2stop

Lilya, Juls, Nancy and all, thank you so much for always being so supportive and kind and encouraging. I cannot tell you the nights I sleep better.....knowing someone cares. You all hold such a special place in my heart. Last May when I found this site I was very near ending my life.....I have made much progress since then, and it has been thanks to the support and love you have all shown me, now I must take another step in my recovery...and meet the f2f world. I am terrified, and it bothers me that I am terrified, because I love people and enjoy travelling, and geting out, this horid agoraphobia an dbattle with addiction has really taken alot out of me, but I am determined to find a way to cope with and deal with it. I am so scared right now I want to puke. But my motto this year is Feel the fear, then do it anyway, and also to be kind to myself.My husband and I are talking civilly again today...but there's always the weekend, which I look forard to the most part...it just turns ugly sometimes and we are both so stressed with some things going on, we should be pulling together...not a part. But I can only control my attitude and behaviour...my husband is a good man, he has his share of burdens for sure...and my heart aches for him, I do not want to leave him, I love him very dearly, and I know his pain and his struggles, but I have to take care of myself too, and not let the stress get to me, some times I do not blame him if he does not love me anymore, but most the time he says he loves me more than I will ever know...oh relationships, so complicated, and sadly so painful much of the time. My husband and I have made it through so many things together, horiffying things....so many have said you two have made it through true hell. It really does feel like a movie, parts of my life...except I don't get to write the ending, and white out the bad parts, true for us all...anyways, thanks again for all your love and support, I feel like you all are my family, and it means the world to me. More than I can ever tell you.

Heavens

Good morning 2 stop and all:

Thank you for the heartwarming thoughts, 2stop. It is important to express those things verbally and not take for granted that someone knows them, I think. Bravo to you!
What is f2f, btw?

I am glad to hear that you and you husband are hanging on. Best wishes to you both. We support your efforts in this effort as well.

Well, I have to go to work, but I will check back in at lunch, I think, unless something unexpected occurs at work.

Love,
Nancy

2stop

Good Morning Nancy.....f2f is face to face..I need to get out in the public more, and get a job. It is really scaring me, but am trying to let the fear motivate me to DO something about it. The weather is snot cooperating today, so my plan today is to rest, and watxh as many movies as I can..LOL...My husband always does say...I do not know how to relax, at all, unles it comes in a bottle, of pills, the alcohol is a stand-by, wehn no pills are available.
My addiction to SR is not a bad adiction per se, but man, I am so used to logging on every morning...it will be difficult to break...I had to cling to this site for many months before I felt I had a chance to ake it, and I have learned so much, and made so many good friends. I have the most awesome backyard here, it's like a secret garden, that's what everyone says when they see it...I am planning a garden dinner party this coming summer, and I always think .., How great would it be if I could invite all my SR friends...I am going to have my garden party regardless of who I can find around here to come, even if it's just me and my daughter...I am going to have round tables with white table clothes, white candles and silver and light blue accents, with light shades of yellow and pink flowers...I am going to really make it magical.....and then when it comes dark we are going to sit and wish on the stars, I am even going to have us dress up! My daughter loves that..I want to show my daughter that there is beauty in life, and there are joyful moments. This dinner party is something that really gives me a focus point, helps with not paying attention to this cold snowy weater..I will admit...today, I miss Texas, and I was so unhappy down there, but there is beauty everywhere, just gotta look harder in some places. Nancy, I bet where you live, they can throw real lavish garden dinner parties. As long as I have good friends and decorate the best my budget allows i will be delighted. I love looking at southern home and garden magazines...It is breathtaking. I am going to choose a menu from my Southern Living cookbooks, and just really go all out....I am feeling better alreday, just thinking about it, I will take pics and share them with you all.......
Yesterday I painted our entry hallway and stairway and upstairs hall in antique white, it looks so much better, the yellow that was on the walls was so depressing, not cheerful or even a warm mustard color, which I like with accents of deep reds and cobalt blue, I even like rich rstyle, Hanging gauzy or linen like sheer curtains each corner of the bed, rich colors and satiny sheets, and lots and lots of pillows in every shape and size imaginable, gotta start searching the thrift stores for unique candle holders and picture frames, and also some fountains. I am going to have a bird bath with floating candles in my house, maybe more than one room too. I want to make my home an oasis. Okay, done ramblong, going to pick out 2-3 movies and just rest today, with the plans I have written out, I will surely need some rest before I embark upon my adventure into the real world. have you ever seen Blast From the Past? I feel kinda like they did when coming above ground the first time, the tragedy was only in their fear and paranoia, but the isolation really set their thinking askew. Love that movie, very funny.....

