Drinking fed my Depression and Vis Versa
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Drinking fed my Depression and Vis Versa
Ive been suffering from depression for about 10 years Id say.
It definitely started before I began drinking and Im not sure why. I did go to a therapist when I was younger, something that TO THIS DAY, I value for changing my life. I had a really bad relationship with my mother, and it wasnt because she wasnt a great mom (cause she was) but as a kid I just didnt understand that everything she had been saying to me (that seemed to be an attack) was out of love and not hatred.
Thats another story in itself, but that was the earliest that I remember feeling unsure about my life and hating myself to the point of being bed ridden for days, hysterically crying, just trying to keep me head up and to stop feeling this pain inside me that seemed to not go away.
So it started getting worse---more frequent, longer episodes. I would drink heavily and of course the next day I felt like crap. Having to apologize to friends and family for actions I didnt quite remember was terrifying and embarrassing and ripped me apart. So by the time I was in my mid 20s, this was the cycle of events. Drink alot, hurt alot, cry alot and then wait for everything to dwindle down till I felt as "normal" as I could.
Ive began to notice though that its been happening ALOT more recently (Id say in the past 2 years--at least once a month) and I know for sure this is because my body is reaching its limit. It cant handle the amount of alcohol I feed myself on a daily/weekly basis and its fighting me.
Even right now writing this...I just feel numb. I dont feel anything. Im not happy or sad or angry, I cant even pull an emotion out.
What I was getting to basically (and I hope I wasnt rambling) is...
Once you've decided to give up drinking, was there any evidence of your depression really shifting? I know it wont go away all together and Im accepting that. But Im for sure curious to see the reactions you guys have had.
It definitely started before I began drinking and Im not sure why. I did go to a therapist when I was younger, something that TO THIS DAY, I value for changing my life. I had a really bad relationship with my mother, and it wasnt because she wasnt a great mom (cause she was) but as a kid I just didnt understand that everything she had been saying to me (that seemed to be an attack) was out of love and not hatred.
Thats another story in itself, but that was the earliest that I remember feeling unsure about my life and hating myself to the point of being bed ridden for days, hysterically crying, just trying to keep me head up and to stop feeling this pain inside me that seemed to not go away.
So it started getting worse---more frequent, longer episodes. I would drink heavily and of course the next day I felt like crap. Having to apologize to friends and family for actions I didnt quite remember was terrifying and embarrassing and ripped me apart. So by the time I was in my mid 20s, this was the cycle of events. Drink alot, hurt alot, cry alot and then wait for everything to dwindle down till I felt as "normal" as I could.
Ive began to notice though that its been happening ALOT more recently (Id say in the past 2 years--at least once a month) and I know for sure this is because my body is reaching its limit. It cant handle the amount of alcohol I feed myself on a daily/weekly basis and its fighting me.
Even right now writing this...I just feel numb. I dont feel anything. Im not happy or sad or angry, I cant even pull an emotion out.
What I was getting to basically (and I hope I wasnt rambling) is...
Once you've decided to give up drinking, was there any evidence of your depression really shifting? I know it wont go away all together and Im accepting that. But Im for sure curious to see the reactions you guys have had.
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Originally Posted by Kirky;
Once you've decided to give up drinking, was there any evidence of your depression really shifting? I know it wont go away all together and Im accepting that.
10+ years of sobriety and I still thrive on AA, church, and loads of fresh air and sunshine. I know when I'm slipping, usually my wife points out my angry, depressed behavior first.
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Hi Kirky
Yes the depression does lessen over time. In the early days of sobriety it is very common to be all over the road map emotionally. It is also very common to feel no emotion at all. Alcohol is a central nervous system depressant, and also makes changes to the functioning of the reward centers of the brain (dopamine receptors) making it hard for addicts to feel pleasure without the regular dose of alcohol. Have you ever looked at PAWS? Check it out if you haven't.
