Doing life without marijuana
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2020
Location: Myrtle Beach, SC
Posts: 41
Doing life without marijuana
Like many people, alcohol is what eventually proved to me that I have a destructive and dangerous addiction problem. However, for me quitting smoking marijuana is proving more difficult than quitting drinking so far. I used alcohol as a daily escape to get away from things, I think I used weed as some sort of mood enhancer anti-anxiety so I could directly engage and deal with things. I was using the weed thinking I wouldn't get too stressed, and stay generally positive. Now that the weed is gone I am very stressed and not positive. My AV is telling me it is because I need the medicine of the marijuana to help me handle things and get back to life.
So far my mood, motivation, and productivity has tanked. My mind is playing tricks on me, saying that I will eventually realize I need to go back to the weed to function and that torturing myself through these sober days is futile and counterproductive. I do not feel like doing anything, I am avoiding my work and ready to cancel going to a dinner tonight because I just feel like crap. I am having some rage fits, I get really mad and physically charged - I yell and slam my chest and punch my open hand. So much emotion and frustration I do not know what to do with it.
People get sober to get better, but recovery is hard as well and it feels like it is taking a toll. I must be making excuses and I probably have some chemical imbalances going on, but AV keeps saying just smoke, you will be happier and feel better so you can start taking care of the things you need to. Lots of things like work I have been avoiding while focusing on sobriety. I obviously cannot go that way for very long. I hope it gets easier soon. It is only Day 2.
Has anyone else experienced this feeling of going backwards before forwards in early sobriety? How much time should I give myself before it is best to just push myself back into work and my regular expectations for myself?
So far my mood, motivation, and productivity has tanked. My mind is playing tricks on me, saying that I will eventually realize I need to go back to the weed to function and that torturing myself through these sober days is futile and counterproductive. I do not feel like doing anything, I am avoiding my work and ready to cancel going to a dinner tonight because I just feel like crap. I am having some rage fits, I get really mad and physically charged - I yell and slam my chest and punch my open hand. So much emotion and frustration I do not know what to do with it.
People get sober to get better, but recovery is hard as well and it feels like it is taking a toll. I must be making excuses and I probably have some chemical imbalances going on, but AV keeps saying just smoke, you will be happier and feel better so you can start taking care of the things you need to. Lots of things like work I have been avoiding while focusing on sobriety. I obviously cannot go that way for very long. I hope it gets easier soon. It is only Day 2.
Has anyone else experienced this feeling of going backwards before forwards in early sobriety? How much time should I give myself before it is best to just push myself back into work and my regular expectations for myself?
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi and welcome to the forum livinchi 
it’s really tough to start a recovery journey. Not drinking was tortuous but not toking was, in a way, even tougher.
I drank for 20 years, but I relied on pot for 30 years.
It got me up in the morning, and put me to sleep at night. It made the intolerable tolerable. It was both a source of enjoyment and medicine.
But it came to rule my life.
I spent years - decades - on the couch barely able to move, barely able to think. The aid to imagination stole my imagination away, let alone my ability/to be creative.
The medicine I took for my anxiety in the end made me paranoid anxious and scared, even when not smoking.
It depleted my bank balance, gave me some very dubious playmates and stole the real me away - leaving a smoking near comatose husk.
It also wrecked my lungs, for good.
But...every one tells you how great natural and benign pot is.
Even when your own experience tells you that’s not true, you willingly buy into the lie because you are as addicted as any lab rat and you want, need, crave to be high.
Many times I tried and found that I convinced myself over and over that in order to live my life I had to smoke, or had to drink.
When I thought I’d just start off easy and just give up one of my drugs of choice, before too long I’d be back on the other as well...if I was high I wanted to be drunk as well or vice versa...so both had to go.
Both were the same leaky boat on that same see of crud...just different flags.
Sober/clean I discovered a me I’d completely forgotten about. A me 30 years of toking made me forget had ever existed.
A me who loved life, a me who engaged with people, who got things done, who solved problems rather than running away from them. I am still very glad to have that person back.
I hope you decide to stay on the journey. It’s worth it
D
it’s really tough to start a recovery journey. Not drinking was tortuous but not toking was, in a way, even tougher.
I drank for 20 years, but I relied on pot for 30 years.
It got me up in the morning, and put me to sleep at night. It made the intolerable tolerable. It was both a source of enjoyment and medicine.
But it came to rule my life.
I spent years - decades - on the couch barely able to move, barely able to think. The aid to imagination stole my imagination away, let alone my ability/to be creative.
The medicine I took for my anxiety in the end made me paranoid anxious and scared, even when not smoking.
It depleted my bank balance, gave me some very dubious playmates and stole the real me away - leaving a smoking near comatose husk.
