spock1969

Hello all. My name is "spock1969" and I'm an alcoholic. My sobriety date is October 24, 2007. I have a sponsor who has a sponsor, have a home group, attend meetings regularly, have commitments, read the book, work the steps. Even with all of that, I still feel different and uneasy in meetings. Still feel awkward and unable to share as easily as most others. Often don't get the jokes others are laughing about. I was concerned about all that for quite some time. I didn't know why I still felt different, even among those supposedly of my kind. It was frustrating and disheartening.

Then, several months ago, I took a job where I was in a position to learn about autism and Asperger's Disorder, and how it statistically runs in families (I have a severely autistic nephew). I began to wonder if I myself was autistic. I got myself tested and learned that, unknown to me, I've been a member of another AA all my life -- those with autism/Asperger's. Those of us with autism/Asperger's are less responsive socially than most people. We are socially awkward and unaware of norms and expectations that most of you learn without problem and take for granted. We often have unusually focused interests, and may have odd, repetitive behaviors and mannerisms. We are often very bright (think Einstein, Mozart, Jefferson, Marie Curie, Bill Gates). Like alcoholics, we are everywhere. Now I'm thinking, with all the people who share about having always felt "different," that there may be a few Aspies in AA meetings too.

I've found that, as those in AA joke about "normies," those with autism/Asperger's refer to "neurotypicals" or "NTs." Just as "normies" don't understand alcoholism or see what the big deal is with quitting, "NTs" are just as uninformed about autism. I'm finding the need to educate my sponsor and other NT friends in AA about my condition. It's interesting being in meetings now, recognizing the similarities but now also understanding the differences.

At this time, I'm looking for any others on this site who may be like myself, in AA and also diagnosed with autism/Asperger's, or who think they may possibly have this condition. Thanks for reading, and I hope to learn from and hopefully be able to help others on this site.

NYCDoglvr

Terrific post. I'm glad you got your diagnosis because it helps explain a lot, like feeling separate, not normal. And, it's a big help for others who find your post. I've met a few people who told me they had asperger's although I couldn't see anything different about them. You are certainly correct -- the #1 thing I hear when people tell their stories is they always felt separate, different as kids. I know I did. Congrats on staying sober.

FlyerFan

1. I love your username.
2. Thank you for this awesome post. I have 2 autistic counsins and I too have wondered what happens when autistic children grow up and have to mingle in society. It's hard enough being autistic, adding in being alcoholic really throws a twist into your life.

It is wonderful that you are sober and I really enjoyed reading your story.

heathersweeds

Hey Spock!!!
I have a 12yr old son whom is severly autistic. There are other members here with autistic children as well. I don't know what it's like to be in my son's brain, but I am a recovering alcoholic with the added resposibility of his caretaker.

Welcome to SR!! It must be so hard to have this dual diagnosis. You will find much love and support here. We kind of hold each other up at times. Also, the chat room is a wonderful source of support!

sugarbear1

Yes, we have several members here (and I've met several people on other sites) with both alcoholism and Autism/Asperger's. Maybe they will contact you through a private email.

Glad you are here!

Hugs,

spock1969

Thanks to all of you for the kind words and welcome.

Peeweezers

Hello Spock:

I got sober in 1988. I found out I was autistic in 2011. I got married at age 48, and it has been very hard for both of us. I took a test on Facebook as a joke, and scored very high. My diagnosis has subsequently been confirmed with 2 professionals, and a teacher friend of mine in AA who has known me since the beginning. Being female, I guess I learned to hide it pretty well.

At lot of what you are feeling is how I felt the first five or so years of sobriety. I thought my social problems were because I was alcoholic. Guess I had something a little *extra* in there!

It's been a shock to me to find out I have this other issue. I lived alone for 25 years, worked manically, but after I was married, I drive my husband nuts and vice versa. I think my rituals are time efficient and risk avoiding. My husband was a Command Master Chief for 12 years, so he's not exactly a slouch.

We are working together on it. "More Will Be Revealed."

Furface

Hi,

I'm 5 weeks and 1 day sober, and "probably" an aspie, but since I have no-one to go over my early life, the DISCO technique is useless, and I will remain a "probably".

Everyone I know already thinks of me as being err, different. I have no concept of what other people are feeling, I'm just an oaf. I don't understand why people laugh sometimes, I never heard a joke. And sometimes in groups it feels like I'm always a step behind, always playing catchup.

My dog, however, is awesome. Everyone talks about her, and that I can deal with. This means social situations are easier, and my local AA meeting allows my dog in. I can stay on familiar subjects and actually enjoy being in a group of people without wanting to either A: Kill someone for being rude to me because I don't get something, or B: Run.

