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Old 04-14-2019, 04:56 AM   #141 (permalink)
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So I threw myself in front of him, and said I need help and he seemed very concerned. But, I couldn't get the words out, so I just handed him the card and said my information is on the card and left. We have this beyond complicated interpersonal thing that just needs to turn into a real relationship or die, so who knows what he will do? Idk. I have another restaurant interview tomorrow. All I can do is keep trying.

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Old 04-14-2019, 10:12 PM   #142 (permalink)
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You do have a complicated "relationship" with this person, and that would lead me to caution about how much investment I would put into seeing something develop out of it for work or otherwise.

Trying to grow something out of the type of connection that you have with him seems risky. Are you really ready to open yourself up to such a situation, again? I just am concerned that you might feel hurt if nothing comes from this. You have been through so much already.
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Old 04-15-2019, 06:28 AM   #143 (permalink)
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I get it- that he can't really do this right now. I'm not mad or hurt. I understand. I don't think I will hear from him or his staff. Maybe I will be pleasantly surprised. As always, he is checking me on my site that he follows. He is still interested in me and my life from afar.

i have a job interview today, but I'm not feeling well, so I'm kind of just wanting to get it over with at this point tbh.
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Old 04-16-2019, 05:54 AM   #144 (permalink)
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Dress up and wear a smile Lacey, this job could be what God has planned for you, and even if it's not it's still good practice to act "as if".
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Old 04-16-2019, 09:31 AM   #145 (permalink)
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So, at least I have a serverposition. I start tomorrow. I'm grateful, because it allows me breathing room to find something more permanent, and to explore maybe even going back to school. i am applying to an alternative certification program for teaching in a neighboring state (commuting distance). It's a long shot, but it is a lifelong dream, and out of like all 50 states, this is my best shot. I will know in August.
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Old 04-16-2019, 11:26 AM   #146 (permalink)
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Lacey, take this position and work hard. Prove yourself. Experience is a key, even if you are overqualified. Show they you are a hard worker and prove yourself so when it's time to have references you have them.

It's interesting. I went to college and worked in a bar/grill all through. I worked with about 5 other people who all stayed there all through college. Even though none had a major in the field, three of the five are now either in a major position of running catering for a big hotel chain, and two are managers of big restaurants. All pulling in over $100k per year.

So even when you think it may not lead to much, if you create the right type of reputation for yourself, and only you can do that, it can lead to great things.

Big hugs. I know you can do this!
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Old 04-17-2019, 06:04 AM   #147 (permalink)
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I'm happy to hear you got the job Lacey, it will provide income and maybe you'll meet some new friends. I'm a government worker, but I still work two other side jobs for extra income, and one of them is my "fun" job at a concert venue.
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Old 04-17-2019, 07:22 AM   #148 (permalink)
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Congratulations with the new job Lacey, stupidly it's always easier to get a job when you already have one. As you say this will at least take a bit of pressure off.
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Old 04-17-2019, 04:23 PM   #149 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LaceyDallas View Post
What every addict wants- to live with it. To have your poison in your life, and control it.

To eat eat enough to function and lose weight, but not get my life all screwed up like last time.

To use symptoms to feel better, but not to the point that it takes over my life.

i know...I know...THATS realistic...lol...

i love this kind of honesty which i rarely encounter
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Old 04-20-2019, 05:54 PM   #150 (permalink)
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I want to go home. I don't want to be here. It's loud 24/7 and I'm just not in the mood for it sometimes. I just want to open the door and scream SHUT UP. But, I'd probably die.

its really, really not going well. I had a complete breakdown and cried for like three hours today.

i hate that i hat I asked him for help and he's ignoring me. If I had two wishes they'd be:

our paths had had never crossed, and if someone said his name, I'd literally be like, who is that?

i never bought the house in County that kicked off the downward spiral of my life
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Old 04-20-2019, 07:04 PM   #151 (permalink)
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You're a smart person, Lacey, and you know that you cannot wish this away. If you needed to let out that emotion today, that's good, but you're going to have to do something to make things a little better.

I'm not a confrontational person, so I'd probably try to get something like ear plugs to mask the noise that would be driving me to distraction.

Your feelings are real, but you have to let your rational side guide you through this time of feeling left alone to your own wits.
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Old 04-21-2019, 08:02 AM   #152 (permalink)
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I've experienced the noisy apartment complex and the anxiety over relationships in early recovery, Lacey. It was crushing to my emotions. By persevering what I gained was gratitude for a place to live, new friendships that opened up, and opportunity to put the past behind and start a clean life anew.
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