robertl

I discussed this in response to something in the family and friends, but I figured this seems like the more relevant forum.

I have a friend of sorts, who I used to work with when I was still using. At this time, I was 23 and he was 18. I enjoyed spending time with him, but I never respected his character. He did not seem to be drinking alcoholically at this point to me, but he did express psychopathic behavior.

I recognize that alcoholism can lead to some psychopathic behavior. I couldn't hold a job, pay rent, not get arrested, and would lie my way out of my problems when using. However, I still felt incredible remorse and guilt for my actions. Once I got sober, pretty much all of these behaviors stopped.

He seemed to go above and beyond anti-social behavior caused by alcoholism and then manipulative behavior to avoid the consequences. Example: He had been trying to get me to go to a strip club, which I was not particularly interested in going to. When he offered to pay, I figured, I figured, "why not?," if only that he'd pay for my alcohol. He then picked up his phone called his parents and demanded they wire him money because he had car trouble, and then started screaming at them when they said that they would not be able to go to Western Union until the next day.

I had pretty much cut ties with him since I got sober (almost 3 years ago), and had not heard from him until he just contacted me telling me he thought I was an alcoholic and wanted my help. He looked up to me when we were working together, and I think I am in a unique position to help if he is serious.

However, my concern is that I am not clear if AA is sufficient to deal with these larger problems. In fact, I'm concerned that it will just be another outlet to use for his own ends. Also, I do not know if this could even by a way for him to manipulate himself back into my life.

I am wondering if anyone has any experience with dealing with helping get psychopathic alcoholics sober, and if they have any advise.

Astro

Honestly, this is something you might want to post in the Alcoholism 12-Step forum, you'll get the most feedback there on AA topics.

I'm an alcoholic, and I have to say that nobody "got me sober", that's something I had to undertake and decide to do on my own. If someone chooses to help me, the best thing they can do is to educate themselves on the disease of alcoholism, so they can have their own understanding of it.

What you're describing as psychopathic sounds like perfectly normal behavior for an alcoholic to me, it's just the insanity of the disease. Can AA help remove the insanity and my character defects? Absolutely, assuming I want the help and commit myself to the program.

robertl

Thanks, I'll post it there. I just want to reiterate, that I am an alcoholic myself, and he came to me for help. So yes, no one can get him sober but himself, but when he specifically asked me for help, I feel some responsibility to give him the proper tools.

coffeeclub

I would say it is better than nothing. But I would say you should treat them both.

Also I know there is a website out there that you can search meetings buy what you are looking for and AA with mental health meetings were searchable. I found one. And I like those.

I don't remember is the website is for just were I live or if it was for every state. Either way I would search for meetings for AA and Mental health. You can also just search for meetings with Mental Health disorders that might be helpful.

Good Luck

Lilya

Is he willing to attend AA meetings? I would use both meetings and the tools of AA plus therapy to deal with the problems.

I think it´s true what Astro says about the influence of drinking on the mental state. I was wrongly diagnosed with Bi-polar illness when I was drinking. Being sober should be the only basic way to start any kind of treatment, in my experience.

I think the best way is a mixture of both AA and therapy, it works for me. I use the tools of AA to help me in my recovery and therapy for certains issue I need to work on specifically. But most of the time I only use AA, yoga, relaxation, exercise and practice healthy living.

Good luck.

utopia

It's ok to get outside professional help when you're working the steps.

Found

A person of that kind will make needed changes when he deeply enough needs to or come to a sticky end first. Only join in with him if you can sustain the necessary alertness.

Think twice before imposing yourselves as a double act on AA. Just look to a fellowship or group for your own support needs.

Suggest he asks for a detox which should bring the possibility of remaining in touch with a doctor after.

Don't be too nervous of pointing out when he has been a pain in the behind or when he would be one.

His problem is not only drinking, it is various other things as well.

That's without knowing what may have worked for you both in the past of course.