lynnmarie123

When things aren't right, seeking help is a great step.
Have you thought about NA or AA or some sort of group?
Wishing the best for you.

Dee74

I agree that a little talking is a good thing FDM

D

Pacoloco

Seeking help is a great thing FDM

FlyingDutchMan

A year and 9 months sober yesterday, full of confidence I can make it two years. I've gained a lot of momentum in the last month. The talk with my doc didn't lead to anything but I've been trying a lot of new things (drumming, speaking Italian, lotsa core-excersizes) and they all seem to be working out.

Hope y'all are having a blast too!

Dee74

Congratulations FDM

D

Pacoloco

Congrats FDM

Soon we will both make 2 years

lynnmarie123

Good news! Glad to hear it, keep it up!

FlyingDutchMan

Thanks everybody

happycampers

Wonderful to hear, FDM !

teodor

That's great, FDM!

FlyingDutchMan

Well well my dear friends, look who's back! My absence from this forum had relapse written all over it, and rightly so. I was two weeks shy of two years without weed when things took a big slide, and I am basically at square one again. Things have been gradually spinning out of control since December 2019 with the whole COVID19-situation as a big facilitator. I smoke every evening, I smoke too much every evening. All the things I was doing before my 2018 attempt I am doing again.

I am not sure what the plans for the future are, but I am sure that I will not be smoking tonight. Also no alcohol, because I've been having too much of that too.

Hopefully you've made wiser decisions than I have, and I really hope you're all well and sober. It feels good to be back at this place.

lynnmarie123

Heyyyyyy! I was wondering about you! And yeah, I avoided this place too, during relapses.
But, glad to see you back!
Check in daily to stay on the right road.
Be well.

Dee74

i'm sorry you're smoking again. but glad your back FDM. As far as COVID goes I don't think i'd be able to hold it together with pot in the mix.
I want and need to be on the top of my game right now and I can't be that and stoned at the same time.

FlyingDutchMan

Thanks for the warm welcome you two!

I made it through last night without any hassle or big temptations, went to bed at a normal time and slept like a baby. I am grateful for that, never any sleeping problems when I am not smoking. That's a big hurdle for many with aspirations to quit.

lynnmarie123

That sounds like a great start, FDM! Sleep can be such an issue. You are lucky on that front.
So, why do you think you picked up again?

Lpg

Hey flyingdutchman

I have smoked every night too during covid after I had managed some kind of control and was only smoking on weekends prior, but it was on my mind desperate for Friday to come around. Still not good enough I was cutting back to quit completely. Just done 2 days without, sleep is my problem I dont sleep well so it's good your able to sleep some without that's great.

Dee74

good to see you back in this forum lpg

D

FlyingDutchMan

That's a question I've often asked myself. I don't know if I have the definitive answer. In those 2-years-minus-two-weeks I could not really detach myself from weed. I was more occupied with it than when I was actually smoking daily. There were periods where I felt ok with it, sometimes I even felt like I was doing the right thing but I could never really liberate myself from it and say: my oh my I'm so glad I've left it all behind me. There were some flashes, but in the end it kept coming back to me, especially at times where I least expected it.

Another big thing was that quitting didn't bring me the things I envisioned it would. Now we could argue that my expectations were wrong, but there weren't enough if any major changes. At least, that's the way I experienced it and my girlfriend seconds that. I didn't feel liberated from it and there were a lot of things I enjoyed while I was smoking that were uninteresting to me afterwards. I tried new things but I felt "meh" most of the time. I also told you about my moments where I felt so damn low, something I had never experienced while I was smoking.

I know there was a certain point where I decided I was going to smoke it again, but in the future. I think that was the mental turning point. Once you allow that thought, it's only a matter of when that moment will occur.

I let it happen and that was that.

It would be fantastic if I could say the things some people say about being sober: that quitting has improved their lives in so many ways, that they never want to go back to that old life. The truth is, I don't know for myself. I don't know if I should embrace weed or put up a big fight. Of course I would love it if I could live without any urge to smoke weed, but I kinda lost confidence that such a thing is possible for me, based on those two years without it. I can do no smoking, but I don't know if I really want to.

Jeez it can be real hard to express your feelings and thoughts in another language. Y'all really need to start learning some Dutch

someday147

Hi Dutchy, thanks for the post. I'm on day 47 after 20 years everyday all day smoking. I'm also alcoholic and gave that up too at the same time. Weed just keeps creeping into my thoughts and I know deep down that it's all or nothing moderation has been impossible for me.

lynnmarie123

Thank you for your very well thought out and thorough answer. As I was reading this I was thinking...Wow, this guy has a very good command of the English language, being it's not your native tongue. I know a lot of people who can't string two words together coherently and they only speak English! So don't feel inadequate in anyway.

So you must know what my next question is...Why did you quit again?