Dealing with lack of intimacy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Colorado
Posts: 664
[QUOTE=namommy;2283910]
I gotta tell you this question irritates and annoys me as it's the second time it's been asked. Did you have to have sex to know you were heterosexual? I'm sorry if that was the case as you must have been majorly confused. I've kissed both men and women and liked both. I have sexual urges toward both men and women, I want to have sex with both men and women. I want intimate relationships with both men and women. I've had sexual fantasies about both males and females since I was 9. Have been confused early on and was in denial about feelings toward men, but not anymore. I know who I am. Either you're just terribly naive about sexual orientation and GLBT people or you have a problem with me being bisexual, because your question is silly. If someone asks this again, I am not going to respond. Would you ask the obviously gay 17-year-old boy who's scared as **** in the closet: Well how do you know if you've never been with a man. No. Case closed.
/QUOTE]
These questions weren't meant to irritate or annoy you, and no I am not naive about GLBT because I myself am bisexual, but I am married and also believe in monogamy. For me, I wasn't sure if I was bi or just appreciating the beauty of the human body until I actually had sex with a female. The line of questioning was posed just to help you think of some questions and dig deeper into yourself to see if there is more than just the weight issue bothering you. Not meant to offend.
And, you don't have to believe in God to attend 12 step meetings. I know many athiests who attend NA and AA. Just like overeaters anonymous also addresses anorexia and bulemia, SLAA address a full spectrum of sexual issues. That is why I suggested them.
WE are all here to give suggestions and try to help one another, not make each other angry or annoyed. Sometimes someone may raise a question that you may not agree with, or one that hits a bad nerve, but it is no reason to get angry at the person.
Just trying to help you with an issue that is obviously bothering you and important to you or you wouldn't have posted for replies. Try to keep an open mind.
Laurie I'm really sorry I lashed out at you but it really did strike a nerve because it was the second time I answered it. Any supposed confusion about my sexuality doesn't exist, and even when it did, it's not what kept me from having sex, relationships or intimacy. I'm happy with my sexuality and quite firm in it. I'll let you know if I've changed my mind the first time I have sex with a man.
I've heard this before, that AA can work for atheists, but I'm highly skeptical. I would be more than willing to hear how an atheist works out the following steps, again someone who doesn't believe in Him:
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His Will for us and the power to carry that out.
I've been told atheists can substitute "God" for something like "higher self." But, for example, with 5, why do I need to admit my wrongs to my higher self when my higher self knows what I've done better than me--same thing with God for that matter. It's like asking forgiveness from a God who's already forgiven you before you did your wrong. With 6, that's asking myself to remove my own defects? Asking yourself to remove your defects is not giving yourself up to a higher power. And 11, that's so specific to the Christian God, I'd love to hear somebody spin that one. Sorry to be so cynical, but I really don't see AA working for me, but I'm open to advice.
And I'm skeptical if I get into AA, they're gonna try to turn me into a Christian, as others have told me in their experiences, and I'm not having that. I'm also kind of weary of support groups because my problems are so much less than others. Case in point, I went to a dual diagnosis meeting and when I was talking about how I was stressed out about graduating college, one of the people there started laughing, which sent me into a tailspin and almost made me drink. And other people in the group seemed hostile toward me as most of these people came from recovery homes and had much worse drinking and mental disorders than me. I know my problems may seem trivial to people who are worse off, but they still matter to me.
Later,
Clay
Originally Posted by ClayTheScribe 
I gotta tell you this question irritates and annoys me as it's the second time it's been asked. Did you have to have sex to know you were heterosexual? I'm sorry if that was the case as you must have been majorly confused. I've kissed both men and women and liked both. I have sexual urges toward both men and women, I want to have sex with both men and women. I want intimate relationships with both men and women. I've had sexual fantasies about both males and females since I was 9. Have been confused early on and was in denial about feelings toward men, but not anymore. I know who I am. Either you're just terribly naive about sexual orientation and GLBT people or you have a problem with me being bisexual, because your question is silly. If someone asks this again, I am not going to respond. Would you ask the obviously gay 17-year-old boy who's scared as **** in the closet: Well how do you know if you've never been with a man. No. Case closed.
/QUOTE]
These questions weren't meant to irritate or annoy you, and no I am not naive about GLBT because I myself am bisexual, but I am married and also believe in monogamy. For me, I wasn't sure if I was bi or just appreciating the beauty of the human body until I actually had sex with a female. The line of questioning was posed just to help you think of some questions and dig deeper into yourself to see if there is more than just the weight issue bothering you. Not meant to offend.
And, you don't have to believe in God to attend 12 step meetings. I know many athiests who attend NA and AA. Just like overeaters anonymous also addresses anorexia and bulemia, SLAA address a full spectrum of sexual issues. That is why I suggested them.
