Dee74

No offense to the tapering folks here but I had to go cold turkey...if I had weed I'd smoke it til it was all gone.

I had to rip the band aid off.

D

Dee74

how are things this week Windytown?

D

Windytown

thanks for checking in Dee!
Still Barely smoking!! I cant even remember the last time I did just cause I am not counting days at all. Between 10-14 days ago maybe. For some weird reason I am managing it so well right now. Really that is my goal anyway to be able to use it occasionally and I never thought I could do it. but for a variety of reasons I am only smoking it like once in a while. I think one of the reasons is cause all I can get now is the dispensary stuff- and I just dont enjoy it as much as the mellower outdoor stuff which I used to use. When I use this stuff it often makes me fall asleep so I just do it occasionally at the end of a day- it is different. perhaps if I come across some milder more organic outdoor stuff ever again I will use it more. but I literally have a bag in my closet and barely ever smoke it. And when I do it is so overpowering- I do one or maybe two hits- and it only is for when I want to check out. I dont have that much space in my life to fully check out so it just keeps me in check. It is nice to have this balance right now- not sure how it will unfold. I am sober 99% of the time. I dont drink alcohol either so I am basically just sober with the occasional MJ use right now.

Dee74

Not sure what you want me to say Windytown so I'll just say I hope it continues to work out for you

Have to admit to being glad tho that my last smoke was so long ago I'm not tempted to try again even when I read posts like yours,

There was no moderation for me.
My life is definitely better completely smoke free.

D

Windytown

Dee- yes I know- I am not advocating moderation. As a 30 year addict I never thought I would have any time like this where it was occasional for me. I know you have read my posts over the years and it was a struggle. For whatever reason right now it is not a struggle. I have other struggles but some how MJ has moved to the back burner of my life. I did 6 months totally sober and now I am managing the occasional use. I am not advocating it for everyone.

Dee74

I didn't think you were windytown - you're just being honest.

I can't see long term success for you, but I don't know everything

D

FlyingDutchMan

Dear Windy, thanks for the updates. I'm glad you have found something that's working for you, at least for now. I do have some worries for the long term, but maybe you are having them too and who am I to judge? Have a nice weekend!

happycampers

We only have the Here and Now to be concerned about - the rest is just a self-created story of success or failure self-imposed upon ourselves. Let's free ourselves and live Here without the need of creating "possible" outcomes. Who honestly knows about the imaginary future ? Is it even real or just projecting of a past ? Clean and sober Today is all that is needed. And when tomorrow comes, it will be Today and a renewal of just one day of sobriety. Jmho

Windytown

still barely smoking-- mostly not smoking and then occasionally smoking like two hits--- like no more than once every week or two. again, mostly cause all I can get is this dispensary stuff and it is too strong for me- I would honestly be smoking more if I had something mild outdoor old school but that is not even available to me- and I am absolutely not interested in going to personal people anymore- hate that- doing the whole tracking it down thing no. so I went to the dispensary like two months or whenever I started back ago- got a little and it just sits in my closet mostly unused- and the only time I even do it is once in a blue moon at night when everything else is done. And it usually makes me lay on the couch and eventually sleep- but it is so occasional. most days I just dont smoke at all. I mean like for weeks at a time.

Windytown

Hi Friends- just an update that I am still doing well with the total moderation! Who woulda thunk it?? Somehow I just am though- its been a few months since I got some pot again after 6 months of total sobriety and I literally only occasionally smoke. once a week or less- and when I do its two hits and thats at the very end of a day before bed. I got some pre rolled joints months ago and I just pull it out once in a while, have two puffs, stub it out and put it back in the closet- and leave it for a week or two before I bring it out again! It is remarkable for me to be in this place with it. I dont know what it will evolve into but I really enjoy being able to do it occasionally- it usually puts me to sleep though and I cant really do it in the day or when I have any responsibilities so it is only at night and once in a while. I think it was back in April I got these few joints- I think it was nine joints I got at the dispensary- and they have lasted me almost 4 months and I still have some of it left- or maybe its less than four months I am not keeping track- mid april to late June- point is I am not at all feeling like smoking every day or large amounts- but I do enjoy the way it kind of shuts things down when I need it to- as a sometimes thing rather than a full lifestyle.
In the past for decades it was all day every day or not at all. This is the first time ever I have been able to do this- I dont know why it is just a shift in me from a lot of different things in my life--

Dee74

I still feel a bit sad for you Windy cos I don't believe pots benign.

I'm glad I resisted the urge to go back because I've gained so much from not smoking pot.

I'll never be convinced recreationally smoking pot is more beneficial than not smoking at all.

but...if you feel happy with it all as it is, that's the bottom line I guess.
If that ever changes you know where to come

D

lynnmarie123

Sounds like you have things well in hand and you don't need this site anymore.
So why do you keep coming back?

Windytown

that was a little snarky- am I not welcome here unless I abstain 100%? I was out of control with it- but now seem to have found some peace with it- is that not a good thing?

Dee74

You've been here a long time Windytown.

You smoking , or you not smoking , has no bearing at all on my recovery - but I've been doing this recovery thing a long time.

You must be aware that very few people, in this forum especially - people who've struggled hard, or are still struggling hard to stay clean and sober -are going to applaud you for continuing to smoke pot?

D

lynnmarie123

I'm sorry if I sounded snarky. I could have phrased that better.
But my question was an honest one and intended to make you think.
What is your motive behind your posts of moderation?
SR stands for "sober" and "recovery", neither of which you are practicing.
This is not a forum about moderation.
This is a forum for those seeking help, sometimes desperately so, and for those who want to help others get and stay sober. And I'm sorry if this sounds snarky, but posts of moderation accomplish neither.
Some may feel these posts are bragging. Many may find them triggering.
And others may be wondering if "Thou dost protest too much".

Pacoloco

It was a triggering for me, I admit.
I think this forum is both to seek support and offer support. We all look after each other. I would be more careful.

Pacoloco

You are always welcome.
Just think of others a bit.

Windytown

ok it was snarky and did hurt my feelings-- I guess for me it does feel like an accomplishment to be able to use in moderation- that was actually a goal I never htought I could do- it does not intend to be bragging- but more likke I do actually feel proud of myslef that where before I could only do all day every day now I can literally do once every two weeks. So I was proud of that. I didnt realize that it would be harmful to others seeking recovery- I still dont quite get why it would be? But I can abstain from posting if it is harmful for others to hear of my experience- I didnt intend to be triggering to anyone- was just sharing my personal experience. This forum has been extremely helpful to me over the years-- but I guess I didnt really understand that my moderate use would be harmful to anyone else's recovery so I guess I will stop posting unless I am 100% sober? Is that what you guys want me to do?

Windytown

Okay after thinking it over I can see how me talking about my use could trigger others- sorry guys! I meant no harm. I have been in such an intense journey of health seeking for 7 years with my chronic lyme disease that that has kind of taken precedence over the sober quest-- but I knwo the struggle is real for the quest for sobriety. I will be more aware form now on how my posts may trigger others- really meant no harm and wasnt really thinking about its effect on others when I wrote it but I will do so now. peace.