BP Town -- Open to anyone who rides the rollar coaster Pt III
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,776
I caved in to the urge and got a bottle of wine. Now I'm just drinking it slowly, waiting for the numbing effects. I hate my life. I'm not good for anything. Might as well drink.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
Least,
Please don't drink. You will feel worst later. It's not worth it. I know this. Is there anyone you can call? Can you get an emergency phone session with your addiction specialist?
Can you sit down and write a list of all the withdrawal symptoms that are sure to follow if you finish the bottle?
We are here for you.
Much love,
Lenina
Please don't drink. You will feel worst later. It's not worth it. I know this. Is there anyone you can call? Can you get an emergency phone session with your addiction specialist?
Can you sit down and write a list of all the withdrawal symptoms that are sure to follow if you finish the bottle?
We are here for you.
Much love,
Lenina
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,776
I'm just 'maintenance' drinking until I get my supply of ativan. Then I can get sober again. Don't worry about me, please. I will only drink enough to keep the alcohol levels in my blood from going into withdrawal and when I get my ativan will get off the alcohol altogether. I just need a little help, that's all.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,776
No addiction to ativan here. I don't take it very often, certainly not enough to develop dependence. No longer drinking. Stopped that nine days ago. Now on day 8 of sobriety. Having a horrible time tho. Very depressed and anxious. Huge feelings of regret and despair. Saw my shrink last week and he put me on a second anti anxiety med, gabapentin, in addition to the buspar.
STill feeling like the scum of the earth and good for nothing. Does'nt help that it's winter now and will have cold dark days for the next several months. Horribly lonely lately too, missing my kids (when they were little and 'needed' me) and missing my younger days. Sick of money problems and being alone. Sick of always being so 'needy'. Sick of always needing help. Feel like my whole life has been a waste of time and oxygen.
Can't even take care of my dogs without financial help. Always tired and frustrated. Sick of myself over my recent relapse and wondering when I'll ever be able to 'get it right' and stay sober for good. Have to see my counselor today and talk about my relapse. I've been seeing her about two years and am sure she's tired of my constant failures.
Lonely, lonely, lonely and depressed. Too cold to walk the dogs. Feeling helpless and sad over the cold and hungry stray cats I feed and shelter. 58 yrs old and still depending on my parents for help and money. Feeling helpless and useless cause I can't help my college kid financially or any other way. Can't even drive up to her college to visit as I'm afraid to drive out of town and get nervous over driving on the highway. Sick and tired of my limitations. I'm the oldest of four kids and the only one so unsuccessful.
Still smoking like a chimney and wanting to quit so I won't die too soon, but am so addicted to nicotine I can't quit. So I sit here in my den, smoking and crying and feeling worthless. This is no way to live...
STill feeling like the scum of the earth and good for nothing. Does'nt help that it's winter now and will have cold dark days for the next several months. Horribly lonely lately too, missing my kids (when they were little and 'needed' me) and missing my younger days. Sick of money problems and being alone. Sick of always being so 'needy'. Sick of always needing help. Feel like my whole life has been a waste of time and oxygen.
Can't even take care of my dogs without financial help. Always tired and frustrated. Sick of myself over my recent relapse and wondering when I'll ever be able to 'get it right' and stay sober for good. Have to see my counselor today and talk about my relapse. I've been seeing her about two years and am sure she's tired of my constant failures.
Lonely, lonely, lonely and depressed. Too cold to walk the dogs. Feeling helpless and sad over the cold and hungry stray cats I feed and shelter. 58 yrs old and still depending on my parents for help and money. Feeling helpless and useless cause I can't help my college kid financially or any other way. Can't even drive up to her college to visit as I'm afraid to drive out of town and get nervous over driving on the highway. Sick and tired of my limitations. I'm the oldest of four kids and the only one so unsuccessful.
Still smoking like a chimney and wanting to quit so I won't die too soon, but am so addicted to nicotine I can't quit. So I sit here in my den, smoking and crying and feeling worthless. This is no way to live...
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,776
Living these days feels just like riding the world's worst roller coaster. Up and down until I feel sick and just want off. Only good thing recently is all the trouble I'm going thru hasn't made me want to drink at all. I am so sick of riding this roller coaster tho and wonder why peace of mind is so hard to find.
Two of my four kids have now decided to hate me forever. One I had to detach from due to her horrible verbal abuse of me, the other, her sister, is just hating me due to what I'm 'doing' to her sister by detaching from her. I can see this is going to be a bumpy ride for a while...
Two of my four kids have now decided to hate me forever. One I had to detach from due to her horrible verbal abuse of me, the other, her sister, is just hating me due to what I'm 'doing' to her sister by detaching from her. I can see this is going to be a bumpy ride for a while...
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