Self Injury
To Life!
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Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,293
Self Injury
Self Injury research and Bill of Rights
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Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Colorado
Posts: 664
First you should congratulate yourself for coming here for help, regardless of whether you just self-injured or you feel you're about to. Know that you are not alone and there's millions of others who self-injure to escape their internal pain. Most people self-injure for the endorphin release because it helps calm down the loud and often unbearable noise and negative feelings in their head. But there are other non-self-harming ways to get that release. Here are some:
--Cognitive behavioral therapy studies have shown that if you can re-direct a thought or urge for 15 minutes, it is likely to pass. This involves identifying the negative thought or feeling that makes you want to self-injure; labeling it as a negative, hurtful thought or feeling; challenging the likely irrational thought that makes you want to hurt yourself (ie, I need to cut because I am a bad person and deserve it, or I need to burn myself because I am going to be alone forever) by telling yourself the truth (ie, I am a flawed, but good person who does not deserve to suffer pain at my own hand, or It's unlikely I am going to be alone forever as statistics show 98 percent of people find someone at least once in their lifetime); then re-affirming that truth as reality. A CBT therapist can better help take you through these steps.
-- Go to your freezer and grab a handful of ice or something else frozen. Squeeze it as hard as you can until the urge passes. This gives you a similar endorphin release without the scars.
--Go exercise. This could be on a treadmill, just jogging or walking briskly up and down the stairs or walking around your block. Do it for between 15-30 minutes, 30 minutes to get the full psychological benefits.
--Get a rubber band and put it around your wrist. Snap yourself every time you feel like harming yourself.
--Draw on yourself where you feel like hurting yourself with a marker or pen.
--Do deep breathing. Specifically, breathe in through the nose for 3 seconds, hold your breath for another 3 seconds, and breathe out through the mouth. Repeat. This will calm you down enough until the urge passes. When you become calm enough, try meditating. You can find several exercises here: http://www.meditationworkshop.org/meditation_exercises
--Allow yourself to cry if need be.
--Write or say a word over and over that best describes how they feel.
--Force yourself to do something you enjoy or that makes you happy. It could be doing something that makes you laugh and smile or upbeat music you enjoy. Do something comforting that nurtures yourself, even though the urges in your head will want you to do the opposite.
--If you're a cutter, use your tool for cutting and cut something else, say a block of wood. Often cutting is a way to release pent up aggression, in which case you could also punch a punching bag. If you're a burner, burn something expendable that holds no value to you or anyone else. Do this somewhere where water or dirt is near to put out the flame.
--Masturbate or have sex. You may not feel like it when you want to self-harm but this is a great way to get an even better endorphin rush.
--Eat something you enjoy. It's not necessarily healthy to replace self-harming with eating possibly bad foods, but it's not as bad as hurting yourself.
--You may cut, burn or otherwise self-injure because you're depressed and hate yourself and want to punish yourself. Think about what a friend or even stranger would say about your choice to punish yourself. They'd forgive you. Your family and friends don't want you to hurt yourself life that, think how that'd affect them. Be willing to forgive yourself at least just this once.
--A lot of self-injuring happens when a person is hungover, drunk or high on drugs. Get yourself into AA, NA, MA, LifeRing, SMARTRecovery or a similar recovery program if that's a problem for you. If you have a diagnosed mental illness as well as addiction you should look into Dual Diagnosis meetings in your area as this will address the illness and the addiction together. You may also need an antidepressant to adjust your chemicals which can help greatly.
--Call a friend or talk to a family member. Sometimes talking to a stranger may be best because of your fear (real or irrational) of how friends and family will react, so feel free to call 1-800-SUICIDE or write to The Samaritans at [email protected]. I know it's usually for suicidal people, but they can help with self-harm. Also do a Google search for other crisis lines in your area.
--Find yourself a good therapist, preferably one who uses cognitive behavioral therapy. If you're also an alcoholic or have a drinking problem, find someone who does dual diagnostic treatment.
--Before you self-injure, realize how it might affect your romantic relationships, that you won't be able to wear shorts or feel comfortable going swimming.
--Find out why you're self-injuring and try to deal with that problem, preferably with a therapist with whom you're comfortable.
--Mainly find activities that replace self-injuring that are equally enjoyable.