Getting your blood work done is a good idea and checking for vitamin deficiencies that can be corrected pretty easily. Eat really healthy, limit sugar intake if you can, try to do things that increase happy hormone release like exercise. You will start to even out in time but it could take a while. You're in early days, I believe day 3 or so? Very normal to be really down and feeling shame. Maybe in a week or so you should see your therapist? If you can stay completely abstinent then maybe anti depressants can help you. If you drink in combination with those meds however it interrupts how they interact with the brain and limits their effectiveness. Hang in there.
Yes the depression does lessen over time. In the early days of sobriety it is very common to be all over the road map emotionally. It is also very common to feel no emotion at all. Alcohol is a central nervous system depressant, and also makes changes to the functioning of the reward centers of the brain (dopamine receptors) making it hard for addicts to feel pleasure without the regular dose of alcohol. Have you ever looked at PAWS? Check it out if you haven't.
Getting your blood work done is a good idea and checking for vitamin deficiencies that can be corrected pretty easily. Eat really healthy, limit sugar intake if you can, try to do things that increase happy hormone release like exercise. You will start to even out in time but it could take a while. You're in early days, I believe day 3 or so? Very normal to be really down and feeling shame. Maybe in a week or so you should see your therapist? If you can stay completely abstinent then maybe anti depressants can help you. If you drink in combination with those meds however it interrupts how they interact with the brain and limits their effectiveness. Hang in there.
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My depression didn't go away. What did happen is I began working on myself on my happiness. The negativity was still there and is still there but as I added positive emotions, experiences, accomplishments while I was sober that negativity seemed to get smaller and smaller in perspective. I still do have bouts of major depression but I have learned some really good tools to not dwell in that state. I learned to be forward thinking. Thinking about the past was like an anchor but I felt relief in knowing that I have control over right now and that often is enough to curb my depression. That combined with exercise and getting outdoors has helped me to pull out of that depressed state.
I spoke to a Dr about my developing depression
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I guess I never thought about going back to a therapist.
I mean it makes sense, it was so helpful to me in my youth, why wouldnt it be helpful now?
I hate to sound like a dumb ass "kid" but how do I go about finding myself a therapist. My mother was clearly the one who set it up when I was a kid, but now that Im an adult (and I really dont want to go to my parents about it--though it may be best since they are both in the medical fields) how do I find someone that is right for me?
I mean it makes sense, it was so helpful to me in my youth, why wouldnt it be helpful now?
I hate to sound like a dumb ass "kid" but how do I go about finding myself a therapist. My mother was clearly the one who set it up when I was a kid, but now that Im an adult (and I really dont want to go to my parents about it--though it may be best since they are both in the medical fields) how do I find someone that is right for me?
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Originally Posted by Kirky 
I guess I never thought about going back to a therapist.
I mean it makes sense, it was so helpful to me in my youth, why wouldnt it be helpful now?
I hate to sound like a dumb ass "kid" but how do I go about finding myself a therapist. My mother was clearly the one who set it up when I was a kid, but now that Im an adult (and I really dont want to go to my parents about it--though it may be best since they are both in the medical fields) how do I find someone that is right for me?
I mean it makes sense, it was so helpful to me in my youth, why wouldnt it be helpful now?
I hate to sound like a dumb ass "kid" but how do I go about finding myself a therapist. My mother was clearly the one who set it up when I was a kid, but now that Im an adult (and I really dont want to go to my parents about it--though it may be best since they are both in the medical fields) how do I find someone that is right for me?
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When I was much younger and in a lot of turmoil, I tried several different therapists until I found one who clicked. As an adult I needed someone who had a similar style/approach to how I viewed life.
There are a lot of great self-help books, too - don't rule out self-help in the form of forums, books, AA, church, whatever it takes.
My depression was caused by alcohol and some twisted thinking I had developed by being alone too much and by having friendships that were less than good for me. Just removing alcohol and adding healthy people has helped tremendously.
