Astro

I think it's great when we take action Lacey, I hope this decision is right for you and I wish you the best with the job prospects.

LaceyDallas

This is turning out to not be so easy.

The letter I submitted wasn't signed, so it doesn't "count." I am thinking of just staying? I'm applying to restaurant jobs left and right and no one is calling me? I'm nervous to leave with NOTHING lined up. I mean- I can do what I have to do to get $ if it comes to that- I would prefer not to. Part of me so desperately just wants to say F it all and move to NJ/NYC but I can't do that until my 401k comes in...and I can't touch it until I leave work and then it takes two months. So I'm stuck. There's also no law saying it's going to be better out there...I'm just guessing at this point. I thought it would be better in this city as opposed to my small town, but it's not seeming that way. I mean, if I go I can always come back...idk. I just have no idea what to do next. I just know that every minute I am there, I am completely miserable.

Astro

So, I have a full time government job but the wages are not enough to pay my bills, last year I discovered that working events (concerts, sports, comedy, etc) was a great way to supplement my income and I've met some fine people too. Maybe you'd consider that type of work? It doesn't pay much but I'm having so much fun that it's not about the money.

We're rooting for you Lacey!

LaceyDallas

That's the thing- the jobs I'm applying for ARE those types of jobs- and those people aren't calling. This is scary. And, yes, I have experience in the restaurant industry- good, solid experience.

Freedom1990

I was in a car accident a few years ago and ended up with traumatic brain injury. I couldn't work so I quit my job. I was so afraid I would never be myself again. I doubled up on therapy and had all kinds of testing done, including a neuropsychological exam.

About a year after the accident, my therapist told me about a job opening at the mental health center, a peer support specialist. She kept encouraging me to apply, and I finally did. I was so nervous and not feeling great about myself at the interview, but I kept my chin up and as the interview went on, I relaxed. I got the job.

I know there is something out there for you and I believe in you! Sending you warm hugs of support from hot and windy Kansas!

LaceyDallas

Thanks. I told my mom about possibly moving in the near future, and she didn't freak out. That's good.

PhoenixJ

I have had major depression since I was 4..so 50 years. You have my compassion and support. Take each minute as it comes, make yourself be around humans- not to talk, just to be...coffee shops are good for this. That is the main reason I still go to meetings. Of course booze just masked the depression for a shule, but it never went away. Hard work- step by agonizing step...all I know to do is listen to the professionals, journal, HALTS, regular checks with my GP...and a lot of ar.
Support to you.

LaceyDallas

I wouldn't be depressed if someone would just give me some sort of opportunity. It's all related. I'm still trying. I am not quitting at work right now. We will see.

LaceyDallas

Same story, different day. I'm once again thinking of just leaving and moving out of state.

LaceyDallas

I really can't take much more. I'm sitting here in tears.

The deadline for one thing at work is Monday. It isn't going to be done by Monday. I think I'm going to resign. I have a second interview tomorrow for a job, but at this point, I'm putting zero eggs in that basket. I have a bartending job lined up, so I will be able to eat if I leave. Nothing great.

I can't take living like this. I can't. I keep telling everyone, and no one is listening. I honestly wish I would go to sleep and not wake up. I'm not actively suicidal. I told my friend and he said "I'm going to go now, you're not making any sense." But it was okay for him to be suicidal because someone (who was a horrible human being) broke up with him? Who do you think took THAT phone call? But when it is me, my feelings are never valid. I feel like I've been telling people for years things were going to get this bad and no one listened, and here we are.

Astro

I'm hoping for the best on your interview, try to be positive, and even the bartending job might be a good change at this point.

I think it's important that we're telling the right people how we're feeling, often friends & family just don't relate or take us seriously. Counselors, doctors, and especially others in recovery, they listened and helped me. Change started with me, always reaching out and trying to steer myself in the best direction possible.

LaceyDallas

I feel okay emotionally today. Just very, very tired from the emotional exhaustion of yesterday. Just ready to be done with this process. I'm not doing ANYTHING at work that can REMOTELY cause an emotional reaction today. The interview is at 3.

Dee74

best wishes LD

D

Astro

Let us know how your interview went, and do something nice for yourself over the weekend.

LaceyDallas

It went really well. I don't want to get my hopes up. My bartending job went well too- started that last night. I like it.

I'm at work today, exhausted, trying to finish this crap up, as usual. MAKE IT STOP.

Astro

I'm glad there are positive aspects happening in your life, they can make the rough patches a little easier to identify and work through, or past.

Free2bme888

((((Lacey))))))

My thoughts are with you that you find peace. You already have strength, I see from your posts that you aren’t giving yourself credit for.

Small positives. What brings comfort? A warm bath? A walk? A good book? A nap?

Sometimes I make a list and try one each day for a week.

Hope you hear more from your friend.

Best,

LaceyDallas

They're calling my references. I'm taking this as a good sign?

I'm getting by. I have to ration my medication right now because the doctor won't call in enough to get me to my appointment on Friday. So, I'm going through all of this without proper medication. I swear, every day it gets worse. It's like some kind of menta triathlon or something.

Today I found out the man I'm in love with is talking to the woman he had a very serious relationship with and nearly married ten years ago. We are nothing- he can tak to whomever he wants. I know he really loves her, and they will probably end up together. Between this and not having my medication, I really, really want to cry.

SoberCAH

We're very happy you're here with us and sharing the depths of your emotions.

For me, prayer, exercise and, sometimes, extra meds, help me a lot.

Please keep us posted - we're all hoping for a good result for you.

LaceyDallas

I've been crying all day. If I don't get this job and he is gone forever, I am going to be in a REALLY dark place.