Regardless of whether or not your hurting yourself becomes worse, you really do need to see a therapist and be willing to open up to them because the self-injuring is just a symptom of a larger problem. Just realize you're not alone and this is nothing to be ashamed or guilty about and the therapist will not judge you. You may also need to go on some prescription medications, or just an antidepressant to cut down on those urges. I've heard Wellbutrin is effective in cutting down all sorts of urges, but check with a psychiatrist you trust.
Just remember cutting and self-injury is only a temporary fix with permanent scars. It will not solve your problems no matter how many times you cut (I learned that the hard way). Good luck.
Take care,
Clayton
--Cognitive behavioral therapy studies have shown that if you can re-direct a thought or urge for 15 minutes, it is likely to pass. This involves identifying the negative thought or feeling that makes you want to self-injure; labeling it as a negative, hurtful thought or feeling; challenging the likely irrational thought that makes you want to hurt yourself (ie, I need to cut because I am a bad person and deserve it, or I need to burn myself because I am going to be alone forever) by telling yourself the truth (ie, I am a flawed, but good person who does not deserve to suffer pain at my own hand, or It's unlikely I am going to be alone forever as statistics show 98 percent of people find someone at least once in their lifetime); then re-affirming that truth as reality. A CBT therapist can better help take you through these steps.
-- Go to your freezer and grab a handful of ice or something else frozen. Squeeze it as hard as you can until the urge passes. This gives you a similar endorphin release without the scars.
--Go exercise. This could be on a treadmill, just jogging or walking briskly up and down the stairs or walking around your block. Do it for between 15-30 minutes, 30 minutes to get the full psychological benefits.
--Get a rubber band and put it around your wrist. Snap yourself every time you feel like harming yourself.
--Draw on yourself where you feel like hurting yourself with a marker or pen.
--Do deep breathing. Specifically, breathe in through the nose for 3 seconds, hold your breath for another 3 seconds, and breathe out through the mouth. Repeat. This will calm you down enough until the urge passes. When you become calm enough, try meditating. You can find several exercises here: http://www.meditationworkshop.org/meditation_exercises
--Allow yourself to cry if need be.
--Write or say a word over and over that best describes how they feel.
--Force yourself to do something you enjoy or that makes you happy. It could be doing something that makes you laugh and smile or upbeat music you enjoy. Do something comforting that nurtures yourself, even though the urges in your head will want you to do the opposite.
--If you're a cutter, use your tool for cutting and cut something else, say a block of wood. Often cutting is a way to release pent up aggression, in which case you could also punch a punching bag. If you're a burner, burn something expendable that holds no value to you or anyone else. Do this somewhere where water or dirt is near to put out the flame.
--Masturbate or have sex. You may not feel like it when you want to self-harm but this is a great way to get an even better endorphin rush.
--Eat something you enjoy. It's not necessarily healthy to replace self-harming with eating possibly bad foods, but it's not as bad as hurting yourself.
--You may cut, burn or otherwise self-injure because you're depressed and hate yourself and want to punish yourself. Think about what a friend or even stranger would say about your choice to punish yourself. They'd forgive you. Your family and friends don't want you to hurt yourself life that, think how that'd affect them. Be willing to forgive yourself at least just this once.
--A lot of self-injuring happens when a person is hungover, drunk or high on drugs. Get yourself into AA, NA, MA, LifeRing, SMARTRecovery or a similar recovery program if that's a problem for you. If you have a diagnosed mental illness as well as addiction you should look into Dual Diagnosis meetings in your area as this will address the illness and the addiction together. You may also need an antidepressant to adjust your chemicals which can help greatly.
--Call a friend or talk to a family member. Sometimes talking to a stranger may be best because of your fear (real or irrational) of how friends and family will react, so feel free to call 1-800-SUICIDE or write to The Samaritans at [email protected]. I know it's usually for suicidal people, but they can help with self-harm. Also do a Google search for other crisis lines in your area.
--Find yourself a good therapist, preferably one who uses cognitive behavioral therapy. If you're also an alcoholic or have a drinking problem, find someone who does dual diagnostic treatment.
--Before you self-injure, realize how it might affect your romantic relationships, that you won't be able to wear shorts or feel comfortable going swimming.
--Find out why you're self-injuring and try to deal with that problem, preferably with a therapist with whom you're comfortable.
