Hi All. MJ is pretty much ruining my life.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 5
Hi All. MJ is pretty much ruining my life.
I live in a legal state, and legalization is NOT all it is cracked up to be. I am a recovered alcoholic, and I was a few years sober when MJ was first legalized in CO.
Maybe I would have been OK if black market MJ did not descend on Grand Junction like a plague! Some huge illegal grower somewhere has discovered a clever way to make money getting rid of his trash, while eliminating his risk. People literally purchase his already harvested trash by the truckload, clean any leftover bud off, and make money selling what they harvest on the internet. Unhappily, I was legally growing my six plants that first season, which made my trash receptacle and my neighborhood a target.
The growers trash ultimately goes through city utilities, after being soaked in accelerant, burned and bagged (not as hazardous waste).
I called the police on them (they were also selling in the alley behind my house), and got one guy arrested, and made an enemy of sociopath. The sociopath got my neighbors (primarily the Evangelical youth pastor of Redlands Community Church) involved in his disposal project. It must be very lucrative, because supposedly good people started behaving in nasty ways.
This started six years and two moves ago. I was, and am, under constant survelliance, and stalked everywhere I go. My mentally ill son ultimately became involved with the disposal project, and we are no longer on speaking terms. I'm glad. He's an abusive *******, and he always has been. Recovery should be fun under these circumstances.
I have Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, which also complicates things.
I still use MJ, but now in massive amounts - like I vape grams per week. My brain, especially memory, is badly affected.
I need to give it up but, ironically, MJ will continue to ruin my life, whether I am using it or not.
I've even thought about trying to join the thugs, just to bring it to an end to the malice already, but I cannot bring myself to associate with such badly behaved, morally corrupt, assholes. They enjoy hurting people. They enjoy hurting animals. I cannot deal with that.
I have also thought about suicide. At one point, suicidal thoughts were the only thing that brought relief from the anxiety.
The police have been no help. Not in Colorado and not in Oregon, where I moved to escape the ugly ones. But my use of MJ has not been helpful in trying to get out of this ugly situation, that I NEVER deserved to be in. It kills me that the people who ruined my life (like the youth pastor of Redlands Community Church) are making bank in crime - literally corrupting his OWN kids along with young parishoners- and nobody cares.
I am really angry. I am alone in the world, and I am always afraid. But I am going to try quitting anyway, even though MJ will continue ruining my life thanks to nasty people and lazy law enforcement who lose all interest as soon as you say the word "Marijuana."
Maybe I would have been OK if black market MJ did not descend on Grand Junction like a plague! Some huge illegal grower somewhere has discovered a clever way to make money getting rid of his trash, while eliminating his risk. People literally purchase his already harvested trash by the truckload, clean any leftover bud off, and make money selling what they harvest on the internet. Unhappily, I was legally growing my six plants that first season, which made my trash receptacle and my neighborhood a target.
The growers trash ultimately goes through city utilities, after being soaked in accelerant, burned and bagged (not as hazardous waste). I called the police on them (they were also selling in the alley behind my house), and got one guy arrested, and made an enemy of sociopath. The sociopath got my neighbors (primarily the Evangelical youth pastor of Redlands Community Church) involved in his disposal project. It must be very lucrative, because supposedly good people started behaving in nasty ways.
This started six years and two moves ago. I was, and am, under constant survelliance, and stalked everywhere I go. My mentally ill son ultimately became involved with the disposal project, and we are no longer on speaking terms. I'm glad. He's an abusive *******, and he always has been. Recovery should be fun under these circumstances.
I have Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, which also complicates things.
I still use MJ, but now in massive amounts - like I vape grams per week. My brain, especially memory, is badly affected.
I need to give it up but, ironically, MJ will continue to ruin my life, whether I am using it or not.
I've even thought about trying to join the thugs, just to bring it to an end to the malice already, but I cannot bring myself to associate with such badly behaved, morally corrupt, assholes. They enjoy hurting people. They enjoy hurting animals. I cannot deal with that.
I have also thought about suicide. At one point, suicidal thoughts were the only thing that brought relief from the anxiety.