WE are all here to give suggestions and try to help one another, not make each other angry or annoyed. Sometimes someone may raise a question that you may not agree with, or one that hits a bad nerve, but it is no reason to get angry at the person.
Just trying to help you with an issue that is obviously bothering you and important to you or you wouldn't have posted for replies. Try to keep an open mind.
Laurie
I've heard this before, that AA can work for atheists, but I'm highly skeptical. I would be more than willing to hear how an atheist works out the following steps, again someone who doesn't believe in Him:
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His Will for us and the power to carry that out.
I've been told atheists can substitute "God" for something like "higher self." But, for example, with 5, why do I need to admit my wrongs to my higher self when my higher self knows what I've done better than me--same thing with God for that matter. It's like asking forgiveness from a God who's already forgiven you before you did your wrong. With 6, that's asking myself to remove my own defects? Asking yourself to remove your defects is not giving yourself up to a higher power. And 11, that's so specific to the Christian God, I'd love to hear somebody spin that one. Sorry to be so cynical, but I really don't see AA working for me, but I'm open to advice.
And I'm skeptical if I get into AA, they're gonna try to turn me into a Christian, as others have told me in their experiences, and I'm not having that. I'm also kind of weary of support groups because my problems are so much less than others. Case in point, I went to a dual diagnosis meeting and when I was talking about how I was stressed out about graduating college, one of the people there started laughing, which sent me into a tailspin and almost made me drink. And other people in the group seemed hostile toward me as most of these people came from recovery homes and had much worse drinking and mental disorders than me. I know my problems may seem trivial to people who are worse off, but they still matter to me.
Later,
Clay
I got nothin'
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,890
I don't think it's okay to ask someone who is bi or gay, "are you really sure that's what you want? How could you know if you haven't had sex with *insert gender/sex here*?"
I find those kinds of statements to be insulting. Straight people are never asked if they are sure they are straight if they've never slept with anyone before.
When we inexperienced folk say we know exactly what we want and we are not questioning our desires, please listen.
I've not ever had sex...but I do know that women make me incredibly horny. I think about them all the time...they give me butterflies...and I take care of business when the urges are overwhelming, if you know what I mean.
I've never had an interest in men. I know I don't need to try men out to know that all I want to do is be with women.
My problem does not lie in the “am I or am I not?” I know who and what I am and what I want and need. My problem lies with my self-esteem and confidence…and I’m working on that with my therapist.
I find those kinds of statements to be insulting. Straight people are never asked if they are sure they are straight if they've never slept with anyone before.
When we inexperienced folk say we know exactly what we want and we are not questioning our desires, please listen.
I've not ever had sex...but I do know that women make me incredibly horny. I think about them all the time...they give me butterflies...and I take care of business when the urges are overwhelming, if you know what I mean.
I've never had an interest in men. I know I don't need to try men out to know that all I want to do is be with women.
My problem does not lie in the “am I or am I not?” I know who and what I am and what I want and need. My problem lies with my self-esteem and confidence…and I’m working on that with my therapist.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 617
123 bubblegum defintely has it together when she said you have to form emotional bonds with people- that's a BIG problem area for me. It's the same story you have heard a jillion times before-raised in an alchololic household, no father figure, etc.. I learned at a early age that I was on my own in so many ways & I shut my emotions down. don't get me wrong, I am NOT a hater of mankind, I'm just......warped.
Then there was the molestations- but let's not EVEN go there. Somehow I had sex in my younger days-how I'm not a virgin is something I still can't believe- but sex has aways been a scary thing to me.
Your'e NOT alone, Clay. So much of your story paralells mine...........
Then there was the molestations- but let's not EVEN go there. Somehow I had sex in my younger days-how I'm not a virgin is something I still can't believe- but sex has aways been a scary thing to me.
Your'e NOT alone, Clay. So much of your story paralells mine...........
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Colorado
Posts: 664
Originally Posted by mikefreak
123 bubblegum defintely has it together when she said you have to form emotional bonds with people- that's a BIG problem area for me. It's the same story you have heard a jillion times before-raised in an alchololic household, no father figure, etc.. I learned at a early age that I was on my own in so many ways & I shut my emotions down. don't get me wrong, I am NOT a hater of mankind, I'm just......warped.
Then there was the molestations- but let's not EVEN go there. Somehow I had sex in my younger days-how I'm not a virgin is something I still can't believe- but sex has aways been a scary thing to me.
Your'e NOT alone, Clay. So much of your story paralells mine...........
Then there was the molestations- but let's not EVEN go there. Somehow I had sex in my younger days-how I'm not a virgin is something I still can't believe- but sex has aways been a scary thing to me.
Your'e NOT alone, Clay. So much of your story paralells mine...........
). It'll happen Clay.................................
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