--Mainly find activities that replace self-injuring that are equally enjoyable.
Regardless of whether or not your hurting yourself becomes worse, you really do need to see a therapist and be willing to open up to them because the self-injuring is just a symptom of a larger problem. Just realize you're not alone and this is nothing to be ashamed or guilty about and the therapist will not judge you. You may also need to go on some prescription medications, or just an antidepressant to cut down on those urges. I've heard Wellbutrin is effective in cutting down all sorts of urges, but check with a psychiatrist you trust.
Just remember cutting and self-injury is only a temporary fix with permanent scars. It will not solve your problems no matter how many times you cut (I learned that the hard way). Good luck.
Take care,
Clayton
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: auckland. howick
Posts: 1
yes self harm does give temporary relief, I often have to stop myself cutting by changing the way I deal with all the problems life throws at you plus all the rubbish I carry over past issues. The scars from past injury dont dissaper and it is often difficult relating to others just what is the cause. I basically take each day as it comes ,I get through that day then begin another some times hour by hour.
Adut Child of an Alcoholic
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Durham, NC
Posts: 10
To LadyJoJo- I have previously been diagnosed as bipolar as well and have used cutting before as well, mostly to stop the pain my alcoholic/addicted parent inflicted on me. I also have herpes. I got it from a man I was married to, whom I have since divorced for a wide number of reasons. I am now happily married to a wonderful, loving and supportive man who couldn't care less about the herpes or any other thing which I saw as "flaws" in myself. He is helping me heal emotionally in tremendous ways. Getting herpes was NOT your fault, in fact many if not most people who have HSV2 are not even aware that they have it. You can get it through oral sex or even kissing, just like a cold sore (typically HSV1); in fact, that is all that it is- just cold sores on a different part of your body. That is what my awesome OB-GYN said to me when I went in for diagnosis. She laughed it off as if it were nothing, and while I realize that it sure does not FEEL like nothing, especially when you first find out, things will get MUCH easier for you down the road, and maybe they already have. I myself take Valtrex on a daily basis to suppress outbreaks and prevent transmission of the virus to my husband or spreading to other parts of the body. The virus can shed even if you are not having an outbreak, and you would never know when or if this was occurring. I have had no negative side effects from taking the Valtrex, and it even helped my regular headaches.
When I divorced the man who gave me herpes, I had to face the daunting prospect of trying to date with an incurable STD. To my great and inexpressible relief, most of the men I dated when confronted with the situation reacted positively. Some of them sought out research to find out more about the disease and relative risks before agreeing to be sexually active with me, but after doing so, they all felt like it was really no big deal, and it really isn't. In fact, at LEAST one in FOUR people have HSV2; some researchers and clinicians, including my doctor, believe it is actually much higher than that due to the fact that most people don't know they have it. My then-husband had no idea. He had a habit of shaving himself "down there," which resulted in red bumps which he believed to be razor burn; I now know that some of it was probably herpes sores. The ONLY true way to know if someone is not infected is to take a specific HSV2 blood antibody test. Interestingly, doctors do not administer herpes tests even if you go in as a patient and request to be tested for ALL STDs because the medical community sees all types of Herpes viruses as being SO common as to not be worth testing for! If anyone is in a similar situation and needs someone to talk to who has been through this particular ringer, feel free to contact me. Anyone who reacts negatively to the fact that you have HSV2 or buys in to the social stigma is just ignorant of the facts and is NOT someone you want to have in your life anyway. Just think of it as an instant weeding-out tool. Take care and be well.
