Drunken cutting and work *possible SH trigger*
 

So 6 days ago I had a few drinks at home with my housemates, all was going well until the switch clicked.

For me, I don't know when or why it happens but it often does when drinking. It's like I switch to another person, apparently I sound slightly different and I don't act like myself at all. I always end up taking an overdose when I get like this.

This time I cut myself on my wrist and really badly on my leg. I ended up in hospital and had to be stitched up etc. I called in sick to work for the week and am due back on Tuesday (now Sunday). My boss text me the next day to check what happened. I have decided be honest, I honestly feel a change in me where I actually want to be sober and not hurt myself anymore. So I need to be honest with people. I told her I had a breakdown but didn't mention the cuts as she'll soon see those on Tuesday when I have my return to work meeting. She never messaged me back after I opened up though. A colleague told me that she was only fussed about staffing levels hence why she messaged.

My inner dilemma now is what to tell her. I can't tell her that any of it is drink related as I would lose my job, but I will be honest about what I did and how I've struggled with depression for 18 years. I just feel so nervous about telling her as I don't open up to people I don't know well face to face.

Now I've written this down it already doesn't sound so hard, but I really could do with some support. I'm going to start a blog, as this whole diary like writing is feeling very therapeutic already!

Hope you're all well. Day 5 sober :danse1b:

Good for you for going back to work and being willing to get help and stop drinking.

Is there an HR department where you work? When I had a breakdown I told them what had happened and they passed on selected information to my boss but nothing specific about my mental health history or anything. If you have to deal with your boss directly then I'd say that you had a breakdown (like you already told her) and that you're getting help, have support and are keen to get back into a routine.

My last boss was really good and let me do flexible hours for therapy etc.

That's a really good way to put it. In a way, I don't feel ready to go back yet, but I think having lengthy time off will just make it harder to go back. As you say getting back into routine, it's healthy and will take my mind off drink I suppose. It's good your boss was supportive! X

Also, I do have to deal with her directly sadly. X

It will make it harder to go back if you stay away for longer and if you feel relatively ready, then you can always try and see how you feel.

Just don't be pushed into feeling like you have to make an excuse for what happened. These things happen, employees need time off for whatever reason and I'm sure she will understand.