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Nofap/sexual transmutation

Old 04-14-2020, 12:01 PM
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Today marks three years of sobriety for me (I'm referring to recovery from alcohol).

If you look through any recovery forums or attend any recovery meetings you'll notice it's mostly a steady flow of people coming in and going out. Sure there are a few old timers but for the most part the faces keep changing. I always used to wonder about that, if it meant that most people couldn't string together long periods of sober time.

I still peruse the alcohol forums from time to time but I find it doesn't interest me anymore. Not that I don't care about my sobriety (far from it) but rather my priorities and goals have shifted.

My last drunk nearly killed me. Once I got through the immediate withdrawals I promised myself that everything needed to change. Sobriety was the first step and the most critical but it was only the first step. My health needed a complete overhaul. My finances needed a complete overhaul. My career needed a complete overhaul. I needed to get rid of fake friends. I needed a relationship with God. I just wanted a "normal" life and to be happy.

I think I understand why many people move on. SR helped me when I was struggling and now I am proud and comfortable in my sober life. Now it is time for further improvements in my life and for the time being I've placed all my eggs in the semen retention basket. Just like Marvin Gaye I'm focused on sexual healing. Once I am healed from this affliction then I will shift my focus to my next life goal.

So I will quietly observe my personal milestone just as I plan on doing every year from now on. Reflect on the progress I've made but always look forward to the next task.

With that said, I'm really surprised how much my overall hygiene has improved since I started semen retention. During the quarantine I've been doing calisthenics seven days a week before I jump in the shower. I don't stink (insert joke here). I've been sweating every morning and I should stink after the workout but I don't. Not to mention my face has been getting progressively less oily. I won't question it, just keep doing what I'm doing while the body fixes itself.
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Old 04-14-2020, 05:56 PM
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Congrats on your soberversary

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Old 04-18-2020, 04:42 PM
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Thanks Dee I appreciate it.

As I alluded to earlier, I'd like to shift the focus of this journal as to why I'm doing this and what I hope to accomplish. Recently one of my friends called me to congratulate me on another year of sobriety. I told him I appreciated his call and that I was more focused on semen retention (five months later in the week). You might guess what type of response I got: laughter followed by a quizzical "you're still doing that?"

I wasn't upset about it because I'm sure it does sound crazy to most people. But his response got me to thinking about how most men view masturbation: it's simply a given that we do it. Try to tell the typical guy to stop playing with himself and the litany of responses would be predictable. "I'd go crazy after two days". "I'd feel like tearing somebody's head off".

But guess what...you don't have to do it. Masturbation is not oxygen, nor is it water. It's not a given that a guy masturbates, it's a choice. It just happens to be a choice the overwhelming majority of men are in favor of.

So what happens when a man masturbates? Nothing floods the brain with more dopamine than sexual release. The problem here is that it's dirty dopamine; dirty in the sense that it is received due to low value behaviors. You're not getting your dopamine fix from going out there, wooing a female, and then bedding her. Instead you're getting that fix from laying around while your life is going nowhere.

Did I mention I'm an alcoholic in recovery? You know what I used to do when I was drinking? I sat around, obliterated my brain with alcohol while my life was going nowhere, and got rewarded with perpetually diminishing dopamine hits. Hey wait a minute...is there some type of correlation here? Like is it similar to stuffing your face with garbage? Or playing video games all the time? It's almost like all addictions follow the same pattern: getting a brief reward for being a loser and then feeling shameful on the inside.

I had mentioned earlier in the thread that I had been masturbating for as long as I could remember. Since it was so ingrained in my habits I never questioned the fact that it could potentially be harming me. Why would I? After all I would have given you the same answers: "come on I'll go crazy after a few days and want to punch somebody". It's all BS.

