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Old 03-28-2008, 08:54 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Sexual dysfunction and alcoholism


Hi i have been sober now for about nine months and i am suffering from a very low sex drive and an inability to maintain an erection. I wont go into the rest, i have spoken about it with my sponsor but his advice is to give it time and see if it improves. I recently went to the doctor for a testosterone test
and he said i had normal levels of testosterone and that it was probably mental problems. We'll that makes sense i have a can of worms inside my head. I have so many mental problems as a recovering alcoholic i dont know whether or not im insane. I also smoke as well dont know if that effects things or not. I fear that i will never be able to please a woman and i will be useless to a woman and not be able to please her. Most of the time i cannot get an erection even by looking at pornographic material most if not nearly all of the time it feels like its all dead down there. So i was just wondering if there where any other blokes with the same or similar problems and what is you experience and or what you did about it i hope this subject is not offensive or inappropriate but i need help oh plz plz help me.
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Old 03-28-2008, 10:44 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Most people get into attaching a drug to sex and it controls their mind, and their body responds. My advice would be exercise and drink water, and take vitamin b daily. It enhances blood flow. Same goes for ginseng. If you do all of that, you'll be hard 24/7. Also ditch the porn, I don't think it's healthy for people in recovery (or anyone).
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Old 03-29-2008, 01:03 PM   #3 (permalink)
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i would say that if you are an avid smoker that is probably one of your biggest problems talk to a urologist for a professional opinion first before jumping to head games
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Old 04-04-2008, 12:09 PM   #4 (permalink)
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My sex drive has not necessarily improved since being sober for 29 days, but I find myself getting and maintaining erections better than when I was drinking.
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Old 04-04-2008, 12:34 PM   #5 (permalink)
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We'll that makes sense i have a can of worms inside my head. I have so many mental problems as a recovering alcoholic i dont know whether or not im insane.
That is the most important thing you said in my opinion.

What is going on in your head effects sexual function, if youre feeling crazy then it can freak you out so much you cant get sexual.

Maybe take the emphasis off your sexual performance and ask for help with the mental stuff?
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Old 04-04-2008, 12:54 PM   #6 (permalink)
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When I was 14 the can of worms inside my head were... Oh look a girl and Bing!
I found as I got older my mind didn't race in that direction as much so less Bing!
Alcohol intake did get in the way but I don't remember the stopping getting in the way. As I reached closer to 50, a combo of many things in life were found to slow things down but never stopped things *grin*.
Caffeine is one of the things known to cause problems. Lack of exercise can be another. A can of worms in our head... Yes what I think sure can get in the way.
I wouldn't let it bother me so much because as your sponsor says... it should pass and things will be fine pretty fast.
Exercise more and caffeine cut down would still be good for you anyway.
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Old 04-04-2008, 07:49 PM   #7 (permalink)
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I agree that drinking and smoking could very well have an effect, but as noted above head games and performance anxiety are (at least in my experience) the worst barriers to arousal. A few months ago I had sex for the first time in a while (I am single and not married) and even though she was quite attractive, I didn't get aroused until quite some time. What was keeping me down (literally) was worrying about not getting hard. When I finally did (after nearly 30 minutes of very sexual play), all went well. The next time, I was ready before I could even begin unbuttoning my shirt. So knowing that the package still works can be quite the barrier. Once you know it does, no problem.

Oh and I agree that excessive porn use can be negative too. I'm not one to lecture another guy on porn, but I get more far far more turned on by women in real life than on some computer screen.
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Old 04-17-2008, 08:18 AM   #8 (permalink)
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I've experienced this too, I have only been sober for 3 days but when I drank to excess I could not really maintain an erection and now being sober I find myself disinterested in any and every espect of life (including sex). I am considering seeking a specialist about it. I am 22 years old btw.
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Old 04-17-2008, 03:25 PM   #9 (permalink)
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I had a similar problem early in recovery. Alcohol and sex were so closely associated that without alcohol I had virtually no libido. The condition improved in time. Be patient with yourself, I have heard people say it took a couple of years for their sex drive to return to normal.

Mental stress will almost certainly cause impotence. Our brains are the greatest aphrodisiac so stop agonizing over the thought that you may never be able to please a woman you will only make intimacy harder.

If you check out okay with the doctor and your diet is in order I am sure you will begin to see some improvement soon.
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Old 04-17-2008, 03:43 PM   #10 (permalink)
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depression and the drugs that help sometimes cause problems w sexual functon and drive from what I am told and have experienced
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Old 04-20-2008, 10:31 AM   #11 (permalink)
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I have had this problem, and from time to time still deal with it. Time will heal it mostly. I have noticed that it goes away when I have a clear mind and am not trying to be sexually active for my own gains.
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Old 04-21-2008, 09:44 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Well I had the reverse problem. The more I drank the less I was able to perform. Sometimes not at all, because of the old whiskey **** Not that I didn't stop myself from trying of course. Though now that I made the decision to give up the booze it does make me nervous thinking the next time I'm with a woman. Because the last time I was with a woman and 100% sober I was 16, almost 13 years ago. I've always been drinking or was high on something everytime since then. But I'll worry about that when the time comes, and seeing as they're not knocking down my door I say it's gonna be awhile before that time comes again. Got more important things to concern myself with.
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Old 05-06-2008, 05:18 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Is this a good time to mention that woman manipulate men with sex? Celibacy is not the end of the world. On a different note, I like a supplement with yohimbe bark and genseng.
If all else fails, that's why God gave men a tongue.