I've got a masters degree in science, and I teach the piano and flute. This helps to indicate that I am not stupid.

Do you get that when you are all drunk in a group, you get on just fine?

I think alcohol is a great leveller. It removes their ability to recognise social cues, thus rendering us even. I could never deal with people when I was sober. Now I have a "guide dog for the demented" as I call her- in the nicest possible way. She's very very striking in her appearance, so we get stopped in the street constantly. If we sit outside the lake bar (drinking coke in the sun) all the kiddies want to snuggle the wolf and the parents want to know all about her. It's just nice to be able to talk to people and answer their questions, and if I don't want to talk, I don't go there.

Good luck with the rest of your life, knowing that it's not you, it's the aspergers. I've known about it for a few years now, and it really has taken the weight off worrying about social stuff. It's not me. It's not my choices. It's just a part of me that I can't change. In the mean time, I'm going to bury my face in my dog's ample neck fur and make everything go away.

JrsJourney

Thank you for posting this. My recovering alcoholic and drug addict husband is diagnosed ADD (disgraphia, reading/writing issues and focusing issues) and the lower level end (high functioning) of the spectrum Autism/Asperger's as is our son (ADHD and Autism/Asperger's). I have a ton of issues in my family with this too (nephews and cousins). I constantly am looking into the relationship of these issues and addictive behaviors. Have you or any other members here seen a corrilation between Narcisstic Personality Disorder and/or codependency and Autism/Asperger's??? One last note, my husband never received special schooling but is extremely successful in his career. My son is in special classes (GTLD) and is thankfully and finally getting the help he needs. Has anyone else found addictions to go hand-in-hand with these issues??

bradco12

I'm a 34-years sober male in AA and have a 3-year diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome. I have a professional career, although I work as an independent consultant. I married for the first time at 40. At first the psychiatrist wanted to medicate me. I have since found much important help by reading Valerie Gaus's book "Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy for Adult Asperger Syndrome." What came first alcoholism or AS? Don't know and don't think it's that important. Our Chapter 5 reading assures us that honesty is most important: "those .. with mental disorders.. many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest." Of course I can relate to social awkwardness, even with thousands of meetings over 3 decades. However, I can't think of a more safe environment for the alcoholic with Aspergers, than at a 12-step meeting. The Big Book tells us that our code is "love and tolerance." As halting as my social progress has been, AA has saved me years upon years of loneliness. I am not a lonely person today: Today I attend 2-3 small groups per week in AA, that provide a basic level of interaction and follow-up. Many important human needs are met in this meeting format: camaraderie, attention, leadership, honesty to name a few. I can start at a very basic level of "suiting up and showing up." From there, I can develop my social involvement by attending "the meeting before the meeting" or "the meeting after the meeting." I can make appointments with people from the meeting. I can go to eat with them. I can sponsor and be sponsored. Maybe some or all of these levels of involvement are challenging or scary, but AA provides a very basic starting point for the moment. Just attend, and go from there...

jjsingstheblues

I am an adult woman with Aspergers/Autism and I had no problem admitting I was powerless over my addiction to tranquilizers and alcohol, but I am having real problems over admitting the same thing over food (OA). I have tried to be abstinent and think that I have admitted I am powerless, but I still keep relapsing into the food.

How does the Aspie thing relate? For almost forever I found that I couldn't believe in a higher power and frankly thought I just was missing the God bone, and finally, I had something happen which convinced me otherwise. I am now 58 years old. My God thing happened at 50. But here I am 58 and recognizing myself as having the same problem with surrender over this food issue as I had over recognizing that there was indeed a spiritual universe and a God out there that individually cared for me.

Does anyone relate to this? And I am not sure what I can do other than pray and write, which basically says I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.
Same answer to my sponsors when they ask me why I relapse. I don't know.

WaveTossed

Hello, I just joined this forum. And I found this topic. I am almost 70 years of age. I have my early childhood notes. I was diagnosed with autism when I was around 3 years old. I didn't talk, I didn't relate to others. I seemed to be in my own world, classic early childhood autism symptoms. However when I was first diagnosed, autism was considered to be an "emotional disturbance" One of the doctors told my mother that I should be institutionalized. Fortunately, my mother refused this advice. She found a wonderful woman who stayed with me and related to me. I said a few words when I was around 3 and finally began to talk when I was around 4-5. So it was considered that I was "cured" of autism, though I had some other emotional problems. To make a long story short, science found that autism is a neurological condition, not an emotional disturbance. I have always had problems relating to others, reading into social situations. I still prefer to be alone and am not in a relationship or marriage. I have always had problems looking people in the eyes. Recently, after reading a few books, it occurred to me that I am still autistic. I took the Autistic IQ test and passed it with flying colors. I read Temple Grandin's autobiography and it seemed that I was reading my own story (except that Dr. Grandin isn't an alcoholic/addict). Knowing that I'm in recovery, I wondered if there were other auties/aspies in recovery. And I've found them here.

