tracer

Hi there. I am new here. Been in recovery from alcohol almost 30 years. I recently started dating someone who has a Medicinal MJ card and uses daily. Its prescribed for sleep but she uses it more than just for sleeping. She has a past history with alcohol abuse and feels the pot helps her not drink. We have had 6 dates and she has been stoned for 3 of them. This definitely upsets me because I feel she is not 100% available if she is stoned, but she disagrees and says it helps her. I'm having a hard time trying to decide whether or not to continue to date this person as I come from the "old school" and tend to believe that she is just substituting with pot, but with all the latest info on the benefits of pot I am starting to doubt myself. would love some feedback on this issue. thanks

biminiblue

I think if it bothers you - it bothers you.

I wouldn't date someone who used pot on a regular basis either.

It's your call, but there are plenty of non-addicted people out there. This is what dating is about - getting to know someone and whether or not they fit.

tracer

Thanks, I just wonder if I am being too extreme in my beliefs about addiction. Her pot use triggers me a bit as I have been addicted to pot in the past and she told me she has no plans to stop using as its helping her. I suppose it's not a good idea for us to date but I really like her. I just wish she would take a look at her pot use but she won't. I told her I'm okay with her using it just to sleep but she says she loves being stoned and its better than drinking so she doesn't plan to stop. She would rather give up dating me than give up the pot which makes me sad.

biminiblue

There's your answer.

You're not going to influence her. She flat-out told you. Believe her!

Here's my thinking...(all $0.02 worth.) If I'm going to be with someone I have to take them as they are. If I'm not able to accept them as that, then leaving gently is the next step.

tracer

I guess I need to accept my own addiction and that it is unsafe for me to be involved with this person, but I sure would feel better if I could convince myself that I am better off without her..

Dee74

as I was reading this I thought the same as Bim - there's your answer.

I smoked and drank my way through two long term relationships and caused a lot of pain for my partners.

You don't want to go down that road, I don't think you're being too 'extreme' at all.

D

doggonecarl

Dating is the time to find out if we are compatible with a partner, especially if we have a long-term relationship in mind. Politically compatible, morally compatible, financially compatible, etc.

She smokes; you don't like it. She's unlikely to quit.

That doesn't sound compatible.

tomsteve

tracer, you say you just recently started dating her and had 6 dates. 6 dates and you dont know if youd be better off without her?
its called dating -not committing- for a reason.
you really should look at why youre thinking this way after 6 dates- its not normal. in my opinion, it would be wise to work on yourself. you say youve been in recovery for 30 years. awesome! have you done anything to address the underlying issues?
if youd like to keep dating and get more serious, think about this:
She has a past history with alcohol abuse and feels the pot helps her not drink.

i will guarantee you that BOTH will be in the mix relatively shortly and serious insanity will entail.

tracer

yes I agree I have work to do. I admit that I barely know this person and am probably just falling for the fantasy relationship and not the actual person. Still its been a long time since I've dated and I wonder whether this is the new normal with all the positive press on the benefits of marijuana. I am afraid I wont be able to meet someone who I feel attracted to, have some things in common with, etc. that is not using marijuana. I take zoloft for depression and ocd. some people believe that is the same as smoking pot. I never did but dating this woman is making me doubt my own belief system.

tomsteve

theres 7 BILLION people on this rock. the vast majority of them dont smoke pot.
it is NOT the new normal.

tracer

thanks for the reality check

biminiblue

tracer, I live in a state where recreational pot is legal.

I still don't have anyone in my circle of intimacy who is a pot-smoker, or a heavy drinker.

I'll play Mom now...just because you know someone who wants to steal a car, do you go along with it?

tracer

thanks I appreciate that. I dont have many people in my life who smoke or drink either. this has been especially hard for me also because there is a part of me that was drinking the medicinal marijuana coolaid, so much that i actually applied for a card in december. I never used it and its since expired but I was considering trying it. so this person i was dating was like my disease in the flesh. along with the fact that i hadnt dated anyone in almost 10 years and have been sexually anorexic has made even 6 short dates with this person to really set me reeling.