When I divorced the man who gave me herpes, I had to face the daunting prospect of trying to date with an incurable STD. To my great and inexpressible relief, most of the men I dated when confronted with the situation reacted positively. Some of them sought out research to find out more about the disease and relative risks before agreeing to be sexually active with me, but after doing so, they all felt like it was really no big deal, and it really isn't. In fact, at LEAST one in FOUR people have HSV2; some researchers and clinicians, including my doctor, believe it is actually much higher than that due to the fact that most people don't know they have it. My then-husband had no idea. He had a habit of shaving himself "down there," which resulted in red bumps which he believed to be razor burn; I now know that some of it was probably herpes sores. The ONLY true way to know if someone is not infected is to take a specific HSV2 blood antibody test. Interestingly, doctors do not administer herpes tests even if you go in as a patient and request to be tested for ALL STDs because the medical community sees all types of Herpes viruses as being SO common as to not be worth testing for! If anyone is in a similar situation and needs someone to talk to who has been through this particular ringer, feel free to contact me. Anyone who reacts negatively to the fact that you have HSV2 or buys in to the social stigma is just ignorant of the facts and is NOT someone you want to have in your life anyway. Just think of it as an instant weeding-out tool. Take care and be well.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Colorado
Posts: 664
Originally Posted by pinkgurl87 
Sigh I just cut and burned myself with my cig because I was upset about an exam, sigh. I'm such a failure.
Also, sometimes it helps for me to just be aware of my feelings when I feel bad and write them down or do something else creative.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,433
I'm sorry about your exam PinkGurl but one exam doesn't make you a failure 
I was never much good at exams - I always got really nervous - the results never reflected my abilities.
I switched to assignment based classes as much as I could. Is that an option for you?
Hope you feel better soon
D
I was never much good at exams - I always got really nervous - the results never reflected my abilities.
I switched to assignment based classes as much as I could. Is that an option for you?
Hope you feel better soon
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Colorado
Posts: 664
pink, it took me six years to graduate college, having dropped out two semesters, getting incompletes, incompletes turning into Fs, getting Cs and Ds on exams and I graduated with a 2.88 GPA. Still, I managed to get a reporting job at The Denver Post where I still work today and am now considering getting my master's in journalism. In social work, I know things are a bit different, but people in general are a lot more impressed by the effort you put out in class and through internships than what you scored on an exam.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: cincinnati
Posts: 6
I know how it feels i dont cut deep but i have tried suicide so many times i just want my pain to go away i have an amazing boyfriend but i cant see the good everyone is hard on us because we are ten years apart i just dont know what to do i feel like throwing up or cutting
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Mountain Home Idaho
Posts: 5
Will it ever just go away
Does cutting ever leave your mind? I've been doing it on and off for almost ten years now. There are long periods of time when it never really crosses my mind. Then something will happen, in this case my bf is deployed for 8 months, then it all comes crashing back down. I dont really have any close friends since I moved to a different state two years ago. I just dont connect with people anymore. Those that know me love me for being me but it takes a long time for people to get to that point. Im a lot to handle. I am me. Im crazy and I love every minute of it but at the same time it hurts that not a lot of people know me. I just dont really see the point in fighting this battle on top of all the other battles I have going on. I dont want to die, never have, and I dont cut that deep. Im careful to clean the wounds with rubbing alcohol and the blade. When I see the marks I feel, this feeling, im not sure what it is. A mixture of calm and fear I guess. I cant help but look at them. And then when their all healed and faded I want to do it again. I find that talking on soberrecovery helps but then again not a lot of people understand self harm and its often met with advice such as "well stop cutting" and anger. People dont get why we cut yet they can understand shooting up drugs or drinking. Its a double standard. I dont know. Part of me knows I should get help but the other part cant help but wonder why its so bad. Im alone and will be until september. Whats so bad about just letting myself cut and feel until then? I hate myself for having this problem. It feels so juvenile. I thought I would outgrow it when I reached adult hood but it hasnt. Help?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Colorado
Posts: 664
Originally Posted by SilentlyCrying
Does cutting ever leave your mind? I've been doing it on and off for almost ten years now. There are long periods of time when it never really crosses my mind. Then something will happen, in this case my bf is deployed for 8 months, then it all comes crashing back down. I dont really have any close friends since I moved to a different state two years ago. I just dont connect with people anymore. Those that know me love me for being me but it takes a long time for people to get to that point. Im a lot to handle. I am me. Im crazy and I love every minute of it but at the same time it hurts that not a lot of people know me. I just dont really see the point in fighting this battle on top of all the other battles I have going on. I dont want to die, never have, and I dont cut that deep. Im careful to clean the wounds with rubbing alcohol and the blade. When I see the marks I feel, this feeling, im not sure what it is. A mixture of calm and fear I guess. I cant help but look at them. And then when their all healed and faded I want to do it again. I find that talking on soberrecovery helps but then again not a lot of people understand self harm and its often met with advice such as "well stop cutting" and anger. People dont get why we cut yet they can understand shooting up drugs or drinking. Its a double standard. I dont know. Part of me knows I should get help but the other part cant help but wonder why its so bad. Im alone and will be until september. Whats so bad about just letting myself cut and feel until then? I hate myself for having this problem. It feels so juvenile. I thought I would outgrow it when I reached adult hood but it hasnt. Help?
