new here, finding life a struggle
 

Hi all, i have been checking out sober recovery for a while now.

I am newly sober from heroin, i have not taken anything for 21 days now.
I detoxed at my dads house and am stayig with him presently.

I have had pretty bad anxiety and depression since i have been 13, i am now 24.
Currently i am on 40mgs of citalopram and 3 x 40mgs of propanolol daily.
I have been on both years before but started medication again this february after i home detoxed from methadone.


Since i have been on the citalopram my depression and anxiety has been more managable, but recently since i got clean , i have been struggling getting out and about,busy places,waiting rooms,shops etc all trigger panic attacks.
Also first week or so clean i was very down, struggled to even walk my dog, was very pessimistic, although generally i only have a few days, hours per day when i feel like that now.
I am trying to take good care of myself, eating healthily, walking daily with my dog, keeping busy, thankfully i am managing at least 5hrs sleep, when i was not sleeeping i often felt awful and wanted to use.

I currently see a counseller weekly and have been for many years on and off, i get on with her really well.
Also i have a new doctor who has been very supportive generally.

Today i went to an open day at a college and i almost didnt go in because i was so anxious, i got so upset about it i ended up crying from frustration.
I forced myself to go in, i shouldnt have as i was fairly nervous speaking to the course tutor,and i'm not sure i gave the best impression as i couldnt think straight.

I really want to move forward with my life, i havnt worked for over 2 1/2 years. I would love to be able to go to college and graduate, just having a job would be great, but mostly my anxiety has been a huge problem with acheiving these things . I have lost lots of confidence too, through being inactive.

Can anyone relate to my frustration in these early days of sobriety?
I am thankful i am clean, i would like to take the next step towards starting my future but am finding it very difficult and i end up angry with myself cause i cant control my emotions.

Squiggle,

Congratulations on your sobriety and clean time. Keep up the good work! :e058:

It's great that you've got such plans for yourself. Have you considered going part time? That's what I did when I started school. I had been out for years, was filled with anxiety and wasn't sure I could handle it, so, I took only one class to start with, just to get the hang of it. Then, two. Then, I went full time. I eased on into it, and it was the best thing I could have done, cuz, I was sure that I could do it. It made my anxiety much easier to handle. :yup:

I wish you lots of luck in your endeavors. You can do this, one step at a time.
Let us know how it goes. Oh, and don't forget to use student support services. They're great! :e058:

Shalom!

Thanks historyteach.

Still doing ok.Was at docs recently, he reckons i have social anxiety and is referring me to psychiatrist .Is also going to change my med's to venlafaxine.

I think i put too much pressure on myself too soon it's still early days.

Some days are better than others and i need to not push myself too much.

That course i mentioned is three days a week, so thats going to be managable if i get some help from doctor hopefully.

Thanks for your suggestions on taking it easier.

Good job! Have you tried support groups too (sorry if Imissed that in your post, I am reading quickly because I am at lunch). 12 step programs are a marvelous way to help put ou on an even keel mentally emotionally and spiritually. Give it a try! Look in your local phonebook for the NA office near you.

I just wanted to throw out my support - don't be too hard on yourself if you are experiencing such anxiety in the early days of recovery. It sounds like you've got lots of support in place, which is vital. I think it will take some time for your body to adjust to living clean - try to give it time, and allow yourself to rest as needed. You should be really proud of yourself for getting clean :hug:
Stick around :)

hi squiggle and welcome!

Thanks for support and suggestions
 

Thanks for the advice and support , it's good to know i am not alone in what i'm feeling.
It's good to know what has worked for you, any suggestions are appreiciated.

I think i will check my local NA meetings .
I have been to a meeting before and found it quite helpful.
I don't fully underdtand NA but will do some research,I am interseted in doing the steps there are apects of them that i think are really useful with moving on in your life.

I have done yoga before and love it , so am going to get to a class in town.

I have read other posts and came across a suggestion of Kava Kava which i had totally forgotten about , i used this many years ago and found it worked great although you are recommended to only take it for 3mths.

I don't like being on medication really, i'd rather go with something natural if possible.

Also i got how may days i've been sober wrong i think, it is 27 days today.

Gave myself a reward last night had a tub of ben and jerry's chunky monkey.

Hope everyone is doing well and in a good place.

K

Congrats on your increasing sober time! :cheer
Be careful mixing natural and medical remedies for your anxiety. There can be interactions, so please check with your pharmacist before doing so, even if you've already stopped the meds. They can still be in your system. And the mix can create a medical emergency. Remember, an ouce of prevention is worth a pound of cure! :wink3:

Meetings will do a world of good. The social support; the spiritual enhancement and the practical guide for living a good life is a winner. The only other thing I would add is physical well being -- eating a healthy diet and exercising. You've already got the continuation of your education going. So, it looks like with the meetings and the physical well being, you've got a recipe for a winning recovery! :c029:

L'Chaim!
(To Life!)

While I do not know what it's like to overcome an addiction I do know what it's like to beat anxiety. Don't beat yourself up for the panic attacks. I know it feels horribly unfair that you can't seem to do the things you would like to do with your life. And it's hard to take it slow, but overcoming anxiety is often a slow process but I promise it's one that can be done!