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Making friends in recovery.

Old 01-14-2014, 07:26 AM
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Making friends in recovery.

Hi. I've been sober for over 4 years now. I've been depressed and angry and have managed to push away the old friends in my life, and never bothered making new ones. I always turned down lunch invitations or bowling outings after work or whatever. I convinced myself that there is no point to making friends because all "normal" people drink and If I become friends with someone eventually we'll be somewhere where there is alcohol. I recently have discovered something about myself. I have pushed people away and not made new fiends not because of the fear of alcohol, that was an excuse, it's because I'm a dry drunk. I'm working towards fixing myself now. I want to make new friends but don't really know how. I know that sounds ridiculous, but that's my situation. Has anyone else been through this? Will I be alone forever?
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Old 01-14-2014, 07:35 AM
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Originally Posted by AndrejsM View Post
Will I be alone forever?
Probably not, now that you have recognition that the problem has been you. Work on you, learn to like yourself, and put yourself in situation where you will meet like-minded folks. Open yourself up to being a friend and you will have friends.
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Old 01-15-2014, 05:09 AM
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Originally Posted by AndrejsM View Post
all "normal" people drink and If I become friends with someone eventually we'll be somewhere where there is alcohol.
I think that "most" or "some" normal people drink, but of course they don't drink like I did. If they did, that wouldn't be "normal". Yesterday I was working in the home of a pastor, he had a wonderful wine rack in his kitchen. To me, that's normal.

I was lonely for a short time in early recovery but I discovered that my loneliness was directly proportionate to how outgoing I wanted to be. To make friends I had to put out my hand and smile, go out for coffee or a meal when invited, and put myself in situations where I'd be around other people.

Now it comes easily, I make friends at work, at meetings, at church, pretty much anywhere. Looking back, loneliness was an atmosphere that I created with my own self pity.

Welcome to SR. I hope you find it friendly enough here.
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Old 01-15-2014, 05:17 AM
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Originally Posted by Astro View Post
I think that "most" or "some" normal people drink, but of course they don't drink like I did. If they did, that wouldn't be "normal". Yesterday I was working in the home of a pastor, he had a wonderful wine rack in his kitchen. To me, that's normal.

I was lonely for a short time in early recovery but I discovered that my loneliness was directly proportionate to how outgoing I wanted to be. To make friends I had to put out my hand and smile, go out for coffee or a meal when invited, and put myself in situations where I'd be around other people.

Now it comes easily, I make friends at work, at meetings, at church, pretty much anywhere. Looking back, loneliness was an atmosphere that I created with my own self pity.

Welcome to SR. I hope you find it friendly enough here.

Hi. Thanks for replying. As the days go on here, I'm discovering that I've been having a pity party for myself for the last 4 sober years. Because of some bad recent events in my marriage, I'm am now, finally, honestly looking inside myself and really acknowledging what's wrong with ME. The alcohol was gone, but not the problems that caused me to drink in the first place. I'm nervous about meeting people now, although I really want to have friends and be outgoing. It gives me hope that you said it comes easy now, and that all it took was some practice. Thanks
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Old 02-09-2014, 03:13 PM
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Originally Posted by AndrejsM View Post
Hi. I've been sober for over 4 years now. I've been depressed and angry and have managed to push away the old friends in my life, and never bothered making new ones. I always turned down lunch invitations or bowling outings after work or whatever. I convinced myself that there is no point to making friends because all "normal" people drink and If I become friends with someone eventually we'll be somewhere where there is alcohol. I recently have discovered something about myself. I have pushed people away and not made new fiends not because of the fear of alcohol, that was an excuse, it's because I'm a dry drunk. I'm working towards fixing myself now. I want to make new friends but don't really know how. I know that sounds ridiculous, but that's my situation. Has anyone else been through this? Will I be alone forever?
I still go out with old friends to bars, to bbqs, to sporting events, If I wanted to drink I could just go to the 7-11 down the block and drink any day. I feel comfortable around friends who drink, they know I'm in recovery and love it beecause I can drive them around. I been through the 12 steps and the spritual malady has straightened out and I don't even worry about drinking or not drinking I've been placed in a position of neutrality safe and protected around alcohol. I can go wherever alcohol is served as long as I am spiritual fit.
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Old 05-31-2014, 09:12 PM
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The friends I've kept in sobriety respect what I'm doing and dial it down themselves when they're around me. And I've made new friends, too. It hasn't been easy, because I'm very competitive with other men. For example, my sponsor has a hard-on for this chick I'm into, and if he sleeps with her I don't know how I'd handle it. But these are the things we risk when we are daring enough to actually experience life, instead of retreating into alcohol. Life is suffering and pleasure, pleasure and suffering, over and over again. And when you're sober, you get to experience the entire spectrum. I know I had a fantasy that everything could be good all the time. Well, that's not how life works.
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Old 07-20-2014, 02:41 PM
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another excellent thread, thank you to the original poster
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Old 08-24-2014, 08:38 PM
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Wow, recovery is about not hiding away from life, and alcohol. You must learn to live with it, and not have the urge or desire to drink. If you cant do that then you should be locked up somewhere, or live on a remote island somewhere, less a stranger comes with a bottle of Apple Jack Whiskey.
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Old 08-31-2014, 02:39 PM
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I'll be your friend adding now .. Friend
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