-13-2019), Hevyn (09-13-2019), least (09-12-2019), neferkamichael (09-26-2019), Opivotal (09-15-2019), stargazer016 (10-08-2019)
Old 09-13-2019, 05:56 AM   #8 (permalink)
Forum Leader
 
Astro's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 18,176
You're a beacon of light to many of our members Aly, your support and kindness are a measure of what a great person you've become in recovery. I hope you keep that in mind, I know how easy it is to be dragged down by family members but I know that in helping others we can rise above.

I've been off the depression and anxiety meds for years, today I'm lifted up by my outdoor activities and my faith beliefs. I know we have to find what works for us, this will be part of your recovery journey. I'm sending you smiles for today too, hang in there.
__________________
"Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty, and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming---*WOW-What a ride*!"
Astro is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to Astro For This Useful Post:
Alysheba (09-13-2019), courage2 (09-13-2019), Dee74 (09-13-2019), Hevyn (09-13-2019), least (09-13-2019), neferkamichael (09-26-2019), Opivotal (09-15-2019), stargazer016 (10-08-2019)
Old 09-13-2019, 08:48 AM   #9 (permalink)
p***enger
 
courage2's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 14,618
Aly, I just saw this post. I'm very glad you wrote about what's going on. I have bipolar disorder with depression predominately. I didn't get diagnosed until aged 51 -- ran with the highs & lows rather than dealt with it -- except through bad living and liquor. Recently I had a noticeable cycle, and my md changed my meds.

Which is all just to say that I understand -- and particularly understand that the negativity and unhappiness around family can start someone with depression down a road that is hard to get off.

Please keep reaching out here, and call your doctor if you need to, ok? You're a beautiful person and we want you to be well.

__________________
-sb


Do you know where the power lies?
courage2 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to courage2 For This Useful Post:
Alysheba (09-13-2019), Astro (09-14-2019), Dee74 (09-13-2019), Grateful11 (09-18-2019), Hevyn (09-13-2019), least (09-13-2019), neferkamichael (09-26-2019), Opivotal (09-15-2019), Pouncer (10-07-2019), stargazer016 (10-08-2019)
Old 09-13-2019, 10:25 AM   #10 (permalink)
Member
 
Alysheba's Avatar
 

Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: CA-SF Bay Area
Posts: 7,154
Thank you all so so much for your kindness. It has brought tears to my eyes. I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but your support means so much and you are all such beautiful souls too. Thank you for sharing some of your stories with this. It helps and it helps to be around so much love on SR.
Thank you and all my love. ♥♥♥
__________________
Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.
-Winston Churchill


... In October 2008 King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia returned Alysheba to his homeland...
Alysheba is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to Alysheba For This Useful Post:
Astro (09-14-2019), courage2 (09-13-2019), Dee74 (09-13-2019), Grateful11 (09-18-2019), Hevyn (09-13-2019), least (09-13-2019), neferkamichael (09-26-2019), Opivotal (09-15-2019), stargazer016 (10-08-2019)
Old 09-13-2019, 11:01 AM   #11 (permalink)
Administrator
 
Anna's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 51,762
Aly, my depression began in my early teenage years, due in part to abuse from my mother. It took me decades to get it properly diagnosed and treated, and since then I've taken medication. The medication helps level the playing field, but I still have to work at staying positive every day.

One thing in your original post jumped out at me. You said that a major trigger for you was hearing about how awful your sisters were. For me, I had to distance myself from my mother in order to survive. I didn't completely cut off communication, but phone calls were short and impersonal and visits were rare. Maybe you could consider distancing yourself from your sisters, at least for awhile. Taking care of yourself is the priority.
__________________
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

Marianne Williamson
Anna is online now   Reply With Quote
The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to Anna For This Useful Post:
Alysheba (09-13-2019), Astro (09-14-2019), courage2 (09-13-2019), Dee74 (09-13-2019), Grateful11 (09-18-2019), Hevyn (09-13-2019), least (09-13-2019), neferkamichael (09-26-2019), Opivotal (09-15-2019), stargazer016 (10-08-2019)
Old 09-13-2019, 11:17 AM   #12 (permalink)
Member
 