***More hugs to help you through the day****

Movies, here I come!!!!

Juls

Tammie,

Your garden party sounds wonderful. I'd love to be there for it. I don't know if you've heard of it, I didn't even know they had a name for it, I thought I invented it myself even, but one of my favorite drinks is iced tea mixed with lemonade. It's called an Arnold Palmer. It would be a nice drink to serve at your party, that combines two southern favorites.

Yesterday I decided I wanted to cook a nice Sunday dinner. I don't do it every Sunday anymore, but every once in awhile. I invited my son over, and fixed roast chicken with stuffing, biscuits from scratch, cream of broccoli soup, sauteed spinach, and for dessert everybody's favorite, Jello chocolate pudding. The kind you cook. LOL

Well, right before dinner time my daughter pitched one of the biggest fits of her life. She was watching a cartoon show and when I told her it was time for dinner she started crying because she didn't want to turn it off. My daughter frequently uses tears as a mean of getting her way and I don't like it. I try to be consistent with her when I tell her things, so I told her she had to choose then between watching her t.v. show and sitting down to dinner. I explained that it's important for families to be together to eat. Unfortunately we don't always get to do that and she sometimes does eat in front of the t.v. She started screaming and crying because she could not eat in front of the t.v. I totally lost it with her and started screaming at her, "stop it, stop it, stop it. I am tired of you trying to manipulate me with this crying and whining. I can't stand it anymore and you have to stop it." I have never yelled that loud at her before. She just stood and stared and tried to control her sobs. I felt really bad, but I just can't let her try to control the house with that behavior. I went on acting calmly then and setting the table. I have her a drink of juice and told her I loved her. She calmed down and sat down to the table and we went on to have our dinner in peace.

Later we talked and I told her I felt badly about yelling at her like that and I didn't want to ever do that again, but we also talked about her behavior and that it was inappropriate.

I hate losing control that way. My mom used to do that, and yelling wasn't the half of what she did.

Juls

2stop

Oh Juls don't feel bad, I have this same struggle with a 9 and 10 yr old, and some days I cannot stand it either and I holler and really put my foot down, I like you sit and talk later about how I was wrong to yell, but the rules must be followed, and I need their help, this is our home, not just mommy and daddy's....I have a lot of problems tearing mine away from a show to sit at the table and eat dinner, my husband also prefers to eat in front of the tv...and I get really pissed sometimes, because it make sme sad, I think family at the dinner table together is so bonding, and just the way it should be except certain special occasions, I kind amake it a party atmosphere, we all watch a movie together and I serve dinner in the living room.

And yes, I absolutely love iced tea with lemonade!!!!! I didn't know what it was called, but now I do...Thanks Juls!!! Wonderful.
I also like grape juice with 7-Up, and cranberry juice with 7-up, love to mix up different drinks and experiment, I am going to try and make a cake in the Southern Living cookbook where it is decorated with flowers!! My daughter will be so happy, she loves these things, I have spent so much of my life sick, or too drugged to go that extra mile..and I want her to know there is magical moments, there is beauty, and we are allowed to do these things without guilt. I was raised in a Victorian, borderline puritan household.....guilt guilt and more guilt, was on every menu, every statement, every thing that was done was questioned and analyzed and hacked to death, could not just relax and enjoy life, had to "bear a cross at all costs" I do not want my children to live like this.

It is so stressful sometimes raising our children...you're a good mom, Juls, Don't beat yourself up on this. I know I have to work really hard on puting my foot down and yet being in control when they just throw a fit and won't stop....it's something...and bedtime...oh that;s awhole nother thread!

I actually sat and watched a movie today...Brokedown Palace, I like the message of true friendship in it....
Hope you have a peaceful relaxing evening Juls....love ya!

Lilya

Tammie, I hope you´re better, ma puce. Hang in there. You will be feeling better before you know it. I believe the weather has bad effects on our moods and I have felt it lately. I always think January is such a monday month, if you know what I mean. Your garden party will be wonderful and I´m glad something now will give you focus.

You need three things in life to make it mentally, my old shrink used to say; Focus, exercise and sleep. To be happy: Just to blossom, be it in family life, career or vocation.

Juls, I´m sorry about the tantrum your daughter had. I n my experience it´s one of the worst things I had to deal with as a young mother, and even worse with my young nieces now. My adolescente niece almost ruined my summer vacation in the South of France last year, and I was shaking for hours after I had calmed her down. She uses “The silent treatment” when she gets her spells. I get all shaky just thinking about it, and sometimes I have the bad feeling I let my 5 year old niece manipulate me. In France we have this tradition of sitting together during long meals, and she shows signs of hating it. She wants to watch cartoons instead. Sometimes I´m so tired from work I just let her, when we are alone. maybe it´s wrong and I should force her to obey the dinner tradition. But twice a week is OK, don´t you think?

