venuscat

Oh my.....that is so incredibly lovely. Am I brave? I don't feel brave. I feel kind of pathetic.
But I am tired of judging myself. And I am doing a bad job. My judgements are not helping me. You are way nicer to me than I am. So you know what? I am over listening to me....

I do not feel vaguely dignified. Bit I feel unbelievably grateful. I needed you guys. This is above and beyond. I am very blessed.

V xx

Gilmer

You are without doubt one of the most noble people on this board, V! I admire you for your grace!

venuscat

I started today with a huge whole in my heart.
I truly forgot the power of the love and honesty and support here.

I have lost track of time...so I don't know how long I have been away. A few weeks I think. What I do know, is that this is the first night in a LONG time that I am not afraid to go to bed. I don't fear the nightmares as much tonight.

Thank you. ♥

V xx

neferkamichael

HeadLump

I'm so sorry you've been feeling this way, Venus, but so very glad you found the courage and strength to reach out You help so many others, this is your turn now. I hope you can feel just how much you're loved and how deeply you touch us

needingabreak

Vee you are so loved and looking over all the people on many different threads asking for you and praying for you shows just how deeply missed you were. That tells a lot about the kind of person you are............so very kind and compassionate. For those that are so used to giving it is hard to ask for anything but that is what we are all here for and what you have done many times over and over no?

Nighttime is the worst for bad thoughts and unrealistic things playing with our minds. I find if this happens, I wake up and realize it isn't as bad as it seemed the night before. Maybe reading some books with positive sayings or even going online and finding a few would help before you go to sleep? I have a book called Random Acts of Kindness that I read that uplifts me and I have my "Jesus Calling" book for the mornings (which I have not looked at lately so thanks for the reminder!). Hope you woke up today feeling better than yesterday and you have something beautiful coming your way. Don't let those negative thoughts come for one second! Just keep repeating I AM LOVED because you certainly are my dear Vee.

least

I'm sorry you've been suffering so. I pray for a swift resolution to your problems. Much love to you.

biminiblue

V, so glad to see you are with us again. SR isn't the same without you.

My mind can create so much drama, so I can understand your fear. I feel best when I'm here at home where the world cannot hurt me. I also realize that it gives me way too much time in my head to fret.

Meditation has been really helpful to me. It is all about breathing and recognizing thought and how to let thoughts go. Here is a simple technique that I use:
Zazen Meditation

It also really helps me if I do something for someone else, or volunteer my time in some way. I'm not always willing to do that, but when I do I feel so much better.

Thank you for sharing your struggles, we all have them. Blessings and beautiful things to you.

Pondlady

V, good to see you I'll catch up with you on whiners love.

MidnightBlue

Venus, my lovely friend.

So sorry I am so late with my response.

And so sorry you are feeling that way.

I feel for you and hear you so so well. I know this feeling...too well. I've been in the darkest of the dark just recently. But there is a way out, believe me.

I am so glad you reached out to us, because SR is really magical place where we can turn when everything else seems so dark and hostile.

I wish I could give you my shoulder to cry on it, to cry your pain out. And then, maybe, a cup of tea with homemade sweets and some stupid funny moovie? And then, would you take me to the beach so I can see the ocean?

I wrote this a few months ago for my friend here who was struggling. I think I would share it with you:

My friend, don't give up to loneliness.
Don't close the doors to support.
Don't fight alone the life's distress.
Don't sell your precious life short.

My friend, I am still here-
Regardless of time and distance.
I promise I won't disappear
In unconcern and indifference.

My friend, my help is genuine.
I care about your pain.
You can share it with me-
It won't be that strong again.

My friend, look, here's my hand.
Please, hold it when you are lost.
I feel my ground, and here I stand
Where your roads are crossed.

My warmest hugs and positive vibes to you)

Please, take care of yourself.

Goldcoastgirl

Hello my sweet friend, I hope you check in today and see how much you mean to so many people, including me.. Take that love and wrap yourself up in it. Everything is going to be ok xxx

Fandy

the job could not come at a better time. One thing I believe about you is that you will take your commitment seriously and give it your best.

You need something else to focus on, the job is perfect for that. when i was upset about a break up at one time, a wise woman told me that "work can become your salvation"...and she was right. it helps tremendously to have something important to do. responsible people who work know better than to drink.

Lenina

Fandy is right. I found salvation in my work too. when I first got sober, I threw myself into my work. I took on a new position that I felt was important, serving to the best of my abilities. It gave me hope, it gave me a sense of value.

Venus, you do important work. And I know you do it with an open heart. To give so freely is surely a cure for many ails!

Love from Lenina

LovesToTravel

if sideways...I don't know why...

venuscat

Midnight ~ thank you so much love. What a beautiful poem. I don't have enough words to express how grateful I am for your love and friendship. (((hugs))).

LTT, I really needed that hug this morning. Thank you so much!

Fands and Lee Lee ~ (((hugs))) I know you are both right. In fact, I have a feeling my needing to really focus on career now was one of the precipitating factors in this breakdown. I am way too sensitive and emotional, and I have been allowing the pain in my life to consume me, and going backwards.

I made plans for a productive life after I got sober, and I have been hit with some pretty difficult challenges. At some stage in the last month, I could no longer cope with everything, and I just gave up. I really lost myself.

One day at a time I am getting stronger again with all of your help, but I am still very fragile. Something else happened last night, and although I didn't cry and lose it, I was so upset I ground my teeth so hard all night that I really hurt my mouth. I am still feeling like anything could tip me over the edge...and if that happens I am afraid that I won't be able to find myself again.

This all feels very self-indulgent, talking about myself like this. But If I don't do things a little differently, nothing will change.

Thank you so much for caring,

Love V xx

Gilmer

Talk away, V! I think you keep too much bottled up, in fear that you are not worthy to take up our time! Please! We love you! Lancing a boil is the only way to let the poison out. We are here to help you heal!

venuscat

Yes Gilmer love ~ I keep too much bottled up.
And I don't feel worthy.
I feel pathetic.

So many here have come so much further than me in what is it? 17 months of recovery.
I was beginning to believe I am too damaged to ever heal. TBH, I do feel that way.

Want to delete this ~ not going to.

V xx

least

Sending healing hugs to you across the water. I hope you come back to yourself soon.


As long as you're still breathing there is always hope.

venuscat

Goldcoastgirl ~ I just saw your post. Sorry. I am really not on the ball right now.
I would love to talk to you later, if you have a little time.
You know how much I love you ~ and I know you are just a text or a call away.

And thank you for the guided meditation...I will try it.

So many hugs for you my love!

And thank you lovely least! (((hugs)))

V xx

Dee74

The thing is V, this is your journey, not someone elses
Whatever it takes you is whatever it takes.

You're building a life and new you. Some do that quickly and others take time and care...

There's no prize for coming first here - it's really not a race

Someone once said to me - what if you're right where you need to be right now?

maybe this is time to finally once and for all work on why you feel worthless, when you're plainly not?

D