same story
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 139
same story
hi all
still here still smoking weed still feeling that if I could just stop smoking then life would work out better for me!
Been trying to quit again to no avail. Still have a tiny stash cant manage to throw away yesterday was supposed to be day 1 but wasn't.
As soon as I smoke I feel so much worse in every way yet the f-ing addict just wants to anyway.
Today haven't smoked but every second is a struggle not to, Know if I do I will regret it and feel worse. Why is it so hard to stop????
I should just throw away the stash, I know
Really want to start meditating. I find it SO hard to do! but impossible when I am smoking. Ordered a meditation how to book which arrives today. Want to trade smoking pot for exercise yoga and meditation.
still here still smoking weed still feeling that if I could just stop smoking then life would work out better for me!
Been trying to quit again to no avail. Still have a tiny stash cant manage to throw away yesterday was supposed to be day 1 but wasn't.
As soon as I smoke I feel so much worse in every way yet the f-ing addict just wants to anyway.
Today haven't smoked but every second is a struggle not to, Know if I do I will regret it and feel worse. Why is it so hard to stop????
I should just throw away the stash, I know
Really want to start meditating. I find it SO hard to do! but impossible when I am smoking. Ordered a meditation how to book which arrives today. Want to trade smoking pot for exercise yoga and meditation.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Keep trying.
I found it really hard to meditate in early sobriety, my mind was too speedy, jumpy, and all over the place.
I was able to listen to instrumental Classical music and that seemed to help a lot. Pandora has some good stations.
I threw away my stuff, and all the things that went with it. My poison was alcohol, but I think the physical/emotional/spiritual recovery is the same.
I found it really hard to meditate in early sobriety, my mind was too speedy, jumpy, and all over the place.
I was able to listen to instrumental Classical music and that seemed to help a lot. Pandora has some good stations.
I threw away my stuff, and all the things that went with it. My poison was alcohol, but I think the physical/emotional/spiritual recovery is the same.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Athens, Georgia
Posts: 962
Hello WindyT,
I smoked pot for 30+ years. To me, weed is a pseudo-spiritual high ... I thought I was getting 'High', but I was actually just a self-deluded stoner.
It took many, many years before I even realized how much of my life was being stolen, in the mind-fog-haze of 'getting high' ... just wasted away. Then it took a long time of trying to get free. I don't know how many times, when stoned, I would throw my stash away ... then go back later dumpster or garbage can diving to dig it back out ... how pathetic is that?
I finally got free thru working the 12 Steps (the AA program that is used to get free from numerous addictions). Thru may failed attempts, i could get to about 6 weeks, then that mental obsession took charge and I would 'automatically' head to the dealer. Step 1: I WAS POWERLESS ... Finally, when the program was kicking in, I got well past that 6 week nemesis spot, and have been FREE since.
RDBplus3 ... Happy, Joyous and FREE ... and I KNOW U Can B 2
I smoked pot for 30+ years. To me, weed is a pseudo-spiritual high ... I thought I was getting 'High', but I was actually just a self-deluded stoner.
It took many, many years before I even realized how much of my life was being stolen, in the mind-fog-haze of 'getting high' ... just wasted away. Then it took a long time of trying to get free. I don't know how many times, when stoned, I would throw my stash away ... then go back later dumpster or garbage can diving to dig it back out ... how pathetic is that?
I finally got free thru working the 12 Steps (the AA program that is used to get free from numerous addictions). Thru may failed attempts, i could get to about 6 weeks, then that mental obsession took charge and I would 'automatically' head to the dealer. Step 1: I WAS POWERLESS ... Finally, when the program was kicking in, I got well past that 6 week nemesis spot, and have been FREE since.
RDBplus3 ... Happy, Joyous and FREE ... and I KNOW U Can B 2
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,352
welcome back Windy 
I think you know you'll never stop so long as you have a stash.
Make a definitive statement today and throw it out.
I smoked for the best part of 30 years too but I stopped.
11 years clean now. It can be done
D
I think you know you'll never stop so long as you have a stash.
Make a definitive statement today and throw it out.
I smoked for the best part of 30 years too but I stopped.
11 years clean now. It can be done
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 466
Hi Windy,
One thing that stands out to me here is the mood of your post. In previous threads, you've sounded somewhat nonchalant about quitting to me. Here, you sound frustrated, which is honestly a mentality you have to embrace for a while. It sounds to me like you want to quit more than you want to smoke.