I'm coming up on nearly five months now and I've never been better. The healing process is still ongoing so the libido is on/off and I am going through some post withdrawal. But my physique has never been better. My social anxiety has completely disappeared. My drive is through the roof both at work and at home. At work I've been the most productive member of my group and my boss recently confided in me that he put my name in for a promotion. At home I keep my living space 110% tidy. Cleaning every weekend, making the bed every morning, washing dishes after every meal.

When I got sober from alcohol I vowed that I was going to be the absolute best WeThinkNot I could possibly be. I've decided that the ideal WeThinkNot I've envisioned is no tosser or wanker. So when my friend started snickering over the phone I had to politely remind him that this was no fad, this is my new life.

Other men may justify low value habits like masturbation however they want. "C'mon everybody does it". That's not good enough for me anymore.

Next time I'm going to discuss the physical drawbacks from masturbation. Our balls contain this magical seed that is capable of creating a life and most men see fit to just waste it indiscriminately. Completely disgraceful.
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Old 04-22-2020, 12:44 PM
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Change of plans as there is an update to my situation. Tomorrow marks five months of semen retention, I just passed 150 days recently. My report is that yesterday I passed a major test and achieved a victory on this journey.

The flatline period seems to be ending and it looks as if the libido is coming back to life. For about the past week or so the morning wood has been strong and consistent. I don't know what the hell happened yesterday afternoon while I was alone at work but an intense urge came out of nowhere. It was unexpected and it caught me off guard. I don't ever remember having an urge like the one I experienced, even when I was a teenager.

Not going to lie, I was tempted to relieve it due to the intensity. I'm happy to report though that instead I went out for a long walk to take my mind off things. Right now I'm going to need to be strong since I think I'm in the next phase of the healing process.

I've read success stories from others who have long periods of nofap under their belts. They claim that once you are healed the libido is strong and natural but at the same time you have complete control over it. THAT is my ultimate goal and what I wish to achieve from doing this (I'm certainly not doing it because it's fun!).

The first phase of the brain rewiring is the flatline where the libido is more or less dead. Psychologically it's devastating but it makes it easier to rack up the days. I believe now I'm moving from the flatline to the raging libido stage where the urge to relapse is most intense. This part will be the struggle but I need to make it through to get to the promised land.

Failure is not an option AT ALL. I didn't invest five months of my life in this endeavor to fail now.

I've read that the best way to get through is to "urge surf". When they occur you don't fight it, instead you acknowledge it, close your eyes and breathe slowly until they fade away.

My brain is the master and my body is the slave. It's how I beat alcohol addiction and it's how I'm going to beat this.
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Old 04-25-2020, 09:54 PM
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Re: Nofap/sexual transmutation

