Heavy Drinking & Sertraline & Health Anxiety = A right mess !!!
 

Hi Everyone,
Just wanted to write a note and vent .... so sorry for the big long winded story, just need to get this all out.
I've been a red wine drinker now for pretty much 20 years (apart from a wee break when I was pregnant with my 2 children).....usually managed to keep it to a bottle of wine a night .... sometimes it escalated into 2 (if it was the weekend) .... with a few ciders thrown in there...
This all started when my dad died 22 years ago and them my mum died 5 years later (I'm 45).
(wish I'd known then what I know now) .... I became very very cancerphobic and terrified that I was going to die .... I'm a massive hypochondriac and have had more tests than you can shake a stick at over the past 20 years.
The only relief I got, was to self sooth with my old friend the red wine.....was the only few hours of peace my head would get away from the constant terror of dying....this anxiety has been with me for the past 20 years of my life....
It's no way to live.
A few years ago, my Dr prescribed me Sertraline ..... ace !! Side effects were hell (made the anxiety even worse....didn't realise it could get worse, I cut back on the wine a wee bit while I was taking the meds for the 1st coupe of months) .... but after a couple of months - the anxiety was almost gone, felt great ..... back to normal drinking habits & taking sertraline .... (very very very bad combination) .....
Got myself in a very vicious circle.....anxiety would be under control - but bottle or 2 of red everynight would soon undo any good that the meds were doing ..... basically meds were doing nothing .... apart from putting a hellish strain on my internal organs, having to deal with all this stuff I was putting into myself.
I've been beating myself up very badly about all this and decided that I really had to do something about this ..... the anxiety was being fuelled by the wine and the sertraline was doing nothing at all......
So, 31st Dec was my last wine .... today is day 5 of being sober (yah ... ) but also day 5 of Sertraline trying to get back into my system ....
Lots of lower abdominal pain (of course with hypochondria, it's tumors of some sort ..... not just inflammation :headbange), and has already been checked by the dr .... (Ultrasound scan / bloods etc...all normal).
So, here I am, in a right mess .....

Why oh why do I keep doing this to myself ..... :a043:

So sorry for venting.....thanks for reading.......:tyou:tyou

Hi Shenz. Your brain chemicals are trying to work out what the hell is going on. Add emotions, thinking and feelings with that and hey presto! Instant all round crap. I personally would tell all this to a doctor. For me it took some tweaking- but an antidepressant helped. Of course meds do not have a chance to do what they are meant to if mixed with booze. It also takes a while to work. Also Igo to AA, SMART and a therapist to work out the thinking/feeling stuff. I have proven (without booze) to have a bit of courage and strength- but I could not possibly do it alone. Thoughts and prayers to you. PJ.

Hey Shenzy, good on ya for day 5. It sounds like you are fighting the good fight.

I hope you can find a support group of some kind. If not, post here every hour on the hour if need be . . . or more.

Nothing is going to get better until you stop dumping the poison into your system! Keep moving forward with sobriety, and possibly a therapist as well.

Congrats on your clean time. :c011:

When I got clean, I was diagnosed with a few chronic conditions (some incurable). My sister died from cancer when I was 14 (she was only 22). Several of my friends had died from overdoses and and suicide due to addiction, and my mom landed unresponsive in icu due to a stroke. I didn't think putting down the drugs or alcohol would help, because death and illness was all I saw.

One day I sat in an NA meeting and the topic was "resent, anger, and fear". I felt such a relief. I felt less alien and alone. They hit so many of the issues you and I been through Shenzy. It won't happen over night, but things get better. I had to practice staying out of my head and not playing doctor.

I don't get too deep with my therapist or sponsor most of the time (I focus on steps and behaviors), but they allow me to share honestly with out judgement. I listen for information, and take baby steps to improve. I believe venting is helpful at times, so know it's okay in the beginning. I no longer have panic attacks, mood swings, or go to bed thinking I won't wake up. Falling asleep was scary in the very beginning of sobriety; but all my doctors are telling me I'm doing great. It was well worth not picking up a moment at a time.

I pray that if I do fall in I can keep my peace and serenity. Sometimes when sleeping and eating are off I still bump my head with these issues but things are much better.