Losing hope

[LaceyDallas]

I'm really at that point right now.

I feel like the problems in my life have no answers. I don't want to die- I really, truly do not. But I don't see a way out sometimes. I genuinely believe if I stay here, in this exact situation, I am going to die. But every time I try to change my situation, I just hit dead ends. I'm not a hopeless person and it's very rare for me to give up, so when I say it's bad- it's really bad. Even when I went to therapy, outpatient treatment and meetings and explained my situation, people all said the same thing: I really don't know what to tel you.

I'm at the point where I'm willing to do anything, because I feel like I'm fighting for my life. And then there are times where I'm so tired of fighting and I just want to give up and just quit everything.

There has to be an answer. God didn't put me on the earth for this to be my life.

[least]

I have no answers either, I can see you feel hopeless. I hope you find some peace of mind.

[kevlarsjal2]

I'm sorry to hear how you are feeling Lacey. I can relate. Sending you lots of strength and hope. Just keep going and try to take care of yourself. There's a reason for us to be here. I believe that too. And it will get better.

[StellaBlu]

I’m sorry you’re feeling down. I hope things will get better for you over time. You sound like a strong and determined person.

[Seren]

Good morning, Lacey,

How are you feeling today? I know when I have found myself feeling utterly hopeless about something, it has helped me break the problem down into very small parts.

What do you think is one thing you can do differently today that will be a small step in a positive direction?

[LaceyDallas]

I'm here. I'm doing an easy day at work today- not going into the office (aka "the source of all my problems").

I'm applying for jobs everyday- that never changes.

I'm contemplating moving out of state right now. Not in a "geographical escape" kind of way but in a "nothing is ever going to transpire if I stay here so I'm going to wind up dead" kind of way. It's extremely early in the decision making process, but if something big doesn't happen soon, it's probably. my best option. Which isn't to say it's a good option.

I sent a message to my sort of friend in this state to try to help me get this job I applied for...he hasn't seen the message yet, and it's driving me nuts. Idk if he can help, or if they will even care if he tries to intervene on my behalf. It's just another thing I'm trying right now. Why not?

[LaceyDallas]

OMG I JUST CHECKED AND HE SAW THE MESSAGE!!!!!!! I feel so much better now. Hopefully he will at least try to help me out here...

[Astro]

When I'm feeling low and my hope is equally down, I've found that the company of others lifts me up and I gain hope from listening to their joy and successes. Lean on others during these times!

[LaceyDallas]

I can't really Depend on the people in my life. They're kind of selfish.

I'm just trying to stay out of the hospital so if someone could talk to me, that would be great.

[Seren]

Hi Lacey! Please stick around and talk to us!!

What's going on?

[Anaya]

LaceyDallas: Would you consider trying other therapies? If you're interested, this is a good read: https://www.nami.org/learn-more/treatment

I think Seren makes a great point, " I know when I have found myself feeling utterly hopeless about something, it has helped me break the problem down into very small parts. "

Personally, it took some time for me to find what worked to shed some anxiety causing patterns and back away from "toxic situations" (and people).
I am more peaceful and resolved to try and stay well now, I keep working on it.

Do you keep a crisis hotline number handy?

Crossing fingers that you feel better each day, find peace, comfort and hope.

[LaceyDallas]

I think I'm just going today. Something is happening that is basically the last straw. I honestly see no reason to keep fighting based on this new information.

I have a therapy appointment at 9 with a new therapist. I dont know what to do.

[Astro]

It's a good step to take Lacey, I hope that it's helpful to you. Please let us know how your appointment goes.

[LaceyDallas]

I slept through the appointments. Thinking about going to the hospital.

[tyler]

Originally Posted by LaceyDallas

I slept through the appointments. Thinking about going to the hospital.

I would encourage you to do that. I have been hospitalized several times and it was always the choice of last resort. It was never something I wanted to do, it was something I needed to do. If you are thinking about it, it is probably something you need to do.

This board does not get a whole lot of traffic, but you can always PM people. Dee74 is a great person to talk to. He is usually online and will reply to you. Of course you can feel free to PM me as well. Sometimes it is just good to have someone to talk to. The hospital is probably the best choice, but if you can't do that at least reach out to someone here. I would recommend reaching out to several people here, as sometimes folks are away from their computer or there are time differences. Hang in there. My therapist always describes it like a wave. If you can just hang on, you WILL make it out the other side.

Dancing banana always cheers me up!!!

[LaceyDallas]

I'm at the hospital, ready to go inside. I hate the hospital but I don't know what else to do. Thanks for caring.

[kevlarsjal2]

I hope they can help you Lacey! Thinking of you!

[LaceyDallas]

I'm home now. They changed a message, which helped a lot with my thinking. I feel more hopeful, even though having to change my whole life is still really scary.

[Dee74]

we're right there with you Lacey

D

[LaceyDallas]

It was supposed to say changed a medication not message, but message works too!