Thankfully there have been no close calls since my last report.
As I mentioned last time one of my goals as it relates to semen retention is to reset to my normal sexual function. Too much masturbation has completely wrecked my brain and body over the years. Today I wanted to elaborate on that some more.
About two or three months after I achieved sobriety from alcohol is when I set goals for myself for the first time in my life. I was too preoccupied with acute withdrawal during those first few months to concentrate on anything beyond not drinking. I gave myself a hard deadline of five years of sobriety to build a solid life foundation (physical, mental, spiritual, financial, professional health).
Never in a million years could I have imagined just how far I would have come along after three years of sobriety. The last thing on my to do list is to start dating again. I swore I wouldn't put myself out there again until my life was in 100% order. So here is my checklist:
No more porn or masturbation for the rest of my life
I will not start dating before January 1st 2021. If sexual function is not 100% restored by January 1st then the date will be pushed out to whenever that happens (although I'm pretty sure I'll be good by the New Year).
I have no desire for marriage, children, monogamy, or cohabitation. When I do start dating it will be with the intent to pursue open sex-positive relationships.
After the New Year (or after I'm completely fixed) I will close this chapter of my life and proceed to the next big goal: complete financial independence which should take 10-20 years. My path will take one of two ways. There is a 98% chance I will spend the next 10 or 20 years building my financial empire while having casual sex with lots of women. However...
Semen retention has proven to give me benefits beyond my wildest dreams. I estimate there is a 2% chance by next year I'll have reached enough of a state of enlightenment that I'll want to continue with lifelong celibacy. If I continue with semen retention forever then I'm confident I can become a billionaire. How I'll do it I have absolutely no clue but I'm sure the answer would come to me after enough time and discipline. So let's see what the future has in store for me.
To combat cabin fever I've been going out on long weekend cruises blasting my 80s new wave music. The weather has been beautiful here this weekend, in about an hour or two I'm going to get in my car and roll down the windows while driving the coast and listening to the greatest music ever created. For those still suffering from addiction the lesson is this: you learn to love the little things again.
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Old 05-02-2020, 06:10 PM
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interesting threadI know a old man up north who says he was a chronic mastubator,and thats what got him into aa besides being a Alcoholic
he is well into his 70`s now and says he is "retired" if you know what he means
happy AA aniversity and best wishes on the journey
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Old 05-11-2020, 03:37 PM
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Thanks for the kind words Tommy. Retired, that is a good way to look at it.
I'm a few weeks away from closing in on six months. Based on people's personal accounts in the chatrooms I frequent it seems everybody starts semen retention to cure sexual dysfunction. Those who take it further to make it a way of life seem to do so due to the unexpected benefits they experience. At about 5 1/2 months I am starting to get glimpses of what these people are talking about.
I'm tentatively starting to learn how to master my urges. I don't want to get ahead of myself because I'm still a novice but now I'm not worried when they appear. They are not any less intense I don't believe but now when they occur I don't worry that I'm going to relapse.
Also I'm getting more in tune with my primal side. Yesterday I went to the grocery store, they were not letting anybody without a mask inside. After paying for my items I happened to make eye contact with a woman there who was with her boyfriend/husband. Our faces were both obscured by the masks but she was beaming her eyes like lasers into my soul. I returned the intense gaze back to her while thinking about how I wanted her to submit to me. For her to demurely show her neck to me in an act of submission. My libido started to rage but it was simultaneously pleasant as it was intense. No fear of relapse.
Did I mention my social anxiety is extinct?
I'm patiently waiting for my six month anniversary to pass as I believe the second half of the year is when the real progress begins.
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Old 05-11-2020, 03:37 PM
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Double post

Last edited by WeThinkNot; 05-11-2020 at 03:38 PM. Reason: Double post
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Old 05-18-2020, 02:27 PM
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I received a visit from an old "friend" last night. So far I've been lucky to not have bad withdrawals during my nofap journey but last night the PAWS hit me pretty good. It happened right after I turned off the lights and got into bed. Out of nowhere my mind started racing, my heart started racing, I felt like I was having a panic attack. Needless to say I didn't get much sleep.

I had suffered from PAWS greatly when getting sober from alcohol, it took 21 months before I felt normal again. In between the end of 21 months and the beginning of semen retention I didn't have any adverse physical or emotional symptoms. The good news is that these symptoms are proof that the brain is undergoing a healing process. Also because I've experienced PAWS before I can reassure myself that this too will pass.

Still it doesn't make it any less unpleasant. Will it take another year for me to feel normal after quitting a second vice? I sure hope not, but if that's what it takes then so be it.

I'll have six months of semen retention this Saturday.
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Old 05-18-2020, 08:22 PM
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Yours is the first time I've read of PAWs in connection with a no masturbation programme so I'm not sure whats normal.
If it is PAWs hopefully it won't be long lasting.

congrats on 6 months with your programme

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Old 05-19-2020, 11:56 AM
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I thought PAWS came about due to physical damage to the brain as a result of toxicity from prolonged drug abuse. That might be a component but based on what I've read it is due to the brain fixing the broken reward system. As I mentioned at the beginning of this thread I've been masturbating since I was about 4 years old, my brain has been getting the sexual equivalent of junk food my entire life. Easy, lazy dopamine. This segues nicely into my next point.

