Yikes!
No expectations!
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,732
Re: Yikes!
Thanks, lurkings!!
I had a very good session, too. We talked about how talking to people without my being under the influence is a new skill for me. And she wants my husband to come to my next session. And she wants us to start working on the ADD "prescriptions" from the book Change Your Brain: Change Your Life.
We talked about how my perfectionism gets in my way, even in my social interactions, and how I've been told to "let down my walls." I think she wants me to practice listening to what people talk about and make more of an effort to join in, just with small talk for now.
Glad you are starting to smile!
Love, Eddie
I had a very good session, too. We talked about how talking to people without my being under the influence is a new skill for me. And she wants my husband to come to my next session. And she wants us to start working on the ADD "prescriptions" from the book Change Your Brain: Change Your Life.
We talked about how my perfectionism gets in my way, even in my social interactions, and how I've been told to "let down my walls." I think she wants me to practice listening to what people talk about and make more of an effort to join in, just with small talk for now.
Glad you are starting to smile!
Love, Eddie
I am sure I didn't do it!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Somewhere, Florida
Posts: 213
Re: Yikes!
~Eddie~
Good! Sounds great! Good for you.
I was remembering what Candy said about me taking things too seriously... And she is right. Today I was going to class am my muscles while I was driving were so tense I had to conciously try and relax. I would tense right up! Then I remembered last week when I made a 22 minute drive into 12 minutes. I really do have a mission when I do things. I'll have to journal about it. It is so interesting.
I hope tomorrow is good for you!!
~Lurkings
Good! Sounds great! Good for you.
I was remembering what Candy said about me taking things too seriously... And she is right. Today I was going to class am my muscles while I was driving were so tense I had to conciously try and relax. I would tense right up! Then I remembered last week when I made a 22 minute drive into 12 minutes. I really do have a mission when I do things. I'll have to journal about it. It is so interesting.
I hope tomorrow is good for you!!
~Lurkings
No expectations!
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,732
Re: Yikes!
lurkings,
My day yesterday was pretty good. I tanned and worked out and helped with a computer class at the public library which was fun. But I spent the whole evening vegging out watching movies. I didn't go to a meeting or call anyone or anything. Bad Eddie! As usual, I "just didn't feel like" doing anything. Maybe the Zoloft isn't helping like I thought. I just don't know. Still very frustrated.
Have a good day!
Love, Eddie
My day yesterday was pretty good. I tanned and worked out and helped with a computer class at the public library which was fun. But I spent the whole evening vegging out watching movies. I didn't go to a meeting or call anyone or anything. Bad Eddie! As usual, I "just didn't feel like" doing anything. Maybe the Zoloft isn't helping like I thought. I just don't know. Still very frustrated.
Have a good day!
Love, Eddie
I am sure I didn't do it!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Somewhere, Florida
Posts: 213
Re: Yikes!
~Eddie~
Like you say, just give it sometime. It is new, you aren't happy about it and you have some new things going on! There is nothing bad about just vegging... I baby sat last night and the little boy watched two full movies and fell asleep during his third while I was rubbing his head. It is okay to just relax... Candy says I need to do more of that... Maybe I should take lessons from you!
Have a great day!
~Lurkings
Like you say, just give it sometime. It is new, you aren't happy about it and you have some new things going on! There is nothing bad about just vegging... I baby sat last night and the little boy watched two full movies and fell asleep during his third while I was rubbing his head. It is okay to just relax... Candy says I need to do more of that... Maybe I should take lessons from you!
Have a great day!
~Lurkings
No expectations!
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,732
Re: Yikes!
OOH! Did you get to watch kids' movies? What did you watch? You must be really good with the kiddies. I love kids, but I don't have alot of experience with them, so I always get nervous around them.
Well, I stayed in again last night and I'm staying in again tonight. I did go to an NA business meeting yesterday evening and a big NA picnic today, so I have had contact with people, so I don't feel too bad about it.
What and how are you doing this weekend?
Love, Eddie
Well, I stayed in again last night and I'm staying in again tonight. I did go to an NA business meeting yesterday evening and a big NA picnic today, so I have had contact with people, so I don't feel too bad about it.
What and how are you doing this weekend?
Love, Eddie
I am sure I didn't do it!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Somewhere, Florida
Posts: 213
Re: Yikes!
~Eddie~
I don't know what the first movie was but the second was Balto and the third was Shrek. I like kids. I have baby say him since we was six months old. Now he will be three next month. He is a good kid over all. We played on the trampoline and we played in the lake behind his house in between watching movies and eating dinner. I cleaned him up and he curled up with me and his blanket while Shrek was on... I layed on couch and crashed out myself. When his mom got home is was about 12:30. So I drove hom and went to bed...
