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Old 11-30-2017, 02:46 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Attacked by someone over who you/they voted for


I don't know where to post this, so I'll post it here.


I stopped by a "friend's" place a little while back and we made small talk and stuff and I thought this person was on the same wavelength as me (and I thought they genuinely cared about me because they used to check up on me when I was in the throws of my alcoholism) so I brought up who I voted for. I am not going to say if this was a State or local person I voted for, but in the interest of not bringing any political views into the discussion here, let's just say this person basically didn't like who I voted for and proceeded to attack me for it.


I guess I am kind of at a loss. This person has/had been sober from alcohol for I think 19 years though he did tell me he was having addiction issues with gambling recently (lost $8000 recently), and they are actively working a program (nor am I, outside of meetings here or there and posting here and stuff like that, and reading sober material every day),


So what are your thoughts? Was this person wrong to attack me for who I voted for? If a person is working a good sober program would they still have attacked me?
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Old 11-30-2017, 03:25 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Great album choice and username. HUGE Radiohead fan here, I've actually travelled over 7,500 miles for a show. I'm wearing a TKOL shirt as I type this! Definitely a top 5 Desert Island Disc for me is Kid Amnesiac (I lump them together), and my favorite song of all time by anyone is Pyramid Song.

Sorry, back to regularly scheduled programming.

Depends on what you mean by "attacked." I don't think people should "attack" for a variety of reasons, political or not.

FWIW, I think the mods/admins are very wise to keep overt political discussions off this site. Hopefully this one remains general enough to remain here.
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Old 11-30-2017, 06:01 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Hi Amnesiac

I very rarely discuss politics with anyone outside of a small inner circle to be honest.
Only you can really decide if your mates reaction was over the top or not tho.

It'd be nice if recovery made us all saints, and that we got progressively more saintly with every passing year - but that's not been my experience

Sounds like you think it was over the top and inappropriate so I'd generally give that person a wide berth, at least for a while?

D
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Old 11-30-2017, 09:30 PM   #4 (permalink)
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I'm going to assume by attack you mean verbally. I don't talk politics(unless I'm making a joke) nor religion. I was raised that way. I remember being maybe 4-5yrs'ish old and going to vote with my dad. Walked in the booth with him and everything. When leaving I asked who had he voted for and was met with; "You NEVER discuss politics or religion!!".. Kinda struck me as odd at the time,but throughout my years I've seen close friends get into both debates and it is a waste of time IMO..Glad I learned that lesson from my uptight dad. I'm a listen to all sides..make my decision and keep it to myself type. Not worth my breath debating stuff I really have zero control over. I do vote,but I do not think my vote really counts(not up for debate ).
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Old 12-01-2017, 04:47 AM   #5 (permalink)
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I too choose to not bring up the topic of politics or religion unless it's suggested, and even then I approach it gently. Social media and society have elevated those topics to a heated and passionate level for the most part and I don't have space in my life for dramatic debate and it also seems like someone is always looking to pick a fight. That just doesn't fit into my program of recovery and spirituality.
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Old 12-01-2017, 11:35 AM   #6 (permalink)
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So what are your thoughts? Was this person wrong to attack me for who I voted for?
Yes.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Amnesiac View Post
If a person is working a good sober program would they still have attacked me?
Perhaps. Our nation has become so dysfunctional because of tribal political feuds that this type of behavior is becoming normal and acceptable. Echoing what others have said here, the norm used to be, "Never talk politics or religion". Now it has become a blood-feud spectator sport, driven by those who profit from our perpetual discord.

Given that, I'd suspect that the reaction had less to do with this person's current state of recovery, and more with our ever-increasing incivility towards each other.
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Old 12-03-2017, 11:07 AM   #7 (permalink)
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"Was this person wrong to attack me for who I voted for?"

Depends on who you voted for.

Just kidding.

Of course the person was wrong.

Sorry about your being on the receiving end of it.

"If a person is working a good sober program would they still have attacked me?"

No, not at all.

Even the most serene recovering alcoholic will mess up and act like a practicing one (from a behavioral standpoint), but those situations should be rare and followed by an amend.

If this person is engaged in other dangerous and reckless activity, he is on very dangerous footing with his own recovery.

I hope he doubles down on his recovery and sees the foolishness of his gambling.

I want to particularly congratulate you on not even giving us a hint about whom you voted for, your own passionately held beliefs, etc.

It is too easy to say whom and what you support and hope to get a lot of support and start a general political discussion.

