reflag

My boyfriend has been in recovery for three months now. One of the major changes as to how he was able to push through this long is that he moved with me to another country. He doesn't know any supplier to whom he can get his goodies. So technically, he is forced to stop using all at once. However, whenever he expresses his desire that he only needs one hit, I can't help but feel sympathetic to him. I offered to help him to find a supplier because I don't want to see him struggling. Now, I'm nervous that I don't have control over myself. Do you have any advice how I can be strict and stand on my ground?

Dee74

Hi reflag

There would be no circumstances under which I'd find your bf a new dealer.

First of all - you're in a new country - I dunno if its legal there or not - if not you could find yourself in legal trouble or physical danger.

second of all I don't believe there is no such thing as 'just one hit'/just one bag or whatever.

Just read some threads here - if your bf starts smoking again you'll both need to prepare yourself for a return to full on smoking.

If you guys took the huge step of moving to another country to stay clean I think it makes sense to follow through on that and not go backwards.

third - it's not your job to get your bf high.

It's just not. No way no how.

your bf may think that smoking will make him happier but if that was true you guys would never have moved.

I know you're trying to help and you obviously care for this guy a lot - but helping him to get high is like shooting yourself in foot.

I gotta ask - is your bf doing anything himself to stay lean and sober reflag - it seems like this is all falling on you - - he's the one meant to be doing the work here - not you.

D

reflag

Hi Dee74! Thank you so much for reassuring me. I know that I shouldn't be the one to be making all the necessary precautions to stop my boyfriend from smoking again. But I can't help myself since I love him and I really care for him dearly. We were in couples counseling before back in our home country to help us both deal with his weed addiction. But now that we are in a new country I'm not sure if there's any psychological clinic that also offers that. Our only viable option would be to try the counseling online. I want to get back to it because counseling gave us results and because of it, we came up with the decision to move to another country. I am currently away from my boyfriends because I had to attend some meetings but I would really want to talk to him and convince him to consider getting back to therapy again.

Dee74

Hi reflag

I tried to express this before...I understand you love your partner but when he 'expresses his desire that he only needs one hit' you should have enough history stored away to know where that leads, yeah?

You don't have to think like an addicted person to be with him - in fact I think you should be the voice of reality.

D