Today I have been sick so I rented some movies but there has been good ones on TV. Carreer Opportunities, Bring it on and Big Daddy and I am almost done watching the second Harry Potter movies. Now I am going to bed. Tomorrow we are having a lunch thing in my Sunday School class. I am making Mexican Black bean and rice. I LOVE Mexican food... My dad says he wants to have a blood test, he doesn't think I am his LOL!
I have been so busy, I need to go to work to relax ya know?
I am happy tp hear you got out some today! Good for you! See ya are so awesome, you shouldn't feel bad about staying home. If you are like me those kind of functions take a lot out of you. They wear me out!
Oh, I got a nother piercing in my top ear next to the other. My co-worker did it for me. It hurt a lot more than the other. I think, I am afraid, that I am using some things instead of cutting but I get the same sort of high feeling. Like when I get my cat mad so he will scratch me, that way I can say that I didn't cut. I need to be more aware!
~Lurkings
I don't know what the first movie was but the second was Balto and the third was Shrek. I like kids. I have baby say him since we was six months old. Now he will be three next month. He is a good kid over all. We played on the trampoline and we played in the lake behind his house in between watching movies and eating dinner. I cleaned him up and he curled up with me and his blanket while Shrek was on... I layed on couch and crashed out myself. When his mom got home is was about 12:30. So I drove hom and went to bed...
Today I have been sick so I rented some movies but there has been good ones on TV. Carreer Opportunities, Bring it on and Big Daddy and I am almost done watching the second Harry Potter movies. Now I am going to bed. Tomorrow we are having a lunch thing in my Sunday School class. I am making Mexican Black bean and rice. I LOVE Mexican food... My dad says he wants to have a blood test, he doesn't think I am his LOL!
I have been so busy, I need to go to work to relax ya know?
I am happy tp hear you got out some today! Good for you! See ya are so awesome, you shouldn't feel bad about staying home. If you are like me those kind of functions take a lot out of you. They wear me out!
Oh, I got a nother piercing in my top ear next to the other. My co-worker did it for me. It hurt a lot more than the other. I think, I am afraid, that I am using some things instead of cutting but I get the same sort of high feeling. Like when I get my cat mad so he will scratch me, that way I can say that I didn't cut. I need to be more aware!
~Lurkings
No expectations!
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,732
Re: Yikes!
Yeah, I pierced my ears when I was about 13 and I think, looking back, that it was some of my earliest self-harm behavior, so, yes, it can take many forms. Do stay aware!
Hope you feel better tomorrow! Sleep well!
Love, Eddie
Hope you feel better tomorrow! Sleep well!
Love, Eddie
No expectations!
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,732
Re: Yikes!
lurkings,
I haven't been getting up until about ten lately, like today. I'm going to the YW with my mom at one. I'm supposed to fit in tanning and a cardio workout before I go to my sponsor's at six. Actually, I haven't talked to my sponsor in a few days, so I'm not sure that's still on. What are you up to?
Love,
Eddie
I haven't been getting up until about ten lately, like today. I'm going to the YW with my mom at one. I'm supposed to fit in tanning and a cardio workout before I go to my sponsor's at six. Actually, I haven't talked to my sponsor in a few days, so I'm not sure that's still on. What are you up to?
Love,
Eddie
I am sure I didn't do it!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Somewhere, Florida
Posts: 213
Re: Yikes!
~Eddie~
I have just worked today. Caught up on a lot of homework as well as works work. Only two more weeks until I am done for the summer. So my day of rest has been a day of ketch-up.
Candy isn't going to be "happy" with my Tuesday. I haven't written in my journal, haven't e-mailed her, haven't drawn or anything. I have just been way too busy. Last time I got an lecture about how important it is... LOL... Oh well. I guess I will just have to hear about it.
How has your day gone? Did you still end up having a meeting with your sponsor? Did it go well?
~Lurkings
I have just worked today. Caught up on a lot of homework as well as works work. Only two more weeks until I am done for the summer. So my day of rest has been a day of ketch-up.
Candy isn't going to be "happy" with my Tuesday. I haven't written in my journal, haven't e-mailed her, haven't drawn or anything. I have just been way too busy. Last time I got an lecture about how important it is... LOL... Oh well. I guess I will just have to hear about it.
How has your day gone? Did you still end up having a meeting with your sponsor? Did it go well?
~Lurkings
No expectations!
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,732
Re: Yikes!
Girl, you DO need to relax! I did meet with my sponsor and the Stepwork didn't take long, so we had a nice little chat. And I did get in the tanning as well as both my weight and cardio workouts. But then I just vegged again. No, that's not true. I did look at a section of a book that talks about what I can do about my ADD. Didn't seem very helpful, though.
