FlyingDutchMan reporting for duty!
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I found there was two parts to staying clean from weed. One was to put the weed down and the other was to build a weed-free life I loved.
I had to move out of a few social circles but I joined news ones, or rejoined old non smoking ones.
I think it’s really hard to live without weed if you’re still essentially living the same life where weed was an important part.
Weed’s very insidious. It’s easy to recall the euphoria and forget the bad things - the obsession, the taking over of my life, the passing off responsibilities to smoke, the company I kept, the money I spent, the shame afterwards, tHe persistent cough
Like I said it was hard to remember those negatives. There were times I wondered if a smoke wouldn’t hurt ( like it was ever just one smoke?) but I am glad I stuck with quitting.
I am a better man than I allowed myself to be when I was addicted.
D
I had to move out of a few social circles but I joined news ones, or rejoined old non smoking ones.
I think it’s really hard to live without weed if you’re still essentially living the same life where weed was an important part.
Weed’s very insidious. It’s easy to recall the euphoria and forget the bad things - the obsession, the taking over of my life, the passing off responsibilities to smoke, the company I kept, the money I spent, the shame afterwards, tHe persistent cough
Like I said it was hard to remember those negatives. There were times I wondered if a smoke wouldn’t hurt ( like it was ever just one smoke?) but I am glad I stuck with quitting.
I am a better man than I allowed myself to be when I was addicted.
D
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Thanks Dee this has helped me I just posted a little about weed on the newcomers forum. Are there any tips for helping with weed? I'm struggling to remember the bad things about it and those things that you mentioned all apply to me. Did you smoke tobacco too?
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There are some ideas in the sticky thread at the top of the forum someday 
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ful-links.html (Recovery Toolbox - helpful links)
This is a good read too
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...hout-weed.html (Reasons Life is Better Without Weed)
and yeah almost always smoked with tobacco - which also contributed to my drinking, so gave up everything.
D
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ful-links.html (Recovery Toolbox - helpful links)
This is a good read too
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...hout-weed.html (Reasons Life is Better Without Weed)
and yeah almost always smoked with tobacco - which also contributed to my drinking, so gave up everything.
D
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I'm back to wish you all a splendid 2021! Who knows what the year might bring? For me, sobriety perhaps. Hopefully it will. I haven't been able to tame the beast since I picked up again, a little over a year now. I've been toying with the idea of going full sober again, but I dread the whole process. The experience of two hard sober years is still fresh in my memory.
Anyway, I'll try to check in a little more often. Maybe that will lead me back on the path of good things.
Take care all!
Anyway, I'll try to check in a little more often. Maybe that will lead me back on the path of good things.
Take care all!
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Hey flyingDutchman
Happy new year to you. Its a hard process getting fully sober. I'm on day 10 since quitting cannabis and starting to feel good about the choice, I've been trying for 3 years. It's time now.
I hope 2021 will be the year I crack it, I'm hopeful. Seems weed is a big issue for alot of people right now, so your not alone. Be great to see you back to tame the beast once more.
All the best
Happy new year to you. Its a hard process getting fully sober. I'm on day 10 since quitting cannabis and starting to feel good about the choice, I've been trying for 3 years. It's time now.
I hope 2021 will be the year I crack it, I'm hopeful. Seems weed is a big issue for alot of people right now, so your not alone. Be great to see you back to tame the beast once more.
All the best
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Whats to dread about finally being free and clear FDM - true freedom?
sounds a worthy aim to me.
you'd recommend that to a loved one, a fried or a teen in trouble...why not care for yourself as much?
D
sounds a worthy aim to me.
you'd recommend that to a loved one, a fried or a teen in trouble...why not care for yourself as much?
D
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You’re totally right Dee, true freedom is the best there is. Who doesn’t want to lose the addiction and feel great about it? I’d sign up for it!
