Amberviolets18

I feel like I am trapped inside of this hell of eternal sadness. I have been falling deeper and deeper into depression. I have a psychiatrist and therapist. I feel like there’s no hope anymore. I hate myself. I don’t like people. Every day is real struggle

goodbyeevan

it's ok not to like people sometimes. After driving in terrible traffic for 3 hours, getting flipped off twice, then coming home and reading about my friend's dog dying, I was crying and asking my bf why good dogs have to die and sh***y people get to live.

As for your depression, getting sober will help immensely! You and your doctor's can't really assess your mental condition until you're clean. I hope they know about your problem so they can help to the best of their ability.

Have you tried making an action plan? Maybe join the class of March 2018 thread? Post every day in 24 hour thread, committing to sobriety one day at a time. Have you tried AA meetings? Or reading some of the literature. I swore I'd never go, but here I am, going, listening and enjoying.

I hope you feel better soon. You have a lovely name. I was almost named Amber and violet is what I would name my daughter if I ever have one.

Astro

Agreed, I had much the same experience. Never thought I'd be in recovery and love my life but here I am 13 years later and never been more thrilled to be alive. Every day starts with gratitude, posting here, being of service to others, and being thankful for the grace and mercy extended to me. Depression and sadness took a while to melt away in early recovery, but the gradual progress kept me determined to stay sober.

This life is worth living and holds so much promise for us, I hope you choose the path of recovery.

Seren

Amberviolets

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. Please know that it can and does get better!

apollo986

Amberviolets-

How long have you been sober?

tyler

Hi, I just wanted to welcome you to the boards. You will find many people who are where you are and many more who have made the journey back to a positive life. Personally I am somewhere in between.

The number one, very best thing you can do for yourself right now is to not drink. I know that when you are down it seems like the only thing that can provide you any kind of escape from the pain you are experiencing, but it only drives you deeper. It may provide temporary relief, but afterward you end up in a worse place than you started. Eventually it doesn't provide any relief and then you can really feel desperate, maybe you are there already.

I have been where you are. I have seen doctors and therapists for years and never felt like they were helping. What I found was that they couldn't help me if I didn't help myself. I had to actually do the things that they suggested, and the number one thing was to not drink. I'm not going to lie, I still struggle with this. But I find there is a direct correlation with how I feel and if I drink. This is not to say I feel great if I don't drink, but I end up feeling worse if I do.

Please hang in there. Share how you are feeling and what you are doing. There are lots of people who can share with you what works for them, many who are in a much better place emotionally than I am. I just know that your post sounds so much like a place I have been and I hate to see someone in that place. Hang in there, it does get better!!! Take care.

AngelaKe

Running is a medicine!

NYCDoglvr

Alcohol is a depressant!! In the beginning it makes us high but then turns on us and takes us to the depths. AA saved my life and my shrink has kept me alive by prescribing the right antidepressant.

Freedom1990

Amberviolets, please check in when you can. Sending hugs of support.

PhoenixJ

AV- I have had major depression most of my life. I used booze to self medicate to escape the horrible alone-ness, that pit of hell which I saw no balm of healing. Then I just used booze to seek oblivion...my story is pretty extreme, and I will not bore you with the details..but I saw death, homelessness and abandonment by my family...

THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE!

That is why, yes- you posted?
Because you feel alone and do not know how to change that?
Post here lots- 50 times a day....join threads....just look at each day in the unts of hours.
I use art and journal writing to help me...and my psychologist has taught me how to use CBT to face every day life.
Support to you.