It does me good to go out. I´ve been very social lately, and after two long meetings at the TV station for some projects we need funds for, I needed to go out with some friends to a classical concert and very nice Libanese dinner. Wonderful food, so good. Has Turkish delight crème for dessert.

I wish I could come to your garden parties. I dream of big dinners, Indian style, sunshine, gardens and silk clothes like I saw in India and Thailand. I look forward to start working tomorrow at one of my workplaces, because I need to meet new people and share some political views, what´s going on in the world and in our country.

Nancy, about Diane Downs, is it absolutely sure she did it? I was reading some things that suggest some one else did it and even confessed. Something was wrong at her trial and it seems her daughter was manipulated. has the daughter said anything yet, or made some statements?

Maybe this is some wishful thinking, but I´ve lost children and I cannot even imagine how such an act is possible. You´ve got to be very ill to do it, I mean really sick. This seems to be a growing phenomenon in our civilization.

Girls, before going to sleep, I send you a big smile. Adversity always passes and the blues as well.

lurkings

~Juls, 2stop,
I am glad that you really try to press family meals. We don't push that at my house. Just like tonight... I ate in the living room, mom ate in the kitchen and dad wasn't even home yet... Good luck and actualy that will be something they will remember...

I am also happy to hear how you guys talk about things after they happen... Never here... What they say goes and that is that! So good for you all!

Heavens

Oh, what lively subjects we chat about this evening!

Parties and children. Two of my favorite. I love gardens, parties, dressing up, and cooking lovely things and experimenting with concoctions beverages. As long as it is a game and fun and not EXPECTED of me every night. How burdensome. Beverages. Mixed drinks. I still have them. Only now I just leave the liquor out and drink everything Shirley Temple. There is no end to the creativity in the mixes. It was all the other ingredients that tasted so good anyway. And gardens are becoming my new passion. I loved the The Secret Garden as a child. Acch! I can't get the underline to work. These book titles are underlined, ok? My mother would read us long books like that and The Little Princess and The Princess and the Goblins by reading us one chapter at a time. I haven't seen the movie though, and btw, it is on my must see list. I have seen the movie "The Little PRincess" and "The PRincess Diaries" with Julie Andrews. Both movies were wonderful. Oh, the days of tea parties and dolls. There was an article yesterday about this lovely lady who is the mother of my ex-husband's childhood friend. She is a very gracious steel magnolia, and she has a whole room just filled with nothing but dolls! It is fantastic. I saw some beauties at the thrift shop the other day. I could not believe anyone could part with them. The poor dear must have been broke. REmember Madame Alexander dolls? Barbies? Little Kiddles? My age is showing. I remember the FIRST Barbie. Now they make wonderful dolls -- even more fantastic. They had some beautiful Disney Princess dolls this Christmas -- Cinderella, Snow White, Belle, and Aurora. I got my daughter the Aurora. More for me than she.

Children...it must be the moon or something. I lost it with my school folks today -- they were just very playful and rowdy. I just reached my limit of patience and had no more. And then I became the villainess librarian shrew. We used to have a book in the library in Elementary School called he Library Dragon. Her name was "Lotta Scales." It would help me laugh at myself. We are all going to be as different with household habits and customs and traditions and childrearing styles as fingerprints, and that is as it should be. As long as that love ingredient is always the motivating ingredient. And laughing at ourselves sure helps. Lurking I know what you mean about you just did it and that was it. That is how I get with the kids at times, and today, I am afraid. Tyrannical. I guess like you say, at least we are talking about it. But I've got to walk the talk, as I heard someone say today. I have improved in the patience area alot, though... But I still run out sometimes...

Well, I hope we all sleep well tonight and healthy.

Love,
Nancy

Watch a funny movie or read a funny book. From the tea set and doll days, preferably. Be a little girl again.

2stop

You gave me a great idea Nancy!!! Man, I wish I could find my movie the sound Of music, I think I have the secret Garden..The Little princess is good too, I will set out some china for me and Brooklyn and light a candle, let her put on my heels, and maybe a boa, and do up her hair, put on some jewelry and have ourselves a grand ole time, years ago a counselor told me I needed play therapy...I was insulted and told him what a quack he was...but now I see the truth in his suggestion, I may age physically, but there are ways to keep the mind and spirit young....

