My PTSD is back
Iíd been doing so well.
No drinking for 3 plus years, gone part-time at work and started training as a counsellor for children and Young people.
Somehow, a perfect s***storm of stressors...my Mum being very ill, work stress, my brother being suicidal, and some conflict on my Counselling course...and the flashbacks are back.
Iím SO disappointed to be back living in fear and anxiety again. I canít concentrate on anything, Iím not sleeping and having panic attacks.
Iím hoping this is just a bad spell and I will come out the other side much quicker than I have before, but Iím so sad right now
I'm sorry you're experiencing this Jeni. I don't have experience with PTSD, so I do pray that this is a setback, an episode, and that you will return to a comfortable state over time.
Heya Jeni, I got c-PTSD(documented elsewhere @SR).
I will be moving forward in any particular day, never entirely free of anxiety, but OK- then for no apparent conscious reason- my anxiety will spike.
The human condition to me, includes sometimes - 2 steps forward, then one back....with new stressors- comes new neural connections and my brain trying to make sense of it all.
The anxiety and stuff- cannot kill me and if I can choose to work through it- it usually becomes bearable.
I feel guilt at such times- berating myself with that little voice inside my head about failures- then to put the boot in- flashbacks.
This just means I am adapting, and being aware of it- is a big step.
As you are doing.
Try not to be hard on yourself- you are doing fine.
Support to you.
I understand, I've walked into a situation that triggered me and been blindsided after things have been going well.
For me PTSD and alcohol abuse go hand in hand, if my PTSD came back to a degree that it was affecting my daily life I would be at the Dr.s office again and quickly.
I think itís a reaction to stress. I just never expected to feel like this again and itís disheartening.
Maybe I just need to accept that this is always going to be a part of me.
I now from others that there are trigers that can set off monetary things such as a Vietnam veteran having problems with a light flickering in a bathroom in a hotel room that he just checked into with his wife. The light flickered after he turned it on and he hit the deck, floor like he was in 1968 in Vietnam. He said that almost instantly he realized what he did and it was over. My PTSD came from my marriage and I've been open about it in AA I have gotten a great deal of advice from veterans on PTSD the most memorable was I have to stand up and walk through it, I didn't know what that ment at the time but you can't side step it and sweep it under the rug.from time to time they check in with me and ask how I'm doing with it. I still have walls that I would like to deal with but I'm so much better. PTSD is somthing you must actively treat, I use a therapist trained in EMDR. My drinking started as a self medication but the alcohol pulled me in so lm very cautious about symptoms as they are my trigger for drinking.
Jeni, I have only recently come to realise the crap PTSD mem's and feelings are most likely here to stay- that I am a fusion of good and bad stuff...this empowers me to figure out better ways of coping.
I hope you'll see someone about it. The way I see it this isn't a personal failing or anything - noone asks for PTSD and noone asks to be overwhelmed...you obviously have a lot on your plate right now, and a lot to worry about.
Is there any way you can share the load a little?
I could almost have written this myself as I have had a bit of a breakdown over the last few days and mine also is from PTSD. As a weekend binge drinker I'm finally just starting the road to sobriety but I wanted to say I understand and send love.
Thank you everyone for your support. I seem to be over the worst of the anxiety but Iím going to seek the support of a counsellor to work through this.
It means a lot to have you guys sharing your stuff with me,
Hi my friends,
So, I went for my first counselling session today, and sat and cried for the entire time. I felt a complete failure that this spiral into anxiety had started for me again, especially after 3+ years of sobriety.
She was just lovely, told me that I was just re-processing stuff and that I needed to cut myself a bit of slack. Iíve just finished my first year of training to become a childrenís counsellor and this was a normal part of the process. There may be some more work to do around looking at my childhood issues, but in the long run, experiencing things at such a deep level and being able to reflect on that means I will have a great deal of empathy for anyone who may come to me with similar stuff in the future.
I feel so reassured.
I'm glad you feel reassured :)
I agree with your pdoc - you need to cut yourself a considerable bit of slack, Jeni :)
PTSD is not a failure or a weakness it's a universally accepted medical condition.
You're a survivor of trauma - always remember the survivor bit :)
Back to the basics. Think back to the beginning and apply all the healing things you have learned.
I too have been diagnosed with PTSD and under extreme stress, it does rear it's ugly head. However, I have to remind myself I am in control of this and I have learned how to get through it before, and I will again.
Big hugs to you.
Thank you so much.
I have realised that Iím re-processing everything but in an emotional way this time.
My first round of counselling happened many years ago when I was drinking and disconnected. I talked but was numb to any feeling. This time Iím crying and feeling very sad.
All part of the healing process I guess.
Maybe this is whatís needed to put this well and truly in the past where it belongs ❤️
Yes, healing is tough. You literally have to go through all the filing cabinets in your head and deal with the contents of what is in there. If you don't, the file cabinet stays a mess and you will have to keep coming back to it over and over. That is how it was explained to my by a therapist and it really makes sense.
Dealing with some of that stuff is painful and hard, but when you truly go through it and come out the other side, there is an accomplishment that you cannot turn back from.
Keep sharing Jeni, you are not alone! I know when I suffer with tough times I feel so alone and that is overwhelming. Just reach out and know we are here, supporting you!
Thank you so much.
Think Iím going to have to go right back to some terrifying events of childhood, and Iím scared Iím going to get stuck there.
Session number 2 today and I cried a lot. Itís so exhausting but very healing itís true.
The best counsellors will allow you to go at your own pace and never let you open any doors til you're ready Jeni.
The past has no power besides what we give it - I was a child them, I'm an adult now...I guarantee you will not get stuck there. Trust me.
Thank you Dee.
I trust what you say ❤️
Wonderfully said Dee. You are right. We tend to give way too much power to things in the past that happened. We have to remember, we got through those situations. We are here, now, safe. We don't ever have to go back to where we were.
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