Broken
 

I am sitting here wondering if I can even type...looks like I can. It's been quite some time since I have been able to manage this at all without a full-blown panic attack.

I am sober. Many, many things about that are wonderful.

However ~ like so many of us, I did so much damage to myself and my life over the years I drank. I feel buried under a sea of ever-growing problems that I honestly don't know how to solve. Uh-oh...I lasted a whole 2 minutes before the tears blinded me.

OK...so ignore upcoming typos. ;)

Over the past few weeks, I got hit with some very painful stuff. Usually, I can get it together after a few days, bounce back, see the positive and move on. Not this time.

I can't.

I am trying so hard....

I cannot take anti-depressants. I have seriously allergic reactions to many drugs. I can't take St John's Wort. I can't afford a yoga class, and even if I could, well, I'm not up for being in a room with strangers like that. It's way too confronting right now.

As I write this, I can hear chicory in my head telling me I can do it online. And I guess I could look up calming meditations or something...

I don't know. I know that it takes every ounce of courage I have to leave the flat right now. I'm getting my part-time job done...just. Every outing takes meticulous planning; and the relief at finishing and getting back here is huge.

This is not me. I need to find me again.

There are so many people here I love; no matter how many tears are pouring down my face right now, I can no longer let my embarrassment keep me away.

I need help. I need my friends.

I've missed everyone.

Love Venus xx

You have taken a big step tonight back towards being you.
(Chic found the yoga vids on youtube).
Glad you get out every day for work. The exercise is vital.
I've been taking SAM-e for years, 4-800mg.
But there are many new ssri's on the market too...have you been to your doctor, just for the peace o f mind?
Ive missed you!

((((Sweet venuscat))))). It hurts to think of you in pain.

I am happy that you came here, to your SR friends, for help. Calming meditations do sound like a good idea and I bet you will find some on-line guides. I bet, also, that people will be along to recommend some.

More hugs, venuscat.

(((((Venus)))) Darling we've missed you! OK, we ve got to start at the beginning. is there a small, baby step you can take to work on repairing the situation? As far as the panic attacks go, I don't do well with most pharmaceuticals. lately, I'm even breaking out in bumps, blisters and such from the metal in my clothes! I don't know if stress makes it worse or if the chemical make up of my body is changing with my lack of hormones.

Anyway, for the panic attacks, can you ask your doctor about atenolol? It's a very old blood pressure medicine. It's used "off label" here for panic attacks. It's not addictive. it doesn't alter the mood. it just keeps the heart from racing and triggering those full blown panic attacks. It gave me the space to deal with my problems, to be able to see them and find the answers. the brand name here is Tenormin.

So please, ask your doctor. And we will always be here for you.

much much love and peace dearest Venus!

from Lenina

((((Venuscat)))), everybody here loves you!

Make SoberRecovery your source of calming and meditation. Take advantage of all the wisdom that is posted here on a daily basis. And I know you're a fan of the Twelve-Step approach of WA (Whiners Anonymous), take advantage of it!

I am prescribed atenolol for my blood pressure, low dosage 25 mg 2x a day.

I've missed you too Fandy love ~ so much. And Lee Lee. (((SoberLeigh))) OK...I shall talk to my doc about that med. And I will look into SAMe Fands.

Coldy ~ I haven't been able to read. At all. And I was paralysed with pain. It's hard to be here in this state. I am very vulnerable. I'm here now. I need you all.

V xx

Big hugs from me Venus. We've been so concerned and are so thrilled you are posting again. I know how hard it was to get up the energy to start a thread, but hopefully it will relieve some of your anxiety.

We're here and we're not going anywhere. Lean on us. Love you V.

Venus, I lift up my heart for you. that you may know peace, that you may be wrapped in the wings of love and safety that is SR. That you can breath. It's a nice half moon tonight. She is always there, Constant through her changes. when I look at the moon, I try to think of all those I love who are under it too. Please, I hope you find some comfort there.

Do try some breathing exercises, those help me off the edge. My prescription of atenolol is 25 Mgs a Day. I can take it twice daily if I'm extra anxious. I rarely have to these days.

Folding you into my Wings.

love from Lenina

((Hugs)) and a prayer of strength & love your way Venus

Welcome back!!!

In time you will find yourself again, through your sincerity, and I hope it's soon......

Venus....I'm so sorry to hear you are feeling fragile at the moment. You always try and reach out and help others when you can, so I hope you receive as much comfort back.

Blessed Isis, Glorious Lady
You of the Healing Wings
Bless our Beautiful VenusKitty
Nurture her Holy Mother
Restore her to Peace and Safety
Heal her with Your Love
Sustain her in Your Spirit
Shelter her in Your Soft Hands
May she feel the Light of Your Presence
May she be strengthened by Your Touch
Enfold her in Your Wings Healing Mother
Restore her with Your Virtue
http://voinyizidy.hop.ru/images/fon.jpg
You of the Healing Wings
I praise You
You of the Healing Wings
I thank you
Radiant Goddess Whose Power heals the world
Bright Mother Who nurses the spirit
I love you
Beautiful Giver of Life

Rootin for ya Lovely :egypt:

What a beautiful prayer nef. Thank you all so much....this is helping. Still crying, but I can breath better now.

I guess keeping pain locked inside is not a good idea huh?

V xx

((((Venus)))) - we've all been worried and sending Hugs, prayers, thoughts and everything else your way.

You did make a huge step in coming back here and I'm grateful to see you again.

Please know the while you are feeling fragile mine and several others are wrapping you up in a strong hug of support.

Love, hugs and prayers,

Amy

No honey, keeping pain locked in just gives it more power over us.

I am so glad you are back. Let us help you sweetheart. Some things should not

be shouldered alone.

I do like the online yoga....this one is peaceful, easy, and very calming.
Yoga for Complete Beginners - Yoga Class 20 Minutes - YouTube

I have had my times of crippling anxiety. Its made worse by worrying. Let go, let God. Breathe, and know that this will pass.

much love, our little Venus. you will be alright. thanks for coming back to us.

:hug:
chic

Gosh I love you girls. (and guys). Thank you. ♥

You have been so missed!

Please, let us know how we can help, ok sweetie?

((((Nef)))). Thank you my sister, for the prayer.

Much love from Lenina