Did I understand you right? You worked yesterday? I didn't think you worked Sundays. Anyway, I hope things are going OK today. Maybe you can get in some journaling or something before you see Candy tomorrow.
Love, Eddie
Did I understand you right? You worked yesterday? I didn't think you worked Sundays. Anyway, I hope things are going OK today. Maybe you can get in some journaling or something before you see Candy tomorrow.
Love, Eddie
I am sure I didn't do it!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Somewhere, Florida
Posts: 213
Re: Yikes!
~Eddie~
I don't want to journal or see Candy. I just feel so busy. I don't want to do anything. I haven't been doing well today. Actually I don't even want to talk about it. I should just be able to do it myself for once ya know? I think I lean on people too much.
Sundays I don't get paid for the work that I do... Just anything I need to get caught up on... But overall it was a kind of work day ya know?
Well, today was just work and school pretty much... A fairly normal day. How about you? I am glad your meeting with your sponsor went well, and that you got all your workouts in. I wish I was deciplined enough to do all that working out. Maybe I should start again in the summer, do some kind of program...
Talk to you later!
~Erin
I don't want to journal or see Candy. I just feel so busy. I don't want to do anything. I haven't been doing well today. Actually I don't even want to talk about it. I should just be able to do it myself for once ya know? I think I lean on people too much.
Sundays I don't get paid for the work that I do... Just anything I need to get caught up on... But overall it was a kind of work day ya know?
Well, today was just work and school pretty much... A fairly normal day. How about you? I am glad your meeting with your sponsor went well, and that you got all your workouts in. I wish I was deciplined enough to do all that working out. Maybe I should start again in the summer, do some kind of program...
Talk to you later!
~Erin
No expectations!
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,732
Re: Yikes!
Why should you be able to it yourself? I don't think you lean on people ENOUGH! You're so much like I was—so independent, self-reliant. We NEED help. We need other people. It's so much better for me when I ask for the help I need. Hope you think about this. You're too hard on yourself, I say again.
Love, Eddie
Love, Eddie
I am sure I didn't do it!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Somewhere, Florida
Posts: 213
Re: Yikes!
~Eddie~
You an Candy! You guys keep harping on that. She even said it today. I feel bad asking for help because it can incovience someone else, I don't want to do that to someone.
Today was kind of a blah session. I started to cry. I was glad that I had my hat so she couldn't see my face. I didn't talk about anything. She made me feel good telling me it is a safe place and that she wouldn't judge me. Also that she wouldn't "punish" me or that I would get in trouble. It was good to hear her say that. It was good to hear her say that she wished she could make me feel better. It really helped me. I think it was good to say no to things that I didn't want to talk about too because it helped me feel like what I say is important. It isn't that I don't want to talk it is that I don't want to say it. I'd rather write it down it would make it easier. But that is hard to do when there is nothing to write on. Hmmm....
~Lurkings
You an Candy! You guys keep harping on that. She even said it today. I feel bad asking for help because it can incovience someone else, I don't want to do that to someone.
Today was kind of a blah session. I started to cry. I was glad that I had my hat so she couldn't see my face. I didn't talk about anything. She made me feel good telling me it is a safe place and that she wouldn't judge me. Also that she wouldn't "punish" me or that I would get in trouble. It was good to hear her say that. It was good to hear her say that she wished she could make me feel better. It really helped me. I think it was good to say no to things that I didn't want to talk about too because it helped me feel like what I say is important. It isn't that I don't want to talk it is that I don't want to say it. I'd rather write it down it would make it easier. But that is hard to do when there is nothing to write on. Hmmm....
~Lurkings
No expectations!
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,732
Re: Yikes!
I know what you mean about not wanting to say things out loud! I can write just about anything, but talking about it is a whole nother story. Even certain words just give me the creeps.
I'm sorry you had a rough session yesterday, but it sounds like you're continuing to develop a really good relationship with your therapist. And maybe you could journal about those things you don't want to say.
Don't worry about "inconveniencing" people. I know it helps ME to help someone else. Think about how you like to do things for other people. Well, others are usually happy to return the favor. It makes them feel good to think they have something to offer. Know what I mean?
Love, Eddie
I'm sorry you had a rough session yesterday, but it sounds like you're continuing to develop a really good relationship with your therapist. And maybe you could journal about those things you don't want to say.
Don't worry about "inconveniencing" people. I know it helps ME to help someone else. Think about how you like to do things for other people. Well, others are usually happy to return the favor. It makes them feel good to think they have something to offer. Know what I mean?
Love, Eddie
I am sure I didn't do it!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Somewhere, Florida
Posts: 213
Re: Yikes!
~Eddie~
Yeah, I guess you are right. I don't know what it is...
My session was kind of rough but there are some great things that came out of it. I think your right we are really developing a good bond. That is nice because I don't have a bond like that with anyone else.
