needalanon

Can anyone relate to my situation?

My 20yo addict son in rehab; used from age of 14 (oxy, alcohol, gambling) and now that he has been sober for 40 days in many ways we are not really seeing much in the way of recovery other than he's clean (he is inpatient). Same controlling arrogant disrespectful behavior exists. I believe there is something else going on in his brain- he has always been "wired" different since he was a toddler - trouble keeping friends, can't be alone, very impulsive, can be extremely mean, not much conscience. We attributed much of it to his addiction but like I said he is much the same 40 days sober. He is in a dual diagnosis center but they aren't coming up with anything other than ADHD (which we knew); they don't think he is bipolar. I read about Borderline Personality Disorder which he seems to show symptoms of. I think I may be looking for a diagnosis because the soooner we can peg that the sooner we can treat it the sooner he can STAY sober. The thing is he went to treatment electively and really does want to stay sober - he just is fighting his innate personality or demons or whatever.

It is so frustrating. Anyone relate to the symptoms I described?

Thanks.

Easeful

Some of the symptoms you list are in fact possible results of ADHD, i.e. trouble keeping friends, impulsive behavior. I don't know about the others but they may also be related. ADHD produces a lot of frustration and I guess that could cause the other things you mention.

Certainly treataing the ADHD, especially with behavior modification couldn't hurt.

I do know that having ADD or ADHD is a known risk factor for "becoming" an alcoholic. "Becoming" is in quotes because I don't know if we become alcoholics or if we born alcoholics and become users.

ps. not a Dr., I am an alcoholic with ADD.

Good luck to you and your family. I'm glad your son is in a place to get help.

mackie

I would say he's probably still working things out of his system. Not really sure what he 'all' took, but some half-lives on drugs are longer than others.

You are concerned about his controlling attitude..........if a treatment center is worth it's weight in salt, that will be addressed and he will learn that he has very little control. The only thing he should be worried about controlling right now is the will to use. Ideally, he should be learning that surrendering and honesty is the way this program works.

Continued counseling will probably show some other things............a lot of mental disorders overlap each other, are often misdiagnosed and under treated. Keep a positive attitude and don't let him slip through the cracks. Start with the ADHD and go from there. I know for me, personally, the impulsivity is a HUGE issue and something I battle with in my dual diagnosis of depression and OCD.

Your name says a lot..............take care of you, too! I have seen it time and time again...........the addict goes to treatment........starts to put his life back on track.........gets better, does what's asked of him........but the rest of the family remains SICK! It's an inclusive package! Take advantage of any and all family events his treatment center might offer, find your local Al-Anon group (and get a sponsor) and MOSTLY, be kind to yourself! I'm sure it has not been an easy haul for you in dealing with your son's addiction.

Keep posting to let us know your progress! (that's right...........progress not perfection!)

BSPGirl

He's 20, he's an adult. Let him go, for your own sake too.

Marte

BuDoc

40 days of being clean and sober is a great accomplishment in and of itself. But, recovery and wellness is a lifelong journey. Wellness, wholeness and recovery doesn't happen over night! It will take time to undo much of the physiological and psycholocial pathology of numerous years of using and abusing. Give it time, and don't project your expectations onto his recovery. I would also reccomend you find a support group such as Alanon or other group that fits the dynamics of your family. An addict/acoholic isn't the only sick person in a family. I don't say this to be harsh, just being real and caring...

Hang loose, Doc.

needalanon

Thanks for the words of support.

We have let him go - he is in rehab thousands of miles away and will never come back. He turns 20 next week but after having used so much since the age of 14-15, now sober he has the maturity of a 15-16 yo.

I am looking for a quick answer where I know none exist.

Good luck to everyone else.

meli2005

I know it must be hard to have dealt with this and to see your son like he is today. I can understand your frustration. Maybe in time, things will settle down and they will be able to see more of his personality, etc. He's your son and you love him, you only want the best for him. I'm glad he is in a dual diagnosis center. Too often, I think centers just want to focus on the alcohol part and leave mental disorders out which does not contribute to a full recovery. Keep us up to date. Explore the ADD and ADHD connection.