icandothis20

Hello guys!
I am a 26 year old female. I am just over a month alcohol free today. I have had cross addictions between alcohol and marijuana basically my whole life. I started drinking and smoking at age 13 and im just getting so sick of it. My thoughts were that alcohol was my devil and that weed is medicine. Since I quit drinking, my smoking has increased alot and I know im abusing it (DUH im an addict) and I want to truly give the sober life a try. I know that I am not living to my full potential still keeping pot as my crutch isnt helping me deal with alot of the reasons and I smoked and drank in the first place. So I am prepared for a battle. I am going to do a quit diary and update daily in the first month anyways. The diaries I have read here have really helped me!!!
Thanks

lynnmarie123

Welcome icandothis20! Good for you for tackling your addictions at an early age. I wish I had.
I've seen you post previously, so you know all about the forum and how helpful it is.
Steel yourself for the withdrawal ahead. It may or may not be a bumpy ride for you.
Glad you are here!

icandothis20

Thanks lynnmarie123! I have read your entire thread and you are a huge motivator for me! I think I need to take your approach and stop being indecisive with can I moderate? It needs to be a definite decision like with alcohol or I know I will easily justify it. I have a very deep knowing that I will regret it if I dont quit now. The last 10 years have already been a blur. I really like the word sober, I want to be sober.

FlyingDutchMan

Hey icandothis20! Welcome to the club. I really hope you are more successfull than I was at 26. A couple of days ago I was in the attic and I found some of my old journals. I opened one, it was around 2001 and one of the first sentences were: I ought to quit smoking all this weed. I was 23 at the time. Here we are 17 years later and I am nearing 40. Time flies with your head in the clouds.

Make good work of it and make sure you deal with the underlying issues. Together with the support you will find in this place it will turn out as a big success, so I hope.

Are you on your day 1 already? Keep us updated and good luck!

icandothis20

Thanks flyingdutchman!! Thats exactly like me, every single year I want to quit smoking weed, and every single year later here I am in the exact same place. I also have a journal where I say "dont smoke so much weed" from 5 years ago!! I am smoking more than every now.
So yesterday, was supposed to be my day 1. FAIL. After work, we were going out for supper with my family for my dad and brothers birthday and I had the most stupid excuses to smoke. My AV told me that I wouldnt be able to eat or be hungry if I went, and that I am doing way to much all at once quitting booze and now quitting pot. That I had better do one thing at a time, or I will say **** it. So I smoked. And I INSTANTLY regretted it. But even now as I type this, I want to smoke after work. Even though I know I will regret it. It is pure insanity.

FlyingDutchMan

Going from my ow experiences, you will probably instantly regret it if you smoke tonight. I found it both fascinating and frustrating that my whole attitude towards pot would change the moment I held my lighter under that joint in the evening. I had been looking forward to it all day, glorifiying it and as soon as I inhaled...I shouldn't have done that. My health...where is my life going, same sh*t again, etc. Worrying and no positive vibe.

It's just one anxiety replaced by another.

Sounds so simple (even to me) when I write it down but I did this for 365 days a year for a loooooong time.

icandothis20

You are right, I will regret it big time. It does sound so simple, and even I KNOW these things, but cant quit stop myself compulsively doing it. I already hate that I have a high dissonance relationship with myself around pot, and its causing me so much stress I just cant stop. BUT, I can stop. I have to quit listening to my AV. The bastard even tells me about my parents death in the future where I will absolutely have to smoke to get through it. Like wtf! I dont know why I keep thinking about things in the far, far future, that will most likely change by the time I get there. Must remember this when it starts to whisper. So. I am on my way home from work. Tomorrow I am going to post day 2...

FlyingDutchMan

I'm looking forward to read the update. Have a good evening.