There is debate on the nofap/sexual transmutation forums if sexual fantasy is good or bad. My view is that thoughts themselves aren't good or bad it's how you respond to them. I've been sober (alcohol) for three years now and once in a blue moon my brain will send a weak urge signal. I receive the signal, immediately discard it, and then go about with my business. I view sexual thoughts in the same vein. As long as I don't masturbate whenever I get a fantasy then I'm improving.

The reason I bring this up is because my fantasies have become more normal. In the past I would rub one out while fantasizing about pleasing my harem of three-breasted Martian women with my robo-octo-penis (embellished for comedic effect but you get the point). Now when I get fantasies it involves regular vanilla sex with women who I know personally. Some of these women aren't necessarily what you would call "lookers" either. To me this is also proof that there IS healing going on upstairs.
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Old 05-21-2020, 01:26 PM
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It seems to be a period of tumult for me. I was feeling lethargic all day on Tuesday and went to bed early. At 2AM I woke up restless and I knew I wasn't going to be able to get back to sleep. After tossing and turning for a good hour and a half I gave up and then started punching myself in the face out of anger and frustration. With sleep nowhere in sight I got up, had my morning coffee earlier than normal, and then had my best workout since I started doing calisthenics during the lockdown. It was an anger fueled workout and in between sets I was pacing around my room like a caged animal.

At work yesterday I couldn't get much accomplished because of the brain fog. I was going on my nofap/SR forums for support but I couldn't concentrate nor could I focus on reading. Also my penis was absolutely DEAD, just lifeless. After having dinner I once again went to bed early since I was exhausted from lack of sleep the night before.

Thankfully I was able to get a good night's sleep and this morning was quite different. My morning wood was back and was standing at 100% attention. Also my demeanor has done a complete 180 from yesterday. There is no brain fog, my mind is absolutely clear. Now I am at work again and there is a pleasant aura about me. It feels like there is a feathertip at the base of my taint, radiating upwards and dissipating from my nape, shoulders, and head. I've done a bit of research on this I believe this is what "chakras" are alluding to. All I know is that this is the best drug ever.

I don't know if the brain will continue to act haywire as I'm still healing but I will enjoy this feeling while it lasts.
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Old 05-23-2020, 02:48 PM
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I created my account with SR when I already had a year and a half of sobriety because I was suffering from PAWS badly. Once I found out about PAWS and that it could take two years before it passed I was nervous that somehow my depression would not go away ever. 20 months into my sobriety I was deeply depressed and anxious on top because the two year deadline was approaching. I had awful mood swings and was constantly crying. Then one morning in my 21st month I woke up and somehow I just knew that it was over. The mood swings were intermittent but still I just knew inside that I had weathered the awful storm and had come out the other side as a new man.

I'm happy to report that I am 100% certain that I have passed the withdrawal/post-withdrawal stage and have officially entered a new phase in my nofap journey. Appropriately enough today is also the six month anniversary of when I started this life changing endeavor. The clearest indicator to me is the brain fog which was pretty thick on Tuesday and Wednesday is completely gone and my head feels clear to the point where I'm not sure it isn't transparent. I was elated once I got through alcohol related PAWS, this is on a level even beyond that.

My goal is to remain completely celibate until the end of the year. Now that my brain has rebooted I want to give it enough time at its new baseline so it learns that this will be the default state. Once the New Year arrives I'll be at a fork in the road and will have to determine which path to take. Originally my intent was to start dating next year with the condition that my brain had healed itself. However if the benefits keep compounding...I might just have to make this a new way of life. I don't say that lightly as that is a very lofty ambition but I'll cross that bridge when I get there.
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Old 06-06-2020, 04:36 PM
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Checking in halfway into Month 7 of semen retention.

The easiest (but longest) way to build wealth is via compounding interest. If you start saving money when you are young, you can become a millionaire without putting away too much money each month. Father time does all of the heavy lifting. The only rules are you have to save consistently, never take any money out prematurely, and most importantly be PATIENT. It may take several decades but eventually the money from your returns will far surpass the money you are contributing.

