Depression vs drinking, cause vs effect
 

Hi all,

Hope you’re doing well. Recently I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about the chicken and egg circle of depression and drinking.

The drinking seems to be more of a symptom of depression than the cause of it, but it’s so hard to know where in the cycle to step in and break it.

There is no denying that the drinking needs to stop. In its own right it’s destructive for all the obvious reasons, but it’s also a huge road block in terms of dealing with the depression. But equally, in order to deal with the drinking, I think my qualifier needs to get to a place when he can feel emotionally strong enough to cope without the booze. Where to start?

We’ve been fighting against the drink as the main demon but with little success and I feel like we maybe need to focus on the mental health aspect a little more first so he feels like a more capable person who is able to deal with problems head on rather than reaching for the bottle when things get tough.

Any advice on where to start? Rehab worked for the grand total of the 28 days he was there but he fell off the wagon almost immediately upon return to the ‘real world’ and the countless AA meetings he’s been to since have in fact seemed to be a trigger rather than a comfort, causing intense anxiety and stress every time.

The best I can share is that the "start" for me was setting down the bottle and not picking it up again. I spent years in the rooms of recovery and still go to meetings, I spend a lot of time doing service work, and I've reached out for help with my anxiety, depression, and emotions. In my opinion a "program" of recovery is a lot of work and I have to stick with it, if not I fall back into old habits.

Thank you for your comments. What was it for you that finally gave you the strength to put down the bottle?

It was more fear than strength. My life had fallen apart to a point that I never wanted to reach again. Losing the right to be with my children 24/7 was not something I ever thought I'd deal with.

Alcohol is a depressant, and an avoidant. So the idea that someone can learn better coping skills while still drinking is maybe a little misguided. The bottle has to go down and stay down first.

Another concern, however, is that is is you here asking for support and advice instead of him. For any recovery program to be successful, the addict must be the one driving the bus to sobriety and learning new ways of dealing with life on life’s terms. You can’t do it for him.

I would suggest a good addiction therapist. I've been to two and both said you have to put the booze down first before you can move onto the mental health issues as there is no way to tell how it is on it's own while drinking, which just makes issues like depression worse.