mm1741

It wasn't bad at all, actually! I even slept in until 830 (that's late for me). The sweating was mild and it didn't wake me up. I'm not letting it make me become complacent, though. I am fully ready to accept whatever withdrawal symptoms I need to go through.
I will confess, I don't feel that great today. Kind of moody and irritable, and feel tired but a little anxious and aimless. I went shopping this morning and then drove to a 12 o clock meeting, but holy **** it was in such an atrocious part of waterbury I was afraid to leave my car parked (it's full of expensive electrician tools and I know several people in this area who have had their cars broken into in broad daylight). Sounds like a cop out, and I was disappointed that I didn't go in but I came home, read a few chapters in 'The Secret Addiction' and posted here. By the way I HIGHLY recommend that book for anyone trying to quit smoking weed. It's only 10 bucks on amazon e book.
I have a 7 pm meeting lined up tonite that is very close by and in a much nicer area.
Just one of those difficult early recovery days, I guess.
I don't really like weekends right now

mm1741

Just got home from meeting #4 (4 in 4 days yayy). That one will be a weekly regular for sure. It was nice and small and intimate, and i recognized a few people from earlier meetings already. It's nice to be able to go in and know someone. I'm really starting to look forward to going to meetings.
I mentioned earlier that today was tough...but I made it. I picked up the phone and called one of my NA friends. As soon as he answered I felt better almost right away. And after the meeting I can't even remember why I was in a bad mood. I managed to eat a good healthy dinner with my dad, too, which helps. I needed that.
I hope everyone'd doing well. Good night SR!!

JimiC

Things seem to be slowly improving, I’m happy for you. Stay with it.

lynnmarie123

Sounds like you're doing great, mm. I think these meetings are going to be the ticket for you. It's an added tool you didn't have before.
I saw a quote this morning that is resonating.
"The road to improvement is always under construction."
Constantly work on it and you will succeed.
Hope your day is good. Stay busy!

mm1741

I agree, Lynn. Being committed to going to a meeting every day really helps.

Today is kind of ******, I feel rather sick to my stomach and aimless. I tried cleaning and doing some welding but my heads not really in it (or anywhere except in a fog, it seems like). The only thing I know i'm doing is going to a 4:30 meeting.
I slept pretty terribly last night. Didn't fall asleep until at least 230, although I did sleep in until 1030. I was up a few times, and thrashing around a little. Not much in the way of sweats. I'm more experiencing weird thermoregulation issues (i'll get cold, then hot, then cold randomly) than night sweats like my last detox.
I was reading in The Secret Addiction that the hypothalamus (regulatory center of the brain) is loaded with cannabinoid receptors, and hence that's why we experience sweating/etc when we detox. The hypothalamus is trying to return to baseline homeostasis from being completely over saturated with cannabinoids from smoking.
I thought it was a very interesting theory, but unfortunately that doesn't make it any easier to deal with.
I'm beating myself up a little for not starting to exercise again. I'm trying to give it time, especially since i'm hardly eating right now and that's a sure fire way to burn out quickly if I start working out again.
These digestive issues are a little debilitating. I forgot how unpleasant they were from my last detox. One more of about a million reasons to stay clean.

mm1741

I'm on fire today! Went to a 430 meeting and volunteered to be a door greeter for a month. Then called a guy i met with 2.5 years clean and asked him to be my sponser. He said yes!
I just got to a second meeting. I feel like I'm a part of something.

lynnmarie123

How was your day, mm?

mm1741

Hi lynn! Thank you for checking up on me. Yesterday was very busy, between work and my meeting at night. I picked up someone I met in NA who has a couple years clean and we went together; turns out we have a lot in common! I'm starting to recognize at least one person in every meeting. I'm going to a 1030 one this morning, and tonight there's another one that's having a celebration. I didn't want to go because I don't like crowds, but I called my sponsor and talked about it and i'm going tonight.
Got to the gym the past two days. I feel pretty good. It's nice to be so busy. I've been sleeping really quite well. I'm extremely (but pleasantly) surprised. I haven't been dreaming, however, which I find somewhat odd. I'm sure they'll be along soon enough.
How are you??

lynnmarie123

So glad to hear you are on track! Keep it up and you will succeed.
Sleeping well returns before the dreams do. Mine didn't come back for a really long time and then they started off as nightmares.
I'm doing well, thanks for asking. Feeling really solid in my recovery.
I would like to get back to some sort of fitness routine. Winter puts me off walking which is my first choice. Knees are feeling sucky so I'm hesitant to aggravate them. The perils of getting old.
I need to crack down on my diet a bit too. It's healthy, but too much. I'm afraid I love dried fruit. My home dried raisins are the bomb.
Take care and stay in touch!

mm1741

There is something in those rooms. I don't know what it is, but I never felt like this before. I feel like I belong; like I have a purpose. Almost like i'm home.
This isn't an NA board so I won't keep gushing about it, but i'm so grateful to have finally found the courage to give it an honest shot.