A little guy with a small dick walks into a ***** house and pulls down his pants.

All the girls start to point and laugh. One says, "Who do you expect to satisfy with that?"

He points at his chest with his thumb and says, "ME!"
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Old 02-27-2017, 11:26 AM   #14 (permalink)
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How did things work out you?
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Old 03-03-2017, 07:41 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Is this a good time to mention that woman manipulate men with sex? Celibacy is not the end of the world. On a different note, I like a supplement with yohimbe bark and genseng.
If all else fails, that's why God gave men a tongue.

A little guy with a small dick walks into a ***** house and pulls down his pants.

All the girls start to point and laugh. One says, "Who do you expect to satisfy with that?"

He points at his chest with his thumb and says, "ME!"
Hahahahaha, I've heard that line used in Kalgoorlie at the red light strip in Hay Street, the infamous "Knock Shops".

Kevin Bloody Wilson wasa music teacher from Kalgoorlie who became famous singing classics like "Last Larger Waltz" and "Do ya F*** on First Dates and does ya Dad own a Brewery" and "I've got a tongue that's ten inches long and I've learned to breath through me ears".

Kalgoorlie is a pure mining town in the outback and is one of the most male dominated, beer soaked places you're likely to encounter. My drinking career sky rocketed in Kal.

To be honest celibacy is easy. I'm not old but through a mixture of mindfulness and self discipline I rarely think about sex and if lack of sex bothers my wife, she's not complained yet.

The Dalai Lama once said that our attachment to sex was a cause of suffering and reminded us that the stunning cheer leader we marry will eventually whither in to an old crone, so enjoy while you can but do not regret loss. His holiness then went on to say that he hopes to be reincarnated as a mischievous hot blonde.

As I get older, I view my wife as a partner in the journey of life and although I play my part as a good husband, I let fate decide whether we walk the whole thing together or take separate paths. Women and sex in general I view like alcohol. It looks great, like enticing bottles of booze in a liquor store, I can look but not touch and in the end when I entertain the thought I remind myself I would be better off taking a hammer and whacking myself on the forehead a couple of times......usually a long run and hard work out sorts me out The other thing one can do for sexual dysfunction is visit the Doctor.

In the case of the OP its been 9 years so lets hope he is back in the game and got all his issues sorted out.
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Old 03-11-2017, 08:28 AM   #16 (permalink)
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I suffer with it when drinking, usually goes away after. Smoking is a big no no, also lose weight if you are overweight. Cardio Exercise to improve blood flow, and if you are on any other medication e.g. antidepressants, high blood pressure meds these can make you not get an erection. Finally, try not to worry about it which is hard, you can pleasure women in other ways.
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Old 03-17-2017, 05:43 AM   #17 (permalink)
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I saw an interview with Eric Clapton where he said that when he got sober he was unable to perform sexually because he had NEVER HAD sober sex before.
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Old 03-25-2017, 05:58 AM   #18 (permalink)
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It took a while of self diagnosis for ED cause. But in my case I have BPH was basically means an enlarged prostate. This can affect the urinary tract and erections as the two are intertwined. If youve noticed it a little harder to urinated, or unable to completely empty your bladder then you might have BPH.
Dont fret I was prescribed Cialis. My god the thing is a wonder drug. Its not cheap mind you but for the peace of mind its worth every penny.
My BPH is under control and my ED is in full reverse. I can get erections like when I was 17 years old again. It does incredible wonders to my confidence. Talk to your dr about it.
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Old 04-27-2017, 05:57 AM   #19 (permalink)
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This is somewhat embarrassing but I have to ask. I have been sober 7 days, the longest I've been sober in a decade. I was drinking about a fifth of vodka throughout the day. On my days off I would usually start in the morning to take the edge off the hangover, and keep the buzz going throughout the day. So I was drinking pretty consistently. It kinda crept up on me over the past couple years. Recently I felt what I thought was liver pains. It scared me so I just stopped on 4/20. I've had some withdrawal symptoms but they have been manageable. The first 3 days were hell though. I am dedicated to this, and am confident.

Anyways, what is scaring me is that I have not had an erection since I quit. Nothing, nada, zilch. No morning wood, nothing with my wife, nothing. Please, please someone tell me it gets better!
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Old 04-27-2017, 07:14 AM   #20 (permalink)
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The trick, as difficult as it is, is to relax and not worry about it.

And communicate. Let your wife know this is normal and not get too worked up.

Our bodies undergo a lot of change and so do our MINDs. Sexual response is a blend of physical and emotional and psychological and addiction recovery means recalibration of all three at once.

It's going to be just fine. Give it time and don't obsess over it. That just makes it worse.

Been there.

It's gonna be OK.
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