And there’s my problem: there were times where I felt good about the steps I made, the choices I made. But I kept falling back into the pit of cravings, endless discussions with myself about the choices I made, and the romantic image of smoking weed. It was very tiring and it seemed to hit me the hardest when I thought I had left it all behind me. I felt I could not liberate myself from it totally and embrace sobriety in a way that makes quitting for good a viable possibility.
That makes it extra hard to make that step again. Maybe it would be good to have a more realistic image of what’s around the corner. When I quit in 2018 I expected miracles to happen and they didn’t. Life didn’t become a fairytale and I’ve hit lows I’ve never ever hit when I was smoking daily. This has made me quite reluctant to give it a go once more. Frankly, it scares me!
But as you said, I’d love to kick the habit and feel great about it, embrace it.
Thanks for your words of wisdom, always very much appreciated and I can’t deny it feels good to be back in this place.
And there’s my problem: there were times where I felt good about the steps I made, the choices I made. But I kept falling back into the pit of cravings, endless discussions with myself about the choices I made, and the romantic image of smoking weed. It was very tiring and it seemed to hit me the hardest when I thought I had left it all behind me. I felt I could not liberate myself from it totally and embrace sobriety in a way that makes quitting for good a viable possibility.
That makes it extra hard to make that step again. Maybe it would be good to have a more realistic image of what’s around the corner. When I quit in 2018 I expected miracles to happen and they didn’t. Life didn’t become a fairytale and I’ve hit lows I’ve never ever hit when I was smoking daily. This has made me quite reluctant to give it a go once more. Frankly, it scares me!
But as you said, I’d love to kick the habit and feel great about it, embrace it.
Thanks for your words of wisdom, always very much appreciated and I can’t deny it feels good to be back in this place.
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Its good to have you back.
Good times or bad it's good to face things and be the real me.
I spent a lot of time hating myself for my choices as a drinker and smoker.
I didn't like 'no net reality' at first but it really grew on me.
I won't go back.
D
Good times or bad it's good to face things and be the real me.
I spent a lot of time hating myself for my choices as a drinker and smoker.
I didn't like 'no net reality' at first but it really grew on me.
I won't go back.
D
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What you are saying is spot on Dee. I wonder where you get all your wisdom
I didn’t smoke yesterday nor did I drink any alcohol. That’s was a first time in many, many months. Waking up this morning, after a wonderful night of sleep (I feel blessed for not having any sleeping problems when I quit smoking weed), the first thing that struck me this morning was the craziness of everyday smoking and drinking. It’s so normal when you do it every day, but when you take a little sidestep, it’s not so normal anymore.
I didn’t smoke yesterday nor did I drink any alcohol. That’s was a first time in many, many months. Waking up this morning, after a wonderful night of sleep (I feel blessed for not having any sleeping problems when I quit smoking weed), the first thing that struck me this morning was the craziness of everyday smoking and drinking. It’s so normal when you do it every day, but when you take a little sidestep, it’s not so normal anymore.
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Originally Posted by FlyingDutchMan 
Hello fellow combatants of marijuana addiction!
I started reading this forum a couple of weeks ago and it was the last push I needed to take the plunge. After 22 years of pretty much daily use I decided to call it quits three weeks ago. I quit smoking cigarettes too at the same time. This is my day 22.
Because reading the stories of other people gave a feeling of not being alone in this experience (smoking but not wanting to, making appointments with myself and constantly breaking them, quitting and getting lured back in by the moderation-thought, etc) I feel somewhat obliged to share my experiences. It's also a testimony to myself. And I hope it will be fun to read back on this a few months or years on and read about the process I went through. In my mind I am very focussed on quitting. No way I am going back to the old lifestyle. Not for my kids, not for my girlfriend and not for myself!
A little background information and a quick sorry for all the text. I'm feeling kinda energetic.
I am a 39 year old male from The Netherlands. I first tried marijuana when I was about 16 years old and I started smoking pretty much daily when I turned 18. By that age they allow you in a coffeeshop (the place where they sell marijuana legally) so supplies were no longer a problem. When I eventually moved out and got my own place it became a lifestyle.