Alysheba's Avatar
 

Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: CA-SF Bay Area
Posts: 7,154
Thank you, Anna, so much. One of my sisters I am totally estranged from, but even hearing about her, because she hates me so much, throws me into a tailspin. The other one I see very rarely. I try to just be polite, grey rock method, but sometimes I do have to see them and it just does a number on me. I've talked to my psychiatrist about it, but I think we need to revisit. Even hearing about the one I don't speak to throws me off my game.
Thank you for caring Anna and I'm so sorry you went through motherly abuse as well.
__________________
Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.
-Winston Churchill


... In October 2008 King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia returned Alysheba to his homeland...
Alysheba is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to Alysheba For This Useful Post:
Astro (09-14-2019), courage2 (09-13-2019), Dee74 (09-13-2019), Grateful11 (09-18-2019), Hevyn (09-13-2019), least (09-13-2019), neferkamichael (09-26-2019), Opivotal (09-15-2019)
Old 09-13-2019, 02:35 PM   #13 (permalink)
Learning to live again
 
Hevyn's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: New York - Catskill Mtns.
Posts: 38,271
I love you, Aly - and I'm glad you are comfortable here & feel that you can talk about this. My son suffers from depression but doesn't want to take any meds. As a result, he just white knuckles his way through life & there's little joy. It's good you've sought help & have a good dr. to turn to. I'm sorry you had a setback due to hearing about your sister.
__________________
You are so much more than the worst thing you've ever done. Fr. Greg Boyle

A little voice deep inside me said, "Hello, I am here." It was a small voice, & sounded as if it were buried underneath the cushions of my couch. It was my soul...I had forgotten it.

Hevyn is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to Hevyn For This Useful Post:
Alysheba (09-13-2019), Astro (09-14-2019), courage2 (09-13-2019), Dee74 (09-13-2019), Grateful11 (09-18-2019), least (09-13-2019), neferkamichael (09-26-2019), Opivotal (09-15-2019), stargazer016 (10-08-2019)
Old 09-13-2019, 05:27 PM   #14 (permalink)
Member
 
Alysheba's Avatar
 

Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: CA-SF Bay Area
Posts: 7,154
Hevyn, thank you so much
__________________
Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.
-Winston Churchill


... In October 2008 King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia returned Alysheba to his homeland...
Alysheba is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to Alysheba For This Useful Post:
Astro (09-14-2019), courage2 (09-13-2019), Hevyn (09-13-2019), least (09-18-2019), neferkamichael (09-26-2019), Opivotal (09-15-2019), stargazer016 (10-08-2019)
Old 09-13-2019, 06:22 PM   #15 (permalink)
Member
 
Alysheba's Avatar
 

Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: CA-SF Bay Area
Posts: 7,154
Hev, I love you too. ♥ I love all of you and thank you for all of your kindness and support. I know and try very hard to keep firm boundaries with them, but the thoughts come and I hear things that I try not to. I'm trying to stay strong.
Thank you again for all your support.
__________________
Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.
-Winston Churchill


... In October 2008 King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia returned Alysheba to his homeland...
Alysheba is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to Alysheba For This Useful Post:
Astro (09-14-2019), courage2 (09-13-2019), Hevyn (09-13-2019), least (09-18-2019), neferkamichael (09-26-2019), Opivotal (09-15-2019), stargazer016 (10-08-2019)
Old 09-14-2019, 08:45 AM   #16 (permalink)
Forum Leader
 
Astro's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 18,176
Quote:
Originally Posted by Anna View Post
One thing in your original post jumped out at me. You said that a major trigger for you was hearing about how awful your sisters were. For me, I had to distance myself from my mother in order to survive. I didn't completely cut off communication, but phone calls were short and impersonal and visits were rare. Maybe you could consider distancing yourself from your sisters, at least for awhile. Taking care of yourself is the priority.
My younger brother moved across the country to distance himself from my father, my older brother just did everything he could to avoid him. I loved our Dad unconditionally and I became his caretaker until he passed from dementia, but after our Mom died his own depression and bitterness was so great that it drained our emotions and we had to find ways to cope. That was part of my recovery story too, he and I drank to cover up the grief. I was told that after he passed there would come a day when only the sweet memories would remain, and I can say now that it's true.
__________________
"Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty, and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming---*WOW-What a ride*!"