I've made more progress in these last few weeks of my journey than I have in the first six months. This is all internal, it is not something I can express quantitatively. All of my senses are sharpened and alert. The energy I have is absolutely mind boggling. I am dead serious when I say that I feel like I have more energy in my early 40s than I did even as a teenager.

Last night I went out for an evening cruise, the weather was absolutely perfect for it. At one point I got a little nervous because I felt like a panic attack was coming. I had a few of those while going through PAWS from alcoholism, they are absolutely terrifying. But it wasn't a panic attack it was just the amount of raw energy I had coursing through my entire central nervous system. The only comparison I can personally make is it was a bit similar to my previous cocaine binges.

I was just so damn happy last night. Honestly I felt like last night was the greatest night of my life. It was a mundane Friday evening but to me it was the greatest night ever. Just cruising the empty streets, windows down, wired like crazy, and listening to some 80s music on the radio. The DJ played two songs by Erasure, maybe that is why I was in such a great mood.

The reason I mentioned compound interest a bit earlier...I believe it's only going to get much better much faster from here on out. There is no doubt in my mind that how I'll feel at one year will be exponential orders of magnitude greater than how I'm feeling now. On with my journey...
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Old 06-30-2020, 07:12 PM
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I've had what may be my biggest setback in my overall journey thus far (not a relapse of any sort). I'm still not 100% sure.

Last year I booked a two week Vegas vacation in April to celebrate three years of sobriety from alcohol. Even though I'm sober I still love Vegas and I love to gamble since that has never been an addiction for me. Then COVID happened and my plans got scrapped. However I got a complete refund for my trip and when Vegas started opening up again I took advantage of the cheap rates. I ended up booking a trip for two weeks at the WYNN for absolute dirt cheap, I'll never get another deal like that again (for those not familiar with Vegas, the Wynn is the absolute finest resort in town).

Overall it was the best vacation of my life. The Wynn spoiled and pampered me and I actually won a decent amount of money gambling. Instead of continually taking money out of the safe in my room I kept depositing money in the safe! I didn't celebrate three years of sobriety from drinking in Vegas but I got to celebrate seven months of semen retention!

Two things: first I did not have sex with any prostitutes or civilians even though opportunity presented itself in both cases. Pretty much every Vegas vacation in the past (except while I was married) I've taken a girl or two back to my room and since the Wynn is the most upscale joint in town that is where you see the best ladies. So although the opportunity was there I consciously backed off because I want to have at least one full year of retention which is what I set out to do. Trust me it was not easy.

For the other I'll just come out and say it since otherwise it's a long story: I got into a fistfight on Saturday night with some drunk a-hole (I did not drink). He ended up with a bloody nose, I got a black eye, thank God nobody had to go to the hospital and nobody got arrested. Once security separated us they saw nobody was seriously hurt, both parties got their licks in so they just kicked us both out.

I'm torn on this. On the one hand the guy was being belligerent and aggressive towards me. On the other hand I could have walked away from the situation even though my ego would have taken a hit. I do feel that sometimes doing the wrong thing can be doing the right thing and I must admit it sure felt good to swing on that mofo. In the end I have another great Vegas story.

Can you believe that? All the years I went to Vegas as a drinker and I never got into a fight. It's not until I'm sober that I get into a Vegas casino brawl.

As it relates to semen retention this was my biggest test and I passed with flying colors. Just need to keep being disciplined and zero in on the year.
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Old 07-05-2020, 07:04 PM
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I just signed up to this forum, and I already found a fellow warrior. I'm 23 and I just started taking NoFap seriously on June 2nd. Haven't looked at porn or masturbated since 12 noon on that very day. So I have some days under my belt, and I am very grateful.

I never want to go back to watching porn, it started to become obsessive for me.