The police have been no help. Not in Colorado and not in Oregon, where I moved to escape the ugly ones. But my use of MJ has not been helpful in trying to get out of this ugly situation, that I NEVER deserved to be in. It kills me that the people who ruined my life (like the youth pastor of Redlands Community Church) are making bank in crime - literally corrupting his OWN kids along with young parishoners- and nobody cares.
I am really angry. I am alone in the world, and I am always afraid. But I am going to try quitting anyway, even though MJ will continue ruining my life thanks to nasty people and lazy law enforcement who lose all interest as soon as you say the word "Marijuana."
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Los Angeles, Ca
Posts: 535
Originally Posted by TracyToast 
I live in a legal state, and legalization is NOT all it is cracked up to be. I am a recovered alcoholic, and I was a few years sober when MJ was first legalized in CO.
Maybe I would have been OK if black market MJ did not descend on Grand Junction like a plague! Some huge illegal grower somewhere has discovered a clever way to make money getting rid of his trash, while eliminating his risk. People literally purchase his already harvested trash by the truckload, clean any leftover bud off, and make money selling what they harvest on the internet. Unhappily, I was legally growing my six plants that first season, which made my trash receptacle and my neighborhood a target. The growers trash ultimately goes through city utilities, after being soaked in accelerant, burned and bagged (not as hazardous waste).
I called the police on them (they were also selling in the alley behind my house), and got one guy arrested, and made an enemy of sociopath. The sociopath got my neighbors (primarily the Evangelical youth pastor of Redlands Community Church) involved in his disposal project. It must be very lucrative, because supposedly good people started behaving in nasty ways.
This started six years and two moves ago. I was, and am, under constant survelliance, and stalked everywhere I go. My mentally ill son ultimately became involved with the disposal project, and we are no longer on speaking terms. I'm glad. He's an abusive *******, and he always has been. Recovery should be fun under these circumstances.
I have Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, which also complicates things.
I still use MJ, but now in massive amounts - like I vape grams per week. My brain, especially memory, is badly affected.
I need to give it up but, ironically, MJ will continue to ruin my life, whether I am using it or not.
I've even thought about trying to join the thugs, just to bring it to an end to the malice already, but I cannot bring myself to associate with such badly behaved, morally corrupt, assholes. They enjoy hurting people. They enjoy hurting animals. I cannot deal with that.
I have also thought about suicide. At one point, suicidal thoughts were the only thing that brought relief from the anxiety.
The police have been no help. Not in Colorado and not in Oregon, where I moved to escape the ugly ones. But my use of MJ has not been helpful in trying to get out of this ugly situation, that I NEVER deserved to be in. It kills me that the people who ruined my life (like the youth pastor of Redlands Community Church) are making bank in crime - literally corrupting his OWN kids along with young parishoners- and nobody cares.
I am really angry. I am alone in the world, and I am always afraid. But I am going to try quitting anyway, even though MJ will continue ruining my life thanks to nasty people and lazy law enforcement who lose all interest as soon as you say the word "Marijuana."
Maybe I would have been OK if black market MJ did not descend on Grand Junction like a plague! Some huge illegal grower somewhere has discovered a clever way to make money getting rid of his trash, while eliminating his risk. People literally purchase his already harvested trash by the truckload, clean any leftover bud off, and make money selling what they harvest on the internet. Unhappily, I was legally growing my six plants that first season, which made my trash receptacle and my neighborhood a target.
The growers trash ultimately goes through city utilities, after being soaked in accelerant, burned and bagged (not as hazardous waste). I called the police on them (they were also selling in the alley behind my house), and got one guy arrested, and made an enemy of sociopath. The sociopath got my neighbors (primarily the Evangelical youth pastor of Redlands Community Church) involved in his disposal project. It must be very lucrative, because supposedly good people started behaving in nasty ways.
This started six years and two moves ago. I was, and am, under constant survelliance, and stalked everywhere I go. My mentally ill son ultimately became involved with the disposal project, and we are no longer on speaking terms. I'm glad. He's an abusive *******, and he always has been. Recovery should be fun under these circumstances.
I have Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, which also complicates things.
I still use MJ, but now in massive amounts - like I vape grams per week. My brain, especially memory, is badly affected.
I need to give it up but, ironically, MJ will continue to ruin my life, whether I am using it or not.