How is it going with you?
~Lurkings
Yeah, I guess you are right. I don't know what it is...
My session was kind of rough but there are some great things that came out of it. I think your right we are really developing a good bond. That is nice because I don't have a bond like that with anyone else.
How is it going with you?
~Lurkings
No expectations!
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,732
Re: Yikes!
lurkings,
I still just kind of barely dragging along. I've stayed in every night since last Wednesday and watched videos. And I've been sleeping alot. At least I'm getting my exercise and tanning in. What I really need is a job but I really don't know what to do about getting one. I'm not feeling very employable right now. Too depressed. I'm thinking about going for a run here in a little bit. Maybe that would help.
I notice it took you 2 or 3 days to "recover" from your visit. How's it going with you today?
Love,
Eddie
I still just kind of barely dragging along. I've stayed in every night since last Wednesday and watched videos. And I've been sleeping alot. At least I'm getting my exercise and tanning in. What I really need is a job but I really don't know what to do about getting one. I'm not feeling very employable right now. Too depressed. I'm thinking about going for a run here in a little bit. Maybe that would help.
I notice it took you 2 or 3 days to "recover" from your visit. How's it going with you today?
Love,
Eddie
I am sure I didn't do it!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Somewhere, Florida
Posts: 213
Re: Yikes!
~Eddie~
Well, its it getting better I guess. I still have not heard from Candy, I e-mailed her to clarify something. If she has had a chance to read it I am very surprised I have not heard anything back... I'm afraid one of these days she is going to have me committed. It might not be a bad thing at this point. I've done a lot of thinking and I Candy is going to help me change jobs and stuff. She is trying to get me to see that I am important too... She keeps telling me I need to do some thing for myself bt everytime I do I just feel bad about it. I can't help it. Like tonight I am staying at my sisters and I just feel horrible about it I don't know how I can make these feelings subside. I have been so extremly anxious that I constantly feel like I am going to throw up and sleeping hasn't been much of a help either. I guess I am kind of feeling like you are but just haven't been ready to talk about it. Things have just been difficult. I wrote Candy about suicide and hurting myself, I have actually been doing a lot about that. Like I said with the cats and stuff. But I have also left bruises on my forearms form hitting myself with sticks and things. I don't have a suicide plan but it hasn't been far from my mind... Well, actually I do kind of have a plan but I am not going to tell Candy that because she has to report it... But I am not on the edge or anything. I can say that because a lot of these thoughts are coming from my past suicide days... So... Yes, it is taking me a long time to recover.
Excersis it a good way to build those endorphins in your brain. Good for you. I bet you are skinny huh? I am far away from skinny. I am a chubby girl but a lot of muscle. I wish I could see a current picture of you, these younger day pictures are hard to tell. You're cool to talk to and a great friend... Do what you have got to do for yourself, I read another post where you were talking about your hard times. I suddenly felt amazingly guilty for talking to you, I just want you to be healthy and happy. Yes, I know I am wierd but I wish I could do more for you!
~Lurkings
Well, its it getting better I guess. I still have not heard from Candy, I e-mailed her to clarify something. If she has had a chance to read it I am very surprised I have not heard anything back... I'm afraid one of these days she is going to have me committed. It might not be a bad thing at this point. I've done a lot of thinking and I Candy is going to help me change jobs and stuff. She is trying to get me to see that I am important too... She keeps telling me I need to do some thing for myself bt everytime I do I just feel bad about it. I can't help it. Like tonight I am staying at my sisters and I just feel horrible about it I don't know how I can make these feelings subside. I have been so extremly anxious that I constantly feel like I am going to throw up and sleeping hasn't been much of a help either. I guess I am kind of feeling like you are but just haven't been ready to talk about it. Things have just been difficult. I wrote Candy about suicide and hurting myself, I have actually been doing a lot about that. Like I said with the cats and stuff. But I have also left bruises on my forearms form hitting myself with sticks and things. I don't have a suicide plan but it hasn't been far from my mind... Well, actually I do kind of have a plan but I am not going to tell Candy that because she has to report it... But I am not on the edge or anything. I can say that because a lot of these thoughts are coming from my past suicide days... So... Yes, it is taking me a long time to recover.
Excersis it a good way to build those endorphins in your brain. Good for you. I bet you are skinny huh? I am far away from skinny. I am a chubby girl but a lot of muscle. I wish I could see a current picture of you, these younger day pictures are hard to tell. You're cool to talk to and a great friend... Do what you have got to do for yourself, I read another post where you were talking about your hard times. I suddenly felt amazingly guilty for talking to you, I just want you to be healthy and happy. Yes, I know I am wierd but I wish I could do more for you!
~Lurkings
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