Relapse and insomnia
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 34
Relapse and insomnia
I've had PAWS from abusing this drug called strattera by mixing it with caffeine and nicotine and taking a higher dose then I was prescribed. The Post Acute Withdrawal Symptoms were getting better but last weekend I decided to try a little weed. I took two small hits but that's all it took, now my symptoms are back again and I feel like I'm starting at square one two years ago. I could kill my self for doing this but I know it's not right. I'm worried I might lose my jobs that's the worst. I know this will get better like the PAWS did over two years but I don't know if I have the strength to do it again. Heaven, God. Anyone. Help me. I'm broken and at the lowest point I've been at in a while.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,031
The only way my situation improved was by stopping the drink and substances, until I did my anxiety kept me from getting proper rest and the rest of me couldn't heal. Yes, it will get better, and if you can still cry out for help I believe you have the strength to give recovery another try. It was the best decision I had made in almost 29 years.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Thom,
I haven't gotten drunk in over 3 years and my 2 shots didn't cause any noticeable relapse but...
I remember in 2014 I had quit drinking for a couple of weeks and then got wasted.
All my agoraphobia and paranoia came back in spades.
That is my physical/mental state if i drink again.
The brain damage is that far along that any relapse leads to full on square 1.
I mistakenly took it too far and now must suffer the consequences.
Like anything, I knew I was crossing the line years ago, but the repercussions had not manifested enough to scare me straight.
I still crave and that is probably why I am on this site almost every day.
I can't deal w another relapse./recovery. It might fry my brain beyond what is considered functional.
Thanks.
I haven't gotten drunk in over 3 years and my 2 shots didn't cause any noticeable relapse but...
I remember in 2014 I had quit drinking for a couple of weeks and then got wasted.
All my agoraphobia and paranoia came back in spades.
That is my physical/mental state if i drink again.
The brain damage is that far along that any relapse leads to full on square 1.
I mistakenly took it too far and now must suffer the consequences.
Like anything, I knew I was crossing the line years ago, but the repercussions had not manifested enough to scare me straight.
I still crave and that is probably why I am on this site almost every day.
I can't deal w another relapse./recovery. It might fry my brain beyond what is considered functional.
Thanks.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 34
Originally Posted by Astro 
The only way my situation improved was by stopping the drink and substances, until I did my anxiety kept me from getting proper rest and the rest of me couldn't heal. Yes, it will get better, and if you can still cry out for help I believe you have the strength to give recovery another try. It was the best decision I had made in almost 29 years.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
One day at a time, one hour at a time, 5 minutes if it helps. I have done this often. When I relapsed after 4 years clean/sober, it was much like you described. Keep posting and I am keeping you in my prayers! 
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 34
Well i haven't been on here's but it's been four months since my relapse. I've been surfing this other site called uncommon forum that deals with weed withdrawal since my symptoms now are consistent with the things weed smokers have after quitting, namely insomnia, derealization, anxiety. It's like my brain got jerked into another PAWS. This past July I was feeling somewhat normal. Still had a tiny bit of fatigue, only a little bit of insomnia here and there. But it was bearable. Then I tried smoking weed it got all thrown out of whack and I'm still recovering. Truth is I will always have PAWS and i don't think sadly I will ever fully be like I was before drug abuse. I will only have to be thankful for moments where I feel mostly normal, and last July I did most of the time. PAWS is like a virus or disease in you that eventually goes dormant but can be re triggered. I'm slowly recovering and I'm better than I was when I first relapsed. I have a renewed commitment to staying sober so I can get back to living my life with joy.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 34
Thank you Astro. It's been a very rough four months and I thought I would not be able to work, that was the scariest part. But so far I've been working and I haven't been fired for poor performance. Eventually I hope to be back to "normal" but it's going to be a long time, I'll keep updating here and see what happens. Thank you everyone for your support!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 319
Hi Thompson21, are you continuing to feel better? Also, are you familiar with beyondmeds.com? The woman who started that website isn’t active on there anymore, but she left all of the info up to help others. Lots of great information on how to help the body heal after drug withdrawal:
https://beyondmeds.com/gut-health/
https://beyondmeds.com/gut-health/
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