I've even thought about trying to join the thugs, just to bring it to an end to the malice already, but I cannot bring myself to associate with such badly behaved, morally corrupt, assholes. They enjoy hurting people. They enjoy hurting animals. I cannot deal with that.
I have also thought about suicide. At one point, suicidal thoughts were the only thing that brought relief from the anxiety.
The police have been no help. Not in Colorado and not in Oregon, where I moved to escape the ugly ones. But my use of MJ has not been helpful in trying to get out of this ugly situation, that I NEVER deserved to be in. It kills me that the people who ruined my life (like the youth pastor of Redlands Community Church) are making bank in crime - literally corrupting his OWN kids along with young parishoners- and nobody cares.
I am really angry. I am alone in the world, and I am always afraid. But I am going to try quitting anyway, even though MJ will continue ruining my life thanks to nasty people and lazy law enforcement who lose all interest as soon as you say the word "Marijuana."
It took me decades to stop letting my primitive limbic system (emotions) to dictate my behavior, instead of my thinking pre-frontal cortex.
Perhaps it is time to change your thinking and change your life. The battle with stress in our lives begins between our ears. It’s in our thought life. What we fill your mind with determines the level of stress in our life.
Romans 12:2: "Don’t copy the behavior or values of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think." The best way to fight bad ideas is to replace them with better ones. Transformation begins in the mind, because the way we reason affects how we act.
When your values trump your addiction, there is no addiction.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 5
Well, that is not my story of quitting drinking, but my story is not conference- approved, so I guess I will not be sharing it here. Your very arrogant prose makes me think you are male. Is that correct? I guess I thought this website was not religion/AA. AA is very abusive and misogynistic, but so is Christianity, which is all AA really is, and there are AA groups that will happily say so.
Do you know what living in chronic pain is? Do you know, first hand, what it is like to live for years under constant threat of violence? Since it is all about thinking - Do intellectually disabled people feel more anxiety, or do they feel less? Do you think that the stress felt by the 25,000 children who starved to death yesterday is REALLY between their ears? Did you know that sociopaths do not feel fear at all? Wow, I guess that makes them recovery superstars and God's favorite people!
Thanks for the suggestion that if I just had better morals, I would not have these problems - that is so VERY 12-step. Then you did the grand finish: Only magic can save you!
If I had a flip-the-bird emoticon, I would be using it now.
Take your godliness, any kind of 12-step anything (I can quote Big Book as well as anyone here), your towering arrogance, your staggering ignorance, and stay away from me.
Also, anyone who has nothing but 12-step going for them, please stay away from me! Thanks. I'll be sure to add a warning to my sig line:
"Mention AA, God or any indication that mental illness or addiction is a moral failing at your own risk. I will consider any such mention to be deliberate discrimination and provocation, and I will tear your virtual head off. Or, worse, I might ignore you."
Do you know what living in chronic pain is? Do you know, first hand, what it is like to live for years under constant threat of violence? Since it is all about thinking - Do intellectually disabled people feel more anxiety, or do they feel less? Do you think that the stress felt by the 25,000 children who starved to death yesterday is REALLY between their ears? Did you know that sociopaths do not feel fear at all? Wow, I guess that makes them recovery superstars and God's favorite people!
Thanks for the suggestion that if I just had better morals, I would not have these problems - that is so VERY 12-step. Then you did the grand finish: Only magic can save you!
If I had a flip-the-bird emoticon, I would be using it now.
Take your godliness, any kind of 12-step anything (I can quote Big Book as well as anyone here), your towering arrogance, your staggering ignorance, and stay away from me.
Also, anyone who has nothing but 12-step going for them, please stay away from me! Thanks. I'll be sure to add a warning to my sig line:
"Mention AA, God or any indication that mental illness or addiction is a moral failing at your own risk. I will consider any such mention to be deliberate discrimination and provocation, and I will tear your virtual head off. Or, worse, I might ignore you."
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,428
Hi Tracy - welcome
I'm sorry for what legalisation has bought to your area - sounds like a bit of a nightmare.
I smoked pot for 30 years and in big amounts too. It started as an escape, then an aid to creativity, and then to help ,manage chronic pain.
It became my life, and then destroyed my life, an then I switched to drinking...but SR helped me turn things around.