It's tough in early days, though. Give yourself a couple months to level out a little. I kept telling myself everything would work out, and it has. ((hug))
There are a lot of great self-help books, too - don't rule out self-help in the form of forums, books, AA, church, whatever it takes.
My depression was caused by alcohol and some twisted thinking I had developed by being alone too much and by having friendships that were less than good for me. Just removing alcohol and adding healthy people has helped tremendously.
It's tough in early days, though. Give yourself a couple months to level out a little. I kept telling myself everything would work out, and it has. ((hug))
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Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: U.S.
Posts: 71
Originally Posted by biminiblue
When I was much younger and in a lot of turmoil, I tried several different therapists until I found one who clicked. As an adult I needed someone who had a similar style/approach to how I viewed life.
There are a lot of great self-help books, too - don't rule out self-help in the form of forums, books, AA, church, whatever it takes.
My depression was caused by alcohol and some twisted thinking I had developed by being alone too much and by having friendships that were less than good for me. Just removing alcohol and adding healthy people has helped tremendously.
It's tough in early days, though. Give yourself a couple months to level out a little. I kept telling myself everything would work out, and it has. ((hug))
There are a lot of great self-help books, too - don't rule out self-help in the form of forums, books, AA, church, whatever it takes.
My depression was caused by alcohol and some twisted thinking I had developed by being alone too much and by having friendships that were less than good for me. Just removing alcohol and adding healthy people has helped tremendously.
It's tough in early days, though. Give yourself a couple months to level out a little. I kept telling myself everything would work out, and it has. ((hug))
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Florida
Posts: 47
Of course drinking does affect depression and anxiety.
Alcoholism is a fear based affliction and we drink
to alleviate self-centered delusional fear/anxiety
and its just compounded by alcohol and a vicious cycle.
Depression and anxiety can be related.
Bill W. himself struggled with some depression in sobriety.
I once had a sponsor who used to say that depression was from self pity.
I used to think that (for me) depression was an anxiety hangover.
Either way, without the drugs and alcohol we are free
to focus on deeper issues and things will get better
if we are sincere about recovery
and seek outside help if we need it.
"Don't leave before the miracle happens."
Alcoholism is a fear based affliction and we drink
to alleviate self-centered delusional fear/anxiety
and its just compounded by alcohol and a vicious cycle.
Depression and anxiety can be related.
Bill W. himself struggled with some depression in sobriety.
I once had a sponsor who used to say that depression was from self pity.
I used to think that (for me) depression was an anxiety hangover.
Either way, without the drugs and alcohol we are free
to focus on deeper issues and things will get better
if we are sincere about recovery
and seek outside help if we need it.
"Don't leave before the miracle happens."
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: U.S.
Posts: 71
Originally Posted by BlueWisteria
Of course drinking does affect depression and anxiety.
Alcoholism is a fear based affliction and we drink
to alleviate self-centered delusional fear/anxiety
and its just compounded by alcohol and a vicious cycle.
Depression and anxiety can be related.
Bill W. himself struggled with some depression in sobriety.
I once had a sponsor who used to say that depression was from self pity.
I used to think that (for me) depression was an anxiety hangover.
Either way, without the drugs and alcohol we are free
to focus on deeper issues and things will get better
if we are sincere about recovery
and seek outside help if we need it.
"Don't leave before the miracle happens."
Alcoholism is a fear based affliction and we drink
to alleviate self-centered delusional fear/anxiety
and its just compounded by alcohol and a vicious cycle.
Depression and anxiety can be related.
Bill W. himself struggled with some depression in sobriety.
I once had a sponsor who used to say that depression was from self pity.
I used to think that (for me) depression was an anxiety hangover.
Either way, without the drugs and alcohol we are free
to focus on deeper issues and things will get better
if we are sincere about recovery
and seek outside help if we need it.
"Don't leave before the miracle happens."
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 1
Go to nami.com that's what I did. Find a phone number and theyl get you all setup. AMAZING organization. Literally saved my life. I still run to them sometimes. The whole point of the organization is to help out people w mental illness.
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