WaveTossed

Continuing my thoughts: like many auties/aspies, I have very focused interests. I get very involved in what I'm interested in at the time. I love spectator sports, NFL football and Major League Baseball. I also collect dolls and teddy bears and participate in a forum for doll and teddy bear collectors. I am quite involved in cat rescue. Helping to rescue cats gets me out of myself and out of any need to drink/use drugs.

teatreeoil007

Hey Spock-Dig the nickname!

I used to work with a brilliant man for about 15 years and at first I did not like him very well, but respected him in the professional capacity. He seemed SOOOOOOooooo COLD!

But, over the years I grew to appreciate him more and more. Even though he was not the greatest communicator and not Mr. personality plus, he was a good man. He was steadfast, honest and from this person you simply got: No BS. Because he did not get pulled into things by his emotions, he was actually very refreshing to be around at times! Would I want to be married to someone like that? No. But at certain times, in certain situations, he brought in a perfect balance.

WaveTossed

One of the myths about autism is that autistic people are very "cold." When I was a child, I didn't talk, didn't relate to people. People thought that I was off in my own blissful world. Not true. I remember that I was very anxious, there was a LOT of noise, the world was disorganized. So I retreated into safety.

As it turns out, I was not as severely affected as others that I've read about. I eventually learned how to talk, learned how to function, though I had some problems. When I got older, I thought that booze and drugs would stop the noise and disorganization in my head. I finally got clean and sober. I have very passionate feelings, though I sometimes can't express them clearly. I have a vivid imagination -- another huge myth is that autistic people have no imagination. Not true.

The guy that you once worked with sounds like a good man.

teatreeoil007

Absolutely he was a good man and he had my back a few times...

gerrygT

*get the jokes others are laughing about. I was concerned about all that for quite some time. I didn't know why I still felt different, even among those supposedly of my kind. It was frustrating and disheartening.

Then, several months ago, I took a job where I was in a position to learn about autism and Asperger's Disorder, and how it statistically runs in families (I have a severely autistic nephew). I began to wonder if I myself was autistic. I got myself tested and learned that, unknown to me, I've been a member of another AA all my life -- those with autism/Asperger's. Those of us with autism/Asperger's are less responsive socially than most people. We are socially awkward and unaware of norms and expectations that most of you learn without problem and take for granted. We often have unusually focused interests, and may have odd, repetitive behaviors and mannerisms. We are often very bright (think Einstein, Mozart, Jefferson, Marie Curie, Bill Gates). Like alcoholics, we are everywhere. Now I'm thinking, with all the people who share about having always felt "different," that there may be a few Aspies in AA meetings too.

I've found that, as those in AA joke about "normies," those with autism/Asperger's refer to "neurotypicals" or "NTs." Just as "normies" don't understand alcoholism or see what the big deal is with quitting, "NTs" are just as uninformed about autism. I'm finding the need to educate my sponsor and other NT friends in AA about my condition. It's interesting being in meetings now, recognizing the similarities but now also understanding the differences.

At this time, I'm looking for any others on this site who may be like myself, in AA and also diagnosed with autism/Asperger's, or who think they may possibly have this condition. Thanks for reading, and I hope to learn from and hopefully be able to help others on this site.[/QUOTE]

gerrygT

Hi very glad to know of someone else with aspergers and alcoholism. I think we could support each others. Love to hear from you

oldsoul1122

I've read this before but reading it again was very helpful. At one time in AA sober 17 years I didn't fit in and now in AA 7 months again I don't. I try to make friends but the women seem to be in a clique and those never worked for me. I found a meeting once a week with only 4/5 members and it works better. I'm not diagnosed asp but I am an INFJ if that has anything to do with it. I've been this way my whole life and also my son. On the outside looking in...or on the inside looking out?

WaveTossed

I finally got my official diagnosis today from a psychiatrist who is knowlegeable about autism. Yes, I'm still as autistic as I was when I was 3 and first diagnosed. However, now I'm a high-functioning adult and my doctor will put me on a course of therapy to help with the autistic traits that I still have. None of this would have been possible if I were still drinking and drugging. The spiritual program of AA/NA has already helped me in so many ways.