After which, of course, we cease looking at each other on our paths of recovery and, instead, look at each other as the sum total of our political, social and religious beliefs.

The Mods do a great job ensuring that this forum remains inviting to all and not just one more site to anonymously post about politics.

You are dealing with a sick person.

I don't want what he has.

There are better people in recovery to commingle with, although this guy certainly needs a good bit of help himself.

Good thread. Thanks for posting.
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Old 12-03-2017, 02:46 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Well I learned from other forums where political discussion (or poli avatars) of any kind were not tolerated and I learned the hard way (ban). lol


The only reason I brought up who I voted for with this person (as I've known it's one of the things you don't bring up with most people) is that he shared similar views to me in the discussion we were having and I apparently thought it was okay to let my guard down at that moment.
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Old 12-06-2017, 12:11 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Well I learned from other forums where political discussion (or poli avatars) of any kind were not tolerated and I learned the hard way (ban). lol


The only reason I brought up who I voted for with this person (as I've known it's one of the things you don't bring up with most people) is that he shared similar views to me in the discussion we were having and I apparently thought it was okay to let my guard down at that moment.
I had someone in my meeting come challenge me about a quasi-political matter after the meeting.

I certainly wasn't expecting it.

I wish him well (perhaps he was having a hard day - i don't know), but, it's his problem - not mine.
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Old 12-17-2017, 06:01 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Well I learned from other forums where political discussion (or poli avatars) of any kind were not tolerated and I learned the hard way (ban). lol


The only reason I brought up who I voted for with this person (as I've known it's one of the things you don't bring up with most people) is that he shared similar views to me in the discussion we were having and I apparently thought it was okay to let my guard down at that moment.
"Being taught to avoid talking about politics and religion has led to a lack of understanding of politics and religion....

...what we should have been taught was how to have a civil conversation about a difficult topic"

I agree with this statement.

I don't believe what you experienced had anything to do with the other person's recovery. Social conditioning and heavy media influence has a lot to do with people's opinions.

Also, currently what we are experiencing politically is CULTURE VERSUS POLICY. Basically even if a politician proposes something that will be overall beneficial to the country (policy), if he or she is disliked by certain people (culture) the policy will be rejected (or major fault or twisting of policy will be found).

I'm not sure we've ever lived in a time were people get so offended either (last 5 years). I've always thought that there's offense given and offense taken. Never have I witnessed "offense taken" so much as in these times.

I guess we are also experiencing the age where FEELINGS appear to be more important than FACTS.
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Old 12-23-2017, 10:00 PM   #11 (permalink)
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I've stopped arguing with people on Facebook with strident political views.

I just block 'em.

Life's too short.
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Old 12-24-2017, 02:29 AM   #12 (permalink)
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I assume from the 19 years sober reference that you are both in a 12 step program. As they say, some are sicker than others, and for sure we all have more issues than "just" alcohol. You may have caught this person on a bad day, or for whatever reason that specific election meant a whole lot more to him than you realized. Your side of the street was raising a potentially divisive topic - if you want to clear the air, you could apologize for bringing it up and that there was no intent to create discord. Whether/how he responds is up to him.

Unfortunately, these are strange times, it seems there is almost no middle ground where people can simply agree to disagree anymore.
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Old 12-24-2017, 09:38 PM   #13 (permalink)
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So what are your thoughts? Was this person wrong to attack me for who I voted for? If a person is working a good sober program would they still have attacked me?
Political discussion and aspects of sobriety make poor bedfellows as it can add an unnecessary layer of stress to an already fragile foundation. People can change but maybe it's a topic needing to be given extra care if brought up again? Perhaps shunned entirely? Thankfully, it sounds like you have the capability to be the judge of that.

For me, verbal attacks equate to things that simply hurt my feelings. If this person accomplished this, it's possible that they may not have realized it as we can all be poor communicators. It might be a very difficult thing to do but you might consider trying to make absolutely sure that they truly meant to attack you by assessing their intent: Ask them if they meant to attack you. Period. If they confirm the intent by admitting that they did, then expelling them from your life is an option worth considering. Nobody needs "friends" that attack them, right? Maybe it's not at that point yet? There's always a "3 Strikes Policy" to be explored, too. Otherwise, it's possible that they just said hurtful things to you in the heat of discussion and, hopefully, will either apologize for it or at least clear up any misunderstandings that you might be running with.

In any event, I'm really sorry you had that bad experience. I've gone through that before and it's one of the more difficult things to deal with when dealing with people and how they communicate. I hope it works out.
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