I'm a guy with a lot of energy and a very busy mind so initially the marijuana was a big big success. I gave me a relaxed mind I don't have naturally. I felt completely stress-less. It took a long time before I started noticing that I might have a problem with it. And that I couldn't quit it, even if I wanted to. It started out as a social thing with friends but over the years I secluded myself more and more. Marijuana always came first. And then the rest, maybe, if I felt like it.
But it wasn't all bad. I was able to combine it with pretty much everything I did. Finished my education, got a good job and a greater job after that. I have a fantastic girlfriend and two beautiful children and I ride my race bike a lot. Not your typical problem-smoker, but then again...who is?
I wasn't content with my "habit" anymore when my girlfriend became pregnant and I started to smoke outside. No more three puffs from a joint and putting it in an ashtray but planning and scheming. "When will I go outside, how much will I smoke? The movie we're about to watch is long, I'd better take a few puffs extra to make it to the end of the movie comfortably!" The last few years I started to drink with it as well. Not extreme amounts but say 2-3 bottles of beer in the evening. Just to get the buzz going. And every evening. Weekdays and weekends.
These last years I became more aware of the bad influences it has on my character. I enables me -to an extreme level- to let things be. Nothing really bothered me. My girlfriend was running the household pretty much by herself and I hated myself for it. I made a mess everywhere in the house, I would hardly contribute to cleaning, when I was done wrenching on my race bike the tools would lie around in the kitchen for four weeks afterwards. Those kinds of things. You probably know what I am talking about.
I tried to quit so many times before, some attempts were more successfull than others. I tried to moderate so many times before and I every single time I would start up a discussion with myself and question my own decisions until I caved.
So how am I doing today? I don't have cravings and I haven't been tempted to pick up the old lifestyle. But boy, I now am extremely unable to put things aside in my mind. All these impressions. I see the mess I made in full scale and sometimes I just don't know where to start to clean it up. Today at work was terrible. I felt like crying a few times and that is nothing like me. I just couldn't calm down my thoughts and it drowned me. So many things to take care of, so many open ends I left. I just cannot simply imagine how I was able to ignore all this for so long.
I guess this is what I have to go through after not dealing with so many things on so many levels for so long. I sure hope it is transitory though!
Thanks for reading, I'll let you know how things progress from here. Until that time: stay strong! If I can, you can!
I started reading this forum a couple of weeks ago and it was the last push I needed to take the plunge. After 22 years of pretty much daily use I decided to call it quits three weeks ago. I quit smoking cigarettes too at the same time. This is my day 22.
Because reading the stories of other people gave a feeling of not being alone in this experience (smoking but not wanting to, making appointments with myself and constantly breaking them, quitting and getting lured back in by the moderation-thought, etc) I feel somewhat obliged to share my experiences. It's also a testimony to myself. And I hope it will be fun to read back on this a few months or years on and read about the process I went through. In my mind I am very focussed on quitting. No way I am going back to the old lifestyle. Not for my kids, not for my girlfriend and not for myself!
A little background information and a quick sorry for all the text. I'm feeling kinda energetic.
I am a 39 year old male from The Netherlands. I first tried marijuana when I was about 16 years old and I started smoking pretty much daily when I turned 18. By that age they allow you in a coffeeshop (the place where they sell marijuana legally) so supplies were no longer a problem. When I eventually moved out and got my own place it became a lifestyle.
I'm a guy with a lot of energy and a very busy mind so initially the marijuana was a big big success. I gave me a relaxed mind I don't have naturally. I felt completely stress-less. It took a long time before I started noticing that I might have a problem with it. And that I couldn't quit it, even if I wanted to. It started out as a social thing with friends but over the years I secluded myself more and more. Marijuana always came first. And then the rest, maybe, if I felt like it.
But it wasn't all bad. I was able to combine it with pretty much everything I did. Finished my education, got a good job and a greater job after that. I have a fantastic girlfriend and two beautiful children and I ride my race bike a lot. Not your typical problem-smoker, but then again...who is?