Nancy, I hope you have an awesome day...and hey give me some ideas about this garden dinner party I am planning, some of the southern traditions, various things they do...I want to give my family a very special time, luckily, I have the yard for it, long and rectangular, creek flowing at the back of the property, butterfly bushsm japabnese tress, one looks like a mini weeping willow, a cobered patio and a open bricked patio area, which needs some work, but I can sit and watch the butterflies all day and listen to the creek...my bedroom has a small room off of it, it may have been a porch, but reminds me of a nursery....there are windows all around and I can look out to the backyard and hear the creek running...I never ever dreamed we could have this. I am so blessed, it makes me cry sometimes...We had to pay nothing down, and already have over $10, 000 in equity...a true miracle.

I am going to make this year as magical as I can, it will renew my families spirit, and hopefully bond us closer.....


Love you all!!!

2stop

I watched the movie Hush today, with Jessica Lange and Gwyneth paltrow...I liked it, it fit my mood today... dark, eerie and a bit disturbed!!

Heavens

I hope you don't mind if I call you Tammie. I like the name.

Great that you are enjoying so much beauty! Your yard sounds like an ideal dream.

The first thing that comes to mind when I think of your garden party is to decorate a cake with ivy or some other kind of pretty plant or flower. I love pansies and roses, they (the pansies) bloom in cooler weather, and they make great cake decorations. They are even supposed to be edible, but I never ate one. Flowers remind me of the French and Lilya. And mint in the tea And honey and lemons and limes and oranges. How about a buffet of things to add to the tea? An array of things? How about an array of various teas? There are some wonderful teas out nowadays. I love the cinammons and the green teas and you would want regular tea, too. And coffee. A couple of kinds. You could have a pot of hot water, the tea cups, and arrange the various kinds of tea bags and let people choose. Then have an assortment of additives in pretty little dishes (that don't have to match)!. Cinammon sticks, mint, honey, lemon, lime and orange slices, to name a few. Now, to keep from going overboard budgetwise, you could stick to about three different kinds. By the time you assort the teas, the fresh flavoring like mint and lemon and cinammon, the sweeteners like white sugar, brown sugar or honey or arificial, and the creamers -- flavored creamers, reg. cream or soy silk, for example, you have quite a lot of variety without using more than two or three of one item. Two or three edibles, like a cake, and some kind of scone or biscuit with a few different spreads or jellies, and maybe some cookies or chocolates. Actually, I don't think of myself as a very good hostess, but it sure was fun daydreaming, and you can tell I love to eat! The idea is variety in small amounts. And planned limits. Make a list, so you don't go nuts like I do. Unless it is planned nutsness, and you can afford it. Planning is the key. At least a little planning. And you are already doing that. The main reason I stress planning, lists, and limits is because, is for myself. Speaking for myself, I tend to get manic and go way overboard and it hurts my budget. But I am learning to limit.

Well, just relax and enjoy it and play with it. Don't worry about what people think. Just do what you think, and it will flow nicely. Have fun! Your daughter sounds lovely.

Love,
Nancy

Juls

Also, tea sandwiches. The kind you use cookie cutters to make cute little shapes.

Juls

2stop

Those will be great!! Thanks for all the help guys, I am going to make this a very special dinner for my family, and try to make some friends to come too. A good friend I did make up here has moved to New Orleans....just have to get out and met more people. Back to bed I go...I am sooooo tired.......**Hugs**

Juls

I don't really have any friends that I get together with. I don't have the time to really put into a friendship, and I don't like to get one started and not be able to follow-through. I've had lots of opportunites but have not taken them up.

To some extent I know that I don't want people knowing about my life, or past life, so I guess I'm afraid of getting close. But, and I know this sounds bad, I feel I already have so much responsibilites that I don't want to be responsible for maintaining a friendship. I never know how I'm going to feel from one day to the next, and I may feel up one day and like socializing, and the next I don't even want to leave my house.

Also, I get alot of social interaction at my job with my clients and I think that probably fulfills alot of my need to be social. I know many times by the end of the day, I've already done so much talking with clients that I don't even want to talk to my husband when I come home. LOL

Then sometimes before my period hits I get all sappy and emotional and start crying about not having any friends. But I really do. Then when it's all over, my cycle that is, I feel fine and don't undrestand how I could have been so down.

Life is always a little imbalanced for me. I just accept it, and go on living.

I hope your dinner turns out great Tammi, and that you do get out and meet people.

Juls

Lilya

My friends have always been my lifeline to safety and security and I have had my best life opportunities through them. I have also given a lot to them, so I feel it´s quite balanced. But every once in a while there is some kind of cleaning house in the friend´s department. Sometimes we outgrow one another or one of us is going through something and then the friendship is on hold.

