Lovelost777

My BF and I have been dating for 6 months. Thing have moved quick as he asked me to be his GF after dating for 1.5 weeks. He said he loved me early but I didn’t say it back until I really felt it. I do love him but over time there are some things that make me curious about his behavior and if it is normal. We spend all most everyday together but we let each other have our space. I have noticed when I don’t see him in Saturday’s he will call a lot through the day or text he will usually convince me to come over. I don’t mind because I love being with him.

One of the examples of strange behavior is two nights ago I was rubbing his leg and I guess he didn’t like the way I did it. I accidentally pinched his skin. He got upset and said it’s like I have no common sense. He said I can be aloof and I accidentally hurt him because I wasn’t paying attention. He went on and when I tried to interject he snapped his fingers at me. After a while of him talking I got upset because of the way he was saying these things they weren’t really kind and I told him that. He then went on to say that I have no confidence in our relationship and that the only way he would break up with me is if I cheated or lied so I need to stop being so worried. He told me I’m too sensitive. I cried and shut down.

he tried to comfort me and was being sweet the next 2-3 days. The fact that he is so sweet after makes me think that this is my fault. There have been other issues like this where he may get upset about things I do like if I forget to turn the 2nd light off in the bathroom or things like that. He tells me he is willing to wait for me to learn how to do better. I feel like yes maybe it is my fault because I’m making mistakes and he gets so upset that I feel horrible for making him mad. I’m not sure if I’m wrong or he is just easy to get upset. I’m very confused and if anyone has advice I would appreciate it. He says all the time he wants to marry me but I want some advice on this. If you need more info let me know.
Thanks

SoManyQuestions

I'm sorry, sweetie, but he sounds very controlling to me. Also, disrespectful. He snapped his fingers at you when you tried to interject something in the conversation? He is "willing to wait for you to learn how to do better" ? Who does he think he is? It sounds to me like he expects everything to go his way and you are expected to toe the line. I am guessing that you are fairly young and perhaps have not had enough experience with boyfriends yet. His behavior strikes me as immature and unkind. Does he have an issue with substance abuse; is that why you posted here?

Lovelost777

Sadly neither of us are very young. I am 30 he is 38. I have only had a few relationships in my time and every single guy I have ever dated has cheated lied or done things that a guy should not do to a girl. When I first started dating him I thought he was different.
He smokes daily morning before work and night before bed if he is off he smokes more but he says it’s for his back pain so I didn’t think much of it and I know marijuana can be used for pain. He also has theses weed Pens that’s he uses throughout the day.
I had an issue with him this morning. He seemed to try to make me jealous by telling me about a woman that came into his work and asked him if he had a girlfriend he said yes the woman then asked if he was married he said no so she said well that means your single. I guess he told her off but I just hate that it seems like he is trying to **** me off. If I tell him a guy hit on me he gets kinda annoyed and tells me to let the co worker know that my boyfriend doesn’t appreciate it and he should stop before he makes him stop. I stopped telling him about the co worker.... I have always had issues with men and it’s hard for me to deal with all of this.

trailmix

Hi LL,

Don't know if you saw that your other thread received quite a few replies as well:

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ml#post6871066 (Need perspective)

least

He sounds like a control freak. I'd suggest running from him and not looking back.

SoberCAH

I agree with Least.

I would cut him loose.

Of all the available men in the world, you don't have to have one who smokes dope throughout the day.

SoManyQuestions

LL, I do empathize with your pain and struggle, and agree with all of the other posters responding to this thread as well as your "Need perspective" thread. This guy is bad news and damaging to your self-respect and self-image. You should break free of him, and hopefully you have friends or others who will support you in that decision.

I have also struggled in my relationships with men, and one thing that can happen with this type of abusive behavior is that it can start to feel normal to you, and it's NOT. That is why it is great that you are seeking out perspective from others on the SR forums.

You deserve to be treated better. It may take a while for you to fully incorporate that belief into your being, but keep working towards that. Sometimes we try too hard to make relationships work when they are not in our best interests and not worth salvaging.

Sending you hugs and strength in your journey to love yourself.