100

I've been alcohol free for almost 19 months but a week ago I recently slipped and picked marijuana again. I didn't but it made me realize I don't want to ever get high again. I hardly remember yesterday binged so bad on a vape pen I bought.it felt so harmless at time, wrong its not harmless I feelt awful so anxious and depressed. I went to my aa meeting and felt paranoid like they new I've been getting high, because if they knew they wouldn't like me anymore.
so paranoid my family knew because I've been hiding it.
I'm done I can't use anything I hate who I become when I do.
im talking to my sponsor tomorrow.
David

Dee74

Hey David

I hope you find like most of us did that the paranoia lessens pretty quickly.
I didn't have many other symptoms apart from being scared, a little irritable and sweaty maybe.

Because you haven't been smoking very long I'd expect your after stopping experience wont be too bad, but you'll find support here if and when you need it

D

lynnmarie123

Hi David and welcome to the forum!
You are only a week in. Nip this in the bud, you got this!
One week of feeling so awful is not so bad compared to having that feeling go on for months and years.
That is not a future you want.
Best of luck to you!

nez

Most of us have been there in one form or the other, so who are we to judge. If we do judge, we need to go to more meetings and take our own inventory. :~)

The man in the mirror has always been my harshest critic, but he can also provide me with very helpful feedback.

Life seems to go better when I make eye contact with him and hold it, before undertaling something questionable. However, I am a flawed human, so a lot of times this takes place after the fact.

100

I told my aa friends today what happened and everyone was very supportive. it felt good that people actually cared about me. I believed they didn't really care. I know I need to share things that are bothering me. I tell people things are fine when they aren't at all. I realize now I've been wanting to use for a while, and been lying to myself about it. when I get high I'm lits like I'm asleep while awake no different than drinking. I also have long history with pot and had a bad problem before. i wasn't being honest with myself the extent of my addiction to it. i realize I had reservations about it that sure I had an serious alcoholic problem but I might me able to use responsibly. that never going to happen because I smoked this week like a freight train and thought of little else. also I felt really strange yesterday I had no emotions at all couldn't feel anything and this after I came to do to speak. plus I was lying about everything and being dishonest I took money out of my dads wallet to buy pot. if that's not a problem I don't know what is. the thing is I have money but didn't have any cash. I didn't want anyone to know what I was doing. he knows I took the money just not what I did with it.
i have to work the things that bother me not accept them and I had been accepting them. like accepting horrible chronic pain and unrelenting anxiety. the steps unfortunately don't cure everything. I thought they would but they didn't.
David

Dee74

Being honest lifted a great load from my life David.
It was not always easy to do, and not everyone always liked what they heard - but it was/is the right thing to do.

Its part of not running away to drugs or alcohol anymore and embracing recovery fully - becoming the kind of stand up person we all want to be