Astro

I hope the medication change helps Lacey, and I hope you listen to messages too Recovery and good mental health is all about life changes, you're in good company here, never alone.

LaceyDallas

I'm here. I'm trying. Some days are okay and some days I just get through. I've come to realize I have a pretty huge resentment/hurt/anger issue. I basically devoted 13 years of my life to helping this area, in March I moved here, literally giving up EVERYTHING and living in conditions that aren't helping my mental health. All I wanted was the ability to get a part time job to fix the house up reasonably. Well, NO ONE will hire me, and I'm stuck living like a squatter, my other house in an area where I had friends and a nice life is long gone, and everyone here is completely cold and indifferent to me. I feel so stupid. I went to a meeting and no one made any effort to reach out to me. I'm not like them, I didn't grow up here, I'm different- I get it. I just wish I would have realized all of this before I gave up my entire life to come here, thinking I was doing the right thing.

All I want to do is throw my clothes in garbage bags and get out of there, ASAP. It really, truly is unlivable. In the winter, I have to get out, because the furnace is literally hazardous and I can't go through another winter like that and I don't have the money to buy a new one because no one will hire me to even wash dishes.

I'm moving back into a house my father owned when he was alive about an hour away. This involves "downsizing" animals, which is the hardest part. But I can't go on like this. I don't even feel like a human being, living this way.

I'm probably leaving within two weeks and then just selling the house outright for whatever I can get. I will use the money for the debt I have over this fiasco.

This is problem #1 that needs fixed. Problem #2 is my job and that's harder, but once I'm living like a human being again and socializing with people who don't think I'm irredeemable white trash, and possibly working more to pay down my debt, it will be easier to deal with everything else. Right now all I can do is get lost in the negativity of being stuck in this area where I've sacrificed everything and everyone's basically treating me like sh.t

StellaBlu

Hi Lacey, I'm sorry you're going through a tough time. I hope you're feeling better about your situation today.

Even though it's tough we can always make decisions to change our life. I feel like if I can do it, anyone can.
Strength to you.

LaceyDallas

Every single day I feel as bad as I did when I went into the hospital. I think I've reached a point where I really need to leave my job and just be done with it, once and for all.

Freedom1990

My job has been my biggest stressor this year. I love what I do, and the people that I help, but the higher ups have their heads up their butts. Quitting isn't an option for me as I need the income, and there is no other mental health facility in my small town (I'm a certified peer support specialist). I can say that relocating when I first got into recovery was one of the best decisions that I made.

Sending you hugs of support from stormy Kansas!

Astro

Keeping my job was one of the best things I did for myself, it kept me attached to a "normal" so that life wasn't attacking me all the time, and my coworkers were a huge support.

LaceyDallas

No one supports me at work. If anything, it consistently damages my self esteem because I am always made to feel like I can't do anything right.

I can make it for a while with a little bit of income I can get from picking up some restaurant/bar work.

I'm not sure how much longer I can actually stay there without putting myself in a situation where I'm going to wind up getting fired.

StellaBlu

Hi Lacey,
I've been in a very similar work situation as you: I was not supported, treated unfairly, not given the opportunities that my coworkers were given etc.. At times the environment was downright hostile.

I tried to endure at that job, using what felt to be superhuman emotional strength (extremely emotionally draining) of letting hostilities go etc.. This lasted for over four years and ended badly...well, not great at least.

I don't know how much you love that area, but if it were me, I would consider relocating and getting a new job.

Best to you.
Stella

LaceyDallas

I went in there to talk to my boss about my life and problems and such. He pulls in his boss and has me sign a bunch of HR paperwork and oh by the way, here is an improvement plan- if you don't change by 12/31, we are firing you.

I was stunned.

Now I feel like I have no choice but to leave.

Anna

I'm sorry that work is talking about firing you, Lacey. They clearly are focused on the work/job and have no interest in your health.

Do you think leaving the job and the area would be helpful? I hope that you find a way to get through this. Please know that I care how you are doing.

Dee74

I'm really sorry too Lacey. Thats deplorable.

D

LaceyDallas

I'm here but idk how much more I can take. I don't want to leave but I literally feel as bad/worse than I did when I went to the hospital pretty much all day, every day.

I will leave and just stay with family for a few months until my 401k money comes in. Then I will move, if I'm going to do so. My family will not be happy.

Astro

I'm sorry for this added difficulty Lacey, I hope this weeks turns around for the better for you.

StellaBlu

((Lacey)) I'm very sorry that you are going through this. I've been in that situation. You can pm me if need someone to talk to.

LaceyDallas

I have therapy today at 12:00. I am going to talk to him and then decide what to do. Something happened today that made me pretty sure I should just leave. This is completely unbearable at this point, and every day it just gets worse. Every day I get sicker and sicker. I'm not sure how much worse I can get, tbh. I'm not really functioning on any level, either st work or at home. My eating disorder is out of control. I'm pretty sure putting in my notice is the only option at this point.

Astro

I know that feeling, that it's the only option, and the only way to know for sure is to go on your gut instinct and trust that the decision is right. Either way it's a step taken.

LaceyDallas

I just don't see how I can continue on after today.

I have some things in mind that I can do. There is a Certified Recovery Specialist course I can take starting in September. This will help me get a job. I can live at a house my dad owned until things get settled. I can cash in my 401k. I can start serving or bartending again until I can get a "real" job again.

LaceyDallas

I'm doing it today. I'm giving them my notice today. I have therapy at 12:00 then I'm sending the email once I get back.

LaceyDallas

It's a done deal. My last day is the 7th of September. Maybe even the friday before if I can arrange to lose leave for the week.

Dee74

Best wishes on this new chapter Lacey

D