I don´t have a husband, and I like to go with someone to the movies or theatre, parties and stuff, so I need my friends. I´m very open and people usually open up to me in return. Some abuse this trust, but that´s an infortunate side-effects of having friends.

I think having friends in many domaines of life is enriching, and I have met so many people from all over the world who have made my life richer. I understand your position, Juls. Many people tend to be more reserved.

Tammie, I encourage you to go and meet people. I think it would be wonderful for you as you would take steps to deal with your agoraphobia.

You girls are amazing with your garden parties. I would love to come and enjoy myself with you.

I saw the film "Hush". I like Jessica Lange very much and it´s a nice thriller.

I´m going to see some Stephen King´s film. I´m watching a crazy one, called "Thinner". It´s supposed to be a horror movie, but I´m laughing my head off. It´s about some Native Indian who puts a curse on a fat man who starts getting thinner. Then I´m going to watch "The Chamber" with Gene Hackmann. Has anyone seen these movies?

2stop

I like the move 'Thinner"... Dead Zone is a good Stephen King movie also. The Chamber is excellent, read the book first, it is really very good.

Heavens

Hi friends!

On friends and Stephen King:

Juls, I understand what you are saying. What you want to do is what you should do. I would like to say that you needn't worry too much about being too hard on yourself, though. Your awareness of holding up your end of a friendship is good, but don't worry -- if it is truly a good, true friend, they will understand and love you anyway. I know while I was married, I didn't need or have time for friends, and I did lose touch with them after awhile. Like Lilya says, I do need them now. So I make more of an effort to nurture and tend the friend garden. It is true that it will flourish more with attention. My Mother is a great example of that. She always fulfills her correspondence and returns phone calls and notes and has always maintained a social life of some sort. She has the church, garden and bridge club, and a couple of good friends close by. She is also just very, very kind and gentle. I think that is what got her through the deaths of my sister, brother, and Daddy.

Funny y'all should mention Stephen King. I had a boy come in the library once and be disappointed in our Stephen King collection. So I bought everything he wrote for the library. When they all came in the other day, I felt I had made a mistake, as they might be more adult, at least some of them, than for school age children. I was trying to get them to read by giving them what they wanted, but may have not been being a good Mom. Being over indulgent and giving them something that isn't very good for them. What do you ladies think? Be honest. It isn't too late to correct the error. What I usually do if I accidentally order a book that is more on an adult reading level than a child's, is that I allow the kids to read them with parental permission in the form of a note. Then they can stretch their reading level and be advanced, with parental consent. But I don't want to scare them too much. I don't really like scary movies much, but I did enjoy the one that was made into a movie about the storm. I cannot remember the title. Was it called "The Perfect Storm?" Please, help me out.

Well, have a good day today.

Love,
Nancy

ButterflyChaser

1st of all...Nancy...I love your siggys, your unicorns & horses, they are sooooo cute!

Is this were we post about movies that we seen & like ot talk about them??

Has anyone seen "Bruce Almighty"? It's great I highly recommend it!!

a couple of my favs are
1. when a man loves a women
2. pretty women
3. True Romance (w/cristian slayter & Patricia arquette)
4. the fugitive
8. witness
9. happy gilmor
10.finding nemo

lurkings

~Nancy,
Well, I work with kids everyday... Sometimes I will show a movies that will have one little kiss or something and I freak out over what this child is going to tell their parents and how much trouble I am going to be in. So I started paying more attention and asking kids and parents movies I could buy for them and would be okay. A lot of the kids (k-6) have already seen rated R films which leads me to believe (obviously) that parents aren't watching what they are doing. I am not a parent but I might as well be. I teach these kids more about right and wrong than some of their own parents do.

If they don't get the book from you they will get it some where else, believe me I use to be that way. I think it might be a good idea to get a parent permission that way it is forcing the parent to be more involved in this boys life. He is either going to ask for the permission slip or go some where else. Either way the child is going to get the book he wants and that falls back on the responsibility of the parents not you. You have your own standards that you follow by and as long as you are doing what you are supposed to then you are safe. I think it is great how concerned you are for the kids! That really says a lot about you!

Have a good day!

Lilya

Butterfly, welcome to the club. I like your films.

Just a sec. Time out Did you see the film "28 days later" ? I´m just going to watch it, I´m so tired after a day full of meetings AND picking up the kid and making dinner.

In my opinion, Stephen King is sadly underrated. He is like Charles Dickens.

Lurkings, aren´t you sometimes tired after working with kids? I´m exhausted!