Last edited by Astro; 09-15-2019 at 07:57 AM.
Astro is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to Astro For This Useful Post:
Alysheba (09-14-2019), courage2 (09-14-2019), Hevyn (09-14-2019), least (09-18-2019), neferkamichael (09-26-2019), Opivotal (09-15-2019), stargazer016 (10-08-2019)
Old 09-14-2019, 08:56 AM   #17 (permalink)
Member
 
Alysheba's Avatar
 

Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: CA-SF Bay Area
Posts: 7,154
Thank you, Astro. You are a good man.

Thanks so much for the kindness and hope you all have shown me. Just knowing I have so much support from such great people who understand has helped me. I keep it in a lot and it's a lonely place to be. I really didn't realize how much my support group here at SR means to me, but it means so much and all of my great friends that I've made here. My gratitude is huge for all of you. So many thanks for your support, friendship and love. ♥♥♥
__________________
Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.
-Winston Churchill


... In October 2008 King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia returned Alysheba to his homeland...
Alysheba is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to Alysheba For This Useful Post:
Astro (09-15-2019), courage2 (09-14-2019), Hevyn (09-14-2019), least (09-18-2019), neferkamichael (09-26-2019), Opivotal (09-15-2019), stargazer016 (10-08-2019)
Old 09-14-2019, 04:14 PM   #18 (permalink)
p***enger
 
courage2's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 14,618
Quote:
Originally Posted by Astro View Post
After our Mom died his own depression and bitterness was so great that it drained our emotions and we had to find ways to cope. That was part of my recovery story too, he and I drank to cover up the grief. I was told that after he passed there would come a day when only the sweet memories would remain, and I can say not that it's true.
((Astro))

My father fortunately went first -- I write 'fortunately' because he was an alcoholic and we all of us worried what he would come to alone. Our shared alcoholism and other things I've come to understand about him have sadly colored even memories that once were happy. All I can say is that I've come to a more sympathetic view of my mother, and maybe I will of my father too, some day.

Aly, I hope your spirits lift gradually, but soon.
__________________
-sb


Do you know where the power lies?
courage2 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to courage2 For This Useful Post:
Alysheba (09-14-2019), Astro (09-15-2019), Dee74 (09-14-2019), Hevyn (09-14-2019), least (09-18-2019), neferkamichael (09-26-2019), Opivotal (09-15-2019), stargazer016 (10-08-2019)
Old 09-14-2019, 04:21 PM   #19 (permalink)
Member
 
Alysheba's Avatar
 

Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: CA-SF Bay Area
Posts: 7,154
Thank you Courage, ((Astro)) and everyone.
I forced myself to go to my shift at ARF and even though almost every thing broke down, 2 dryers and a dishwasher. So I did a lot of physical work, which is good for me, I just have to watch my back, I got to see some people I like and some animals. So at least I slept pretty well. That helps. This weekend is a bit tough, but I'll get through it.
Thank you all so much. I am touched by your sensitivity and kindness.
Peace and love to all of you. xxxooo
__________________
Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.
-Winston Churchill


... In October 2008 King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia returned Alysheba to his homeland...
Alysheba is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to Alysheba For This Useful Post:
Astro (09-15-2019), courage2 (09-14-2019), Dee74 (09-16-2019), Hevyn (09-14-2019), least (09-18-2019), neferkamichael (09-26-2019), Opivotal (09-15-2019), PhoenixJ (09-15-2019)
Old 09-15-2019, 08:03 AM   #20 (permalink)
Forum Leader
 
Astro's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 18,176
courage, I totally understand and agree because my father living alone was not a pretty sight. Cases of vodka in the garage, layers of dust in his home, spoiled food in the fridge. It took months to clean out after I moved him into assisted living where he lived for almost 2.5 years. But again I can honestly say that now I have some really great memories of my parents, I think of them often and smile.

Aly, I hope your back is OK and I also hope that being of service makes you feel really good because there is nothing that I enjoy more after many years in recovery than being present for others, people or animals. The relationships I've made and experiences that I've had have made up for 27 years of alcoholism and depression.
__________________
"Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty, and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming---*WOW-What a ride*!"
Astro is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to Astro For This Useful Post:
Alysheba (09-15-2019), courage2 (09-15-2019), Dee74 (09-16-2019), Hevyn (09-15-2019), least (09-18-2019), neferkamichael (09-26-2019), Opivotal (09-15-2019)
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools


Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:11 PM.