Pathwaytofree

A few years ago because of the extraordinary amount of anxiety I had during my step work and some other stuff regarding a power struggle my former sponsor had with my therapist that did me a great deal of harm, I suffered from something I guess would be a complete and utter burnout. I felt like every spec of oxygen was sucked out of every cell of my body. I am not being dramatic when I say that. It also effected my physical health.

I've been doing well trying to recharge, keeping anxiety at bay, practicing self-care. But I still find that I have large set backs anytime something emotional comes up, or I try to push myself emotionally, mentally, or physically. It's frustrating. I end up drained and exhausted.

Has anyone else experienced this?

What helps to get through it?

What helps to avoid it from happening again?

kevlarsjal2

I have felt burned out a few times myself, it was usually when I tried to do too much. Even with self care it can go wrong. When I would go to a meditation meeting, then to see my therapist, then study, then go to the gym, then buy fresh groceries, do some healthy cooking, see my (by then) BF....

I noticed that the more I do in terms of working on myself inwardly (step work, therapy, learning new things) the more I also need to balance it with outward stuff like exercise, walks,... So if I put something on one side, I also have to put something on the other side. Additionally I need relaxation time where I just unwind like taking a bath, watching TV, being lazy. And the more I do of those other things, the more down time I need.

So now my approach to self care is that before I put on more on the exercise pile for example, I think whether I will also have additional time for relaxation (because I will need it) and if I will still have enough time to cook myself a healthy meal, to sleep enough,...

This is how I try to avoid my self care ending up as a hidden stress factor.

The other thing is I take on step at a time. I would suggest to not add a whole lot of new responsibility in one go onto your plate but maybe take smaller steps in between. So don't push yourself too hard, don't try to force things.

And when there are emotionally difficult times, have a look if you can maybe take some more time to just process things or relax. For example, maybe you can skip one week of cleaning the flat or wait until you feel better to do things you don't absolutely have to do now.

Oh and take things slowly, especially in the beginning, don't try to start in the 5th gear

trailmix

Yes, I have. It's not a great place to be.

I have no great words of wisdom but I was just reading your other thread (about sponsees/empathy/burnout) and I was thinking, why is no one saying step back!

Well of course some did and I completely understand your responsibility toward your sponsees, but you absolutely must take care of yourself or what use are you to them or yourself?

I'll just say what I am reading here and that's that you are either headed back to that burnout or you are worried that you are. If i'm wrong, please correct me.

The only way to avoid it is to take care of yourself, as I mentioned. If the stress of having 3 sponsees is too great right now, then so be it, they will have to find new sponsors and they will, perhaps you can even help them with that (if that type of thing is allowed). Doesn't matter what others think, if you need to back off from so much responsibility right now, please do that for yourself.

That is not to say you won't take your new free time and spend some of it reflecting on how you can better prepare your emotional defenses or how the 12 steps guide you in that (I know that is of the utmost importance to you, based on your other posts).

Have some fun too, do some things you enjoy.

Astro

As a matter of fact, I had to take a break from school this semester just to take some deep breaths and rethink/regroup my life a bit. The stress of three jobs, homework, service work, and a major home remodel overwhelmed me, and I should have seen it coming. Rather than burying my head in a textbook or my laptop every free moment I had, I'm taking walks with my dog every night and taking a swim just before bedtime.

Whaddya know, I'm sleeping better and I feel like I can breathe easier! It feels immensely freeing to step back and just view my life from a distance rather than feeling like I need to take on everything at once.

Maudcat

I am suffering caregiver burnout as a result of caring for my elderly mother who has dementia and dealing from time to time with my addict sib, who also has dementia.
I got into a fight with him on Sunday about his junk picking and bringing it home, leaving it everywhere, which is a potential trip hazard for mom.
It totally wrecked my serenity that day, and. I have since learned that neither sib nor mom have any memory of my visit and blow up that day.
That is an eye opener.
From here on, I will do what I have to do for her, but I am done being bothered by him.
If he brings junk home, I will simply take it and dispose of it, no arguments, no drama.
I am done with drama.

Pathwaytofree

Thanks, kevlarsjal. I've experienced this, too. I used to be able to get so much stuff done in a day. I think I need to make more of an effort to check in with how I'm feeling.

That's a really good point. I didn't do this during my step work, and it burnt me out. I was 100% focused on step work, step speaker tapes, the big book, etc. I thought that counted as self-care, but it didn't.

It sounds like you have a really good way of balancing these.

This is really great guidelines to follow. I need to start thinking this way. I get too zoned in on one thing sometimes. I guess it's my OCD.

I physically can't. I hit a wall.

I've started to do this, and it helps a lot.

LOL my old way was to start in 5th gear. ;-) I just started to exercise again and I'm taking it slow. I'm pushing myself at my own pace.

Pathwaytofree

I'm thinking because it's more an Alanon issue of setting boundaries/taking care of one's own needs, vs an AA issue of doing Step 12 because our lives depend upon it. It's tricky. But thank you for validating that I need to step back. I probably at this point should just have one sponsee.

The other night, I was on the phone with one of my sponsees. When I get super tired, my voice actually starts to slur, and I can't talk clearly or project my voice. I seriously wondered if she thought I was drunk. I told her I was drained and exhausted. But it's hard to be human around sponsees and it's difficult to explain the level of burnout I suffered in the past.

You are correct. I was hoping to read other people's experiences. Being fatigued is one thing, burnout has been a whole other experience for me and it's taking so long to recharge. It's frustrating. I was starting to do really well with getting back into exercising even, but then I had a set back. It's hard to remind myself that the setback is just temporary. I don't want to go back to where I was.

Thank you. Perhaps I'm just struggling with giving myself permission to do that. And I have to put myself first for once and not worry so much about them or feel guilty. They'll find someone else to work with, that's what my therapist said.

Thank you. We learn so much in hindsight, no? I think I've done well with setting boundaries and limits but going forward I need to do so even more. My current sponsor is a great example of how to sponsor. She takes everything back to step work.

I have to figure out what that is, lol. Thank you!

Pathwaytofree

Wow that's a lot to do at once!! I'm glad you are taking walks and swims to prevent your burnout from getting really bad.

That's fantastic!

Pathwaytofree

That's a lot to take on.

Taking on other people's drama is so draining. Good for you for being done with it!

I hope while being their caretaker, you remember to take care of yourself, too.

Maudcat

Thanks, I do.
And I have family help.
So glad for that.