Dee74

Welcome Icandothis

D

icandothis20

Thanks Dee! Glad to be here. Happy to report that I am on day 2!!! Yippee! Yesterday after work I was really wanting to smoke. I even took my bong out and looked at it like a long lost love lol, but decided I need go keep busy so I immediately got dressed for the gym. I had an hour workout and sat in the sauna It felt really good. I then came home and took a long bath, did some of my deep breathing and went to bed. I did have trouble falling asleep yesterday but I stayed asleep the entire night. So that was a plus. I surprisingly was able to eat a bagel and a bowl of clam chowder yesterday. Today, l feel a bit sick to my stomach and have head pressure and a bit of anxiety. I think the next 2-3 days are going to be the worst for me. It’s friday night too, so just stay vigilant!

FlyingDutchMan

Congrats on day 2! Sounds like you are taking good care of yourself and so you should. For what it's worth, I took melatonine tablets the first week after I quit. Never had any trouble falling asleep.

icandothis20

Thanks for the advice flyingdutchman!I do have melatonine at home so I will give it a shot. I have found using lavender and chamomile essential oils really helps to calm me down naturally as well. I am quite a hyperactive person normally. I forgot to mention that I did have a bit of night sweats last night - I imagine they will be worse tonight. Thanks for all the support and encouragement! Will most likely post again tonight when I am craving lol.

lynnmarie123

Yay on day 2! What a great start!
I see you are from Canada. I live in the US, but my heart is in Canada. It's where i was born and where most of my family lives. I am familiar with BC Bud!
I'm not going to kid you, the next few days are going to be tough. But just keep remembering, it will get better. I promise!

icandothis20

Oh lynmarrie that BC Bud is the best bud around, super strong stuff. Cool to know you were born here. I was SO happy weed was being legalized on July 1st all across Canada, but now yikes. Not so sure im happy about it. What are your thoughts on it? Its not even like that should be a big deal for me as I have easy access to bud. I am pretty sure thats the reason I still smoke. Every one of my brothers smokes heavily, and one sells the stuff. So all I have to do is go to my parents house and here ya go! Going to stay away from there for a while.... I realize i cant hide from marijuana my whole life its going to be around. I have a bit of anxiety today, so i feel like I am blabbing and thinking way too much lol!!! Thanks for the support- im gearing up for it, headache is getting worse as the day goes on.

lynnmarie123

I think it's ironic that just when pot became legal here (Washington state), or shortly after, I decided to quit. And I am in the same boat with it being easy access. We will be exposed no matter, so we just have to deal with it.
In a week I'll be taking my sister, who buys it medically, to the dispensary. We live in the boonies and it's a bit of a drive. She is disabled and I am somewhat her caregiver, so I can't say, "just drive yourself". I used to get my stash during these trips, but no more. I'm around it all the time. But just like alcohol, (hubby drinks, but not excessively), I have learned to resist. These substances are not my friend, I am better off without.
Babble away. That is what we are here for!

FlyingDutchMan

I can chime in, more or less. A friend of mine brought over a huge shoppingbag full of free weed and two days later I decide to quit. Ironic

icandothis20

Interesting indeed. I was thinking maybe now that it is legal and everyone is going to be doing it, it’s lost some of its appeal. The biggest thing that I’ve been noticing Is that the last couple times I would smoke I would feel guilty. I think in my head I’ve started to make bad associations wth it and I have moved my quit date and let myself down so many times that now when I smoke I can’t enjiy. Can you guys relate to that? I’m actually sitting in the sauna at the gym right now because I had to get out of my house..., craving so bad since it’s the weekend and would prob smoke weed and watch a movie. Gah!! This is harder than anything I’ve ever quit.

icandothis20

Forgot to say, I did read your family smokes too and you are so right, just like Booze I need to be okay with doing me, and letting others do what’s best for them.

FlyingDutchMan

Very much so! And as my wise little brother (who hasn't touched any drugs in his life but was always around it as long as he was around me) once said: all this quitting, beginning again, making decisions and breaking them plus feeling guilty cannot do your self-esteem any good.

Good thing that you are taking action when the cravings hit. Hope you're able to enjoy the weekend, even tho it's smoke-free.

icandothis20

Your brother is smart guy!! It is so bad to let yourself down, if you can’t trust yourself who can you trust. I’m going to keep that in mind, and it’s funny cuz from his perspective he’s probbsly thinking how can you not see this?!