Anger, depression, isolation.
I can't help but be SO angry. Angry at so many people and angry at so many things, angry at myself. Things in my control, things out of my control, things not even relevant..
I get angry and all these destructive thoughts run through my head. It leaves me weak and mean. I blow up over nothing and I just push everyone away. As if nobody understands and I am trapped in this cage I have made uncomfortably comfortable for myself.
These thoughts are running my life and I am letting them. Every time I think "I got this.. I CAN and WANT to be sober".. I revert back to the whole "I can't do this. I rather get drunk, harm myself, or just halt this seemingly endless suffering".
I am my own problem and I can't figure out how to get a control on it. Everything just seems to pile up, one thing after another.. But I know that there will always be something. I can't rationalize my thoughts. Nor can I accept them. And that's my problem right now.. accepting things as is.
I think isolation would be better, but it never is. So many people seem to like me but I don't like them and I want to be left alone. But when I do talk with people, I'm generally always smiley and understanding and the experience is great (especially working in healthcare with patients daily). So, I don't know what it is. I don't think it is people I do not like.. rather I think it is myself that I don't like. And I'm just not sure if I'll ever be able to grasp how to begin to love myself instead of continously punishing myself for all things out of my control.
I think anger & irritability are part of most peoples withdrawal experience - it certainly was of mine.
It helped me to remember that - I tried to rationalise I really had no cause to be that angry at x y or z - it was just my mind and body healing.
when your internal voice tells you you can't do this - that's the time to lean on your support here and anywhere else you have it.
Negative Self-Talk: 9 Ways To Silence Your Inner Critic
You can do this - guaranteed :)
It gets better :)
Welcome Caesarr! I still struggle at times with anger and bitterness, and I've been sober for quite a few years. Talking to others, meditation, gratitude, and prayer are all methods I use to cope and silence those thoughts of getting even or acting on my thoughts. You will come to know that alcohol is not the answer.
I was angry- turns out at me- but I projected this onto others, places, things. Seeing a psychologist, CBT stuff, was really helpful.
Forgive me if you have said before, but are you in any kind of counseling? Different reasons, but I went through a period of this type of anger and isolating. It was terrible, and it's a vicious cycle. Counseling is a long term commitment, but with the right person, and paired with sharing here at SR, I was able to see what I was doing to myself and those around me and get past it. It did not happen overnight, but it did happen.
I have to watch myself. I tend to isolate quite a bit. I am TIRED. However, when I go and do things with friends I absolutely have a great time. I work to find a balance. I committed just last night to doing something with a friend on Saturday. I went ahead and committed to it because I don't want to back out even though I know when Saturday rolls around, I would want to. Planning is key for me, and having the right balance of social/alone time.
I wish you well!
I heard underneath all the anger is sadness, and I never believed it...but in the sixteen years I've been sober, I've found it to be true. Once I got in touch with the sadness/grief and released it, the anger went away.
I also feel like this often. I donít have any social interaction as such canít remember last time I did anything with friends. I have my chores at home and my children. No Iím not drinking but I get the feelings of wanting to just to feel better. I am angry and bitter about how my life turned out all the drama all the lost opportunities. But yes deep down itís me I hate for being like this and not being able to deal with life. I feel stuck in a never ending routine wnd totally and utterly alone most days. Think Iíll go see doctor think Iím depressed
After many years, my whole life really, of dealing with things on my own, I also have felt largely alone in this world, even when I had close friends about me. My circle of friends started to include others who felt substantially like I did and behaved like I did with feelings of judgment of situations and others rather than looking at our own problems, and we drank together. It was an oddly cozy arrangement for a while.
As I have come to realize that my experience is not so unique, the feelings of being the outcast and the other are beginning to go away. There are times when my regrets jump to the surface, and I feel sad over where I am today, and I have to deal with those personally but not completely by myself anymore, and I live alone with no local friends but only loose associates. I cannot afford to let my old emotional responses to control me when I am having these feelings of isolation, loneliness, self-judgment, melancholy, or anger.
I am faced with changing how I think and react to situations and the reality of where I stand today. Good days now are mostly "neutral" on the scale of where and when I rate my emotions every day, but there are successful and positive days, too. I have an app that I use to evaluate my symptoms of anxiety and depression, and that helps me to pinpoint where I am dwelling with respect to markers for these conditions that help me identify where I am for that day. When I rate myself on these indicators I can usually see why I have been having a rough day and/or how I have been reacting to a day, either well or poorly.
I use CBT techniques to manage my thoughts and emotional responses, and I see a therapist and a psychiatrist to manage medications for me. A lot of people would conclude that I'm a hot mess, but I am also acutely aware that I am working hard to live better and to manage things, including my addiction. When I see the whole picture, I have to think more positively about me.
SR gets a lot of credit in helping me through this, too, teaching me how others are dealing with similar backgrounds, others who share what I am going through in recovery, and allowing me to get the things on the table with others, at any time.
I am not able to will my way into having a better life, I have to do the little things every day to help me be the best that I can.
You already got some excellent advice and I do think CBT would be a good idea. I also think meditation and a gratefulness journal or gratefulness meditation could help in your case.
Isolation is not the answer and could make the problem worse. Do you have a project youīre passionate about? That could help as well.
I wish you the best.
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