I wasn't content with my "habit" anymore when my girlfriend became pregnant and I started to smoke outside. No more three puffs from a joint and putting it in an ashtray but planning and scheming. "When will I go outside, how much will I smoke? The movie we're about to watch is long, I'd better take a few puffs extra to make it to the end of the movie comfortably!" The last few years I started to drink with it as well. Not extreme amounts but say 2-3 bottles of beer in the evening. Just to get the buzz going. And every evening. Weekdays and weekends.
These last years I became more aware of the bad influences it has on my character. I enables me -to an extreme level- to let things be. Nothing really bothered me. My girlfriend was running the household pretty much by herself and I hated myself for it. I made a mess everywhere in the house, I would hardly contribute to cleaning, when I was done wrenching on my race bike the tools would lie around in the kitchen for four weeks afterwards. Those kinds of things. You probably know what I am talking about.
I tried to quit so many times before, some attempts were more successfull than others. I tried to moderate so many times before and I every single time I would start up a discussion with myself and question my own decisions until I caved.
So how am I doing today? I don't have cravings and I haven't been tempted to pick up the old lifestyle. But boy, I now am extremely unable to put things aside in my mind. All these impressions. I see the mess I made in full scale and sometimes I just don't know where to start to clean it up. Today at work was terrible. I felt like crying a few times and that is nothing like me. I just couldn't calm down my thoughts and it drowned me. So many things to take care of, so many open ends I left. I just cannot simply imagine how I was able to ignore all this for so long.
I guess this is what I have to go through after not dealing with so many things on so many levels for so long. I sure hope it is transitory though!
Thanks for reading, I'll let you know how things progress from here. Until that time: stay strong! If I can, you can!
When I headed back to sobriety, I also embraced a no-cannabis, no drugs (apart from the antidepressant I was eventually prescribed to which does help).... and that was working great for 6 years...... at which point, for some variety of reasons that all come back to me not keeping my head in recovery, I decided I could 'moderate' with weed again. Which actually worked really well for a couple of months. But, about that time it became legal in my state and the availability (and the potency) went wayyyy up. In the space of just over a year I went from an occasional usage maybe once every couple of weeks - to using high-potency 80-95% THC products pretty much daily.
Getting high but not wanting to
Smoking despite significant and troubling respiratory issues
Blowing off.... so much.
The mess around the house.
The unfinished projects.
The scattered, chaotic life.
All of that and more.
Anyway, thank you for showing up over at the newcomer's thread today and referring me over here.... I'm gonna continue reading about your journey and then others' here..... thanks.
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Very glad you made your way to this section Owl. Boy, I really devoured the threads here in the beginning.
Right after I read your thread I decided to make a list of pros and cons to smoking marijuana. Never did such a thing, I now wonder why. The cons...I filled a sheet of paper in no time and I am not done yet. The pro’s...I could only write down that I don’t feel the restlessness I sometimes feel when I don’t smoke.
I think it was a member named Windy / Windytown who once wrote on this forum: the best thing about not using marijuana is not having to think endlessly about what my life would be without marijuana. This resonated with me in a powerful way, I hope you feel the same. If not, no worries: there’s so much wisdom here.
Keep it up, reach out to us and post. I’ve noticed that by responding to others I become more resolved in quitting. Maybe it does the same for you.
Right after I read your thread I decided to make a list of pros and cons to smoking marijuana. Never did such a thing, I now wonder why. The cons...I filled a sheet of paper in no time and I am not done yet. The pro’s...I could only write down that I don’t feel the restlessness I sometimes feel when I don’t smoke.
I think it was a member named Windy / Windytown who once wrote on this forum: the best thing about not using marijuana is not having to think endlessly about what my life would be without marijuana. This resonated with me in a powerful way, I hope you feel the same. If not, no worries: there’s so much wisdom here.