Weed has turned on you, and it's only going to be downhill from here if you keep at it. I still wish you'd seek out some moderately intensive help for this. I've given you this spiel more times than I can count, so I won't do it again here though. It's much harder to quit when you're doing it on your own and sitting there ruminating about weed. It's also much easier to quit the race when nobody's in the stands rooting for you.
One thing that stands out to me here is the mood of your post. In previous threads, you've sounded somewhat nonchalant about quitting to me. Here, you sound frustrated, which is honestly a mentality you have to embrace for a while. It sounds to me like you want to quit more than you want to smoke.
Weed has turned on you, and it's only going to be downhill from here if you keep at it. I still wish you'd seek out some moderately intensive help for this. I've given you this spiel more times than I can count, so I won't do it again here though. It's much harder to quit when you're doing it on your own and sitting there ruminating about weed. It's also much easier to quit the race when nobody's in the stands rooting for you.
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,822
I'd suggest that the 'paramount-ness' of timing and planning is the rub. It is a trick of the AV that when you agree to it ,functions to prolong the possibility for future use.
Pare the plan down to the exact level of simplicity needed and enact it. And do it now, this very second.
" I will never smoke pot again and I will never change my mind" the power of this plan ( Big Plan in AVRT , great threads on these ideas here on SR in the Secular Recovery forum(s) ) is that the plan states the goal and the simplicity and succinctness of the plan itself automatically identifies any deviation from or interference with the plan both internally and externally.
Any deviation or interference with the Plan is AV. Eg any thought , feeling or image of future use or any doubt in one's ability to maintain the Plan is AV .
AVRT is Addictive Voice Recognition Technique, learning about the technique and making a BP will provide the 'filter' that catches and isolates the AV and allows you to simply ignore It and follow the Plan.
A BP plan places no conditions on future use, it simply removes the possibility, any plan to 'reach sobriety' ( the state of abstinence) that holds or places any condition(s) other than non-use is then identified as AV , as doubt in your ability to remain abstinent or as a 'reason' to indulge the desire for intoxication( the Beast) by agreeing with the AV, the bark of the desire.
The OP describes the anxiety the AV presents when the Beast senses that he/she? may decide to not use , ramps it up to the point that he/she 'feels' the only recourse is to use again, at least just one more time to quell the anxiety of deciding to not use.
The anxiety is felt by the OP as if it is theirs, I suggest that anxiety is the Beast's sensing Its supply is about to be cut off permanently , the anxiety is the addiction fighting to stay alive.
When you decide to ignore the AV and not use, to consciously decide not to use, and identify /assign any anxiety to It , you will have separated yourself from the 'addiction', you will have reclaimed your truer more rational self, the part of you that knows the price of future indulgence is no longer worth paying. A price the Beast never pays, didn't pay for thirty years while all along getting Its precious stuff, cut off Its supply , you can , cut off Its supply , starve it out and stop being Its servant and paying the price for servitude. You can , It will try and make you feel like you can't , but you can, It will say " you can't just stop" , It will convince you need a detailed plan to deal with x,y or z anythng other than just stopping, maybe maybe once you have dealt with enough 'things' , the time may then be right , in the future of course, to envision starting to stop , you know then, not now ,never now.
And right there is the lie, it is always right Now , even this nanosecond later is Now. Do it right Now , beat It right Now , flip Its twisted logic and say "never , Now" and say never in each Now you find yourself in, IT will hate it , too bad for IT and Good for You.
Pare the plan down to the exact level of simplicity needed and enact it. And do it now, this very second.
" I will never smoke pot again and I will never change my mind" the power of this plan ( Big Plan in AVRT , great threads on these ideas here on SR in the Secular Recovery forum(s) ) is that the plan states the goal and the simplicity and succinctness of the plan itself automatically identifies any deviation from or interference with the plan both internally and externally.
Any deviation or interference with the Plan is AV. Eg any thought , feeling or image of future use or any doubt in one's ability to maintain the Plan is AV .
AVRT is Addictive Voice Recognition Technique, learning about the technique and making a BP will provide the 'filter' that catches and isolates the AV and allows you to simply ignore It and follow the Plan.
A BP plan places no conditions on future use, it simply removes the possibility, any plan to 'reach sobriety' ( the state of abstinence) that holds or places any condition(s) other than non-use is then identified as AV , as doubt in your ability to remain abstinent or as a 'reason' to indulge the desire for intoxication( the Beast) by agreeing with the AV, the bark of the desire.