It also wrecked my lungs, for good.
But...every one tells you how great natural and benign pot is.
Even when your own experience tells you that’s not true, you willingly buy into the lie because you are as addicted as any lab rat and you want, need, crave to be high.
Many times I tried and found that I convinced myself over and over that in order to live my life I had to smoke, or had to drink.
When I thought I’d just start off easy and just give up one of my drugs of choice, before too long I’d be back on the other as well...if I was high I wanted to be drunk as well or vice versa...so both had to go.
Both were the same leaky boat on that same see of crud...just different flags.
Sober/clean I discovered a me I’d completely forgotten about. A me 30 years of toking made me forget had ever existed.
A me who loved life, a me who engaged with people, who got things done, who solved problems rather than running away from them. I am still very glad to have that person back.
I hope you decide to stay on the journey. It’s worth it
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by Dee74 
Hi and welcome to the forum livinchi
it’s really tough to start a recovery journey. Not drinking was tortuous but not toking was, in a way, even tougher.
I drank for 20 years, but I relied on pot for 30 years.
It got me up in the morning, and put me to sleep at night. It made the intolerable tolerable. It was both a source of enjoyment and medicine.
But it came to rule my life.
I spent years - decades - on the couch barely able to move, barely able to think. The aid to imagination stole my imagination away, let alone my ability/to be creative.
The medicine I took for my anxiety in the end made me paranoid anxious and scared, even when not smoking.
It depleted my bank balance, gave me some very dubious playmates and stole the real me away - leaving a smoking near comatose husk.
It also wrecked my lungs, for good.
But...every one tells you how great natural and benign pot is.
Even when your own experience tells you that’s not true, you willingly buy into the lie because you are as addicted as any lab rat and you want, need, crave to be high.
Many times I tried and found that I convinced myself over and over that in order to live my life I had to smoke, or had to drink.
When I thought I’d just start off easy and just give up one of my drugs of choice, before too long I’d be back on the other as well...if I was high I wanted to be drunk as well or vice versa...so both had to go.
Both were the same leaky boat on that same see of crud...just different flags.
Sober/clean I discovered a me I’d completely forgotten about. A me 30 years of toking made me forget had ever existed.
A me who loved life, a me who engaged with people, who got things done, who solved problems rather than running away from them. I am still very glad to have that person back.
I hope you decide to stay on the journey. It’s worth it
D
it’s really tough to start a recovery journey. Not drinking was tortuous but not toking was, in a way, even tougher.
I drank for 20 years, but I relied on pot for 30 years.
It got me up in the morning, and put me to sleep at night. It made the intolerable tolerable. It was both a source of enjoyment and medicine.
But it came to rule my life.
I spent years - decades - on the couch barely able to move, barely able to think. The aid to imagination stole my imagination away, let alone my ability/to be creative.
The medicine I took for my anxiety in the end made me paranoid anxious and scared, even when not smoking.
It depleted my bank balance, gave me some very dubious playmates and stole the real me away - leaving a smoking near comatose husk.
It also wrecked my lungs, for good.
But...every one tells you how great natural and benign pot is.
Even when your own experience tells you that’s not true, you willingly buy into the lie because you are as addicted as any lab rat and you want, need, crave to be high.
Many times I tried and found that I convinced myself over and over that in order to live my life I had to smoke, or had to drink.
When I thought I’d just start off easy and just give up one of my drugs of choice, before too long I’d be back on the other as well...if I was high I wanted to be drunk as well or vice versa...so both had to go.
Both were the same leaky boat on that same see of crud...just different flags.
Sober/clean I discovered a me I’d completely forgotten about. A me 30 years of toking made me forget had ever existed.
A me who loved life, a me who engaged with people, who got things done, who solved problems rather than running away from them. I am still very glad to have that person back.
I hope you decide to stay on the journey. It’s worth it
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 754
Welcome to the forum Livinchi. What you are describing sounds pretty normal to me and while it is not any fun, it will pass and it will pass sooner than you think. Just keep us updated on a daily basis and you can read back on your own journey in a while.
When I discovered this place I could not stop reading all the threads about quitting marijuana. I thought my experiences were unique. Well...they were universal as can be. It's very easy to follow that little voice in your head, telling you to end the suffering and light up. But most of the times, the real suffering starts after using. There will be guilt, instant regret, shame, you name it. There must have been a reason why you have decided to quit.
You've got my support!
When I discovered this place I could not stop reading all the threads about quitting marijuana. I thought my experiences were unique. Well...they were universal as can be. It's very easy to follow that little voice in your head, telling you to end the suffering and light up. But most of the times, the real suffering starts after using. There will be guilt, instant regret, shame, you name it. There must have been a reason why you have decided to quit.
You've got my support!
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