Keep it up, reach out to us and post. I’ve noticed that by responding to others I become more resolved in quitting. Maybe it does the same for you.
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Well, I think it's time for a little update in my own thread. I did a dry January and decided to not smoke any joints on the go and it went absolutely amazing. I was very busy with work and I asked myself a number of times: how on earth would I have done this while actively smoking?
Then came February...and FDM got a little curious so I indulged and I indulged a little more. And you know what...every time it didn't deliver. I had some wonderful idea of how the evening was going to pan out but it never materialized. Every time I was lured in by the thought of a perfect evening, and every time something would happen that prevented that perfect evening. So I had to plan another one, and another one after that. Chasing something that wasn't there.
At some point, right before going to bed, I disposed of my stash, knowing I was never going to smoke again, only to buy new stuff for the next weekend. And on Sunday I tossed that out, because I just knew my time as a MJ-user is up. There's nothing left for me: it brings me no joy anymore. I think it's going to be great but it never really is.
All this "wisdom" and I still ended up at the coffeeshop last Wednesday for yet another puchase. I smoked Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday and every evening I vowed not to do it the next day. Needless to say I never kept that vow. Yesterday night I got very frustrated with myself and the whole situation so for the third time in three weekends I dumped my stash in the trash and made it very clear to myself: there is nothing left for me as a smoker, I'm in love with an image, with something that doesn't exist anymore.
The cycle is endless and shall be endless if I don't take action. So I guess this thread is going to be a little more lively in the coming period
Take care everybody!
Then came February...and FDM got a little curious so I indulged and I indulged a little more. And you know what...every time it didn't deliver. I had some wonderful idea of how the evening was going to pan out but it never materialized. Every time I was lured in by the thought of a perfect evening, and every time something would happen that prevented that perfect evening. So I had to plan another one, and another one after that. Chasing something that wasn't there.
At some point, right before going to bed, I disposed of my stash, knowing I was never going to smoke again, only to buy new stuff for the next weekend. And on Sunday I tossed that out, because I just knew my time as a MJ-user is up. There's nothing left for me: it brings me no joy anymore. I think it's going to be great but it never really is.
All this "wisdom" and I still ended up at the coffeeshop last Wednesday for yet another puchase. I smoked Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday and every evening I vowed not to do it the next day. Needless to say I never kept that vow. Yesterday night I got very frustrated with myself and the whole situation so for the third time in three weekends I dumped my stash in the trash and made it very clear to myself: there is nothing left for me as a smoker, I'm in love with an image, with something that doesn't exist anymore.
The cycle is endless and shall be endless if I don't take action. So I guess this thread is going to be a little more lively in the coming period
Take care everybody!
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FDM - What a great post. I felt exactly the same about drinking. Long after the thrill was gone, I kept searching for the old euphoria.. In my heart I knew it was never coming back. I had to ease into it giving it up though. Sounds like you are ready.
"In love with an image that doesn't exist anymore" - great line.
"In love with an image that doesn't exist anymore" - great line.
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Well thank you!
I feel like I’m ready but previous experiences have made me weary. There have been times when I knew very sure what I was going to to, only to do the exact opposite some 24 hours later. Getting carried away by that perfect image again. I was reluctant to even tell my girlfriend about my insights but I did and she is always very supportive.
Yesterday evening felt different already. I didn’t feel uncomfortable because I hadn’t smoked. In fact, I was very happy that I didn’t. I’m going to work hard to keep this up and no doubt these accountability-posts can serve a purpose when things get a little rough.
I feel like I’m ready but previous experiences have made me weary. There have been times when I knew very sure what I was going to to, only to do the exact opposite some 24 hours later. Getting carried away by that perfect image again. I was reluctant to even tell my girlfriend about my insights but I did and she is always very supportive.
Yesterday evening felt different already. I didn’t feel uncomfortable because I hadn’t smoked. In fact, I was very happy that I didn’t. I’m going to work hard to keep this up and no doubt these accountability-posts can serve a purpose when things get a little rough.
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