I found that quitting marijuana has absolutely aided me on my NoFap journey. Whenever I would get high and I had alone time, I'd always end up indulging in you know what. And for the record, I don't use any other substances. So I am also completely sober. Well, I do drink coffee, and love it, but im sure a lot of other people who consider themselves sober also drink coffee.


But I am with you on this journey one hundred percent. I'm nowhere near your streak currently, but I WILL get there.
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Old 07-05-2020, 08:48 PM
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welcome to the mens room SoberMeAge23

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Old 07-06-2020, 04:01 PM
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Hey SMA23, it's great to hear from you! I don't think you will regret your decision, this has been the greatest undertaking of my entire life. At over seven months I already feel like a new man and there is zero doubt in my mind that it only gets better.

Reading your story made me reflect a little bit on my own life. Around 23 or so was the age when I had crossed that invisible line from problem drinker to alcoholic from which there is no return. One evening after work I was drinking alone in my apartment which I did every night. After using the restroom I was washing my face when I looked at my eyes in the mirror and told myself "I'm an alcoholic aren't I?" This was a pivotal moment in my life, one fork in the road would have a drastically different outcome from the other. Of course I took the coward's way out and continued drinking myself into oblivion for another 15 years.

Rather than being angry or bitter about the time wasted as I was in the beginning of my sobriety, I am now grateful to the Creator for setting me on this path. Recovery from alcoholism fueled within me a burning desire to improve myself. My quest for self-improvement ultimately led me to the path of sexual transmutation and semen retention. My experience with addiction recovery has been the most vital tool in my kit to tackle this new challenge.

Without alcoholism I don't stumble across nofap/semen retention. Without stumbling across nofap/semen retention I don't have the life I have now and hopefully the life I'm envisioning for the future. This was the only way it could happen for me.

The maturity you're showing at the age I drifted over to the dark side is commendable. I'm sure your journey will take you far.

For the record I also enjoy a cup of coffee in the morning
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Old 07-13-2020, 10:29 AM
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Just checking in with my fellow warrior! I am still going strong on my journey. One thing I want to share with you is that I feel like I am being reset to my default sexual setting. I'm wondering if you can relate to the following?

I have found that things I viewed as 'vanilla' in the past now turn me on. Because, in the past, it used to take some very specific PMO material to turn me on. When I was going through my addiction, simple facebook pictures of pretty women at my work used to do nothing for me. It wouldn't spike my interest at all. Like, looking at these images wouldn't spur the desire within me to approach these woman at my work, present myself in a positive light, get to know them and thus try to strike up a connection. I feel like this is something I should have been experiencing all along. As you can see, my life circumstance was very bleak at that time.

But now, when I see these woman I am friends with on social media (fully clothed - it's just their profile pictures, far from PMO material), I become interested in them. Not interested just on a sexual level - although I am a man so that is part of it, but also on a romantic level.

It definitely feels good to get these hints that I just might be healing my brain and just might have a shot at leading a positive, healthy life GRANTED I stay on this path.. which I am fully committed to doing.

It also feels good to share my thoughts and experiences here in a safe place like this.
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Old 07-28-2020, 11:57 AM
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The good news is that I've passed the eight month mark of semen retention. The bad news is that it appears things will be getting worse before they get better.

I seem to be undergoing a protracted withdrawal which came to a head yesterday. Ever since I got into that fight while I was on vacation I knew I wasn't 100% "right". This past month I've gone back into flatline, absolutely zero libido. I haven't been depressed or blue or anything like that but my mood is just not right. That is the only way I can describe it.

Yesterday my libido came roaring to life and all day I felt hyper anxious like I was losing my mind. I was unable to focus on work and ended up going home early. When I got home I skipped dinner and went straight to bed and ended up sleeping for twelve hours straight.

There is healing going on in the brain still, I fear this is going to be similar to when I got sober. A lot of rough patches ahead before I'm in the clear.
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