You'll find a variety of approaches here - there's no one big answer, because we are all different.
You don't have to agree with anyone else, or do what anyone else suggests you do....but we are all trying to help in our various ways/experiences.
We by and large avoid recovery method arguments in this forum though.
I think thats a good thing
Theres some good reading at the top of the forum, and of course feel free to post here as much as you like, and/or join the Quit Team thread.
If you're bothered by a post or poster, and you can't get past that, you can employ the ignore function.
Hope to see you around some more.
D
I'm sorry for what legalisation has bought to your area - sounds like a bit of a nightmare.
I smoked pot for 30 years and in big amounts too. It started as an escape, then an aid to creativity, and then to help ,manage chronic pain.
It became my life, and then destroyed my life, an then I switched to drinking...but SR helped me turn things around.
You'll find a variety of approaches here - there's no one big answer, because we are all different.
You don't have to agree with anyone else, or do what anyone else suggests you do....but we are all trying to help in our various ways/experiences.
We by and large avoid recovery method arguments in this forum though.
I think thats a good thing
Theres some good reading at the top of the forum, and of course feel free to post here as much as you like, and/or join the Quit Team thread.
If you're bothered by a post or poster, and you can't get past that, you can employ the ignore function.
Ignore bothersome members. If there is someone on the forum that bothers you, select the Ignore option on the drop down menu under their name on the post. You won't see any posts from this member again.
D
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 71
Originally Posted by CRRHCC
Sounds like you are having a hard time. One thing I have learned, only in retrospect, is that I have always chosen behavior that at the time, I thought would bring me the most happiness. We are all driven to seek happiness (reward). All human behavior is driven by the pursuit of happiness (reward) and that, when you choose to do something, you do so because you see it as your best available option at that moment. It took me decades to realize I have free will and options. It took me decades to understand their are other options that have long term benefits that don't include getting high or drunk.
It took me decades to stop letting my primitive limbic system (emotions) to dictate my behavior, instead of my thinking pre-frontal cortex.
Perhaps it is time to change your thinking and change your life. The battle with stress in our lives begins between our ears. It’s in our thought life. What we fill your mind with determines the level of stress in our life.
Romans 12:2: "Don’t copy the behavior or values of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think." The best way to fight bad ideas is to replace them with better ones. Transformation begins in the mind, because the way we reason affects how we act.
When your values trump your addiction, there is no addiction.
It took me decades to stop letting my primitive limbic system (emotions) to dictate my behavior, instead of my thinking pre-frontal cortex.
Perhaps it is time to change your thinking and change your life. The battle with stress in our lives begins between our ears. It’s in our thought life. What we fill your mind with determines the level of stress in our life.
Romans 12:2: "Don’t copy the behavior or values of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think." The best way to fight bad ideas is to replace them with better ones. Transformation begins in the mind, because the way we reason affects how we act.
When your values trump your addiction, there is no addiction.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 30
Originally Posted by TracyToast
Well, that is not my story of quitting drinking, but my story is not conference- approved, so I guess I will not be sharing it here. Your very arrogant prose makes me think you are male. Is that correct? I guess I thought this website was not religion/AA. AA is very abusive and misogynistic, but so is Christianity, which is all AA really is, and there are AA groups that will happily say so.
Do you know what living in chronic pain is? Do you know, first hand, what it is like to live for years under constant threat of violence? Since it is all about thinking - Do intellectually disabled people feel more anxiety, or do they feel less? Do you think that the stress felt by the 25,000 children who starved to death yesterday is REALLY between their ears? Did you know that sociopaths do not feel fear at all? Wow, I guess that makes them recovery superstars and God's favorite people!
Thanks for the suggestion that if I just had better morals, I would not have these problems - that is so VERY 12-step. Then you did the grand finish: Only magic can save you!
If I had a flip-the-bird emoticon, I would be using it now.
Take your godliness, any kind of 12-step anything (I can quote Big Book as well as anyone here), your towering arrogance, your staggering ignorance, and stay away from me.
Also, anyone who has nothing but 12-step going for them, please stay away from me! Thanks. I'll be sure to add a warning to my sig line:
"Mention AA, God or any indication that mental illness or addiction is a moral failing at your own risk. I will consider any such mention to be deliberate discrimination and provocation, and I will tear your virtual head off. Or, worse, I might ignore you."
