InvisiBlonde

Good Morning, All!

This is my first post here.

I smoked my last joint on the evening of August 18, so it's been about a month.

The first three to five days I felt raggedy. Exhausted, weak, out of it.

(Didn't look so great, either: I caught sight of myself in a mirror while I was out on one of those days and got a little scared.)

That all passed, and I was feeling pretty good, both physically and mentally.

Now, however, I am and have been in what is best described as a really-horrible mood.

I am menopausal (sorry if TMI) and also stuck in an emotionally-abusive relationship, so I do get worked up about about things from time to time, but this is quite different.

Yesterday I wrote in my journal that I can barely stand myself.

It occurred to me that maybe what's happening is that (short version) all the ******** I anesthetized with my ounce-a-week habit is coming to the fore.

Anybody else go through this, and what did you do about it?

Will I ever get me back?

Thanks for any help / hope y'all can provide.

lynnmarie123

Hi InvisiBlonde and welcome to the forum.
Yeah, I understand the rage. Been there, done that. Being menopausal myself and having gone through withdrawals....yep.
Research PAWS - Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome. It's a bitch and bites hard.
You just have to give yourself a break and let your brain heal. It's taken a lot of abuse for a long time.
I would also suggest a very clean diet (lots of veggies and NO sugar) and lots of sweaty exercise. Sweating removes the toxins from your system.
Journaling is fantastic and reading here is so helpful. So much to learn about detox. There are tons of links to help you. I also found posting here helped me a lot. Daily accountability is important.
But most important. Stop smoking and stay sober. Don't use alcohol to replace pot.
You will get you back. Better than that, you will get a better version of you than you can imagine.
Life is so much better without that devil on your back.

InvisiBlonde

Thank you so much for getting back to me. I feel so much better knowing I haven't gone mad or gotten physically sick or something.

Have a PAWS site open in another tab. Read the first few paragraphs and will finish it in a bit.

(Serves me right for thinking I got off easy!)

I do already maintain a low-carb / ketogenic way of eating. Alcohol is not a temptation, thank God, but thanks for the tip.

(If I were gonna binge on carbs, I'd get house special fried rice or White Castle cheeseburgers and onion rings way before I'd blow it on a drink; LOL!)

I have not, however, exercised regularly in probably a year. I was really motivated for several years before that, but it's like I hit a wall and someone flipped a switch. Been dragging myself out of bed the past few days even to do just five or ten minutes of something (ie: Priscilla's Yoga Stretches and Body Electric on PBS).

I also have begun making myself walk more again, including trotting up subway steps (not a pretty sight).

Also have gotten almost all the way back into my habit of two quarts a day of plain water.

Journalling's a thing I've been doing since adolescence. I can't imagine being without it. What I've noticed about that is that I am facing issues instead of rambling on about BS (quelle surprise).

I'm also working on removing myself from this horrible nightmare "relationship" and am psyched about how much money I've been able to put away in just a few weeks.

Thanks again. It's been so long since I've felt heard