Broken
hopping for freedom
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 847
Great to hear! While you do have some very real stresses in your life, smoking weed and whatever else must have made them seem much harder to manage. I was trying to explain to my friend why my bf and I have not been arguing much now we don't smoke weed. She expressed the common misconception "I though weed would have made you more mellow and argue less". What to say to that? Um, no, not at all. Well, kind of, in a way. But no, quite the opposite. I rambled on about how weed disconnects us from reality and makes communication more difficult. How it made me more irritable and him more irritating and.. and... But maybe you know what I mean. Being out of it all the time makes each thought a little off centre. When all those slightly off centre thoughts add up, our perception of life and reality ends up in far left field. Not just in relationships to people, in relationship to everything.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,443
Oh YES!!!!
I have not gone into the new marijuana thread yet, but my darling, I hope you are sharing this wisdom with other people who are struggling.
Every single day, I am aware that I was so completely off-centre when I was smoking again...my reality was completely skewed.
There are many out there who don't believe (or understand, perhaps) that grass is such a dangerous drug. Long-term use can do the scariest damage.
All of my perceptions were off. All of my decisions were, well, nuts. I was seriously losing the plot.
The stresses are still there, but you are right. So much more manageable without what I thought was the only thing I really needed.
And it happened so fast...as soon as I started again, I was gone. And I didn't even notice.
V xx ♥
I have not gone into the new marijuana thread yet, but my darling, I hope you are sharing this wisdom with other people who are struggling.
Every single day, I am aware that I was so completely off-centre when I was smoking again...my reality was completely skewed.
There are many out there who don't believe (or understand, perhaps) that grass is such a dangerous drug. Long-term use can do the scariest damage.
All of my perceptions were off. All of my decisions were, well, nuts. I was seriously losing the plot.
The stresses are still there, but you are right. So much more manageable without what I thought was the only thing I really needed.
And it happened so fast...as soon as I started again, I was gone. And I didn't even notice.
V xx ♥
hopping for freedom
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 847
I am pretty sure that all it would take for me to be "lost" again is a big bag of weed on my table and some alone time (if I'm secretive, it's not happening right?). It's madness that I could not just let it sit there untouched. I just don't think I could, despite EVERYTHING I know and have been through. So, I aint gonna let that happen, it's not gonna enter the house.
And the whole time I was addicted, I logically suspected that it was altering my thinking but there was no way to know. There was nothing to compare my thinking to, no before and after. Just many many years of me being "me" so how the heck was I to judge if I was affected. The change back to "normal" took a long time and was quite subtle (not to mention the insanity moat of withdrawal one must wade through). I feel so much for others in the same situation.
It was people like you that gave me faith by telling me life was better and the ability to be happy would return. With tangible results beyond reach, blind faith was about all I had to get me through. Which brings me back to Venus and the faith it's going to take to get through all this. xoxoxoxoxo
And the whole time I was addicted, I logically suspected that it was altering my thinking but there was no way to know. There was nothing to compare my thinking to, no before and after. Just many many years of me being "me" so how the heck was I to judge if I was affected. The change back to "normal" took a long time and was quite subtle (not to mention the insanity moat of withdrawal one must wade through). I feel so much for others in the same situation.
It was people like you that gave me faith by telling me life was better and the ability to be happy would return. With tangible results beyond reach, blind faith was about all I had to get me through. Which brings me back to Venus and the faith it's going to take to get through all this. xoxoxoxoxo
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
V - it sounds like they're being very thorough and taking good care of you. I'm glad you're back (mostly) 
to your old self and facing this with eyes wide open. Much love to you. 
to your old self and facing this with eyes wide open. Much love to you. 
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,443
Thank you Briar ~ now is awesome.
As you can see, I received some wonderful support.
I have a lot to deal with, but I am no longer broken.
A bit bent maybe, but that's OK.
V xx
As you can see, I received some wonderful support.
I have a lot to deal with, but I am no longer broken.
A bit bent maybe, but that's OK.
V xx
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,443
I don't want to be self-indulgent, but after all the help I have received here, I thought that perhaps I should share my news.
I feel very blessed and lucky.
I saw my surgeon again on Monday.
He is sure that the tumor is an Enchondroma, which is not cancerous. It presented so weirdly because the original bone cement has kind of come apart and migrated. I have to have surgery. It will be in a month or so.
I won't be able to work for a while, but after I recover, I can put this behind me. I get to keep my finger. It will look a bit weird, but who cares.
I am seeing a counsellor to help me cope with my dad's failing health, and my own depression. I let go of a relationship that was very bad for me.
Coming back to SR, getting and staying sober, and doing what I need to do to make myself whole has changed me in ways I could NEVER have imagined.
Everything is possible when we reach out for help and actually listen to the advice we are given.
I should change the name of this thread to UN-Broken.
So much love and gratitude,
Venus ♥
I feel very blessed and lucky.
I saw my surgeon again on Monday.
He is sure that the tumor is an Enchondroma, which is not cancerous. It presented so weirdly because the original bone cement has kind of come apart and migrated. I have to have surgery. It will be in a month or so.
I won't be able to work for a while, but after I recover, I can put this behind me. I get to keep my finger. It will look a bit weird, but who cares.
I am seeing a counsellor to help me cope with my dad's failing health, and my own depression. I let go of a relationship that was very bad for me.
Coming back to SR, getting and staying sober, and doing what I need to do to make myself whole has changed me in ways I could NEVER have imagined.
Everything is possible when we reach out for help and actually listen to the advice we are given.
I should change the name of this thread to UN-Broken.
So much love and gratitude,
Venus ♥
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,443
Thank you Ames ~ and all of you (((hugs))).
Taking care of myself is still very new to me....and I'm still not very good at it.
Baby steps.
Love V xx
Taking care of myself is still very new to me....and I'm still not very good at it.
Baby steps.
Love V xx
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