This job is such a sh*tshow. Sometimes I get tired of having crappy, substandard things in my life because I broke the law sixteen years ago. the director was fired today. Who knows what this means. It might be good, it might be bad. I'm looking elsewhere, but it's not promising.

None of this would be an issue if that jack@ss hadn't wiped his @ss with my contact information when I asked him to help me find a job.

I guess I feel like I'm on a sinking ship sometimes. I just hope it's a viable business. That's what bothers me. It feels like the whole thing is being held together by a shoestring sometimes. It doesn't feel stable. Maybe once they hire someone new things will get better? I just don't want to get a phone call one day that the place went under.

I'm in my home state.

maybe I will go back...and maybe I won't.

It's more than loud neighbors. I'm not safe there and idk what to do anymore. No one will help me. I'm going back tomorrow and looking at a new place, but with my issues, it's doubtful that anyone will rent to me. If it gets to be too much, I'm just putting in my notice and leaving. It's not livable. And I'm saying this as someone who was living as a squatter in my last home.

The fact that the person on the other side of my wall assaults his girlfriend to the point that I hear her body slamming against the wall in my apartment. Last weekend, he punched her in the face in the hallway in front of my door and screamed something to the effect of, if people don't like the way he acts, he will just beat our asses, too.

The cops come and two two hours later, they're screaming at each other again. It's beyond ridiculous. I'm afraid to do or say anything because I'm afraid he will come after me.

I haven't been there in three days and I'm going back after work today. Plans are in place to get out but who knows what will happen. It's so horrible to come home from working all night, I just want to relax and sleep and it's just screaming. I came from such a messed up life. I worked so hard so that I would have the ability to have peace in my home. And this is just crazy.

I've been invalidated up and down, but NO ONE lives like me. It's crazy. I'm done with therapy, done with trying to have people understand. I don't even care anymore. I'm more stable than half the people who work in this profession. Everyone I talked to is worried about this woman- well, half the time SHE is over there, yelling about how she's willing to fight any females, she doesn't care if he hits her, etc. she's CHOOSING this. I'm NOT.

Im going to do whatever I have to to have something nice for myself after everything I've been through. I don't deserve this crap. I really don't. That place is a dump and the only reason I agreed to live there is because of my stupid record and financial problems. I can't even get mail because my mailbox doesn't lock and people go through your mail looking for checks and money. Like, seriously open your mail. I've told them and they walk past it every time they come into the building and nothing changes.

Im tired of having crappy things in my life because of my record. I deserve something nice, too. Of course I was excited when I moved in- I was a squatter! So anything was better than where I was. But it was safe. It wasn't in a dirty, gross neighborhood full of people who just don't care about themselves and how they live and throw garbage everywhere and scream and swear. Someone kicked that cat in the head, and it died. That haunts me. It's just a gross place to be in. Depressing.

The job has the potential to get better. The director who was let go- that might be a good thing. I am willing to stick it out a few months and see who they bring in and how they handle things. The woman who is left, she's really amazing and I would like to learn under her if I do get the opportunity to get my license. If it wasn't for the job, truthfully, I'd just go back home, cause we all know I came here for him- and he's just useless. I don't see him offering to help- wait, I didn't even bother telling him because I just know what the answer will be. Insert eye roll emoji.

i hear a lot of shifting and ruckus upstairs today. I might not be the only person moving out!

It's been so quiet all day.

THEY HAD COURT LOLOLOL!!!!!

I got the apartment! This is so weird, because this landlord is so picky. He actually lives in the building, too, so nothing will be going on there. It's so adorable. The place I'm in now doesn't even have windows except in the bathroom and it's roasting in here right now. I sign the paperwork tomorrow.

Now I just hope thingns stay okay on my job. Even if they dont, I'm sure I can go serve food somewhere until something else comes along.

Ugh. He just came in over there like a bat out of hell, and they're screaming and fighting and I'm 100% sure I'm making the right decision. This is so crazy.

The new neighborhood is really nice- residential. Like an actual neighborhood. There wasn't any garbage lying around, or random bums wandering past. Just yards and kids and people cutting grass (Grass!!! The only grass here is the kind people smoke lol). I took a chance on applying because of my record and dismal credit and non-lengthy employment experience. I'm still amazed that he picked me. I guess overall I don't look as bad as I think I do. I mean, I owned a house for twelve years and worked for the government for thirteen years. And I have a pretty decent job now.

as for my job...some days I worry, some days I feel okay. The scary thing is that, ever since the director was fired, the census (number of people in treatment) has been super low. Which means less money coming in. The business model worries me. They supposedly have some new contract with drug courts that will bring more people in, but I have yet to see the increase. We are at about 60% capacity. I'm hoping they bring someone in who is aggressive about getting the beds filled and things return to "normal." Each month I'm there is adding to experience that I can take to a new job, however, and this place has been through directors before and survived. Overall, I like it and have faith that it won't just shut down on me. I'm thinking of picking up a PT server job just in case- and for some extra money to make my new place look how I want it to look. It's bigger than the place I'm in now, so I need some more stuff eventually. I'm planning to stay there indefinitely- as long as I'm in this state, I see no reason to move. This is a really great opportunity.

If if I pick up a new job in the neighboring city, the train is nearby as well. It's near a park and some stores and the light rail to go into town. It's more residential, so I'm okay with the fact that it's further from town (and there is the light rail). There's an AA clubhouse in that neighborhood somewhere as well.

Thanks. It will be so nice to have windows again lol. I feel bad for the cat, because they always enjoy windows. Plus, I can't use an AC unit and it's already getting pretty miserable in here. My other cat will be joining us soon! My sister swore up and up and down she wanted to take both boys, so I left him st my mom's...then when I'm like two hours into the drive here she says, oh you could have taken him. Thanks lol.

i might start taking the train to work, idk. The commute is further so if it's miserable, then it might be the best option.

I'm in the new apartment. It's quite lovely. It's third floor(attic) and it's like a treehouse- sunlight and birds chirping and the sky. I'm still waiting for the stupid cat to discover we have windows lol.

Tomorrow's the big day- moving van comes at 9. If I play my cards right, I won't ever have to go back there. I just don't want there to be any confrontations while I am there. He's going to know why I'm moving out- it's so obvious. I just hope he is gone while they are moving my stuff, it shouldn't take very long.