Do you know what living in chronic pain is? Do you know, first hand, what it is like to live for years under constant threat of violence? Since it is all about thinking - Do intellectually disabled people feel more anxiety, or do they feel less? Do you think that the stress felt by the 25,000 children who starved to death yesterday is REALLY between their ears? Did you know that sociopaths do not feel fear at all? Wow, I guess that makes them recovery superstars and God's favorite people!
Thanks for the suggestion that if I just had better morals, I would not have these problems - that is so VERY 12-step. Then you did the grand finish: Only magic can save you!
If I had a flip-the-bird emoticon, I would be using it now.
Take your godliness, any kind of 12-step anything (I can quote Big Book as well as anyone here), your towering arrogance, your staggering ignorance, and stay away from me.
Also, anyone who has nothing but 12-step going for them, please stay away from me! Thanks. I'll be sure to add a warning to my sig line:
"Mention AA, God or any indication that mental illness or addiction is a moral failing at your own risk. I will consider any such mention to be deliberate discrimination and provocation, and I will tear your virtual head off. Or, worse, I might ignore you."
Tracy
First, I would like to welcome you here.
It has been 3 days without smoking pot. I do know about chronic pain and PTSD. I live in NV now so I too live in a legal state.
Second, I choose to quit because it is not healthy for me. It keeps me from living my life to the fullest.
Do I want to heal and be productive and live life to the fullest? I do!
It is hard to forgive those who abuse and lie about you. I too felt anger towards people. Do you know how hard it is to forgive someone who has no remorse for what they have done. I am slowly reaching the emotional maturity to forgive. Not for them but for me.
The greatest revenge is for me to get healthy in body, mind, and spirit. To move forward and live life to the fullest.
Best wishes.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 466
Hi Tracy,
I understand the trials of living in a legal state. My state isn't legal, but I'm right next to the border of one, plus I'd be able to get it here regardless. I've been clean for four and a half years though, so it's a bit easier for me. I was in Washington for a wedding when I'd only been sober for three months though, so I understand how edgy one can feel.
What stands out to me is how enmeshed you've become, unfairly albeit, in the ugly side of the weed world. Given the fact that the instigating incident occurred six years ago, I have to imagine that your continued consumption and subsequent degree of involvement has perpetuated this social problem. Add that to your list of downsides if you haven't already.
You say you feel alone in the world. Why not do what you can to surround yourself with others in the recovery community? I'm sure you'd be welcomed with open arms. Even if you don't work a step program, going to AA/NA/MA could provide you with a support network.
Ultimately though, it's going to come down to if to whether or not you truly want this stuff out of your life. If not, I hope you get there, but until that time, accepting the consequences that come along with your usage wouldn't be a bad idea. Try to lump everything, the bad and the perceived good, into your smoking experience. To clarify, if I was talking about alcohol, I'd tell an alcoholic to be sure they don't separate the drunk from the hangover when they think about drinking.
I understand the trials of living in a legal state. My state isn't legal, but I'm right next to the border of one, plus I'd be able to get it here regardless. I've been clean for four and a half years though, so it's a bit easier for me. I was in Washington for a wedding when I'd only been sober for three months though, so I understand how edgy one can feel.
What stands out to me is how enmeshed you've become, unfairly albeit, in the ugly side of the weed world. Given the fact that the instigating incident occurred six years ago, I have to imagine that your continued consumption and subsequent degree of involvement has perpetuated this social problem. Add that to your list of downsides if you haven't already.
You say you feel alone in the world. Why not do what you can to surround yourself with others in the recovery community? I'm sure you'd be welcomed with open arms. Even if you don't work a step program, going to AA/NA/MA could provide you with a support network.
Ultimately though, it's going to come down to if to whether or not you truly want this stuff out of your life. If not, I hope you get there, but until that time, accepting the consequences that come along with your usage wouldn't be a bad idea. Try to lump everything, the bad and the perceived good, into your smoking experience. To clarify, if I was talking about alcohol, I'd tell an alcoholic to be sure they don't separate the drunk from the hangover when they think about drinking.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