I'm sorry for what you're going through, but I can relate. I started cutting when I was about 22, going through a deep depression, fueled by my addiction to alcohol and smoking pot. Self-injury can hit anyone at any time in their lives anywhere when the conditions are ripe. For me, what would happen is I would get high/drunk and then it'd wear off and in that agitated state the self-hatred thoughts would arise. My mind would find something to latch onto I did wrong recently, maybe I skipped a class, didn't do something I said I would, or even just for drinking and getting high when I wasn't supposed to. So I would cut as self-punishment, a way of releasing that self-hatred. Of course, that released endorphins in my body which temporarily took away the pain in my mind and heart and focused it elsewhere as a way of release and relief. That's where the addiction of self-injury comes in that people don't understand. We keep doing it because of the endorphin release from the pain, just like addicts keep using for the similar good-feeling chemicals rushing to their brain. It's just hard for people to understand why someone would physically, intentionally hurt themselves like that to cope with other pain, but the alcoholic who poisons their liver to the point of illness isn't much different.
Just as telling an alcoholic to "just stop drinking" is not helpful, it's not helpful to tell a self-injurer to "just stop cutting." I stopped cutting shortly before I got clean and sober after I hit rock bottom. I got drunk, angry and punched my dog. To punish myself I burned myself and cut myself three times on my arm. Some say it's a coping mechanism that's OK because it keeps people from killing themselves, but I think it can bring people closer to that as their pain tolerance grows, the thought of a painful suicide is not so bad. I stopped cutting myself three years ago, but am still dealing with the repercussions of it. Every time I cut myself in anger, I essentially placed self-hatred into myself, specifically into my heart. Now through reiki and my spiritual path, I am beginning to really feel and understand all the self-hatred I stored in my heart. Unlike you, I cut deep enough that I left scars that will probably never go away. And I don't want them to go away. I want them to be reminders of where I once was and how I don't want to go back there.
Cutting is an addiction, and like most addictions, if unchecked, progressively get worse and lead to darker places. The part that wants you to cut is not you, it is an illusion. It is your shadow, or dark side. It wants nothing else but for you to completely self-destruct and not just die, but not exist. When you cut yourself, you are hurting the light part of you, your inner child and she carries your pain and self-hatred, especially when you cut. Do not listen to the thoughts that encourage you to hurt yourself in any way, no matter how convincing they sound. The shadow is incredibly manipulative and will do anything to get you to sabotage yourself. Most of addiction is putting this part of yourself in check and in its place. It will always be a part of you, but it's place is in the backseat not in the front seat steering because it will drive you off a cliff if it gets the chance and that creates all kind of misery for the people who care about you.
I would recommend you do the opposite of your self-injury impulse from now on. If you have the thought that now is a great time to hurt yourself, take a nice bath with epsom salts and essential oils. Go for a walk. Make yourself something you like to eat. Watch something to make you laugh. Or even better, find a way to volunteer and help others. You cannot eliminate the hatred you have for yourself by doing acts out of self-hatred. Only love can make hate go away. I would also suggest you try some of the non-hurtful ways to get endorphin releases as suggested at the sticky note at the top of this topic. If all else fails, just release that your boyfriend is overseas fighting, probably taking enough pain for both of you. He doesn't want you to do this to yourself and might feel very hurt you are doing this because he's gone. Fight the impulse to isolate and stay hurt and know those dark feelings of anger, sadness and fear can never hurt you unless you let them.
And just last week, I was going through a really dark period of depression and the self-harm thoughts came up, so, to some extent they are always there in the back of your mind, waiting until you feel weak. The difference between now and three years ago is that I've said no to those thoughts so many times, I've built up a muscle that can strong arm against those thoughts and tell it to go away quickly and easily. The more you say no to them, the stronger you get and the less chance there is for you to give into the self-destructive thoughts.
Stay strong. You're stronger than you will ever know.
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