The OP describes the anxiety the AV presents when the Beast senses that he/she? may decide to not use , ramps it up to the point that he/she 'feels' the only recourse is to use again, at least just one more time to quell the anxiety of deciding to not use.
The anxiety is felt by the OP as if it is theirs, I suggest that anxiety is the Beast's sensing Its supply is about to be cut off permanently , the anxiety is the addiction fighting to stay alive.
When you decide to ignore the AV and not use, to consciously decide not to use, and identify /assign any anxiety to It , you will have separated yourself from the 'addiction', you will have reclaimed your truer more rational self, the part of you that knows the price of future indulgence is no longer worth paying. A price the Beast never pays, didn't pay for thirty years while all along getting Its precious stuff, cut off Its supply , you can , cut off Its supply , starve it out and stop being Its servant and paying the price for servitude. You can , It will try and make you feel like you can't , but you can, It will say " you can't just stop" , It will convince you need a detailed plan to deal with x,y or z anythng other than just stopping, maybe maybe once you have dealt with enough 'things' , the time may then be right , in the future of course, to envision starting to stop , you know then, not now ,never now.
And right there is the lie, it is always right Now , even this nanosecond later is Now. Do it right Now , beat It right Now , flip Its twisted logic and say "never , Now" and say never in each Now you find yourself in, IT will hate it , too bad for IT and Good for You.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 752
Windy, welcome back! If you want to start meditating, maybe you should give Headspace (an app for your smartphone) a try. A couple of friends, and my girlfriend rave about it. Haven't gotten around to it myself and besides, I do most of my meditating on a bicyle. But it might do the trick for you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 752
Windy, I've been thinking about you and I keep typing replies but I cannot find the right tone. I'm not sure I'm finding the right one in this reply so bear with me. I also don't want to sound like some preacher who knows it all. I am still only six months down the sober road. But please, do something. Act, move, get on with it, take the plunge. You clearly struggle with using and you have been for a long time. You keep on quitting so using isn't giving you the pleasure / satisfaction you think you're getting from weed, especially when you've quit.
You probably (I did very much so) have a very hard time picturing a pleasurable, enjoyable life without weed and that keeps you from quitting. And when you've quit your mind plays tricks on you. I know what it's like and I've been there before many many times. I think -sorry for the harsh words- it's a little naive to think you can swap weed for yoga and meditation and live the rest of your life as if you were never addicted to weed (maybe that's not what you meant, but let me clarify what I mean).
There's more hard work to it and the job will not be very much fun in the beginning. But it is necessary to experience that so that you can come through. You've smoked 30 years. Maybe you should put a point on your horizon. A month of sober time for every year you smoked. And after that you can still make the decision to go back. Until that time, all your energy is directed at not smoking. In the first months that's gonna cost a LOT of energy, but it will get better soon. When you're in the middle of it, it feels endless. But when I look back on these last six months, it was nothing compared to the crap I went through every day when I was smoking when I didn't really want to.
Just do yourself a big favour and take all measures needed to make your next attempt a succes. Doing it alone sounds like a huge thing for you. I'm not telling you you should join the 12 step program but there must be other options out there.
I just really want to see you succeed.
You probably (I did very much so) have a very hard time picturing a pleasurable, enjoyable life without weed and that keeps you from quitting. And when you've quit your mind plays tricks on you. I know what it's like and I've been there before many many times. I think -sorry for the harsh words- it's a little naive to think you can swap weed for yoga and meditation and live the rest of your life as if you were never addicted to weed (maybe that's not what you meant, but let me clarify what I mean).
There's more hard work to it and the job will not be very much fun in the beginning. But it is necessary to experience that so that you can come through. You've smoked 30 years. Maybe you should put a point on your horizon. A month of sober time for every year you smoked. And after that you can still make the decision to go back. Until that time, all your energy is directed at not smoking. In the first months that's gonna cost a LOT of energy, but it will get better soon. When you're in the middle of it, it feels endless. But when I look back on these last six months, it was nothing compared to the crap I went through every day when I was smoking when I didn't really want to.
Just do yourself a big favour and take all measures needed to make your next attempt a succes. Doing it alone sounds like a huge thing for you. I'm not telling you you should join the 12 step program but there must be other options out there.
I just really want to see you succeed.
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