Thanks as always for checking up on me, Lynn. Winter is such a crappy time (im in New England and this winter is quite a brutal one). We're due for 6-8in of snow tomorrow.
I hear you on the dried fruit. I LOVE it. It's better than candy but let's face it...it aint exactly low sugar . My mom bought 5 pounds bags of dried peaches and pears right before christmas. They were like crack (well i've never tried crack, so I guess more like weed ). I can't get enough!! Pears especially. Oh well. Better than 4 bags of candy or 30 dollars of dominos pizza like when I was smoking.

mm1741

Hi everyone! I hope everyone is doing well. I am! Today makes 7 days clean, and 9 NA meetings. I can't believe how LITTLE I think about smoking. It's almost a miracle. Participating in NA has made absolutely all the difference.
I'm sleeping really well. My appetite is coming back; I haven't been eating a totally clean diet but i'm just glad i'm eating at all! I need the calories to keep up with work, gym, and meetings.
My boss asked if I could do a job in Maine today; thankfully i'm very close to him and he knows of my recovery, so he was totally understanding when I said I didn't feel comfortable going away and not being able to attend my meetings.
Be well, everyone. Stay strong. If I can do this, anyone can. I was really starting to think I was hopeless.

lynnmarie123

Congrats on 7 days! That is awesome!
I'm so glad NA is helping you and having the support of your employer is amazing. That has to be a huge help.

mm1741

Thanks Lynn! I'm extremely grateful for my employer's support. I actually went to high school with him; he is my age, and he knows that I grew up using drugs and getting into trouble with that. He was always ready to offer me work, though, and it's turned into a very rewarding career for me.
My family owns a farm in MA, and when my grandfather dies it goes to my mother (I despise my grandfather unfortunately, he is a monster). I managed it for two years and it was the best thing I ever did, so when grandpa is gone I will be running the farm full time. That's really my end goal for my career, but in the meantime I have a great job and am learning tons of skills and getting a tremendous amount of experience doing a huge variety of work (not just electrical).
A little tired this morning, but slept pretty well and made it to the gym. I remember a fleeting glimpse of a dream last night; nothing too crazy, but it is a possible signal that the oh-so-fun carnival ride nightmares might be starting soon.

lynnmarie123

My father was a farmer and the skills to run a farm (just the aspect of fixing machinery) translated very well for him to maintain a warehouse, so I can see how the opposite would work very well.
You'll get through the crazy nightmares and then onto normal dreaming. I slept like the dead (through a pretty bad storm, actually) and had the most revealing dream. It was quite the eye opener.
Anyway, you'll get through this too!

mm1741

Well, last night was...interesting. I got home from my meeting and was exhausted. I was trying to read on my kindle and could barely keep my eyes open. Woke up 2 hours later SWEATING, could NOT go back to sleep, and was sweating on and off/having thermoregulation issues. I don't remember when I fell back asleep, probably around 230 or 3? I did wake up and go to the gym, and I feel pretty good now, considering.
It was a rather harsh reminder that I am not out of the woods regarding detox yet. I think i've been feeling so good from getting involved in NA that I forgot how long pot stays in your system, and how much I was smoking. Granted, it wasn't for that long (my first detox was after a 10+ year massive habit), but I still know I absolutely smoked enough to be having withdrawals. I wonder if there's a kindling component to pot withdrawal, like alcohol? I don't think it's too far fetched of a theory. I don't want to test it again, though. I'd rather just stay clean .

Dee74

I've always suspected that Kindling is applicable to any kind of withdrawal from long term use MM

mm1741

Thanks Dee. I agree.
Today was a little tough. I had some drama with a girl (i've mentioned her in previous posts). Long story short, I had written out a reply that would NOT have helped anything, but before I sent it I called my sponsor. He told me not to send it, to wait and go to the gym. He said if something needed to be said, it would be said in time but saying things while under the influence of such strong emotions wouldn't help anything. He's right, of course, and I didn't send a reply.
And the truth is this girl is not good for me. She has her own severe issues, and is not helping my recovery in any way. I'm looking forward to my meeting tonight. I need to share that.
When I started feeling overwhelmed by emotion, which was a familiar feeling (and I know where it leads), I reached out instead of shutting down. It made ALL the difference. I know I have people who support me, and who will help me do the right thing, because right now i'm not thinking clearly. I'm too early in recovery and still have detoxing to do.
On the plus side, I had a GREAT workout, and earlier in the day I made an appointment on 2/2 to get a new tattoo done! It's one i've been meaning to get for months (my family farm logo on my shoulder), but, you know...weed .
I hope everyone is doing well.

Dee74

Have a good weekend mm

D

mm1741

I just got home from my meeting. There were only a handful of us, but as the saying goes 'two addicts make a meeting.' It was AWESOME. I shared my story and received support from everyone. I have 3 more contacts who want me to call them to talk about my problems, and I volunteered for some service work at an upcoming NA event. Turns out a girl in there is going through the exact same situation I am (but with a guy) with someone who isn't right for them but they just can't let go of. Needless to say we had a lot to talk about on break/after the meeting.

I'm still in awe at how little I think about getting high.

Dee74

I'm so glad the meetings are helping mm

D