Just lost
 

It's been ages since I posted here, I received a spam message today that reminded me about the site. Still dealing with the same old ****. Pot and booze. Still...made progress but always slip back. Even found God, beyond belief if you read old posts! It helped for a while, but I can't even find him now. I don't think 400mg of Ambien and 4000 mg of trazodone will do it.

I haven't felt this way for a long time but I'm getting to the end of my rope. I just can't stop. The money is piling up and I just don't see a way out. The drugs probably won't work so there is always the train. I know that will work. Not there yet.

I'm sorry, this is inappropriate. Please delete it if you need to. I just wanted to get it out. I'll probably be ok, I don't know, and I guess I don't really care. Sorry to be such a loser... whatever

Hi Tyler

There is a way out but it involves putting the booze and pot down.

I know intellectually you know that but the despair that long term substance abuse brings is hard to see through.

Have you thought about talking about it with someone - a crisis line or a doctor maybe?

at least think about becoming a regular poster here again/ Any action that doesn't involve drinking or smoking has to be worth doing.

D

Thanks Dee, you have always been there for me 🤗
I am reaching out at least. I see a therapist weekly and am in regular contact with my psychiatrist, saw him Thursday and shared some of my frustrations with him. I have started on Naltrexone which has helped somewhat with the drinking.

I quit the pot completely for 4 1/2 months, but I guess I got to feeling cocky and stepped out again about a month ago. Just dabbled, but it just brou

SR is one of many recovery lifelines available
to many. Hold tight and dont let ego or cockiness
get in the way. Get rid of it and come be just you
amongst friends in recovery.

support, care and understanding sent your way.

Support to you Man.
You are not a loser Tyler.
You can remain sober and drug free.
Join the march 2020 class and post every day.
Keep going and posting.

Vinny

You are always welcome here Tyler :)

D

Hey Tyler,

If you see this, please don't do what you seem to be alluding to.

Simply put, you're experiencing a level of pain that supercedes your personal resources for dealing with pain. Ultimately, I think you're just looking for relief from the deep state of depression that addiction has left you in. Because using isn't working anymore, I don't think you know where to find it. You already know it's not in a coffee cup full of pills. I can guarantee it's not what God wants for you.

Not trying to be "that guy", but I resonate a lot with what you're feeling. I got sober in late 2014 for six months, felt awful, relapsed, felt worse, and then stopped looking both ways when crossing the street. Finally I got some serious dual-diagnosis help, amassed a support network, and I'll be five years sober in July. It's been a lot different this time. You never know what's going to happen if you keep trying to climb out of hell. Maybe you'll get out.

Use the way you're feeling now as a reference point of where you never want to be again. You can't honestly tell me that getting clean right now will be more painful than continuing to use.